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Urahara's Mysterious Box

A-hem. The tale in which I am about to tell requires much ear so listen—or else! I am Tessai Tsukabishi, loyal worker for my boss Urahara Kisuke-san. Together with Jinta and Ururu we keep maintenance and supervise if we must, while our boss conducts his "business" occasionally acquaintances of Urahara-san stay over. One of them is our beloved "Freeloader-san". The red-headed, tattooed vice-captain of the sixth squad, Abarai Renji…It was one of those days that he was over that this happened…

"Umm… Freeloader-san?" Ururu stood over Renji who lay basking in the city sun in the porch out front, deliciously relaxing, empting his mind for once, without a care in the world. The little girl's face came into his view of the blue sky.


"Aye, aye, I'm on it." He stood and passed her, entering the shop with a scowl squiggled across his face.

"Lazy jerk!" sassed Jinta, a hot headed little boy with a passion for baseball, "You went five minutes over your break!"

"It's alright," Tessai spoke up, "We'll just let the boss know about how he enjoys taking advantage of our kindness." He carried boxes to the back of the storage room.

"No, no, sorry, sorry. It's not like that." begged Renji in exasperation. He sunk his head, "What needs to be done…"

Ururu passed Renji a broom and a dust pan, "Sweep."

"Yeah, yeah…" Without hesitation, he took the broom into his hands and began to work earnestly

Some bells chimed, and in burst Urahara. In his hands, he carried and old small simple cardboard box. He hummed cheerfully and placed the box in the front counter, right next to the cash register. The slipper-hat opened the box flaps and peered inside. Sticking his nose in, he giggled uncontrollably. Renji tried to mind his own business but damn, that man was acting so strange that he couldn't help himself.

"Uhh…Urahara-san, what's inside that box?" He asked.

The shady storeowner as a reflex to his question rapidly shut the flaps down. "None ya!" retorted Jinta who was dusting off some empty shelves, "Ya so damn nosey!"

"Shut up!" Renji barked. In some way, the man had to preserve the little dignity he had left.


"Huh?" Renji looked up, and saw Urahara opened the box again and blew a couple of kisses in there before closing it again.

"Speak normal!" he croaked, "That answer doesn't make any sense!"

"Life." Urahara repeated simply, "This box is life." He just as suddenly wrapped his arms around it, "Oh! I love my life!"

"You know what…" mumbled Renji to himself. "I'll just stop asking"

Ahhhh, well my friends, can you imagine what happened next? Yes, I'm sure, it's quite obvious…

Jinta stood with feather duster in hand, "I wonder what's really in that box?"

Urahara had walked out to collect more things and precisely left his "life" on that counter, next to the cash register.

Renji nearly dropped his broom, "You mean you don't know?!" he cried in shock.

"Fuck off! Course I donno! Boss never lets anybody look in it." Ururu silently nodded in agreement.

"Humph! And here I thought you guys know everything…" Renji scoffed while shrugging his shoulders. Jinta snatched the broom from Renji's hands and smacked him with it.


"Ouch, damnit! That hurted!"

"It doesn't matter what's inside that box. If Boss doesn't want anybody to look, well, it's just as good as empty for all I know." Tessai boomed. The glare from his small glasses sent a signal of threat to anyone who even dared to oppose it.

Not even five minutes passed when the phone rang. Of course, Tessai picked it up.

"An emergency?!" he cried. Jinta and Renji looked up. "Oh yes, Boss… uhhm…yes." They saw Tessai gather his things. "Certainly, I'll be right over." The phone closed returned to its base. Jinta and Renji jolted and assumed the supposed position that would give the impression of one intently absorbed in work.

"I'll be back…" Tessai looked at them. "Nobody touch the box" he began in a grave tone, "Or else!" The door slapped shut.

Everything was silent. Ururu stood up, "I'm going to take a nap now…" She turned and walked up the stairs.

And so the stage has been set. I was gone, Ururu the sweet voice of reason was overwhelmed in exhaustion and the box was there—on the counter next to the cash register…

"I'm going to check it out!" piped the little boy. Renji grabbed Jinta's shoulder.

"Are you crazy?!" Tessai-san strictly told us not to!"

"I know, but when do you get a chance like this? There's nothing I don't know about this shop—except for that damn box!" he barked pointing a shaking finger towards "life".

"Today's the day," Jinta cheered.

"So let go of me will ya!"

"Wait," began Renji, "This might be a joke," he looked left and right.

"Oh, come on!" moaned Jinta, "I'm the one who was doing all the practical jokes on you, so this can't be one."

"Oh…I see…" Renji then suddenly realized who made his life a living hell for the last three days he was here, "YOU!!! Fucking—little!!!'

Jinta ignored him and darted towards the box. Renji when silent, "Tell me what's in there, alright?"

"Only if you don't rat on me," came the reply.

"Fine," Renji walked up to the box standing right next to Jinta. The boy with trembling hands slowly opened the flaps of the small cardboard box. And once he was able to see what was there, he pulled it all the way open in a jolt.

"Whaaa? All that, and there's nothing?" cried Renji staring head first into the empty life.

"I guess it was a joke…?" Jinta uttered weakly.


The two started culprits whirled around to find in their grim surprised Urahara Kisuke standing at the doorway with a winning grin on his face. He flicked out his fan to hide his incoming laugh.

"Oh, ho, ho, ho, hooo!!! My, my… They say curiosity killed the cat, but today it killed a boy and his pet monkey."

"Who're calling monkey!" roared Renji indignified.

Tessai walked in. He stood there like a looming giant while he cracked his knuckles, "I said…nobody touch the box…"

"Mercy!" Jinta wailed.

"Why me! What did I ever do to deserve this!!!" cried Renji in anguish.

Urahara walked toward the counter and closed the flaps of his small old cardboard box. He petted it and while no one looked, opened a flap, but just a creak. A beautiful mysterious slivery light shone out with haunting glow, and it was quickly covered.

"Fufufufu, fu, fu…." cooed the Slipper-hat as he picked up his box. And away he walked to the back of the shop to put his life away in a safe place…


And so, you see my friends, you had to listen carefully for you to understand the moral of which is my turn to say. Ah, well Renji doesn't come too often anymore and I really wonder why. Jinta learned his lesson, Ururu is well rested—everyone's happy. And what's the moral you ask? Well it's quite simple really…


Life is full of unknown surprises…

Get it? If you don't oh well, you really weren't listening… You'll have to get a beating…