Disclaimer: Not mine, sadly... I'm just borrowing from JKRowling. No infringement intended.
A/N: This is the last chapter, folks! Thank you, as always, to Stacy for the lightning-fast beta and help. Thank you so much to everyone who has read and reviewed the fic so far, specifically ObsessedRHShipper, Trude, Moony_an, mgmve2008, ronniemione, Kate7, and dristi .
A huge thank you to my dear friend, MrQuatto, who commissioned this fic during TQP's Ron-a-Thon silent auction. It never would have been written without his prompts and wishes, so I thank him heartily. ::hugs::
I hope you all enjoy it. I can't wait to hear what you think! If you would all be so kind as to leave a review, I'd be very apreciative. Hugs to you all! ~Risie :o)
Not a Memory Yet, Chapter 7 (Lost and Found)
I wonder if I'll ever get used to this feeling, I thought as Hermione settled against my bed and kissed me. It was unlike anything I'd ever known before and I couldn't imagine anything better than this.
She started talking about not being able to stand the wait and I was confused. The wait for what? I worried for a moment that I was supposed to do something when she said what she wanted: for us to be together. I'd only been in a remotely similar situation once and I'd never had to ask before, but I was happy she was the only person I'd ever ask to be mine. She said yes and started crying and I was so relieved; I finally felt like I'd done something right. I teased her, which felt great, until she pointed out that I'd missed the point again.
"How can you stand the wait for us to be together?"
What the bloody hell is she- oh! Suddenly I realised exactly what she meant and became flustered. What the fuck that was about, I had no idea, because men weren't supposed to get flustered when their girlfriends wanted to shag them. What did it say about me that I was more apprehensive than excited? That I was a wanker, that's what. I decided to tease her again to cover it up.
"Why Miss Hermione Granger! Are you propositioning me?"
I figured that would buy me some time to think, but her "fuck, yes I am" threw me even more off guard. She swore at me! It wasn't as though I'd never heard her curse before, but it was rare to hear such words so deliberately come out of her mouth. It was the sexiest thing she'd ever said to me. I stared at her, unable to force my mind and body to come to consensus on what to do. Her skin flushed and I tried to force myself not to imagine her entire body doing that as I made love to her.
Oh, she wants me to say something, I dimly realised. I wondered how I could possibly tell her I didn't know if I could handle it without sounding like a bloody girl. I wanted to tell her I wasn't strong enough yet. I wanted to tell her that I didn't want my sodding mind to taint anything that happened between us. I wanted to tell her that my instinct was to wait until I'd worked through my gripping fear that she'd eventually leave me.
My body wanted my mind to kindly shut the fuck up.
"Please say something," she said, sounding uncomfortable. I realised there was no way around it but to tell the truth, otherwise I'd leave her hanging and wondering what was taking me so long.
"I don't want to sound like a ruddy girl- no offence or anything- but I haven't been ready." Fuck! That makes me sound like a bloody poof, I thought before adding, "Not to mention, Hermione, that I assumed you weren't either."
"Clearly that's not the case. I see no need to wait- when you know, you know," she said without a hint of hesitation.
Whatever I'd thought she might say paled in comparison to reality. Did she really not know the power of her words? When you know, you know. Merlin, it had to be the most perfect thing she ever could have said to alleviate my fears. I had to kiss her again. It was the only thing that made sense, the only thing that could make the moment better.
I laid over her and threaded my hand through her hair. I loved her hair. She sucked on my tongue and my other hand gripped her arse without my permission. If I didn't think I was ready, grinding into her was definitely not the best way to prove it. With some difficulty, I rolled off her and threw a hand over my eyes. Damn, this was going to kill me.
"What's wrong?" she asked and I could practically feel the tension coming off her in waves.
Time for damage control!
"I'm sorry, Hermione, it's just wrong. I can't help myself when you say things like that, but I can't. It wouldn't be right." I sounded like an idiot. I lowered the hand over my eyes, but couldn't turn my face to look at her. I didn't want to see the disappointment on her face.
"It's wrong that I want to make love to you? It's wrong that I dream of you being inside me?"
Okay, I was wrong. That was the sexiest thing she'd ever said to me.
"No, I-" I started to say something, but all I could focus on was how hard she was making me with just her words. "Damn, Hermione," I groaned in frustration. "Do you have any idea what you do to me?" She had to know how I reacted to her- how could she not?
"So then why is it wrong?" she asked again and I knew she wouldn't let it go until I spelled it out for her.
"I guess- it's not- but I... I feel like I shouldn't, like we shouldn't... not until I've worked through something." There, I'd basically said it without exactly saying it.
"Something about me?" she asked and I looked at the ceiling as though the answer would magically appear in sparkling writing. She sighed heavily and I suddenly got the feeling that something was about to go horribly wrong. She said she wanted to talk, that I might get angry with her, that something had been an accident. I shifted onto my side automatically and looked directly at her. She wanted to talk about last Thursday- this was worse than I originally thought. She paused for a long moment and I felt my nerves becoming agitated.
"Sorry, I got distracted for a second. Right. Um… Oh, when you came in your room and I was sitting on the bed- well- I'm sure you noticed I was acting odd and- oh, it's just too awful to say!" She waffled on a bit and then, out of nowhere, she burst into tears and I had no idea what to do.
At first I thought she was going to end things with me. Not the most reasonable thought, I admitted to myself, but it'd always been a fear of mine that she'd suddenly change her mind. Maybe she had come to her senses and realised she deserved better.
No matter the reason, all I could think to do was hold her to me and shush her. I wanted to comfort her because I loved her- even if she was about to break my heart. What else could possibly account for her bursting into tears when she thought about Thursday? These hadn't been the happy variety of tears or I might've been cautiously optimistic.
She said my name and I was convinced that was the end for us. I started to pull away when she gripped me and said she'd never manage to say the words if she had to look at me. I swore my heart stopped for a moment. I let her clutch me back to her, my body tensed in anticipation of the coming blow. I rested my head against her neck, certain it would be the last time I was ever allowed to do so. Then she said the words I dreaded to hear except-- wait, what?
She saw them?
Panic flooded my body. She'd confirmed my worst fears. She saw the memories and said it was so wrong. I could only believe she had seen them and thought me to be a bloody pervert for imagining such things. I wondered if there was any way to control the damage those images might have caused.
See, this was why they were safer in my head! I yelled to myself, but I knew I needed to say something aloud.
"You... you saw?" I managed to whisper and she nodded against my neck. "Fuck! Hermione, I'm so sorry, I-"
"You're sorry?" she screamed at me as she bodily pulled herself away.
I flinched at the raw emotion I heard in her voice. I'd really done it- she'd never forgive me, but I had to try. "I tried to keep you away from that. You shouldn't have to be exposed to-"
"Exposed?" she repeated, which scared the hell out of me, because it almost always signalled the beginning of one of our blazing rows. "Ron, you have nothing to be sorry for! Those are your thoughts and fears and I invaded your privacy and I'm so sorry, Ron. I'm so sorry and I had no right to and I did and-"
I clamped my hand over her mouth to shut her up. Whatever she might say didn't matter at all right now, because she knew about the nightmares and she didn't hate me. In an odd way, knowing Hermione was aware of what my fears were, I found myself comforted. I'd wanted to tell her before, but I had never found the right combination of words and courage to say anything. The closest I'd come was the first day I'd taken the memories out and stored them in the Pensieve. I'd tried to tell her, but had been physically unable to call them to mind. It was ironic that I'd wanted to share everything then, even though I couldn't remember anything.
I knew she was expecting me to be angry with her and I probably would've been if I wasn't so relieved that she wasn't leaving me.
"You're not mad at me?" I asked for confirmation and she shook her head no. "You aren't horrified at my lack of faith in you or my-"
"No," she practically yelled as she ripped my hand from her face and gripped my fingers. "No, of course I'm not mad at you. That's what the locket did to you. It wasn't your fault it affected you more than Harry and me. It wasn't your fault at all."
It would have been so easy to let her believe that it was all the bloody locket's fault. Easy, but not right, and I didn't want to start our relationship with a lie.
"That bloody locket only did some of that. Hermione, I've always been afraid you'd pick him or any other bloke over me. The locket made those feelings worse, but I'm not going to lie to you: they were there before."
She started to cry again and I wondered if I'd ever find the right words to not make her cry.
"I'm sorry you've ever had to worry or wonder. I will never love another man the way I love you. No one else could ever come close. But, can you ever forgive me? Can you ever trust me again?" she asked and I squeezed her hand tightly. She loves me, I thought and held onto her words with delight.
My dear Hermione, always so fixated and obsessed with every detail, couldn't see what was right in front of her. She could have been horrified with me, but she wasn't. I could have been pissed off at her, but I wasn't. For once we hadn't made a mountain out of a molehill and I wasn't about to let anything escalate this situation. I laughed for a second about the fact that we almost always managed to rile each other up.
"You daft woman- I told you I thought you would want Harry and you said it's me forever. I'd have to be pretty stupid to not forgive you. Even I'm not that thick!"
Before either of us could ruin the moment, I kissed her again and pressed roughly against her. I knew she could probably feel just what she did to me, but I really didn't care in that moment. It felt wonderful to simply feel and be together and not wonder about the future for a moment.
She leaned back and said she wanted to prove how wrong that locket had been all along. "Let's make some new memories," she said and I nearly came at the images her words conjured. I looked hopefully at her, wanting to believe she could help fix any problem within me.
This can't possibly be happening!
My world had been flipped on its side so many times in only the last few minutes. I was still trying to digest exactly what happened when I felt my face stretch into a grin at what Hermione was suggesting. My body certainly knew how it wanted to answer her request. My heart did too, fuelled by the flux of emotions I had just experienced. However, my mind was somewhat unconvinced, recognising that there were good reasons which had lead to my initial hesitation.
I wanted to lose myself in her, in us. I wanted to find my sanctuary in our relationship and her body. I wanted so many things, but I didn't want her to think this experience could replace years of frustration and doubts and fears. I didn't want to make love to her to try to replace those older memories with a newer one. Hiding those feelings under the rug wouldn't help me in the long run and I wanted to make sure I dealt with them now, rather than later. However, I realised if we waited until I worked through all of those problems, both of us might be ridiculously frustrated. I had no idea how long we might need to wait.
That hardly seems necessary, I thought, for the first time seeing that denying myself Hermione was only delaying the inevitable. Despite the fact that I didn't want to make love to her solely to replace the dark, unwanted feelings, I desperately wanted to feel that connection with her. I wanted to invisibly mark her as mine and to let her do the same to me. I knew Hermione would never offer herself to me unless she meant this thing between us to be forever.
I craved the security making love to her would bring. I couldn't think of it as shagging, because then I'd succumb to letting my body dictate my actions. I wanted to think this through rationally and to feel it was the right thing to do in my heart. But, really, I already knew the answer. I'd always belonged to her and committing myself to her hardly changed a thing, except that now I would have proof of her love when the nightmares and doubts became to much. I could directly prove the nightmares and fears to be ridiculous simply by remembering these moments between us. The nightmares wouldn't stop, at least not immediately. The doubts and fears and insecurities and questions- all of them would still hover in my brain, I was sure of that. I was willing to put in the work, I was willing to try to move on from that. This was another step in the right direction. I'd already done so much work and had been making progress, but this could be the push I was needing to get over the biggest hurdle.
I looked up to see Hermione still smiling patiently at me, her fingers still grasped in mine.
"I want to, I really do, but I don't want to go into this with you thinking this will fix everything, Hermione. I don't think it will and I can't promise anything. I think it will help, but I don't want you to get your hopes up."
"I just want to be with you. I'll wait however long that takes, but I want to show you. It's okay if you have the nightmares. I know those'll take a while to fully go away, but I still want to show you that they couldn't be farther from the truth."
I closed my eyes and took several deep breaths, unable to believe this was really happening.
"Please, love, let me show you," she whispered and I nodded my head in agreement. Her lips were on mine before I even opened my eyes.
I'd expected frantic and passionate movements, but she made slow and soft slides of her lips against mine. She's already driving me mad! Her hand trailed up and down my side, squeezing lightly in some places, more roughly in others, and I started to imagine her fingers on other places of my body. Somehow we ended up against the headboard of the bed and Hermione was straddling one of my thighs. Her hands that had started out timid and hesitant were gaining more confidence, pushing up my shirt and rubbing bare skin. If she kept doing that, this was all going to be over before I got a chance to do anything to her.
I braced my hand behind her head and leaned forward to press her into the mattress. My fingers reached up to cup her breast almost before I noticed, but her moan of approval stopped me from moving them away. I nearly snorted at the thought of taking my hand away from her body. It was so automatic to try to force my body to not take liberties that now I hardly knew what to do with my hands. I wanted to touch her all over, especially now that I didn't have to worry about stopping. Amazing that!
I moved my fingers just inside her dressing gown, absolutely gobsmacked when my hand encountered warm flesh instead of a shirt. I'd hardly paid attention to the fact that her hair was still wet from her shower so it hadn't even occurred to me that she might be naked under her dressing gown. She moaned into my mouth and grabbed my arse and I got lost in the sensation of her body fitting perfectly into mine.
She clutched at my back with one hand, successively pushing my shirt higher and higher, before forcing me to release her mouth so she could pull it over my head. I leaned back into her, not willing to sacrifice an inch of space. I immediately sucked her earlobe into my mouth, finally able to trace the shell of it with my tongue. I flicked the tip of my tongue into her ear and was unbelievably turned on when I heard her gasping in response.
She reached between us and I got really excited when I thought she was going to grab for my cock, but I thought I might die when I realised her hand was fumbling with the knot at the front of her dressing gown instead. My fingers reached down to meet hers and, between the two of us, we managed to pull the knot free. There was only a thin piece of fabric separating her from being exposed to me and all I had to do was push it aside. Apparently Hermione had other ideas though, because as soon as I had it within my grasp, she gripped my hips with her knees and my biceps with her hands, rolled us over, and landed on top of me. Her dressing gown fell open and her hair created a curtain around us when she bent down to kiss me again.
I rested one hand on her hip, slightly disappointed to feel the material of her knickers against my fingertips. No matter, they were going to come off soon enough. My other hand moved to grab her breast again and I marvelled at how well it fit in the palm of my hand. It wasn't overly large, though it certainly wasn't small either, and I gave it an experimental squeeze. Hermione's teeth clashed against mine a bit roughly and I took that as a good sign. I brushed my thumb over the puckered nipple and felt it harden further after I grazed it. I had no bloody idea what I was doing, but she kept making these soft whimpering sounds into my mouth and I knew I was on the right track.
She sat back against my groin and looked up at the ceiling while she caught her breath for a moment. Merlin, she's beautiful, I thought as I got my first good look at her almost fully nude body. Her skin was slightly flushed and her chest was heaving up and down as she breathed deeply. The sight of her made my cock strain even harder against my pyjama bottoms and I itched to make her feel the same as I did, so I sat up partially and kissed the underside of her left breast before I wrapped my lips around the nipple and sucked it lightly into my mouth. Her hands twisted in my hair and she made the fucking sexiest sound I could imagine, somewhere between a groan, a moan, and a gasp and I wanted to hear it for the rest of my life.
I grasped her dressing gown near both of her shoulders and lightly slid it down her arms, feeling it land on my legs. I rested a hand at the small of her back, pushing her against me while I sucked at her other nipple. I started to push her back into the pillows, but she leaned away from me and my lips released her with a wet pop. She grinned a bit deviously at me for a moment before pushing on my chest so I rested back against the mattress. I raised an eyebrow at her, but otherwise stayed still.
Her small fingers tucked into the waistband of my pyjama bottoms and tried to pull them down, but it was a little difficult with her sitting on top of me. It took some manoeuvring and wriggling on both of our parts, but she managed to get them down to my thighs and I kicked them off as best as I could. I started to laugh at the awkwardness of the situation and soon she laid down on my chest, shaking with her own laughter. It was clear neither of us was expecting perfection for this first time and I was glad to see we both had a sense of humour about the whole thing. More than likely, it was going to be somewhat awkward, might hurt her at least a little, and I'd probably last an embarrassingly short time, but none of that mattered in the end. All that mattered was that we were finally going to be together.
The whole ordeal managed to take my attention away from the fact that I'd lost my pants and was lying completely naked beneath Hermione. As soon as I realised it, I tried to ignore the feel of my cock resting against the smooth skin of her stomach and the sensation of her bare thighs laying beside mine. I was almost successful. Almost- until I realised that I could feel her heat and a slight dampness pressed against my crotch. That sensation was a bit much for me to bear and I closed my eyes to prevent my body from becoming overloaded and exploding before I got to enjoy myself.
She began to scoot down my torso, trailing kisses as she went. I assumed she was going to look at my cock. My Hermione was nothing if not curious about everything and I would have been surprised if she hadn't tried to study me a bit. To be honest, I wanted to study her body more than a bit, so I figured it was fair to give her time for her research. However, I wasn't prepared to feel her delicate fingers lightly wrap around the girth of my cock, nor for her palm to test the weight of my bollocks. I kept my eyes closed, knowing that if I opened them and saw her biting her lip in concentration, this would all be over in a moment. Yes, I was a teenage male and I'd be back up within a few minutes, but that certainly wasn't how I wanted my first time with Hermione to happen.
She tightened her grip a bit and experimentally ran her fist up and down the entire length and I felt my toes curl, trying not to come from her just her fingers.
"'Mione- not gonna last if you keep doing that," I gasped out roughly, amazed I'd been able to say anything even somewhat coherent.
"It's okay, I want you to let go," she said tenderly. "Besides, you'll last longer the second time if you get out some of the urgency first."
She planned on a second time already? Bloody hell! She was brilliant, no question about it.
"Who told you that?" I asked, ready to tease her when she inevitably said she read it in some book. Her "I don't think you really want to know" response and devilish grin took me back slightly. If she had heard it from anyone close to her, then she had gotten advice on how to wank me either from my grieving brother, our mutual best friend, or my baby sister who probably knew because of said best friend. She was right- I definitely didn't want to know.
Her hand started moving again and I didn't have the will to fight her; instead I enjoyed the twinges of pleasure shooting through me. I tried not to thrust in her mouth and I was determined not to embarrass myself by coming within a minute, but then I felt her tongue softly lick against the head of my cock and I nearly lost it right then and there. A strangled cry escaped my mouth when she enveloped the entire tip within her mouth and sucked and I fisted the bed sheets so I had something to hold. In that moment, I didn't care who had given her tips, all I could focus on was the feel of her taste-buds dragging against the head and the warm insides of her cheeks surrounding me. It felt unbelievably fucking good, so much better than wanking myself had ever felt.
She bobbed her head up and down a bit and the image was so erotic that too soon I felt the tightness in my balls increase and I came directly into her mouth. She sputtered quite a bit and I clenched my jaw in frustration; to say I was mortified would have been an understatement. I hadn't even warned her that I was close before I let loose into her mouth and I half-expected her to yell at me, but she smiled up at me like the cat who got the cream and I suddenly could breathe again.
I love this woman.
"Hermione- brilliant- I can't... how did you," I babbled, knowing I wasn't making any sense, but unable to form any other words.
"Good to know you liked it," she said and laughed softly as she crawled back up to rest next to me. Her fingers traced up and down my chest as my breathing slowed and she turned on her side to face me. "Do you realise we're upside down on this bed?" she asked suddenly.
I hadn't noticed at all, but it was so inherently Hermione to notice something like that. She had just taken me to within an inch of my life and left me boneless on this same bed and now she noticed that we weren't facing the usual direction. Her comment struck me as hilarious and I started laughing, the release of my orgasm making me feel freer and more relaxed than I'd been in ages. She laughed too and tucked her head into my outstretched arm. It was striking to realise that how I'd always thought we'd be together in bed was exactly how it was shaping up to be. Well, not exactly- in my fantasies I'd always lasted for hours- but the way we played together, that was just how I'd pictured us. We were passionate and challenging, constantly teasing and pushing each other past limits, with a slightly crazy way of looking at the world. It didn't make any sense, but it was us and that made it fit together somehow.
I pulled her closer to me and kissed the top of her head, before kissing her cheek and resting against her neck. There was something about her neck that had always appealed to me. It was sort of like her ear that way, in that there should be nothing sexy about a neck, but it made me want to lie there a while and breathe her in. I licked her pulse point and sucked her skin lightly as I rolled her onto her back.
"My turn," I whispered into her ear and proceeded to kiss every inch of skin I could reach between her chin and her tits. I decided I loved them even more naked than I did clothed. When they were covered, I'd been able to picture exactly what they looked like and would feel like. Now I knew what they tasted like, how they hardened in my mouth, how she gasped when I left a mark on one. What amazed me was that I felt myself becoming hard again from hearing her breath catch like that. I wondered how much space would be taken up in my brain from memorising all of the new noises she was making.
I trailed my hand down her stomach, mesmerised by the contrast between my freckles and her creamy, smooth skin. As my fingers traced her ribs and stopped at her knickers, I noticed goose pimples rising on her skin. I looked up at her face, but her eyes were tightly clenched and she seemed to be concentrating on breathing. Did I do that? She'd said she wanted me, that she couldn't wait to be with me, but hearing that and seeing her response were completely different things. I had a hard time believing she could possibly be as turned on by my touch as I was by hers, but the evidence was staring me in the face.
I hooked my fingers into the hem of her knickers and began to slowly peel them down her legs. As she was exposed to me, I forced myself to keep breathing and to not act like an immature berk at being completely naked with a girl, much less my Hermione. It was difficult though, because she was letting me see her without trying to cover herself which surprised the hell out of me. She trusts me, I realised and felt my heart clench at the thought.
"I love you," I said, wanting to make sure I said it before I got overwhelmed and potentially forgot. She got this huge grin on her face and said she loved me too. We'd said it so many times in the past week, but saying it in this situation felt more serious. They weren't just meaningless words and a phrase we'd shared to show our affection, they were the words that would keep us together.
I let my fingers skip further down her stomach again and met her eyes before I delved them into her dark, curly hair. Bloody hell, I'm touching Hermione! I felt mildly pathetic for nearly losing it while touching her, considering she was the one who was supposed to be losing control, but then I couldn't be arsed to give a damn because her breath caught and her back arched slightly.
My fingertips mapped her folds and glided up and down for a moment before settling near her slightly engorged clit. It was moments like this that I was so glad to have had five older brothers who all felt it was their duty to share their sexual knowledge with me. It was like a brothers' code or something to them, but to me it meant that I knew something about how to please Hermione from the start. Her hips surged forward a bit when I rolled my fingers around her clit and her hand shot out to grip my forearm. She moaned softly and I lost myself in the movement of my fingers, the slight squirming of her hips, and the slick wetness that coated my fingers and palm. She gripped my arm more roughly and seemed to stop breathing for a moment and then her back arched even more. She trembled against me for a moment before sucking in a large mouthful of air and pulling my lips down to hers.
I'd kept my fingers moving the entire time, but she swatted them away at one point and I moved my hand to lay on her hip. I had the urge to break away from her kisses and to suck my fingers into my mouth, wanting to taste her like she had tasted me. I wanted to taste the proof that I'd given her an orgasm. I was pretty sure I had, but she hadn't been particularly vocal and it was rather more difficult to tell with girls than it was with boys. With blokes, it was obvious fairly quickly; with girls, apparently not so much.
"Um, Hermione, did you..." I trailed off, not wanting to be vulgar with her.
She nodded her head and blushed, her breath still not back to normal. Before I could say anything else, she quickly rolled off the bed, grabbed my wand off the bureau, and handed it to me. I looked at her curiously, unsure what in the world she was handing it to me for, especially given the suddenness of her actions.
"The charm, Ron- we can't be too careful. I went on the potion a few months ago, but you should do the charm for yourself as well. Just in case," she said with a grin as she knelt on the bed next to me.
She wanted me to be coherent and clear-headed enough to perform the contraceptive charm now? She was barking mad, though that was nothing new. I took my wand from her and recited the words that had been drilled into me since puberty. Yet another thing that made having older brothers damn convenient. I was glad to see the light blue sparks come out of my wand and settle over me before disappearing. If there wasn't some sort of visual confirmation, I might've been too terrified to try anything. Well, that was a lie I told myself, but it sure sounded better in my head than thinking that I didn't really care as long as I got to be inside Hermione soon. Damn, I'm a randy bugger.
She pulled the wand from my fingers, tossed it behind her, and crawled up to the head of the bed. I nearly laughed at that, since she had mentioned our physical orientation on the bed earlier, but she crooked her finger at me and it was as though she'd placed an invisible string around me to draw me to her. I settled in between her thighs, naturally, like my place had always been there, and I leaned forward to kiss her lightly. I wanted to make sure she was as relaxed as possible, because I knew it would probably hurt her. She smiled against my lips and reached between us to grab my cock and position me properly.
"It might hurt," I said and kissed her cheek.
"Yes, it probably will," she responded matter-of-factly.
"I'm sorry," I said earnestly. I didn't want to hurt her, even if it was only temporary.
"Don't worry- it'll be over soon."
One last moment before it all changes.
"This'll change things, Hermione."
"No, it won't change anything," she said and shook her head slightly.
"It will, this is it-"
"No," she said again, cutting me off. "This changes nothing. I was already yours- this is just me showing you that."
I closed my eyes at her words. She was right; of course, she was right. This would change everything and nothing. I'd thought that myself not half and hour ago. I already belonged to her and she to me. All we were doing was showing each other in actions what we'd already pledged.
"I was already yours," I repeated her words and kissed her again, one hand coming up to cup her face. I nibbled lightly on her lower lip and then swiped it with my tongue to soothe any ache.
Her hand had come to rest on my bum and she pushed on it, her body language showing me she wanted me to move. I braced my weight on my arms and slowly pressed forward until the head of my cock was entirely enveloped in her. She was hot and wet and so tight around me and it was unlike anything I'd ever felt before. She took a couple deep breaths and I thought it was a good idea to do the same. I didn't want to come right away, but knew I wouldn't last long. As she was drawing in another breath, I let my weight sink into her a bit more, going a couple inches deeper until I knew I needed to stop. She was clenching tightly around me and I could tell it hurt without her saying a word or crying out. I whispered that it was okay to her and kissed her closed eyelids and waited for her body to relax around me.
I decided to wait until she was relaxed and then to breach her quickly, wanting to get the pain over with as soon as possible. I surged forward into her a moment later and then my cock was buried entirely inside her. I rested a bit of my weight on her, our bellies touching as we both sucked in oxygen. Her body was trying to adjust to my intrusion and I was trying not to come from how bloody amazing it felt.
I'm inside Hermione. Oh, fuck, I'm inside Hermione! My mind repeated the sentiment over and over as it tried to wrap around this change. That did nothing to help my body calm down and I tried to focus on other things to force my body to hold itself back.
Hermione's eyes were still clenched tightly and her jaw seemed to be as well, so it didn't seem to be a good moment to tell her that I was fucking dying from having to lie still. I could give myself a permanent injury from the effort it was taking to not thrust into her, but there was no way I was going to screw this up. To be fair, what had seemed like several minutes on end had probably only been slightly more than a minute- the torture of this precipice of pleasure making the time seem more drawn out than it was in reality.
Once I was sure I wouldn't lose it immediately, I kissed her several times in succession, waiting for her to unclench her jaw. As soon as she did, I slipped my lips over hers and slid my tongue around within her mouth, feeling her body meld into mine.
The hand that had been grabbing my waist squeezed me and I felt her try to propel my body into movement. I pulled back and pressed forward again, breaking away from her lips. Someday I might be coordinated enough to try to kiss her while I was thrusting, but today was not that day. It was taking all of my concentration and effort not to pound roughly into her and whatever was left was trying desperately to make sure we both got to enjoy it. Damn, it was an awful lot of work, but it felt bloody fantastic, so I wasn't complaining about a thing.
There was a hot, wet friction where her body was opening up to accept me and I felt a light sheen of sweat where our bellies rubbed together. My arm muscles were starting to ache from supporting my weight above her and I wanted to touch her, not the mattress, so I shifted onto my knees and pulled one of her legs to fit around my hip. Fuck, that's it! Where she had felt snug and enveloping before, now I could feel her muscles squeezing around me. I looked up at her to make sure she was okay and she smiled before biting her lip and hooking her arm around my neck.
Every second felt like a minute, every minute felt like an hour, and yet neither of them were long enough for me. It was the strangest sensation of time being skewed and I wondered if it felt the same to Hermione. I couldn't have been moving inside her for more than a couple minutes, but surely it was another lifetime ago when I didn't know her in this way. What surprised me the most about the whole experience was how little we'd said to each other. Normally she'd talk everything into the ground and I'd waffle my way around, trying to keep up with her many veins of thought. In this, her body was doing the talking, letting me know when to move, when to wait, how to anticipate her needs. Of course, she was probably trying to concentrate on making herself relax and didn't have the energy to waste on words.
I leaned forward to kiss her again, awkwardly grasping her lips with my own and then I felt her moving her pelvis up to meet mine. She moaned particularly loudly and that moment was my undoing: I lost the minor control I'd had over my body. I pushed harder into her and groaned her name, somehow trying to warn her that I couldn't hold back anymore, and my hips jutted forward erratically a couple more times before I came inside her.
I was breathing heavily, my body slumped on top of hers, and I couldn't seem to get my body to stop shaking. She wrapped her legs fully around mine and kissed my check and my neck and her lovely fingers tangled into my hair. I just made love to Hermione, I thought a bit disconnectedly, trying to stay focused on her shushing me and the warmth of her hand against my shoulder and the sweaty slide of her thigh near my hip. My cock slid out of her with a wet plop and that awakened my senses enough for me to realise I was probably nearly suffocating Hermione by lying on top of her. I tried to roll off of her, but she gripped me so tightly that we both ended up on our sides, our legs still entwined together.
I started to say I was sorry for not lasting longer, because I knew she hadn't come, but she leaned forward to kiss me and she sucked my tongue into her mouth and I knew she didn't really care. If she let me, I was going to try again and again tonight until she finally did- I wanted her to know what it felt like to fall apart in my arms. I'd been so overwhelmed by the feeling of being inside her that I had forgotten everything my brothers had told me about playing with her tits and helping her along by touching her clit.
A funny thought struck me and I started chuckling into her mouth, my laughter reverberating around her mouth a bit. She pulled back to look at me and I knew I looked like a loon; I didn't care.
"I bet when you said 'it'll be over soon' you weren't thinking it would be this soon," I said and continued to laugh. I could've gotten embarrassed about it or wanted to crawl under the covers and pretend the foreplay hadn't been twice as long as the actual shagging had been. I could've, but I didn't, because it really didn't matter in the end.
"Actually, I did think it would be... you lasted longer than I thought you would," she said, laughing herself.
"I've heard of much worse," she said with a grin and I burst into another round of chortles. I knew her roommates at Hogwarts nor George would have ever told her something like that, so that meant she was talking about Harry. I really didn't want to think about why she knew that about Harry, but it made me laugh nonetheless.
"This is probably another of those 'I really don't want to know' moments, yeah?" I asked, snorting when she nodded and continued to giggle. "Hermione, that was... it was... damn!" Apparently my inability to talk coherently had come back.
"It really was," she said, knowing what I'd been trying to say, despite my inability to articulate.
"But you didn't-"
"Not the second time, but it was still... amazing," she finished with a whisper and fitted her head under my chin. Her breathing evened out fairly quickly and I knew she was asleep. How she could sleep right now, I had no idea. All I wanted to do was kiss her again and slide inside her again and feel her pulse around me. Once the shaking had subsided, I'd had this string of energy running through me. I wanted to get up, but didn't want to leave her side.
So, that's what the big deal is, I thought happily. It was incredible, really, and I was so glad Hermione had convinced me we didn't have to wait any longer. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sound of her soft breaths and the feel of her chest rising and falling against my skin.
It seemed like only moments later when I felt Hermione's fingertips tracing up and down my chest and her lips placing open-mouthed kisses under my chin. I squirmed a bit, suddenly aware of my upper arm tingling from where her head had rested against it, and brought my hand to tuck a piece of her curly hair behind her ear.
It was the middle of the night and the sensible thing to do would have been to go back to sleep and enjoy the peace of the moment. Sod sensible! She turned her head up as I nosed mine down and we met in a sensual kiss in the middle. Her mouth opened willingly to me, her tongue playing with mine. I felt a shiver run down my spine and pulled her closer to me, gripping her bum with one hand and her head with the other. I shifted onto my back and she ended up flush on top of me, her body rocking into me gently. My cock rose, growing and hardening between our bodies and she released my lips to laugh.
"Eager, aren't we?" she said as she sat up and looked down at it curving against her curls.
Yes, I'm a randy sod. And? It shouldn't have surprised her at all. In fact, she was the one who had been trying to jump me all week long, so I was sure she was happy with the arrangement.
"Always for you," I answered, sitting up myself and scooting back against the pillows. "And you?"
She leaned forward to kiss me again and I took that as a yes. She got up on her knees and reached between us to angle her body properly above mine. She continued to glide her lips across mine as she slid slowly down my cock. I felt her muscles tense for a moment and her hand grabbed at my bicep to squeeze it tightly, but I kept kissing her and tangled her fingers with mine. Finally she was seated on top of me and it was the same as I had remembered and completely different. She didn't move her hips at all and I guessed she was trying to get used to the feeling again, which helped me to get my urgency under control.
"You okay?" I whispered and peppered her face with kisses.
"Yeah, I'm just really… and... well, you're rather big," she said with a slight twinge in her tone and I tried not to take perverted pleasure out of the fact that she said I was big, because that was hurting her at the moment. But, I was still a teenage bloke and my self-confidence grew a bit at that comment. It didn't really matter if I felt average in that department, she'd said I was big and she was the only one that mattered in that department. Merlin, this is a ridiculous thing to be thinking about right now, I realised and switched my attention back to Hermione.
Her hands were clutching me a little less tightly and I chanced leaning her back lightly so I could capture the rosy tip of her nipple and suck it into my mouth. She arched her back when I did and I decided this was my favourite position of all-time, even though we'd only tried two so far. When she arched her back, her chest was thrust upward to be the perfect level for me to lick and suck at her tits as much as I wanted. Not only that, but when she rocked into me as she arched her back, she ended up grinding up and down on my cock. Everything felt so much more intense than a couple hours ago and I groaned around her nipple when I felt her slick, snug walls gripping me tightly. I licked my way up to her exposed neck and dipped my tongue into the hollow of her collarbone.
"So good," she moaned and a thrill shot through me. This time was definitely better for her than the last time had been, her wetness and the increase in her noises were all the proof I needed of that.
She rose up on her knees and sank back down onto me several times. My toes curled and the heated friction between us started to overwhelm me again. This time though, I was determined not to come until she did. I snaked my hand down to where my cock slid in and out of her and prodded my fingers gently until she jolted at my touch. She began to gasp loudly and breathed heavily and I felt her muscles tightening and releasing. She was close and so was I; I wanted to let go and thrust myself hard up into her, but instead I whispered "please, come for me" to her and leaned up to pull her other nipple into my mouth while I swirled my fingers against her swollen clit. I felt the exact moment that she finally let go. Her back bowed, her abdominal muscles became impossibly tight around my cock, feeling like the ebb and flow of waves crashing against a shoreline, and my fingers were flooded with more of her juices.
Bloody fucking hell, that was amazing! If I had thought her first orgasm was hot, it paled in comparison to this living, breathing embodiment of sexiness sitting on top of me.
I removed my fingers, remembering when she'd swatted them away the last time, and I brought them to my lips. Her scent wafted into my nostrils and I licked her juices greedily into my mouth. Her taste was intoxicating, tangy and salty and somehow sweet at the same time, and it coated the inside of my mouth. I couldn't think of a single food to compare the taste to. I imagined being able to swirl my tongue around her folds, sucking her clit into my mouth, and tasting her skin directly instead of salvaging her taste off of my fingers. Maybe next time, I thought, realising she was probably too sore and raw down there to let my tongue anywhere near her.
Hermione began rolling her hips over me again and I felt my balls tightening into my body. I raised my knees behind her slightly to help give her leverage and began to thrust my hips up into her. Her arse slid on my thighs and then she leaned forward and kissed me again. I felt her knees gripping my hips and her pushing down more roughly onto my cock, her puckered nipples dragging against my chest and her hair hanging over her shoulder to brush against me with each rock of her body, and suddenly fire ripped through my belly to shoot into her. It caught me by surprise, but this time I didn't shake or become overwhelmed. I threaded my fingers into her hair and continued rolling my body under hers and nibbled on her tongue.
The entire thing hadn't lasted long, though certainly much longer than the first time had, but it was the most brilliant experience of my entire life. I thought this second time, in the middle of the night, was the one I would remember every, single detail of- it was the first one I'd been able to concentrate on us being together instead of the sensations flowing over me.
"Now, that was amazing!" I exclaimed loudly and she grinned in agreement. She slid off of me and squeezed me tightly before rolling off the bed, slipping on her dressing gown, and walking toward the door. "Where do you think you're going?" I asked, surprised she was leaving me for the night.
"To the loo, Ronald, honestly!" she said as she walked out the door and I could picture her amused smile. She returned a couple minutes later, slid out of her dressing gown, and rested against my side. I hadn't moved the entire time she was gone, too satiated and happy to think about going anywhere. I turned my head to look at her, feeling immense peace with everything that had happened.
"I do love you so," she said, looking tenderly in my eyes and my heart clenched again.
"And I love you," I said, holding her to my heart, her breath ghosting over my chest. She was right, nothing had really changed. I loved her as much as I already had, though perhaps I felt a bit more connected to her than I had before. It was probably impossible to make love to the woman you're in love with and not feel at least a little more connected. "Hermione," I started, wanting to tell her she was right, but she didn't answer. Apparently shagging wore her out, since she fell asleep on me for the second time that night. No matter, we had all the time in the world.
The locket still wasn't a memory yet, but neither was what had happened tonight and this was so much more powerful than the Horcrux could ever be. This hadn't made the feelings inside me go away, hadn't magically changed the person I'd come to be through years and years of experiences, but it had quieted the voices. It gave me something to hold onto, a light in the darkness. It gave me peace. Tomorrow I could worry again, but right now? I was going to enjoy every moment, every breath of air we shared between us.
I once was lost, but now am found...
Thanks so much for reading and coming on this journey with me! I hope you've enjoyed reading my fic as much as I've enjoyed writing it. Reviews are always loved and appreciated! ~Risie :o)