Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga.
This is very quickly-written oneshot, please tell me what you think!
I'm beginning to think I had never taken a breath without the feeling of a thousand poisonous blades piercing my lungs until I oozed my very last drop of blood. Left squirming on the floor of a crowded room without one person in between friends and family who glances down at my pain with a worried expression. People only laugh and add fuel to the fire. But it was worse. I couldn't breathe. This room is constricting me into less than a shadow of my past self, like a snake ready to swallow its jaws and leave me forever in the hollowness consuming my only contentment. My heart wedged in my base of my throat, rubbing it raw from trying to scream with no sound and a throbbing, faltering pulse.
I'm going to be sick. Swallow it back down, swallow my heart. Every shredded remain of it, every vanished fragment of hope that one day everything might be how it once was. A bitter, egocentric thought that turned me into my bitter, egocentric self; a constant reminder from the voices in my head.
I want him, he's mine! Mine! No one else can have him but me! Mine!
My head recoiling with disgust, the venomous thoughts pounding through each vein, polluting myself further against each sane resolution. In my madness I convince my body of this craving, my mind of the need, and the self-loathing that I wasn't good enough. That I'd never be good enough. Genetic end.
It would never be me, in this room with him, with all eyes focused on us. Never.
There was a time when I thought it possible, that it might be me, but that came crashing down too long ago.
This ache is unbearable, lured in and taken with silence, a timid smile plastered on my face as if there was no brutal battle raging inside me worse than those I have ever physically fought. I'd sooner become one of the leeches than have this pain continue a moment longer than what I deemed necessary. I wondered briefly what would happen, a shapeshifter becoming a vampire. Which genetic stream would win? Would it tear me limb-from-limb in order to dominate the entirety of my corpse? The idea seemed prosperous; a hurt other than this was warmly welcomed.
I shuddered and lightly pressed my unoccupied hand to my lips to force the bile taste back to the churning core of my stomach. I stared at him, still as handsome as everyday I see him and imagine what it would be like to wake-up beside him one more time before our moments together were stolen from my feeble grasp with a knife plunged in my back by him and one other rare person I kept closest to my now-smoldering soul. This was suppose to be my day. My groom, my wedding, my everything.
How dare he! How dare she! How dare they! Traitors of my wrenched heart.
As I glared at him now, he didn't look at me. His eyes were at her, as they always were and – as I had slowly come to realize – always will be. Eyes warm and loving and tender in the way he had once gazed at me and whispered words that convinced my everything of his undying, eternal affection. Such cruel lies.
Tears brimmed despite my struggles and leaked down my russet skin, I bit my lip to keep a sob from escaping, my grip tightened against the bunch in my hand as I clenched tight at my jaw and tried to look absent-minded at the observance before me. I attempted to draw my focus to remain on my feet, swaying subconsciously with my thumping skull as my knees shook with the invisible strain weighing on my shoulders.
I wanted so much to just cry. To scream. To howl my vivid protests and rip skin from bone. And run, oh how much I wanted to just run away and never have to look back at this instant in time where I felt like plunging into frozen waters just to numb this feeling.
No one would be able to catch me. That thought alone made my mouth twitch to a sneer. No, smile.
I have to smile. The least I could do. Just smile.
And it was over. A cheer rose in the room that was my snake and carried out as their kiss lasted, passion of the moment.
I tugged at my bridesmaid dress with concealed desperation. My ears ringing. They appeared from the crowd surrounding them and approached me, their small hand-in-hand gesture was enough to make me tremble, my wolf begging for release. "Thank you, Leah." Emily sighed as she retrieved her bouquet from my grasp with an obnoxiously blissful grin that made even her face glow. Sam was behind her, his arms wrapped around her waist soothingly, his lips to her neck as he kissed her softly and refused to meet my unwavering gaze.
I forced my lips upward, trying to convince my tears for happiness. "No problem."
Well, this is just me trying to get inside Leah Clearwater's head. I sometimes struggle with whether I love or hate her character, but once you understand her reasons its difficult to just brush off her view on things. This is Leah at Sam and Emily's wedding - it was said that she would be a bridesmaid and all I could think of was how horrible it would feel, hence where this oneshot came from.
I was always disappointed with Leah's "ending". She deserved so much more than just to become Jacob's Beta.
Please read and review!