It was a comfortable day in Konoha. All the gennin were on theit one month break from the Chuunin exam. It was especially nice for a certain lazy shinobi laying by the river bank.
Shikamaru had his shirt crunched up under his head to use as a pillow while he hung his feet in the cooling current. Finally there was no one to bother him. Temari and Ino had taken their fight over him elsewhere. Where did they go? He didn't care. Chouji had dragged Asuma to the barbeque for some 'training' as he called it. And the village loudmouth, baka of Konoha, Naruto, would be too busy training to be loud anywhere near him.
Maybe he'd train later, if he felt like it. He probably wouldn't. To him training was just a wastre of time. It was such a drag.
Suddenly he heard a distant voice. It got closer and finally he heard it clearly. "Shikamaru." Shikamaru grunted his response. "Shikamaru... Shikamaru! Get up! Now!" He opened his eyes to an empty river bank around him. The only other living thing besides him there was a deer. He raised an eyebrow. "Shikamaru, you twit!" The deer spoke again and Shikamaru gave a sharp, high pitched squeal and fell backwards, into the river.
"What the!?" The deer chuckled at his confusion. "Who... What... Who...!?"
"I am your spiritual guide, here to set you on the right path of love." Maybe if I pretend to sleep it'll go away, thought the genius. He crawled back up on the river bank, closed his eyes, and pretended to sleep. Next thing he knew, he was back in the water.
"You idiot! I'm not THAT dumb!" yelled the deer, fuming.
"You're also not real." The deer gaped at him.
"If I'm not real, then how did I just hit you? You're supposed to be a genius.
"Yup, goodbye." Shikamaru started to leave.
"No. Nonononono NO! You stay here. I'm your guide dammit! You're supposed to listen to me, and be fascinated by me!"
"Fine," he sighed. "What do you want?"
"Okay, once again, now that you're listening to reason... I am your spiritual guide, here to set you on the right path of love. My name is Shinagrulakagawanu."
"Call me Chi-Chi."
"Right... So, why are you setting me on this path, thing, whatever it is?
"I'm here to tell you the truth about your love life. Shikamaru... You are gay."
"WTF!?" Shikamaru yelled in terror.
"And you don't like humans. You like animals. Not just any animals however, you like deer... Male deer... Because you're gay... And an animal lover... And I'm a deer... And you love me... Because I said so..."
Shikamaru was speechless.
"I KNOW! Isn't it wonderful, to FINALLY know the truth!? Aww, you're so cute when you're speechless."
"And I'm gonna stay with you forever and ever because I love you and you love me. And, you can never get rid of me. You're the only one that can see or hear me." He chuckled. Shikamaru started to inch away. "Oh no you don't!" He knocked Shikamaru down and started licking his face.
"Aaaaargh!!" Shikamaru yelled. He got up and started running up and down the bank. "Aaagh!"
"Hee hee hee he heh heee!" The deer chased him. Naruto came up to the river to ask Shikamaru to train with him. His draw dropped to the ground. To him, Shikamaru looked like he was running around, screaming like a crazy person. "Aaagh! Chi-Chi's trying to get meeee!" He's finally cracked, Naruto thought. He sweatdropped and inched back away from the river to leave Shikamaru to his insanity.