hi!! I'm going to finish this story if it's the last thing I do I swear to you. It's been a long time since I wrote so yeah my writing has changed somewhat but the direction of the story will remain the same. I still have my notes from forever ago and woooshhhh let's do this. I finally have a break in my schedule that allows for something other then working and schoolwork (i'm almost a double full time student...)
So Here we go! It's short but it's a pretty in depth look at the inner workings of Edward's breain and his slow decent into madness.
It was finally the day Edward was waiting for. Three minutes ago Bella had turned eighteen and she was finally considered a legal adult. She could sign herself out of the vile hospital now and return to real life.
Edward mentally ran over the list of every form and every document he needed to remove his love from the prison they currently resided in, and silently reassured himself that everything would go as smoothly as planned. He could file those papers in exactly seven hours and fifty-seven minutes, and while Bella slept safely in his arms, he would count down every second as it slowly passed by.
Holding her so close to him made his still heart jump slightly, especially while she was sleeping. She was so fragile to him, and though he would never harm her, the thought of how easily she could be broken was a sickeningly common one to him. Not a movement escaped him without careful thought and consideration, for any damage to his porcelain goddess would surely send him into a fury.
You are starting to lose it Edward.
Though he reminded himself he was no longer human, the conflicting human thoughts and emotions were constantly battling against something deeper, something darker. It was something vile and yet something so welcome to him, a sensation of authority and the feeling of power as it coursed through his veins was simply too much to toss aside like Carlisle had. He could not live the pure life entirely, not even with Bella by his side.
I have nothing to lose.
And though he believed it to be a false statement, he wished for it to be true. Even now with the sole creature of his affection lying in his arms, the desire to simply devour her alive was burning in the back of his mind. Was it a desire of his own? Did he was to destroy his love to satisfy his desires? Or was that part of the animal within him, the animal that knows no love and no friendship. The creature that would steal Bella's innocence without a second thought, driven by his own lust and desire for her warmth, was it the same creature that loved her so much that the mere thought drove him insane?
"Twelve ten." Edward idly read the time out loud, hoping to steer his mind away from the dark thoughts that were shattering his excitement. He tightened his arms around Bella and wound her legs with his jean-clad ones. She was warm, and the soft waves of her scent were comforting.
The softness of her skin against Edward's icy touch drove him wild. She was burning against his body and as the flames licked against him he couldn't help but give in to some of his desires. A gentle kiss on her temple was enough to taste her skin, enough to bat the beast away until the time from more exploration was upon them. Her essence upon his lips, though faint, was an indulgence to his deprived self. He kept every instinct and every desire within the confines of his mind, and now those wants were beginning to boil over. They were fueled by the monster Edward so helplessly clung to, and while he wished to escape the darkness, he refused to toss it aside.
With that, Edward closed his eyes and gave his mind over to the lighter fantasies that were certain to follow in only seven short hours and forty eight short minutes.
How beautiful Bella would look with her porcelain skin glowing with immortality was an image burned so deeply in to the back of Edward's mind that every time he closed his eyes her surreal, ethereal ghost took the center stage. She was an angel that could fight the devils that possessed Edward, she was a treasure to be won, a battle to be victorious over. She was so many things and at the same time, she was only human.
She was a human girl who had captivated him and brought out not only the most savage part of his personality, but also his most human qualities. Together they were united against the outside world in keeping this precious girl to themselves, and though their motives varied, the desired outcome was shared.
Bella stirred in her sleep, murmuring Edward's name before her brief moment of consciousness left her. The vampire wound around her held his useless breath and savored her in that moment. She loved him, in the short amount of time she had known him she had grow to love him as he did her, and that made Edward insanely content.
He was a jealous creature, and once he deemed that he would have Bella any other competition was to be eliminated, and even now it would be a never ending battle to keep her. She was a mystery to him still, the scars that littered her mentality were a puzzle that demanded Edward solve it. She was the one thing he could not read clearly, and yet at the same time she was the only thing that made sense.
What was his existence without her?
Into the light of the dark black night...
He didn't want to know, and so he would keep her. He would possess her in ways that only he could, and he would make her being crave him when he was gone. He would be the one thing she could not live without. She could live without air, she could live without food, she could become an immortal like him, but she could not live without him.
That was his goal, and the glimpses of the future Edward allowed himself from Alice's mind were enough to tide those fantasies. Thoughts of Bella's petite body and her exposed skin were enough to elicit deep reactions from the vampire, but actually seeing them? Being able to see his Bella with her glowing red eyes, her beautiful, genuine smile littered with sharp fangs, they pushed him over the edge.
'Your desires are clouding up my visions.'
Alice's voice was a harsh snap back to reality, but the tone in her voice was not to be ignored.
'What is there to see? The wolf is gone, his grandfather is useless. Carlisle is here with me, and Bella never leaves my side. Nothing can happen that we can't stop.'
Edward wished that his sister would leave him to his fantasies, but the visions she shared with him changed from something that pleased him to something that greatly did not.
'Why do you have visions of Billy Black as if he is some threat to me?!'
'Because he is Edward. He isn't a normal Quileute, he is supposed to be dead. The aura of death and decay surrounds him, yet he lives. I'm nervous of him.'
Edward removed his hands from Bella's body before pulling his fingers into tight fists. The skin stretched tightly over his knuckles as every joint cracked in protest to his great strength.
Billy Black would not live to see another day if he dared look at Bella. He would make sure of it. There would be no mercy on behalf of anyone. Any man who even thought of placing his hand upon Bella's body would be eliminated, and those that already had would not be spared the same fate.
Once Bella was safe, somewhere where no creature could find her and taint her beauty, he would seek out the infuriating Black shifter and destroy him. Edward was an experienced fighter, he could take down the entire tribe if they even so much as offered their hand in assistance to the unworthy dog.
'I will destroy him then.' Edward responded. He didn't have to speak for his sister to hear him. He didn't even have to know exactly what he wanted to say, but her visions could still detect what he would say. What he was planning to say, whether or not he would speak it or not, always made it's way to her.
And the night carried on, seven hours and two minutes of madness remained.