Author's Note: In honor of the crappy job market, I wanted to see how the cast of Inuyasha would fair while job-hunting. Things did not go quite as planned. /ONE-SHOT/
Peering over the top of the finely woven, watermarked paper, the interviewer was beginning to sweat. The candidate's eyes had not wavered from her form for a full minute. The man did not even seem to blink.
She glanced down once more. Following the long list of titles, awards and accomplishments, experiences and interests, the "Job Experience" section seemed almost bizarrely short. All it said was – "Warlord."
All in all, it had to be one of the strangest interviews that she had ever performed.
"Well, sir," she continued, a strained smile plastered on her face. "Perhaps you could tell me a little bit more about why you applied? What makes you want to work for S&T Corporation?"
"My Father mentioned to me this morning," replied the man blandly, sounding laboriously bored, "That he would disinherit me if I did not obtain a job, by sunset."
The man with the silvery white hair began to click his nails together. The steely sound made the interviewer wince. Somehow she had not noticed those sharp, almost pointy looking nails, earlier. Come to think of it, wasn't there something in the paper this morning, about a killer that disemboweled his victims with a set of steel, imitation claws? Perhaps those weren't imitation claws?
"Overall, you are academically qualified for the position of financial analyst," her voice wavered slightly, "However, your lack of work experience is slightly of concern."
The temperature seemed to drop ten degrees in the room, and the golden eyes of her companion glinted in the light from the window. Her heart began to race, and fear paralyzed her stomach. What was this heavy feeling of dread hanging over her head? How could one man look so unearthly and terrifying all at once?
"But I am certain," the interviewer stammered, caving in under the pressure, "That we can work something out."
"Good." The white-haired man rose, and prepared to take his leave. "This Sesshoumaru hates disappointment."
"So," she smiled, feeling a bit tired, but invigorated by the coffee she had consumed that morning. "I see here you would prefer to work at one of our office branches, in the countryside. Could you elaborate a little on that, please?"
A disarming grin was his first reply. Then, the young teen bashfully rubbed the back of his head. "Well, to be honest," he said, "I've always missed the green trees and forests from my childhood. I used to sit in them, all the time. Not that I would do that while at work!"
After a moment of friendly laughter, in which the interviewer joined, the lad continued. "I may not have much experience working with people, but I am very protective of what is mine – and I would work to protect all of S&T's investments, whether at home or away."
Compared to the golden eyed serial-killer from the day before, this interview seemed like a walk in the park. And the company really did need to fill that out-of-the-way position, which all the locals refused to take. It was like a godsend.
"You're hired," she nodded, as she rose to shake the boy's hand. "Come with me and we'll fill out some of the paperwork."
Just from the way she said the woman's name, she could tell the ending was foreseen. And really with a résumé as dismal as this, the bad news was inevitable.
"The Admissions Committee will meet to discuss your application," she announced, "And get back to you with a decision soon." A negative decision, to be sure, but she did not need to say that. It looked like the woman could already guess.
The blue-eyed girl shot out of her chair like a rocket, clearly embarrassed. "Oh!" she exclaimed, with a false veneer of happiness painted over her cheeks, "I… I understand that my grades in school left something to be desired, and there is a certain lack of extracurricular activities. However, I am an extremely dedicated worker – I never give up on a job half-done!"
"It's not that we don't want to hire you," the interviewer explained, feeling strangely guilty for doing this to a brightly smiling young lady, "It is simply that there have been a number of highly qualified applicants this year, and I am afraid the Admissions Committee will have to make a determination first, before I can give you an answer. Please understand."
The woman's eyes dimmed and she bowed politely to show she heard. After a round of courteous goodbyes, the young woman walked out of the conference room, as jobless as she had entered it.
"YOU'RE HIRED!" screamed the interviewer, into Miroku's hair.
"I must say," she admitted sympathetically, "The most moving part of your application was the cover letter. Did all of that really happen to you?"
"Yes," replied the young college student. Her eyes told a tragic tale, even while her lips smiled. "It has been … a trying year. I hope to honor my Father's memory by obtaining the best job I can, and looking after my little brother. And S&T Corporation is well-known as the most prestigious company of its kind. It would be an honor to work here."
Nodding enthusiastically, the interviewer turned to the final set of questions she had prepared. "We're almost done!" she added for the benefit of her listener. "Next question: What would you say is your greatest weakness?"
The woman across from her chuckled at the irony of it. "That is usually the hardest answer to give!" she replied. "I would say, without a doubt, my little brother. He can weasel almost anything out of me. Everyone else, however, must follow the rules. Also, sometimes I doubt myself too much. I try to compensate for my self-doubt by working far too hard to prove myself to others."
The interviewer scribbled a few notes on the page. A good answer, if a bit generic. But still, this seemed like a perfectly normal session so far. She didn't mind her job at all, today.
"All right – last question: Describe a problem you faced in your last line of work, and give a concrete example of how you solved it."
With a curt nod, the woman thought for a few minutes, and then answered. "As an exterminator, I came into contact with all kinds of scum. But the worst gangster I ever came across was the one that killed my father. I dealt with the problem by entering his organization and working my way up from the bottom, until I was one of his personal bodyguards. Then, after all the other guards, but one, had gone home for the evening one night, I took him out and framed the only remaining guard. I could tell you more, but I know how confusing it can be when someone gets into technical details from a trade or business you aren't familiar with…"
Her face blanched, and she dropped the pen she had been holding. Wait! No, no, no! The résumé had distinctly said 'Exterminator' as the most recent job title – but that meant exterminating pests like crickets and roaches and termites and ants? Right?
But that had not been correct… Instead, the woman sitting before her was … a contract killer! That made two psychopaths in one week!
What did she do to deserve this job?
Plastering her polite smile back on her face, the interviewer reached down for her pen, and took a few more notes just for the sake of consistency – she wanted this to look as normal as possible. Only once her companion was gone, could she run screaming from the room in terror.
"Thank you very much for your time!" she finished, "It was a pleasure to meet you. I cannot give you a result today, however, I assure you the Admissions Committee will consider your entire application and get back to you within the week."
The interviewer was charmed. And in a completely different way than she had been by that dashing, young man with the violet-eyes. No, this one was definitely a keeper. He had upper-management written all over him.
"Really?" she murmured in awe. "It must have been difficult to oversee so many employees."
"Not at all," the dark-haired man shrugged, ruby red eyes boring into her own, as though he could read the very thoughts from her mind. "I am quite used to… supervising… a number of contradictory and remonstrative assistants. Workers do not always love me, but they always respect me."
"Well, sir," the interviewer replied, "I don't really have any further questions. Is there anything that you would like to ask me, before we proceed?"
Smooth, honeyed tones conveyed his complete and utter disinterest in her, which somehow succeeded in attracting her even more, to his presence and his power. "Actually, no." Shifting in his chair, the man leaned forward intently. "The truth is," he continued silkily, "I bought this company earlier today. I was simply hoping to discover the quality of the employees that would be working under me."
"And I must say…" he rose, as all the color drained out of her face, "I am not at all impressed. You're fired."
She gaped, until he threw her out of the chair, and out of what was once her – but now his – office.
As the interviewer vacated the premises, a sinister growl could be heard from within. "Idiots, all of them."