a/n: My first Itachi/Naruto story. Thanks goes to Imperial Mint for giving me the push to do it. :)
Summary: Itachi Uchiha shot down every attempt at a date, male or female. All of his friends and family gave up hope except his brother. Sasuke made it his personal mission to make sure Itachi got laid and he knew just how to do it. Enter Naruto Uzumaki...
Warnings: AU, Ita/Naru, Sasu/Hina. Yes, Sasu/Hina...stop looking at me like that!
The Get Itachi Laid Challenge
The ding of the elevator was normally ignored by the employees of Uchiha Enterprises. However, the man that stood in the elevator caused every head to turn in his direction because HE was impossible to ignore. Power and confidence oozed from his frame. Men were attracted to it. Women, and quite a few men, were attracted to HIM…Period. He was the true definition of a man – tall, dark, and very handsome. Lean strong body, endless dark eyes that seemed to look into your soul, pale flawless skin and long silky hair that rivaled and beat any female's. If one was fortunate enough to hear his voice, it was deep, smooth…like chocolate. It's been said that the clothes make the man. Well, in this case, the man made the clothes. His suit was perfectly tailored and fit him so well, some of the women drooled. He commanded attention without effort. And he got it.
But Itachi Uchiha ignored them all from the moment he stepped off the elevator. His face was set in stone as he confidently strolled toward his presidential office suite. His pink haired secretary saw him coming and smiled holding up his mail. "Good morning Mr. Uchiha." He gave her a nod and grabbed the mail and messages in one hand opening his office door with the other and disappeared from everyone's view. The moment the door closed, you could hear every woman sigh. Men glared, jealously wishing women would look at them in that way. All eyes returned to their previous positions and it was back to work as normal.
Itachi closed the door of his office and looked around with a smirk. He tossed the jacket over the chair and sat down in front of his desk. The first thing he did was change the desk calendar to today's date – June 9th. Then he looked around his office. No balloons, streamers, confetti, cake, or presents - exactly how he wanted it. He sent a memo a week ago threatening to fire anyone that so much as mentioned his birthday. Guess no one wanted to test that possibility. Last year he was given a surprise party by his office. He had scared the entire office to death with his glare and threats to maim. It seems this year they finally got the message.
He smirked as he thought about how things had gone. He was 33 years old and president of Uchiha Enterprises. He had been in the enviable position since the age of 27. However, his dear father had tried to keep this from him because he wanted his firstborn to be the one continuing the Uchiha line of geniuses before handing over the reigns. Itachi refused to be forced to do anything. Instead, he declined every date his parents or friends set up for him. Finally, his father gave him an ultimatum – Find a wife or else.
Itachi had raised an eyebrow without a hint of emotion and coolly asked him if he planned on taking the business to the grave. His father may have had a part in giving birth to him, but even he was not immune to the Itachi Uchiha glare. In the end, Itachi got what he wanted - to head Uchiha Enterprises. Sure his father continued to try to get his way - his mother kept bringing over simpering females who were supposedly of their station, his friends tried setting him up on blind dates. When it seemed he wasn't interested in the female populace, his friends started setting him up on blind dates with males.
They all gave up and stopped trying by the time he reached 30 and, to their knowledge, still had not shown a hint of libido.
That was something Itachi never really cared much about. No one had struck him that way, male or female. He was too busy to bother with the whole mess anyway. It would only bring more problems. Like he really wanted to marry some female who only considered him to be their trophy. All they would do is flaunt him to their girlfriends and spend his money on any expensive bauble that caught their eye. They'd want him to talk with them. He wondered what they could possibly talk about together. Their pathetic attempts at conversation revolved around gossip, fashion, and men. Scintillating conversation that would be. He didn't need a woman…or a man for that matter. His one and only love was his work.
Because of his attitude, he gained the moniker of The Ice King. It started as a joke. But somehow it stuck and even the newspapers and magazines referred to him that way. And Itachi LIKED it, took pride in it, reveled in using it to the fullest. It made him more intimidating.
He turned on his computer. While he waited for it to boot, he looked through his mail and phone messages.
Another female proposal – toss
An invitation to a party – toss
Pictures…naked pictures. He raised an eyebrow – toss
Ah…about time he got that proposal. He'd been waiting long enough.
Love letter – toss
A birthday card…with hearts – definitely toss
He sighed and looked through his email. Oh yes, his brother would be here today presenting some new proposal. That could be interesting. At least it would give him a chance to mess with Sasuke's head. Don't get him wrong, he loved his little brother, but making fun of him was a job he took seriously. Well, considering their brotherly relationship, maybe he should at least put out the welcome mat for him. He pressed the button on his desk phone.
Her cheery voice rang through the line. "Yes Mr. Uchiha?"
"Please make sure the conference room is prepared for 2 pm."
"Do you need any equipment?"
"Just a projector."
"I'll take care of it sir."
"Also, when my brother decides to arrive, please send him in."
He leaned back in the chair and stretched his hands behind his head. Yes…work was all he needed.
Sasuke Uchiha was glaring out of his office window. The dobe was late. Again. And they had a meeting with his brother on the other side of town in an hour. Yes, brother. Itachi. The Ice King. Enough said. He brushed a lock of hair out of his face as he looked out the window over the city. He had worked so hard to get where he is now.
He and his brother competed over everything. Well really, if he admitted it to himself, there really was no competition. Itachi excelled at pretty much everything. Success came easily to his older brother. It was annoying how easy. It was like he was born to it. Itachi had such a knack for business that he could almost predict the moves before they happened. On the other hand, he had to work a bit harder to get what he wanted. It didn't mean he wasn't a genius. Obviously he came from great genes. The Uchiha family was tailor made for business. However, there are different levels of genius. Itachi just happened to be on the top end of the spectrum. He was gifted at anything and everything. He was groomed to be in his position from the day he was born.
Number-crunching, planning, and the like - that was what he was good at. When merger talks first began with Hyuuga Inc., Itachi was the smooth talker. However, he was the one who took care of the contracts. It wasn't that Itachi couldn't have done it himself, but he didn't want to. So, that became his job. After much deliberation, the Hyuuga's agreed, the two companies merged, and somehow he ended up with a wife in the contract. He smirked a bit at that. Maybe he should've been a bit more displeased at the idea of his life being written up for him, but he couldn't help but be a little bit happy about it. He wasn't the most social person, there was no denying that. He probably would've never really actively pursued a romantic relationship on his own. That was probably one of the few things he and his brother had in common. But that problem was taken care of for him. Besides, Itachi had always beaten him at everything. For once, at least, he could be ahead of his older brother in something. And considering Itachi's asexual nature, his brother wouldn't be catching up anytime soon.
'Where is that dobe? I'm gonna kill him.'
He may act like he's mad, but really, he loves the idiot like a little brother, albeit an annoying one. Naruto Uzumaki. The number one most unpredictable knuckleheaded businessman he's ever met. It all began after his father first gave him the project of smoothing the transition from Hyuuga Inc. to Uchiha Enterprises. This blond, blue eyed, enigma showed up one day - no appointment, not even dressed for an interview, asking for a job. He walked into the building at the exact moment five guards were about to toss the man out the front door. He still wasn't sure what made him stop them. Maybe it was those eyes...they really were something to behold. They held such innocence, yet so much fire. He ended up taking the blonde up to his office.
And the rest, you could say, is history.
He was loud, obnoxious, almost bordering on rude at times. He had no experience in business whatsoever. He had absolutely NO fashion sense. There's no way he should've even THOUGHT of hiring him.
He became his secretary.
Shocking right? Who ever heard of a male secretary?
It ended up being the best decision he'd ever made. He might be loud, rude, obnoxious, add any other adjective you want here...but there was something about him - his smile, laugh, enthusiasm. You name it, he had it. You couldn't help but be drawn to his friendly nature. Every person in the office immediately loved him. He put clients at ease within seconds. He kept him sane - which is pretty important. From day one, he made his coffee just right, he knew - without asking - to screen his phone calls, and he somehow could deal with his mood swings and perfectionist nature. But it wasn't until he overheard him on the phone one day that he knew Naruto's calling was decidedly NOT in the direction of secretarial work.
Sasuke moved away from the picture window and sat down at his desk tracing the lip of his cup of coffee with an index finger as he mused.
One day a client called, angry and ranting about their contract. Sasuke had already informed Naruto earlier that he wouldn't be taking any calls. So, Naruto put him on hold and decided not to bother him about the client unless it got too bad. He just went to the files, found the contract, got back on with the client, and spent the next 20 minutes going through it with him. By the end of the call, both males were laughing and exchanging all kinds of pleasantries. The blonde had somehow smooth-talked his and Uchiha Enterprises way into the client's good graces. And he didn't even look like he tried hard. It was then that he decided that he'd found his other half.
No, obviously not marriage mate. If nothing else, Uchihas were a faithful lot. He would never cheat on his wife. Besides, he was 100 percent heterosexual, thank you very much. Although, he wasn't so sure about the dobe.
If there was one thing that Sasuke DEFINITELY was not good at, it was public relations. As an Uchiha, it was pretty much standard practice that they appear like they were all cold-hearted bastards at heart. Itachi certainly had that ability in spades. He was as cool as a cucumber. Yet, it was the strangest thing, Itachi could somehow transform himself into a kind-hearted person if need be for the public eye. Another ability that he hadn't gotten. So, Naruto Uzumaki had accidentally given Sasuke exactly what he needed most. A good public image. Someone who could smile, laugh, and relate to people. He immediately gave the dobe a new position.
Public Relations Manager.
That title didn't last very long either. You see, Naruto was also very observant. As the PR man, he had to be in the meetings with clients along with Sasuke. He also had to know the contracts and proposals inside and out. Sasuke tended to get riled up when things did not go his way. Strangely enough, considering the bubbly outgoing personality, Naruto was the one who frequently had the level head. He could talk a good game. More likely than not, when it was all over he would always end up making Sasuke and Uchiha Enterprises come out smelling like a rose.
Naruto Uzumaki, Director of Marketing/Public Relations.
Sure he made up the title himself. But is there anyone who could do either job as well as his dobe? Not likely. Really, he had a feeling Naruto could probably rival Itachi in that department.
And from THAT came his newest idea.
Itachi had never given anyone a second glance. Truthfully, he really wasn't all that clear on Itachi's preference. However, he was clear on one thing. Itachi really, REALLY needed to get laid. Just maybe it would get him to lighten up a bit. No one had ever gotten past that cool "Ice King" exterior. However, if there was anyone who could do it, it would be Naruto. So, he decided, this would be his challenge. By the end of this year, Itachi was going to get laid. And it was going to be Naruto who made it happen.
Now he only had to convince the blond to do it.
Edited 3/19/09 for typos
a/n: There will be more dialogue in the next chapter and beyond. I know reviews aren't required and I would never twist your arm, but I would love to know what you think.