April Fools

A/N: Okay, so I know that it's nowhere near April right now, but this plot bunny came and found me, and kinda forced me to write this fic…so it's not my fault. LOL. Another thing, this fic won't make sense UNTIL the END. This is because until the end, it'll just be snippets of stuff and you see the BIG PICTURE at the end. And I KNOW I got the time line wrong, because Barek isn't supposed to be there when Ross is, but for the purpose of this fic, I had to throw reality out the window. I seem to do that a lot.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own any Law and Order: Criminal Intent characters, places, themes, etc. The only thing I own is my brain, and truth be told, I don't even know if that's mine.

"Goren?"

"Yeah?"

"Wednesday is April Fools Day." Alex answered, eyes never leaving her laptop.

"It is."

"Wanna have some fun?"


Carolyn Barek laughed as she handed Alexandra Eames back the packet of papers, "I love it."

"Really?" Alex asked her best friend and former co-worker. Ever since Barek decided to go to Homicide, the two got together every Friday to talk about old times. Today was one of those days.

Carolyn nodded, "especially this part," She said as she flipped the page, "here it is, 'I bet Logan could give you a run for your money'. He in on it?"

Alex smiled, "of course. Pretty much everyone is…man; I wish Deakins were still here. He would have appreciated this twice as much as Ross will."

"I bet I could pull some strings, get him here in time for April Fools day."

"That's why I love you, Caro." Alex said, hugging her best friend.


"Captain!" Eames called out at the site of Deakins.

"Just Jimmie now, Eames." Their former captain said as he hugged Eames and Barek, and shook hands with Goren and Logan.

"You'll always be captain to me…besides, I'm letting you call me Eames."

"Letting him? Last time I called you something different you punched me!" Logan said, thinking back to that day. His arm STILL hurt.

Deakins ignored this, "Touché Eames. Now, what was it that you talked to me over the phone about, Barek?"

Goren handed the captain the packet of papers Eames had typed up the night before. It was in play format. Deakins silently read the papers.

"This, this is brilliant." He said with a smile. " I just have to stand there looking shocked…I'm in."


"How do you think he'll take it?" Barek asked over coffee.

"It'll drive him up the wall." Mike answered, taking a deep sip of his latte.

"We'll find out."


Ross came out of his office; he was tired, and a cup of coffee sounded pretty good right about now. However, any thoughts of coffee and relaxation were pushed down when he saw his two best detectives staring at each other murderously. If looks could kill…

"Goren! Eames…wha-" he was cut off by Eames.

"You swore Bobby. You swore you wouldn't!" She yelled at him.

"Yeah…well, this changes things. It's complicated…" Goren stuttered.

"Really? Well, things are just peachy over here. JUST. PEACHY." She screamed, as she threw an empty cup at him.

"I didn't mean to…I don't want to-"

"Don't want to what, Bobby," Eames shouted.

Ross' eyes widened. What the hell was happening? He had never seen Eames this out of control, never seen Goren so, confused. He stared at the two, barely noticing when the old captain, James Deakins, walked in.

"don't want to bring a child into this world??" Eames continued, hands dropping to her stomach. "Because I sure as hell wasn't knocked up by Mike here!" She yelled.

Ross' jaw dropped even lower.

He turned to find Logan with his arm around a homicide detective, his old partner, Carolyn Barek. He also found half of the department staring at the scene unfolding before them.

"Really now, Alex, I think that Mikey could give Bobby a run for his money." Barek added casually.

Ross just stared in shock, along with the rest of the squad.

"You know what, Alex? You're on your own. You turned to Mikey before, feel free to turn to him now. Good. Bye." Goren said, standing up to leave.

"DETECTIVES! In my office!" Ross ordered, he wanted to now what the hell was going on. He barely registered the fact that Deakins followed them in.

"What was that all about?" Ross demanded angrily.

"Well gee, aren't you just a big ball of brains!" Eames spat. "I don't know about you all, but I thought it was clear that Bobby here knocked me up and was about to leave!"

"Pretty clear to me." Barek added as she filed her nails.

"Crystal." Deakins added, nodding solemnly.

"And apparently I'm good in bed." Logan said, putting in his two cents. There was a smirk on his face.

Ross sank into his seat. "Thank you Eames for…clearing that up." He looked up at them. "I meant…what the hell, why are you sleeping together, it's against the rules."

Goren pulled out a piece of paper. "Screw the rules, Captain. I can't do this any more. My resignation letter, all signed, except for you."

They all stood and prepared to leave. Eames was close to tears.

Just as Bobby closed the door, Ross threw a stapler in his direction. "DETECTIVES!! You better run- FAST!" He yelled through the door.

Barek, Eames, Logan, Deakins, and Goren (as well as the rest of the squad) laughed, because on Ross' desk was a sheet of paper: HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY.

A/N: So what did you think? I know it has already been done and all, but I was just bored, and this popped into my head. Please, leave a review telling me if it was good…or if you wanted to throw it out a window…I don't care. Just tell me how I did…and what I can improve on, love ya'll!! Miss Mila