Disclaimer: I don't own them they aren't mind and I make no money from their usage in this story.
A/N: I changed part of this so I decided to repost, so please re-read!! Thanks.
Years of abuse still had not hardened him against it, no matter how much he wished to just be able to take what the world seemed the deem his due. Each and every time it hurt just as much as the last; so now, hanging upside down in mid air in front of the entire student body - by a curse he himself had created no less - his dingy gray, threadbare briefs on display, he could feel the tears of misery well in his eyes.
"Who wants to see me take Snivelly's pants off?" He heard Potter say and he had to bite his own tongue to keep a sob that so desperately wanted to make its way out at bay.
"NO!" He screamed from behind the thin layer of fabric that covered his face.
"Beg nicely Snivellus and I'll consider letting you down with a thread of your dignity intact." Was the caustic reply.
Severus would have loved to have been able to force the words he knew Potter wanted to hear out of his mouth, but the deeply ingrained Slytherin pride did not make it possible and he could feel the tug of magic against the waist band of his pants.
"Don't!! Bloody hell Potter let me down!!" he demanded.
"Oh surely Snivellus, that is not how you beg." It was Black this time, but the taunting tone was no less audible.
Severus struggled against the magic holding him in place. He wondered, not for the first time what he had done in his short life to deserve the abuse that was always so generously heaped on him.
It was almost as if he could see his life flash before his eyes because he was certain if James did what it felt like he was about to do he would die.
The movie of his life glossed over the years of beatings by his father as if in fast forward before slowing for his first day at Hogwarts. Heck, they weren't even at Hogwarts yet when he was approached by Black and Potter, who violently tossed him out of the cart he was in. He had only been reading a book. The boys had decided they wanted to be in the cart with Lily and he was simply in their way. He had tried to put up a fight but he was small and outnumbered. His fight only seemed to make the boys hate him.
He had arrived at Hogwarts with a broken nose and cracked ribs compliments of Potters fist to his face and Blacks foot to his body. Lily had tried to protect him but she was not any bigger then he though she was lucky; the jerks seemed to be gentlemanly enough not to hit a girl.
Madame Pomfrey had healed him right after the feast and the headmaster had been alerted as to what had happened.
The fact that the headmaster had done nothing about it had hurt the small boy on a completely different level.
Dumbledore had claimed that it was simply a small spat and since school had not begun yet when it had occurred there was little he could do.
That same excuse could not be used when Sirius had cornered him in the hallway and hexed him with boils a few weeks later.
He in turn had hit Sirius with a jelly leg jinx causing him to hit his head on the wall behind him, quite accidentally though.
They had both ended up in the hospital wing, only he had wound up with a week's detention while Sirius had gotten off scot free by making up a lie that Severus had thrown the first spell. Which, of course, James had backed up.
Dumbledore would not listen to the medi witch who had told the headmaster that it was not possible that Severus had started it as Sirius would not have been able to get a hex off AFTER being hit with the jelly jinx. Hitting his head had caused him to black out for a few moments, during which casting any spells would be quite impossible. So therefore the logical conclusion had to be that Sirius had started the hexing as Severus had proclaimed.
Many, many similar events had occurred over the following years, of course interrupted by time spent at home, where he would be beaten and belittled by his father for a change of pace.
Each time it was the marauders that had started it and each time Severus had been the one to get in trouble with the Marauders getting off with little or no punishment at all.
Severus was pulled back into the moment when he could feel the cool air wash over his bare arse and privates. He could hear the laughter of his classmates ring in his ears and he knew James had just divested him of his briefs as well as the last of his dignity and self worth.
"Let him down!!" Lily… it was Lily, she was standing up for him, oh Merlin a girl, Lily was fighting his battles and oh she was seeing him mostly naked, his Lily… He could feel something in him snap, snap so hard and painfully he didn't feel it when he was dropped, colliding hard with the ground.
He fixed his cloths quickly not that he had any dignity left and glared at everyone letting anger take over simply so that he would not start sobbing right then and there.
"I didn't need your help, mudblood!" The words were out before he had even processed them in his head and he wished immediately that he could grab them back.
Lily's eyes flashed with hurt and anger before she reared back and slapped Severus across the face. She then ran off towards the castle and Dumbledore's office.
She felt guilty for having slapped him. She knew she had quite the temper and like Severus she had lashed out before she could get a grip on her emotions.
She also knew that Severus was simply lashing out because he was hurt. She could understand that. She also knew Severus; her best friend had given up imploring the headmasters help. Dumbledore had made it abundantly clear to him that he didn't care and that Severus was not worth protecting, but Lily, Lily would not let those jerks get away with what they did to him.
Lily would go to Dumbledore, demand he do something and then she would find Severus and comfort him; despite that he had lashed out at her she loved him and hated to know he was hurting so badly.
Severus stepped out of the potions classroom, the potion he had been working on needed to simmer and he needed to go to the bathroom. The halls were empty so he was more than shocked when a hand came out and grabbed him pulling him into an empty classroom.
"So you snitched on us to the headmaster huh Snivellus?" Sirius Black sneered.
"I… I didn't!" Severus protested. Potter came out from behind Sirius looking angry and Severus knew quite well then when someone looked at him like that the best option was to try and pacify them.
"You're a greasy no good nothing!" Sirius exclaimed pulling his fist back and punching him squarely in the jaw.
"I didn't!" Severus defended again, panting from the spot on the floor where he had fallen.
"Liar!" James accused kicking the boys head hard and Sirius then proceeded to kick and punch every part of the other boy's body.
Severus rolled into the fetal position trying to protect himself to no avail.
"Stop!! Please stop, I didn't…" he pleaded, his dignity so far gone it didn't matter anymore.
"We got a month's detention with Filch because of you!!" Sirius complained.
Through the pain Severus could feel a bit of satisfaction that Potter and his gang had finally been punished. Though he had not been the one to tattle on them.
The punishment was rather light considering what they had done to him but still he could not help but feeling a bit vindicated as he slipped into unconsciousness when a foot colliding with his head again - this time Blacks.
He woke up some time later to find to his horror that he had wet himself, though thankfully he was alone now. He wasn't sure he could move, but he had to get back to his potion; a potion he was just given even more reason to want to take, he hoped he had not left it to long. Though he was sure the consequences of leaving the potion simmer to long could not be worse than the potions intended purpose.
Forcing himself up despite the pain he made his way back to the potions room, glad to see his potion had not been disturbed. He retrieved the potions book from his backpack … A dark potions book he had managed to get from the restricted section. He opened it back to the page he needed.
He read the last bits of instructions for the potion called "Last resort". He didn't know why it was in a dark book because it wasn't a dark potion. Sure enough, it was a poison. However, it would only kill if it was willingly imbibed by a person who wished it to kill themselves. It was used by people who carried top secret info during war time in case of capture - especially those without an inclination towards Occlumency.
Sure he knew suicide was frowned upon but he didn't see why anyone would care if he wanted to die. It seemed to him like everyone wanted him to die, heck he was sure if he asked the headmaster would have brewed the potion for him. But he wasn't inclined to asked anyone for any favors, he was more than capable of taking care of this all on his own, just like he took care of everything else in his life all on his own.
He knew it was a desperate way out, and some would even call it cowardly. However, Severus WAS desperate, and considering he was giving the world what it wanted – to be rid of his presence – he did not think anyone had the right to call him a coward, even if he considered himself to be just that.
He added in the last ingredient, phoenix tears, which simply ensured the death was painless, and had to be added at least two hours after the basilisk poison so as not to bind with it and negate its effects.
He had stolen both rare and valuable ingredients from Slughorns personal store. He knew it was wrong and he would never had stolen such valuable ingredients normally but, well after this, after he took this potion, having stolen its ingredients would hardly matter.
He stirred the potion ten times clockwise and then five times counter clockwise before ladling some into the goblet he had next to his cauldron.
He stared into its depths. The potion was perfect obsidian black just like it was supposed to be, and as the pain of his recent beating coursed through his body the tears came to his eyes.
He had cried so many tears in his short life. All those nights he had sobbed himself to sleep - on the nights he could sleep at all - all the bitter tears of a boy denied the love of parents and of friends, the tears of a soul completely and totally alone…
A tear dripped into his goblet unnoticed by him as he thought of that fact that two months earlier when an owl had come to him from the ministry telling him that his parents had died in a car accident, he had felt more relief then grief. True, his mother had been forced to abuse him by his father, but he resented her for not standing up to the man, for not leaving him. For not trying to at least show him a bit of kindness in secret. Still he felt his father shared the lions share of the blame; if it had not been for him, he might have had a real mother to love him. He was immensely glad he would not have to face that man again.
Another unnoticed tear slipped into his goblet as he realized the only person her would be leaving behind was Lily, and after the way he treated her he was sure she wouldn't care. The Marauders would be thrilled….
He had once been stupid enough to ask them why they picked on him, abused him so, the answer had been 'because you exist'. Well if that was the case, he simply wouldn't exist anymore, it was the only way out. If it had been something else like, 'because you smell Severus' he could have fixed it, would have bathed ten times a day, if only to get them to leave him alone.
But no, it had not been anything he had done but the mere fact that he lived. That seemed to be enough reason for everyone in his life to punish him and so there was only one way to fix this...
So…Bruised, broken and soaked in his own urine he lifted the goblet to his lips and took in a breath, his last breath before downing the contents.
Lily, who had finally finished talking to the headmaster and getting her own emotions under control as she didn't want to still be the least bit angry when talking to Severus, made her way down to the dungeons.
The Slytherin had not been at lunch, but that did not surprise Lily in the least. The boy didn't eat all that much and he had a habit of missing days of meals all together especially when Potter and his goons where at their worst. In fact something she had always noticed about her best friend was that he was never well fed.
She knew his parents didn't have much money and Severus confided in her that often times his parents would forgo feeding him for days at a time so that his father could eat. After all he was the one that needed the energy so he could work and bring in the little money they did manage to get.
What Severus didn't tell her but Lily knew anyway was that money that should have been going to feeding and taking care of Severus was instead spent on beer and whisky, thus feeding the boys feeling of worthlessness.
What child wouldn't feel that way when his father would rather be able to get drunk then take care of him, when the man literally took food out of his mouth.
Lily shook her head, she always felt so helpless when it came to Severus. She always wanted to be able to do more for him then, as a child, she could do.
She made her way to the potions lab, where she was certain Severus would be. The one thing she knew for sure was he often brewed when brooding.
Arriving at her destination, she pushed open the heavy potions classroom door.
"Severus." She called into the dark room as only a single candle towards the back of the room and the fire under a single cauldron lit the windowless dreary room.
She spotted the shadowed figure that she knew belonged to her favorite Slytherin just as it was lifting a goblet to its mouth, and she knew whatever he was about to swallow would not have a favorable outcome.
"Severus!! Don't!!" she cried as she ran over to the shrouded boy.
But Severus didn't even hesitate, he was too lost in his own mind to hear Lily He didn't even seem to realize she was there and so he downed the goblets contents in one fell gulp. It was warm and tasted of nothingness as it coated his mouth and throat. Making its way down to his stomach he could feel it warm him from the inside out before he ceased feeling anything at all and he collapsed to the ground in a heap of black robes and dingy gray underwear.
Lily let out a strangled cry and ran to her fallen friend's side. Kneeling beside him she put her ear to his heart and heard nothing, felt for the rise and fall of his chest any sign of life and again found nothing. Leaning back to stare at ashen cheeks she sobbed her tears falling and mingling with lingering tears on the boy's face.
She tried CPR but she knew it was useless for if Severus had brewed this poison as he brewed all his potions it would do exactly what it had been intended to do. Lily knew without a shadow of a doubt that Severus Snape was dead.