A/N: Any requests for what you want to see after Christmas? This is about as far as I have planned out in my head and even this I have no idea where it came from, I am just glad it came! Still looking for a co author so if you are interested or think you could be of some help I would really appreciate it. Leave requests in your comments and I will do my best to fill them.
I also want to announce that I am going to start a review rewards program. Everyone who reviews will get a reply from me (if signed in, as I cannot reply to guests) and in that reply they will get a little sneak peek of what is coming for this story. So review, review, review.
Last Resort Chapter sixteen
Sirius looked at his small pile of presents and felt his chest get tight, he didn't deserve all he had gotten, yet Mr and Mrs. Potter had made him part of their family. Despite what he and James had done, they still gave them a lovely Christmas complete with new quiditch equipment and several new outfits for each boy. Sirius felt overwhelmed. He had never felt loved before in his life and he wondered if maybe this was what it felt like. To be cared about no matter what you have done, even if it is something really bad…
"I-I'll make breakfast," Sirius offered, they had been let off their chores for the day as it was Christmas, but Sirius felt like he needed to do something for his new family.
"That would be lovely, Sirius," Mrs. Potter said, smiling kindly at the young man.
He nodded and scurried off to the kitchen, glad to be of help some way, he wanted to do as much for the Potters as the Potters were doing for him, wanted to prove he was worthy of the love they were giving him.
"I'll go help him, Sirius is pants at cooking," James told his parents who both nodded at their son.
"Do try and not burn down the house James," Mr. Potter called after him as he headed to the kitchen.
James stopped and turned back to his dad, playfully sticking his tongue out at the man, feeling better than he had in days. His heart was still heavy with guilt, but he was trying to move past it and prove he could be a better person all while working on a way to make it up to those he had let down, "I won't dad, but I make no promises about Sirius,"
"Then you better get your butt in the kitchen and make sure he doesn't blow the place up," Mr. Potter teased.
James smiled and headed to the kitchen where Sirius was burning some pancakes.
"Here let me help with that," James said taking the spatula from the other boy and flipping the pancake. He used to cook all the time with his mom so he did so with the ease of experience.
"Thanks," Sirius said, almost shyly. This was the first time the two boys had been alone together since they had been suspended, Sirius was kind of surprised the Potters hadn't at least sent in a house elf to watch them. A small part of him dared to hope they were maybe starting to trust them again.
"How- how have you been?" Sirius was almost shy, which wasn't at all like him and James plated the pancake before turning to look at his friend.
"I've been… well, not so great Sirius." James admitted.
"Yeah, me either," Sirius looked down at his feet.
"We really screwed up," James admitted, "I just wish we could fix it."
"I don't want to be like my family James," Sirius looked really upset.
James reached a hand out and put it on Sirius' shoulder, offering as much support as he could, "It isn't too late to change," he echoed what the doctor had been telling him in his last few sessions, "not wanting to be like your family, is the first step… I don't want to be like that either, but we can both change. Mom and dad have faith in us." James said the last as if that alone meant they could do it and maybe it did, unconditional love and support went a long way.
"I feel ashamed," Sirius confessed to his best friend.
"Me too Siri, and I think we should be for what we did." James told him. He had done a lot of work with the healer over the last few days and he was seeing things a lot more clearly and a lot more calmly. He had worked through an awful lot. It still felt bad, but at least now he could be completely honest about what he had done.
Sirius nodded and hung his head, he knew James was right, but he still hated the feeling. He wasn't used to feeling shame or guilt.
"You think they will ever let me go back to school?" Sirius asked reaching for the bowl of pancake mix and stirring it with the large wooden spoon. He didn't make eye contact with his friend, almost afraid of what he might see in the other boy's eyes if he did.
"You are doing better than I am," James admitted, all the time spend with the healer the last week had opened his eyes to a lot of things and James could admit that Sirius taking responsibility for his actions right off the bat, was a huge step. One that James himself had not been able to take until his hand was forced.
"But you get to go back no matter how you do," Sirius sounded sad and discouraged, he was really frightened that he'd never be able to go back to Hogwarts, the worst part was, he wasn't sure he should be allowed to, after all he had done.
James frowned, that did seem unfair, but then a lot of what Dumbledore did, seemed unfair, "Don't worry, you'll get to go back, you are doing great." James tried to assure his friend.
"You think Dr. Osgatharp will clear me soon?" Sirius asked hopefully as he added chocolate chips to the mix and stirred them in.
"I think he is a fair man and a good healer and will do what is best for you," Sirius spun around to Mr. Potter wondering when in the world he had entered the kitchen.
"Mr. Potter… I… just…" He didn't know what to say, he didn't want to seem ungrateful for all that had been done for him he just… "I just really want to go back to school," He said sadly.
Mr. Potter walked over to him and placed a hand on his head, "I know you do son." He said, stroking his hair affectionately.
"What if I can't ever go back?" He let some of his fear show.
"Dr. Osgatharp says you are doing very well, he is very proud of the progress you have made, so are we, he is very hopeful, you just continue to do what you have been doing and don't worry so much about going back to school," Mr. Potter told him pulling him into a hug, "Now it's Christmas, it's supposed to be a happy day, not one full of worry, why don't you boys finish making breakfast and we can all sit down together." He suggested.
Sirius laid his head on Harold's chest for a moment, letting the man comfort him before nodding and pulling away, "Yes Sir."
Mr. Potter stroked his head a moment before leaving them too it, "I am going to go help your mother finish cleaning up the living room," He told the boys as he left the kitchen. He had only gone in to check on the boys wanting to know everything was going ok and that indeed they weren't setting his home on fire.
Feeling a bit better Sirius handed the mix over to James who put some on the skillet. He taught Sirius how to flip the pancakes and eventually let him take over. Sirius was very proud of himself when he amassed a pile of non-burned chocolate chip pancakes.
"Let's go set the table." James said and Sirius carried the plate filled with pancakes to the table as James set out the plates, silverware and cups. Sirius got the orange juice and syrup from the ice box and set them on the table next to the pancakes. When the table was set both boys went to get their parents.
"Mom, dad, breakfast is ready," James said.
"We made pancakes," Sirius added proudly.
"Well that's lovely boys," Mrs. Potter said, "Why don't we go enjoy them."
The four of them headed off to the table together and enjoyed a family meal, the atmosphere lighter than it had been in weeks. Maybe they would be okay after all.
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