Disclaimer: I do not own Kyou Kara Maou. Tomo Takabayashi does.
Summary: Why Yuuri and the gang should never go to an anime convention, especially when it is Murata who suggests that. WARNING: contains reality detached obsessive fangirls.
A Con To Remember
Yuuri wished he had gone with Shori to his daily training lessons of becoming the Earth's next Demon King with Bob like he had thought about earlier.
Somehow he just knew that going to Tokyo's anime convention was a very bad idea. Besides, anytime Murata got that eerie dangerous glint in his glasses where you couldn't see his eyes was a very bad sign.
Yuuri had put his foot down and tried to assert his authority as Maou on the issue, but his mother wouldn't hear of him not going.
"That's not fair, Yuu-chan!" Jennifer Shibuya had insisted. "An anime convention is the perfect example to demonstrate Japan's aesthetic culture and society to your friends! It will show them the true nature of this country's people!"
"Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of!" Yuuri had tried to explain.
"Shush, Yuu-chan, Mama knows best!" Jennifer had interrupted. "You and your friends can go with Dr. Rodriguez tomorrow. He's going there anyway to stock up on his anime collection, which reminds me, would you be so kind as to get your mama these manga volumes?"
Yuuri stared at the list his mother had pushed into his hands and flushed beet red.
"MOM!" he yelped, dropping the list as if he had been burned. "I'M NOT PICKING UP YAOI MANGA FOR YOU ESPECIALLY AT AN ANIME CONVENTION! I'LL GIVE THEM THE WRONG IMPRESSION! BESIDES, YOU ALREADY OWN THOSE BOOKS!"
"What wrong impression, Yuu-chan? I thought it wouldn't matter now that you and Wol-chan are engaged!" Jennifer chirped merrily, her cheeks turning pink with pleasure. "And I thought I would give my whole yaoi collection to Wol-chan as a wedding present, so of course I need to restock!"
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!" Yuuri had screamed horrified at the very idea of Wolfram pouring over yaoi volumes with their soap opera-ish plots.
He could just imagine it: Wolfram on their bed back in the Great Demon Kingdom, flipping through Okane ga Nai and Junjou Romantica, then glaring at him with those shining emerald orbs and saying, "Oh, so 'things are different on Earth' are they?! I can't be engaged to you because we're both guys?! YOU LYING WIMP!!"
"YOU ARE NOT GIVING WOLFRAM YOUR YAOI COLLECTION, MOM!!" Yuuri had howled, flailing his arms panicked.
"Oh please, pretty, pretty pleeeeease!" his mother begged, putting forth her very best puppy dog face. "I want to introduce him to Yamei no Matsuei soooo bad! Ne, ne, don't you think Wol-chan is the spitting image of Hisoka?"
"W-W-What?" Yuuri had squeaked, telling the little voice in his mind which was readily agreeing to shut up.
After all, it's not like he, himself actually knew what those manga were about because he had read them, no, his mother just had a habit of enthusiastically sharing the plots of them to her family whether they liked it or not. Jennifer had no qualms of shoving pictures from the manga in their faces either. Yuuri often found himself wishing he could gouge his eyes out with a spork.
"And your godfather-he sorta looks like Tsuzuki! Do you think I could get them to cosplay that pairing at the con?" Jennifer squealed happily.
"CONRAD AND WOLFRAM ARE BROTHERS!" Yuuri had yelled, feeling frustrated and annoyed. "AND NO ONE IS COSPLAYING, OKAY?!
It had been a very close call. The only way he could get his mother to agree not to give Wolfram her yaoi collection was for him to take everyone to the blasted anime convention, and even then, she hadn't dropped the subject of cosplay lightly. She had only relented, when Yuuri had pointed out that they wouldn't properly be able to see all the convention had to offer with a screaming horde of fangirls around them.
In hindsight, he should have realized that with the mazoku's exotic features, fangirls were inevitable anyway.
In the end, Dr. Rodriguez was too busy buying out his favorite manga and anime merchandise to make an outfit, so Murata was the only cosplayer in the group as Sasuke from Naruto.
Murata had done a very good job of spiking his hair the wear the character wore it and had forgone his usual glasses with red contacts resembling the Sharingan eyes. With his ninja headband and garb, he was the first victim to fall prey to the fangirls' advances.
"LIKE, OMIGAWD, IT'S SASUKE-SAMA!! KYAAAAAAAAAAA!!" was the first exhilarated shriek which brought the fangirls flocking over where they surrounded Murata in droves pawing his body excitedly.
Murata didn't seem to mind the harassment at all. The victorious smirk he gave Yuuri as the fangirls dragged him off to meet an Itachi cosplayer in hopes of snapping some juicy Itasuke pics proved that he had probably picked Sasuke to cosplay, not because he liked the character, but because he would get so many female admirers.
Yuuri mentally kicked himself for refusing the Lelouch cosplay his mother had suggested for him. The only satisfaction he got was the fact that Murata's smirk didn't look half as intimidating without his glasses glinting.
"Your Highness, I'm not quite sure I understand what this 'anime convention' is," Gunter voiced his concern aloud, fearfully casting glances at the multitude of young females wandering around in assorted odd-looking outfits that even Lady Celi wouldn't be able to imagine in her wildest dreams. "Is this some test of courage for your advisors to partake of? We must journey through these packs of ravenous she-wolves and escape unscathed to prove our strength and endurance?"
"Uh…no," Yuuri said, feeling beads of sweat break out across his forehead. "An anime convention is where…um, you go and uh buy…anime stuff…and…dress up as anime characters if you want. And um, you can talk about anime with people you've never met…you know, it's all…anime…stuff…"
How the heck do you explain what an anime convention was to people who didn't know what anime was?
"It's sort of like the black market of Demon King merchandise back home isn't it?" Wolfram asked as he shrewdly assessed the various trinkets and goods which were displayed and being sold in booths all over the con.
"Yeah, but only, these items are licensed," Yuuri stated, relieved that someone had provided a good explanation. "You can buy things from your favorite shows, like action figures and such."
"You mean the people of this world manufacture miniatures of everyone?" Gunter gasped, looking extremely intrigued. "I must take this idea back home! I am certain every citizen would love their own personal Maou!"
"Ehe," Yuuri could only laugh weakly, worried at the eager expression on his advisor's (and his fiancé's) face.
The first half hour or so at the con hadn't been that bad. It had been rather nice truthfully. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves. Gwendal had stopped by every stand of tiny cute plushies and had stared them with a countenance of such adoring rapture, that Yuuri took pity on the man and bought him three. An anime con was the only place that a man of Gwendal's build and stature could walk around like normal with a bundle of stuffed animals under his arm. Conrad had enjoyed the different swords and weapons each anime seemed to have and Wolfram took great delight in the Japanese confectionaries, especially strawberry pocky. And Gunter…
It was Gunter who unwittingly started the whole mess.
"Oh look, Your Highness, this little masked man looks just like you except with a hat and cape!" Gunter exclaimed excitedly, holding up a tiny figurine of Tuxedo Mask from Sailor Moon.
Yuuri foresaw the disaster to come immediately, but it was too late to save his loyal advisor from a fate worse than death by then.
The Sailor Moon display happened to be right next to a Final Fantasy 7 stand.
"OMIGAWD, IT'S SEPHIROTH!!" came the deranged passionate scream of a FF7 fangirl, pointing a finger at Gunter with wild gleam in her eye.
Gunter let out a wail of fear and despair as he found himself a defenseless target against a horde of voracious fangirls and their devious intentions as they flung themselves at him.
"OMIGAWD, HIS HAIR IS REAL!!" a fangirl dressed in a high school sailor uniform screeched in mad glee as she yanked on it enthusiastically.
"SEPHIROTH, KILL ME LIKE YOU DID IN THE GAME! SLAY ME WITH YOUR GIANT SWORD!!" crowed an Aerith cosplayer with a sly yet eager expression on her flushed cheeks.
"SEPHIROTH, I LOVE YOU!!" screamed a fangirl in a gothic lolita attire as she glomped and jumped on him, entwining her body around his. "I WANNA MARRY YOU AND HAVE YOUR BABIES!!"
"HEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!" Gunter cried in horror, trying in vain to disentangle himself from the fangirl's grasping holds.
Gwendal, who was from the Great Demon Kingdom and knew from first-hand experience how utterly life-threatening females could be, attempted to help.
Yuuri realized that also was a very bad idea too late.
"Enough now. Young ladies such as yourselves should not throw themselves at a man in such a wanton fashion," Gwendal stated, as he forcefully pulled the nearest fangirl's arm off a terrified Gunter.
The fangirl's eyes grew as wide as saucers as she saw who was addressing her and let out an unearthly shriek of happiness, "IT'S VINCENT VALENTINE! OMIGAWD, HE'S TOUCHING ME! HE'S TOUCHING MEEEEEEE! KYAAAAAAA!!"
"VINCENT!!" screamed the fangirls' in a shrill unified voice, swarming towards poor frozen Gwendal and tugging at him on all sides.
"VINCENT, YOU CAME TO SAVE SEPHIROTH! I ALWAYS KNEW YOU LOVED EACH OTHER!! KISS HIM! KISS HIM!!" ordered a Sailor Moon cosplayer with a determined stare.
"NO, NO! KISS ME, KISS ME!!" demanded a fangirl cosplaying a shrine maiden, pressing her ample bosom against Gwendal's chest.
Gwendal's left eye twitching was the only response his adoring audience received before the mazoku barreled forward, grabbed Gunter by the wrist, then bolted from the vicinity, knocking fangirls out of the way left and right.
"VINCENT IS ELOPING WITH SEPHIROTH!!" shrieked a Renge cosplayer, her eyes twinkling like Christmas tree lights. "MOEEEEEE!!"
"AFTER THEM! WITH THEIR PICTURES, THEY WILL CAUSE MY UNPOPULAR FACEBOOK PROFILE TO IMPLODE WITH HITS!!" cried a rather scary-looking Nina from Code Geass.
Yuuri watched the mass of fangirls streak down the anime convention's stands in hot pursuit of the two unfortunate mazoku and briefly pondered on sneaking away from the convention, however he was sure Wolfram would notice and that would only prove he really was wimp as the blond often proclaimed.
"Should we help them, Your Majesty?" Conrad asked , waiting on Yuuri's decision.
"No, that wouldn't do any good. Let's just hope they'll escape from the fangirls with their clothes intact," Yuuri said, looking around Murata who had conveniently disappeared with the Naruto fangirls, and Dr. Rodriguez was nowhere to be found either.
Deserters, thought Yuuri sulkily. He bet they both had known what would happen if he took everyone to the con. Even without costumes, the mazoku were mistaken for characters they were only not cosplaying, but that they had no idea who they were.
"OMIGAWD!!" came a familiar now despised shout from directly behind Yuuri.
Yuuri cringed, turning around slowly and wondering who would be the next prey to feed the fangirls' secret lusts.
"YOU'RE COSPLAYING AS SUBARU AND SEISHIROU, AREN'T YOU?!" yelled a Tokyo Babylon fangirl in a very good (and exotic) Hokuto outfit.
"What?" Yuuri said stupidly, dimly realizing that she meant him and Conrad.
"KYAAAAA!! OMIGAWD, THAT'S PERFECT!! YOU DO SUBARU'S CLUELESS NAÏVE EXPRESSION SO WELL!!" the Hokuto cosplayer shrieked, clasping her hands together in rapture.
"Now wait just a minute!" Yuuri started irritated at the implication of him being clueless or naïve, and positively sick of fangirls in general, but the Hokuto cosplayer interrupted him.
"I FOUND SEISHIROU AND SUBARU!! AND THEY ARE SO IN CHARACTER! MWEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!"
Yuuri gaped in trepidation as he and Conrad were surrounded and swamped by a crowd of squealing Tokyo Babylon and X/1999 fangirls, practically nose-bleeding at the sight of him and his godfather.
"OMIGAWD, IT REALLY IS THEM!!" bayed a Kanoe cosplayer who looked like a darker, more sinister version of Lady Celi. "I DEMAND YOU TWO KISS AND MAKE OUT LIKE YOU SHOULD HAVE IN THE SHOW AND MANGA!!"
"WHAAAAT?!" Yuuri yelped in disbelief and instinctively whirling around to defend himself from Wolfram whom he knew was either going to murder him or the fangirls or possibly both, but when he looked, the blond was nowhere to be seen.
Yuuri didn't have too long to figure out what had happened to him though. He was too busy attempting to ward off the fangirls' advances which at the moment were focused on pushing him and Conrad together into a close embrace.
"OMIGAWD, SEISHIROU, SMILE FOR ME! SHOW ME YOUR TRADEMARK SAKURAZUKAMORI SMILE OF FALSE KINDNESS!!" screamed a Yuzuhira cosplayer who was throttling a stuffed Inuki plushie with her hands in her enthrallment.
"I'm sorry, I am not the person you think I am," Conrad said, smiling apologetically.
The fangirls almost killed themselves to death with SQUEEing fits.
"KYAAAAAAAAA!! OMIGAWD, YOU ARE LIKE THE BEST SEISHIROU COSPLAYER EVER!!"
"THAT SMILE WAS FULL OF WIN!!"
"I HAVE IT ON CAMERA!!"
"KISS! KISS! KISS! KISS! KISS! KISS! KISS! KISS! KISS! KISS! KISS!!" a fangirl struck up a chant in a very uncharacteristic way of her cosplay of Arashi.
"Your Highness, I believe this 'anime convention' to be an unexpected hazard to your safety," Conrad said, placing a protective arm across Yuuri's shoulder and causing the fangirls to scream hysterically in delight at the sight. "I suggest we locate the others and flee."
By that point, Yuuri was ready to ditch everyone and save his own hide, however, a sudden commotion to his right caught his attention and he learned of the fate which had befallen Wolfram.
"TAMAKI-SENPAIIII, DON'T GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" screamed a congregation of Ouran Host schoolgirl cosplayers as they maintained their deathgrip on Wolf's jacket which Yuuri noted was light blue and suspiciously remembering his mother insisting the blond wear that day.
"HE'S NOT TAMAKI YOU IDIOTS!! HE'S QUATRE-KUN!!" shrieked an array of Gundam Wing fangirls in pilot attire as they played tug-of-war with Wolfram's limbs with the other group.
"SHADDUP, YOU MECHA BIATCHES!!"
"BRING IT, YOU AIR-HEADED SHOUJO SISSIES!!"
Wolfram was unceremoniously tossed to one side as both fangirl factions gave a bloodcurdling warcry and leapt at their rival guild, immediately following the biggest, dirtiest cat-fight ever held at any anime convention.
"Are you alright, Wolfram?" Conrad asked concerned, helping his brother up.
Wolfram staggered upright when he stood, his hair a mussed and tangled wreck, the front of his shirt torn and held a scratched hand up to feel his lips which were bruised and puffy as if he had been kissed forcibly.
Yuuri found himself irritated for some reason.
But that soon turned into shock when Wolfram non-too graciously slugged him.
"OW, HEY WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!" Yuuri cried, clutching his cheek, relieved that it had been a punch and not a slap.
"YOU CHEATING WIMP! I BET YOU HAVE EARTH GIRLS CRAWLING ALL OVER YOU LIKE THIS EVERY TIME YOU GO TO THIS WORLD!! I WON'T HAVE IT! NOT WHEN YOU'RE ENGAGED TO ME!!"
"NOT SO LOUD!!" Yuuri hissed frantically, but it was too late…again.
"YOU TWO ARE ENGAGED?! FOR REAL?!"
They had temporarily forgotten the Tokyo Babylon and X/1999 fangirls.
"WHICH ONE OF YOU IS THE UKE?!"
"WELL, DUH, IT'S GOTTA BE SUBARU! THE BLOND IS MUCH TOO AGRESSIVE TO BE THE UKE!"
"IS IT TRUE, BLOND-KUN? ARE YOU THE SEME?!"
"NO, WOLFRAM IS NOT THE SEME! HE CAN'T BE THE SEME! HE WEARS FRILLY PINK NIGHTGOWNS TO BED, FOR SHINOU'S SAKE!!" Yuuri exploded, extremely insulted that he had been automatically labeled as "uke material" without a second thought, then realized he had just dug his own grave.
"OMIGAWD, FOR REAL?!" the fangirls shrieked, now a much larger crowd as the CLAMP cosplayers had been joined by others of different sect.
"YUURI, HOW DARE YOU REVEAL DETAILS OF OUR LOVE LIFE IN PUBLIC LIKE THIS?!" Wolfram raged, a furious tomato red, and if they had been back in the Great Demon King, Yuuri was sure he'd be getting burned to a crisp by now.
"WE DON'T HAVE A LOVE LIFE!!" Yuuri yelled, reverently hoping Conrad wouldn't get the wrong idea. That's all he needed was for his godfather to think he had taken advantage of his little brother and tell Gwendal, who would proceed to hang him out the castle window by his thumbs.
"THEY'RE SAVING IT FOR THEIR WEDDING DAY!!" screamed a Kingdom Hearts fangirl.
"HOW ROMANTIC!!" shrilled the Hokuto cosplayer.
Yes, going to the anime convention had been a very bad idea. When he got back home, he was going to find Murata's glasses and smash them to smithereens so the Sage couldn't do his smirking evil glint with them for awhile.
A/N: WAHAHAHAHA! How'd you like that CRACK folks? Delicious, ne? When my muse imagines a scenario like that, I can't just push it aside. It was simply irresistible. Do tell me the parts where you fell out of chair or died laughing. It will give me great joy. And I'm moving this weekend, so I hope they'll be a lot of reviews when I return Monday. Also, I have never been to an anime convention, but I can only imagine. Omigawd.
And apparently, you guys loved this CRACK so much it spawned fanart made by the lovely azureknight94 over from the KKM LJ comms. I have the link to the Wolfram and fangirls scene up top in my profile.