Hit In the USA
"Hold on one minute there, young lady!" a police officer shouted from behind them. Lily turned around in time to take a pair of handcuffs at the wrists, and was then in the custody of no less than twelve law enforcers.
"Oh, that's right. Actions have consequences." Lily slowly recalled the laws of cause and effect as she was hurriedly led off towards a maximum security prison vehicle that had last held Ronald McDonald when he'd attempted to drop an Atomic Big Mac on the Burger King's mansion.
"Don't worry Lily; now that the liberals have heard about you, there's no chance that you'll be put on death row again." Captain America did his best job of comforting the girl who's life he had saved. "You'll just have to spend ten or twenty years in a dirty, dank prison cell with convicted murders and rapists. I'm sure I'll be fine."
"Hey Captain? Don't you still have a prison sentence to carry out as well?" Guano asked, remembering that the superhero had also been in the cell with Lily when they crashed through the wall and the whole crazy mess started. A wave of fear passed over the Captains face, and he tried to fly off into the air again when another officer grabbed him by the foot and through him in the paddy wagon along with Lily.
"I'm sorry things turned out this way, Lily. But there will always be a place for you at LilyMu when you're done serving your sentence." Mitsuki told her friend. Lily smiled.
"Thank you, Mitsuki. And since I probably won't be out by then, be sure to send me some pictures of the wedding." Lily quipped playfully, referencing what she had seen pass between the actress and a certain Mikey Simon. That certain someone also got very nervous about commitment while the two girls shared a laugh.
Before anymore could be said, the armored vehicle unceremoniously began to leave, Lily's friends waving goodbye and Gonard shouting a warning about not dropping any soap. Then the rest of the gang were left behind, and the clock struck two o' clock.
"So, who's for getting out of this crazy country?" Mikey asked aloud. His friends raised their hands in unanimous agreement, and they walked off to find the nearest airport.
"You're coming home early? Why? What has happened?" the elderly head of LilyMu studios asked Guano over the phone, apparently not having heard about the events taking place on the other side of the world.
"PLEASE DON'T ANGER OZU, I NEED HIM TO PAY MY MEDICAL BILLS!" Yes-man interjected, though how he was already back in Japan was anyone's guess. For years, Gonard had an idea that it involved ancient chicken voodoo magic, but it was shot down by the others every time.
"Well, there was this small little mishap involving Lily attempting to blow up America with a nuclear whale bomb…" Guano attempted to explain while simultaneously ignoring the fact that Gonard was kicking the airplane seat behind him repeatedly. The fact that he was seated next to an expectant mother who's contractions were coming faster every minute didn't help his concentration, either. "It was nothing that we, and by we I mean I, couldn't handle."
"What happened to Lily?" Ozu asked, sounding genuinely worried rather than angry like they'd all expected.
"WITH NO LILY, THE SHOW CAN ONLY BE CALLED 'MU'!" the creepy, shouty guy exclaimed, reminding Guano of something he had thought of himself. Nearby, there was a loud scream as a baby popped out between the legs of the woman next to him.
"Well, she's in a maximum security prison cell right now. But she'll follow us home in about twenty years, give or take a decade." the director pulled at the neck of his mask collar to let out some excess body head.
"Hmm, that is sad news. What about the whale?" this unexpected question caught Guano by surprise, and his told his boss that he honestly didn't know. "Alright, I understand. It isn't like I did not know there would be casualties on this mission when I sent you there. Just make it home safely, and we'll figure out what to do them."
"Alright, talk to ya later dad." Guano relied, and then hung up right as Yes-man started to say something about gangrene setting in. Bored, he looked out of his window seat and watch the slightly threatening clouds float by harmlessly. Then, to his amazement, he say Gamera the flying turtle floating through the air alongside Mr. Bubbles, who had now grown a giant pair of insect wings from so much radiation poisoning. Guano could almost imagine that he could hear the Jurassic Park theme song play as he watched the two majestic creature fly off into the sunset.
I never dreamed before
The next day, back in Tokyo, the remaining cast members woke up bright and early to prepare for another day of shooting. Mikey and Mitsuki arrived on the studio set first, and shared a few tender moments until Gonard ran in screaming with a puffer fish stuck to his tongue.
"When they say it's dangerous to eat those things, they aren't kidding!" he said after Mikey had taken the Kappa Katana prop and smacked the spiky fish off of his tongue and onto the back of Yoshi's head. When Guano walked in as well, he only looked with mild interest as the camera man repeatedly bashed his head into the wall, only driving the spines further into his skull.
I'm gonna knock the door
"Things sure are weird around here without Lily. It's much quieter, for one." the director said as Yoshi screamed about his brain being poisoned by a hundred needles. Guano then handed out scripts that had been hastily re-written during the airplane trip to take out all of the missing actress's parts. The story made absolutely no sense now, and was about an invisible woman named 'Frank' being captured by Gonard and the LilyMu team coming to the rescue this damsel in distress.
"I know what you mean; we all miss her. Sure, she tried to kill us, but as adult human beings we can put those small matters behind us." Mikey understated the near apocalypse that had taken place the previous afternoon. Oddly enough, the other cast members agreed with him, and that just showed how insane they all were.
Into the world apart, my friend
"Knowing her, she's probably already working on an escape plan. Maybe even one involving a guitar." Mitsuki remarked bitter-sweetly, not knowing how close she was to the mark on that last point. Then there was another creak at the door, and the cast turned around expecting to see Ozu and Yes-man. Instead…
"Lily! You're back!" Mitsuki exclaimed happily, running up to and embracing her friend. Gonard choked on a goldfish at the sight of the supposedly incarcerate actress, and Mikey had to punch him on the back until he coughed up the 'baked, not fried' snack.
The one and only!
"You think I'd only now be contemplating escape? C'mon, I think I deserve more credit than that." Lily replied with a devious grin as she broke the hug and looked at all her cast mates with open affection.
"How in the world did you get out of jail so quickly?" Guano asked wondrously as both Gonard and even Mikey shook hands with Lily, putting the past behind them. This time Ozu did walk in through the studio door, Yes-man in tow.
You're gonna say I'm right
"It's very simple. I simply bribed the American government a little. No biggie." the older man explained, an innocent smile spread across his face. "Lily's and the captain are aloud to stay out of jail, as long as they never go to the U.S. again."
"Wait, did you just say the Captain?" Gonard jumped on the name that he recognized from a comic book he'd seen at a store in Massachusetts. "Holy crap, you brought Captain Planet here?!"
I'm gonna get the chance
"No, I'm Captain America! Why doesn't anyone remember me anymore?" the Captain complained as he walked in and stood next to Lily. Something about this gesture made the cast thing something had gone on between the two of them during their short prison sentence together.
"HOORAY FOR PLOT TWISTS!" Yes-man jumped in the air throwing confetti, which Gonard accidentally swallowed and started choking again.
I thought I'd turn so far from me
"What are you gonna do in Japan, Captain?" Guano asked, thinking that LilyMu could always use a guest star to help with their slow fall season.
"I talked to my brother Captain Stupendous, and he said he'd gotten me a part on the 'Dum Dum' show as his faithful sidekick, 'Jackass the Clown'." Captain America replied with pride, already wearing his clown shoes to prepare for the difficult role.
The one and only!
"Wait a minute. I'm still a bit confused." Mikey interject, realizing he had a question of his own to ask Ozu. "How does one bribe an entire government into letting a convicted terrorist free?"
"Oh, there are ways, young Mikey. You just have to know the right people, and what they like." he replied cryptically, a strange glint in his wizened eyes.
"OH mY gOd, I feEl SO GoOD!" president Obama shouted from his chair, high on ecstasy and rubbing his hands all over his body while the camera broadcasted his image to the entire country.
I was made to hit in America!
Authors Notes Finale: Here it is: the conclusion to half a year's work on my part. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed reading all of the encourage reviews and listening to my friends laugh as I tested out the jokes on them at school. When I wrote "Snarkymen", is was mostly for the reason that I wanted to become the best Kappa Mikey fan fiction writer out there. This time, my goal was simpler, though the actual scope of the story was much larger. I wrote this story not for recognition, but to simply entertain the Kappa Mikey fans who felt jaded about the unofficial cancellation of the show, as well as anyone else that just enjoys a good random humor fanfic. Without tooting my own horn, I'd say I was able to accomplish this small goal.
I don't quite know what I'll do now that this project is done. I think I've taken Kappa Mikey fanfiction as far as I can take it, and it might be time for me to move on to a pet-project idea I've had for a long time. But who knows, if I get another good idea you might be able to read yet another Kappa Fanfiction from me to you. But in the immortal words of Hardline's third album, I'm "Leaving the End Open" to whatever thoughts and ideas come to mind. I hope you follow me along for the ride!
So enough about me, YOU are the people I wrote this for, so you deserve the credit for this story being written at all. It's time for a special edition of the readers corner, the Readers Hall of Fame! Also, don't forget to review the story as a whole now that it's done. You could yet make it onto this list.
Readers Hall of Fame: Okay, I'm gonna go right in order here, starting with those that favourited the story and then moving up the list by review date.
First off, there's probably the single most loyal reader I have, GeneralShadowWolfsbane! Not only was she my first reviewer, she added the story to her favourites list and reviewed just about every subsequent chapter! That took a lot of effort, and I five my heartfelt thanks you for that.
And how could we forgot God of Death Loves Apples? I don't think I'd be able to forget that name if I tried. Favorited the story, as well as remained a faithful reviewer all throughout.
Favoriting the story on the same day as GoDLP, Dragonlord Falcon! I'm more than proud to have written something that you call "one of the single most funniest things (you've) read".
Now it's the Kicking Squirelador, who found this story at the beginning of 2009 and has stuck with it ever since. You're humorous reviews have been among some of the funnest I've read.
I don't know much about Ari Loves Saturday other than that she favourited this story last month, but I wish her much luck in her Naruto fanfiction!
If you think I'd forgotten about the ever-anonymous Bkugn and Reio twins, you'd be dead wrong! Because I would kill you, just for not remembering their names. That's how much I treasure my reviewers!
Meowth's Toon Dragon was another early reviewer, who reviewed chapter 3. Be sure to check out his absolutly MASSIVE ammount of Poke'mon and Happy Tree Friends fanfictions.
Commandercat gave me a huge compliment when he/she said that my story was like an episode. That's what I strove for, even if some cruder South Park / Family Guy humor eventually made it in here.
A certain someone named laurexine flight scared me when she threaten to rise out of the murky depths and murder me if I did not finish this story. See, see! I finished it! Can you put the knife down, now?
Last, but certainly, certainly, CERTAINLY not least there is Kappa Mikey Fan! who joined the story late, but made up for it by actually worrying about my personal health. I guess I did drop off the net for a while, but that's only to be expected when someone is shot in the chest by a shotgun blast. I kid, I kid. It was just a .23 millimeter.
Are you ready for MORE ASS KISSING?! Yeah, you'd better be, because it's time to thank my guest stars.
XeonV, Donko the Great, Dosu, and Motor: this story would simply not be the same without you guys. Now that this story is finished, I can't wait to hear what all of you think of this. Please don't hurt me when you see how badly I portrayed you all. Glory to the Blackwing Army!
While he may seem like an insignificant side character in this story, Stewart 23 is another friend of mine, this time from the Sonic Stadium Message Board (SSMB). He's currently in the process of recording a "Sonic Underground" tribute album title "Underground Masquerade." *Extremely Loud Cough* I gave him the title. Anyways, go to his you tube page - www DOT youtube DOT com SLASH user SLASH stuarttwentythree- to see some funny stuff and listen to his first track, "Justice Calling."
I cannot thank you all enough. This was a terrifically fun project, even if I felt my feet dragging at times. I wish you all good luck in all your future endeavors, fanfiction and otherwise. And if you liked this story, refer it to your friends and family so that they may be given a small dose of happiness as well. Well, this is it. Good bye for now, and hopefully we'll all survive the zombie apocalypse so that we can pick up the pieces of this world together!
Reviewer Hall of Fame fin
LONG LIVE AMERICA.
Legal Junk: All character, unless original, are (c) The Animation Collective and Nikolodean. The song "Hit In the USA", quoted in the last chapter, and the songs that the chapter titles are taken from are (c) The Beat Crusaders. This story, it's events, and it's jokes are (c)2009 Emerald8 / Emerald the Hedge. Please do not post this story without my consent, or pass it off as your own. And stop reading this boring paragraph; are you trying to get a job as a lawyer, or something?