AN: Hey everybody! This is a new story that I randomly came up with… I honestly don't know where it came from… probably one of the days that I was sitting in my boring English class where we don't do anything. This has taken me forever to write, and hurt my hand for numerous days so I really hope that you enjoy it and review it to make it all worth it for me… enjoy!
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the idea…
WARNING!! DARK STORY AND CHARACTER DEATH!!
"Bella," Charlie's sharp voice broke through the barricade around my mind. I looked up from the Poptart that I was breaking slowly into pieces.
"Yeah dad?" My voice sounded flat, even to my own ears. I hoped in vain that Charlie didn't notice.
"I'm sending you to Jacksonville."
"No," emotion was suddenly in my voice. Anger and stubbornness colored my little used voice though both emotions had been long forgotten. Forks was the only thing that I had left of the Cullens; the only thing that gave me proof that the Cullen's had ever really existed. "I'm not going, end of discussion." I stood and gathered my school stuff, running out the door before he could comment.
Edward had left me just more than a month ago, and I was still struggling to get through each day; the pain of his absence was just as sharp as ever. Whoever said that time heals all wounds obviously has never gone through this pain.
I didn't realize that I was at school until I was actually pulling into a parking space. Since HE left my life has sped up in spots and slowed down in others. Mindless tasks flew by while others dragged. Passing time was the only thing that I asked for in life. Free time led to painful thoughts.
My friends were slowly giving up to me, just as I had given up on myself. Jessica was almost at her wits end too. As I walked dejectedly towards my first class, I could see Jess heading towards me with a new eagerness in her eyes. She never looked at me with that glint in her eyes anymore. To be honest, it scared me a little.
"Hey Bella! I'm having a party tonight! Can you come?" She was actually eager for me to attend.
I grasped the opportunity, maybe Charlie wouldn't think about sending me to Jacksonville again. After all, he was only afraid that I was waiting in vain for word from Edward; one that I knew would never come. He thought that no more Forks meant no more memories. "Sure Jess, sounds like fun. What should I wear?" I asked while putting a false eagerness in my voice. It wasn't too noticeable.
"Well, I made it semiformal so you should wear a dress. This is sooo cool! That party starts at 7, so you should have time to get a dress. Oh! Angela!" she yelled while running towards poor Angela.
With a resigned sigh I made my way to my first class. In most of my classes the seat next to me was empty; a painful reminder of Edward's absence. The day passed in a blur and I eventually found myself standing in my room wearing a pretty royal blue dress.(AN: As soon as I find a picture of the dress I will post it on my profile) I couldn't even remember where I bought it.
Blue… Edward had always liked this color on me, I thought before I pushed the memory away, it hurt too much to think of him. I slipped on some flat silver shoes that I found in my closet before I walked carefully down the steps, trying not to trip.
Charlie was sitting on the couch watching TV; he didn't look up at my approaching footsteps. "Hey dad. I'm going to Jess's party." He turned and seemed startled as he took in my appearance. He managed to choke out an okay before I grabbed my car keys and walked out the door. The look that he had given me had assured me that I would be staying in Forks.
I held the bottom of my dress with one hand to prevent it from getting wet; the rain was only a light drizzle though there were still puddles on the ground from this morning's downpour. After climbing carefully into my truck, I drove to Jess's house… it only took 3 minutes. It was a 2 story house with a balcony along the upstairs, facing the forest behind the house.
With a resigned sigh I pulled the key out of the ignition and put it in the glove compartment because I had forgotten to grab my purse. Nobody would ever want to steal my old rusty truck anyways. Jessica opened the door as soon as I knocked.
"Hey Bella! Wow… that dress is amazing!" She exclaimed, so easily distracted.
"Thanks…" I let the word trail off.
"So," she said while leading me through the house. "Food and drinks are in the kitchen, dancing is in here…" Whatever else the she was going to say was cut off by the ringing of the doorbell. She scurried off instantly to greet whoever it was.
I sat on one of the couches that had been moved to the side to make room for whoever wanted to dance. Silently watching the people that were already dancing and standing around, I could easily pick out Angela, Ben, Tyler, and Lauren. They were all normal, none of them knew of the supernatural world; and every last one of them was blissfully happy.
Somehow I found myself out on the balcony hours later. The drizzle had stopped completely and the wooden balcony was only slightly damp. I was holding a glass of water, and nobody was around. I quickly came to the conclusion that I had isolated myself from all of the happiness and festivities that were taking place downstairs. I looked down 2 stories to the soft green grass below.
Suddenly a thought came to mind as I looked down at the black abyss surrounding the halo of light the balcony and a first floor window cast. The contrast between the two was just as obvious as the pain that I suffered that everyone chose to ignore. Did I have to go on and struggle through the seemingly endless days ahead of me?
Only a month ago, 32 days to be exact, Edward had commented on how easily we humans could commit suicide. You humans have it so easy! He had said those words, not knowing that it would have led me to this train of thought. Who would've thought? Back then I was so unaware that Edward didn't love me like he had said he did. Back then I was blissfully happy, not knowing that it all would be coming crashing down.
Looking over the rail, I was hit with these same thoughts. A mere second or two of weightless falling versus years of endless loss. Edward was a once in a lifetime person, and my one and only soul mate… of that I was sure. So many people had turned to the free falling, and had left all of their problems behind them.
I set my plastic cup down on the small glass table that was near the sliding door. I wasn't thirsty anyways. Why did I even have it in the first place? Nobody was here to stop me, I thought idly as I sat on top of the rail that ran around the edge of the balcony.
Sure I was leaving Charlie and Renee heartbroken, but I was hurting Charlie by struggling through life, and Renee had Phil now. They would both move on and live their lives. And both would be better off without me. When Edward left, he had taken my heart with him.
I looked back inside the house. Maybe Jacksonville was what I really needed, and maybe I COULD get over Edward. I thought for a minute. Maybe Charlie was right after all; maybe I was hopelessly waiting for things to change, or for some letter or phone call from the Cullen family. Maybe I just wasn't trying…
No. That was impossible. Edward had become so big a part of my life that there was no life without him. It was impossible to live without my heart. I absentmindedly pulled the train of my dress over the railing. I let one foot dangle off, hanging over the two story fall. My shoe slipped off and made a muted thud as it hit the wet ground below.
No more pain, no more worries, I thought in a trance. My mind was taking control of my actions. I slipped off the railing, keeping my balance with one foot still on the edge of the balcony while my hands both gripped the railing.
No notes, no ties to the real world, I thought as I scooted my foot another inch towards the edge. Only pictures would remain to remind them of my life. Another thought hit me so hard that I nearly slipped accidentally off of the balcony.
It will be as if I never existed. Those were more haunting words that he had said in the dark forest that bleak day that I had tried so hard to block out. If I died now, everybody would be happier; it would be as if I too had never existed. Pushed to the far corners of people's memories, stashed where the world would never be found again, and forgotten just as easily and thoroughly as the Cullens were in all of the minds except my own. My foot was now only half on the balcony, and only one hand gripped the railing behind me.
Be safe. Don't do anything reckless or stupid. Edward said in the back of my head. He was merely a hallucination, repeating the words that he had said before.
'What do you care?' I thought back angrily. He had left me, I owed him nothing, I thought in my unleashed anger. I inched my foot even closer to the edge, only the heel of my foot was still grasping reality; it was nearly the only thing that kept me from falling.
You don't want me?
The pain of that day was renewed, ripping angrily and forming a hole in my chest; right where my heart was supposed to be. Should I end this all right now? Be freed from the pain and loneliness for once and for all? Calm swept over me as I finally made my choice.
Making a decision has always been the hard part for me. Following through with it was the simple part.
"I'm sorry," I whispered though I knew that nobody was around to hear me. And I truly was sorry. Sorry that I had caused so many people so much pain just by coming to this dreary town of Forks; a move that had changed my life forever, in ways both good and bad. It was nearly impossible to think that one year in Forks –a small sunless town- could impact my life and alter it so drastically.
But this was truly the end of the road from me, for good. I released my grip that I held on the railing and allowed myself to topple forward.
Faces of those who I had loved and known flashed in front of my eyes. Charlie, Renee, Jacob, Alice, Emmett, Carlisle, Jasper, Esme, and finally Edward. His face lingered the longest in front of my closed eyes.
Free falling was one of the best choices that I ever made, I finally decided. It was second only to the choice to move here. This weightlessness, plummet really was the answer; for me at least.
I was finally free.
AN: Sad I know… sorry! But I warned you! review and tell me what you think. PRETTY PLEZ WITH SUGAR ON TOP?