I have been waiting to write this chapter! No, it's not the last. I still want to write from Bella's perspective for a chapter or two, just to get the idea of the trauma that convinced her waking up would be no good to her. In the book, her time in a 'catatonic' state wasn't exactly covered. I have always been curious, so I imagined what it would be like for her. Then I might finish up with another chapter or so and the prologue. Thank you to my fans who have followed this story from the beginning. Keep on reviewing!
I didn't know how to do it. I had no experience with coma patients. I helped Carlisle with a few minor injuries that didn't involve blood, but this was entirely different. This was coma. This was the one I loved. This was Bella.
I tried talking to her for the longest time. My first on my list of things to say was I was sorry. No one bothered us. I heard them all leave to hunting the day after I arrived. Subtly giving us alone time, I guess.
All those times I wished I could talk to her, and my only chance now was when she was in a deep sleep. It was too long ago that I heard her voice, her words that seemed almost like poetry. Now Bella's voice was just a distant lullaby to me. She's locked inside herself. All she needs is a key.
As soon as I was sure we were alone, I started to talk to her.
"I'm so sorry, Bella." I couldn't seem to stress how sorry I really was. "I never meant to hurt you. I never meant for any of this to happen. When I left, my only thought was to make sure that your soul was safe. My only goal was to ensure your human life and have you live it to the fullest without someone who couldn't be human with you. I just didn't want to take anything away from you." Specifically the human things that Rosalie would happily trade anything for. But I won't admit that to her. I know what she would say. She would say that she didn't need anyone but me. But she was too young to really know what it felt like. "You deserve much better than me Bella." This comment seemed to anger, or annoy her. There was the slightest crease between her eyebrows. The very slightest. I didn't want to upset her. Even in sleep. So I moved onto a more cheerful topic.
"I went to Rio de Janeiro. I will not say what for, but I went there." I didn't want to frighten her with my bloodthirsty ambitions. She hated the idea of a fight. She always had. "The sun shone brightly there. So I had to stay close to the shadows, but the heat felt good. The way the sun's rays reflected off the ocean was beautiful. Not nearly as beautiful as you though. If you were standing there, it would look plain and ordinary in comparison." I saw a little bit of blood move sluggishly to her cheeks. The change was hardly visible, but it was there. She never did get used to the compliments I gave her. "The forest was very lush, too. It was very green and plentiful. Maybe if you wake up soon, I could take you there and show it to you." I waited for a response. The crease between her eyebrows disappeared. It looked as if she would be smiling. She looked at peace. She liked the idea. "I would take you there if you would just wake up." It was a vain hope to think she would wake so soon.
I talked with her more about my travels. Small, minute reactions were rare. I gazed at her most of the time. I silently observed her physical condition after a while of looking at her face. She lost so much weight. Her skin was so tight over her bones, it looked as if they would pop out. Her hands were small, thin, and delicate. They were almost as cold as mine. You could see the blood struggling to pump through her veins under her snow, white skin. She looked to be as fragile as a crumbling flower. Just the slightest movement would cause a petal to fall off. Her life was fading before my eyes and I couldn't figure out how to has too much faith in me. What can I do?! This isn't my field of expertise! Carlisle claimed that there was no treatment that he could do for her to help. That her problem was clearly psychological. Maybe the answer will come to me if I try to clear my thoughts.
For the first time, I looked at the room I was in. Although the hospital bed and equipment were in the room, everything else looked normal. Near the 3 large bay windows, there was a sitting area. Two antique chairs sat across a small round table. A vase of blood red roses sat at the center. The walls were an off shade of green. Almost a sage. The large, white crown molding went around the room. I followed it to the other side of the room where the door was. To the left of the door was the bathroom entrance. Past the door came to bed side table where there was a lamp and another vase of flowers. There was also a C.D player and an empty clear case.
I silently walked to the other side of the bed and approached the player. I pressed play.
A familiar melody started to play. It seemed like ages since I wrote the piece. My inspiration was a young girl, lying peacefully in bed, her hair tangled up like seaweed. This was Bella's lullaby.
Esme, Alice, and Carlisle must have already tried this technique. The first time I played it for her, she silently cried tears of joy and love. And when I gave a similar C.D for her tragic 18th birthday, she cried tears of pure joy. She said, "I couldn't ask for anything better…" She normally hated gifts, but for some reason this one made her the happiest.
I turned to look at Bella again. It seemed so wrong that she wasn't blushing, or crying of joy over a silly song written by a love sick boy. Her body was-instead- still, cold, and white. The very state I wanted to protect her from.
I walked back to my chair next to Bella's bed. I put both of her feeble hands in mine. The dry feeling in the back of my throat never vanished, but it was easier to ignore when I was severely focused on other matters.
I started to remember Bella and I together. I remembered that during the summer, we would spend all our days and nights together. Charlie wasn't aware of my nightly visits, but I never got tired of listening to Bella in her sleep. Every time she said my name or said she loved me, a shock of pleasure and happiness coursed through me. We were rarely ever apart. She got sick during the summer. She was running a high fever, had the chills and a cold sweat. I didn't leave her at all for that week that she was sick. And when Charlie came up to check on her, I would just hide in her closet. I laid next to her so that she wouldn't feel so hot. If we were ever apart, she was either at work or being held prisoner by Alice on one of her shopping gigs.
Bella's lack of style was always a thorn in Alice's side. I looked at Bella again. For the first time I realized that she was wearing hyacinth blue long sleeve shirt and thick pajama pants. It was the most beautiful color on her skin. I would have to thank Alice later.
Later. Would Bella have a later? How long does she have left? Is she strong enough to wait for me to help her? There just wasn't any time left to figure out these questions.
Once again I started to think. Maybe something that brought a strong reaction in her from me, that might apply now.
Every time I would touch her, her heart would take flight and she would blush a brilliant scarlet. She was embarrassed, but I was, as she puts it, dazzled. Her beauty never ceased to stun me.
Maybe that reaction will still be there.
I decided that I should test this theory. I gently placed her hands back on the bed and put my hands on her cheeks. I caressed her cheek with one hand. There was a blush again. I heard her heart rate pick up another few beats a minute. I kept my hand there, still stroking my hand up and down her cheeks. Her heart rate came to a normal speed. The blush in her cheeks became more prominent.
She could feel me.
She could hear me and feel me. She was here. She took in every word I had said to her. For the first time in what seemed like forever, I felt hope.
"Bella, Bella, can you hear me, love? Can you squeeze my hand?" I placed my hand in hers. There was a slight witch in her fingers. She desperately wanted to respond. I could see that. "Bella, try again. Wake up Bella. Please open your eyes. I haven't seen them in so long." It was torchure to have my one source of reading her thoughts cut off. I sounded like I was begging. I didn't care. I would grovel on my knees for a decade without complaining if she would just wake up.
Her hand twitched more noticeably this time. She was gaining control of her body again. I was so close to succeeding. The crease between her eyebrows that said she was focusing hard, became more prominent, too. She was trying so hard to answer my desperate pleas.
I needed to help her. I gently placed my hands on either side of her face. My hands stretched from her temples to her chin. I drew myself closer, standing up, now hovering over her. My face was just an inch away from hers. I didn't even notice my inflamed throat. I had just hunted, and this was Bella. I couldn't loose her.
Being this close always woke the monster in the back of my head. He was weak because he had just woken. He wasn't alert. I ignored him and focused on Bella. I sincerely hoped this would work. It had to. This brought out the strongest reaction from Bella in the past. It should still apply, shouldn't it?
I very carefully and very lightly pressed my lips to hers.
The monster was awake now. The fires was not so easy to ignore anymore. The burning desire did not cease. I did my best to ignore.
All of a sudden, I felt heat radiating from her agina. I opened my eyes and parted with her lips. Her cheeks were a radiant scarlet again. The heart monitor alerted me that her heart rate was higher than normal.
My face was a few inches away from her in case she decided to open her eyes.
She took in a deep breath, compared to her usual short and shallow breaths, and let it out in a gust. Her cheeks were still a violent red. I brushed the back of my hand along the length of her forehead. Her eyes squinted a little.
I put one hand on her cheek. It felt warm. She let out another sigh.
Her eyes all of a sudden fluttered, and opened.
Her eyes were squinted, but opened. They slowly opened wider as her eyes adjusted to the light. Then I could see a reflection of myself in her deep, chocolate brown eyes. My eyes were wide with excitement. Relief flooded through me like a river. She was awake. She was alive. She was here. Mind and body.
She smiled her beautiful, brilliant wide and white smile. Tears of joy flowed down her cheeks like a graceful waterfall. Then she sniffled.
Then she whispered my name. "Edward." When she said my name, an electric shock of life rushed down my spine.
The relief and joy was overwhelming. I felt healed of all previous pain and torture. I pressed my lips to hers again. I put my hands on her cheeks. She lifted her shaking hands to my face. Burning desire raged through me. It felt like a white-hot iron had just been shoved down my throat. But I could care less. Passion flowed through me like a river. She was here with me. I could've stayed like this forever.
We stayed like this for an immeasureable amount of time. In the brief moments my lips left hers, I whispered her name. She seemed relieved to have me here. But for some odd reason, I could feel triumph from her.
The kiss unwillingly ended. Leaving her out of breath. I held her to my chest, her head resting under my chin. When her breathing slowed, she spoke.
"I did it Edward." I unwillingly pushed her a few inches away to get a look at her face. Did what? What was she talking about? She continued. "Carlisle was right Edward," I didn't understand, 'Carlisle was right'? What was that supposed to mean? She took in the confused look on my face.
"I told you that you had a soul. See? There is an after life for your kind." Horror rushed through me as I understood what she was trying to say. When she said she 'did it', she was talking about how she had succeeded in killing herself. And she thought we were both dead together.
"Bella, you're not dead. You're alive. You're here. You're awake." I was becoming concerned.
Now she looked confused. I didn't know if it was from my horrified expression of realization, or from what I was telling her. Maybe it was both. "Of course I'm dead Edward," she said it as if that was completely obvious, "I died in October. I've been waiting for you." She smiled.
Where did this come from? She thought she died? Where did she get the utterly absurd idea? Was this just an after effect of the coma? Should I get Carlisle? I'll try to convince her first.
"Bella, I'm not dead. And neither are you." I said sternly. Had she become delusional?
"Edward, there is no other explanation. There would be no other explanation for why you are here. Wait, where are we?" She looked around us taking in the scene. Her eyes glanced at everything, the hospital bed, the several machines she was connected to, confusion flashed across her face. I thought I should explain.
I waited until she was looking at me again. "Carlisle heard that someone in Forks needed major treatment that the hospital couldn't provide," she continued to gaze at me confusedly. "Being Carlisle, he couldn't just ignore someone who needed his help. So he went back, expecting that everything would need to be kept quiet so you wouldn't know about his visit. But he never expected to find you to be the one he needed to treatment." I could see some comprehension in her eyes. She was beginning to understand. "You have been in a coma since the end of September." I thought that would be a good place to pause and give her a second to think.
She turned her face down from mine and stared at her folded hands in her lap. She shakily tried to lean back against the elevated bed. I put my arm around her shoulders to help her back without so much strain. She didn't look back up at me.
"So I'm not dead," she looked up at me and I nodded to confirm. There was a long moment of silence. The expression on her face was unreadable.
"How long?" she asked me quietly.
"Its New Years eve. So a little more than three months." I responded just as quietly as she asked.
Her eyebrows furrowed into a pensive look. "I don't remember much," she struggled for words. Then she looked at me with pained eyes. "Why are you here?" Her voice was thick with tears. It tortured me to see her so upset. "Why did you kiss me like that? You don't even love me anymore," Her voice cracked. I felt the strong need to make her happy.
"Bella," I brushed a tear away from her cheek. "Bella stop." She finally looked up to meet my eyes. "Bella, I'm here because I love you," I said slowly so that she would catch every word.
She looked confused. "That's stupid," she said, almost to herself.
I contradicted. "How so?"
She looked at me with sad eyes. "It doesn't make sense," she tried to explain. I just gazed back at her confused. She explained further. "It wouldn't make sense If you loved me. I'm just lowly and human. I'm nothing special." She sniffled. She was truly upset by this.
But how could she think something so impossible? It was utterly absurd to think that just because she was human, she was insignificant. She was anything but in my world.
"What are you talking about, Love? You are special," she looked away.
Then she shook her head. "If that were true, you wouldn't have left me in the first place." She really believed that I didn't love her.
"Bella," I started slowly, "when I first left you," she winced at the memory. "Those were all lies." She shook her head as if she were trying to deny herself the truth.
She looked up with her eyes fierce…and angry. "I'M DEAD EDWARD. I died the day you left! The moment you told me you didn't love me, I died," I winced as I felt the intensity of her words. They were just course and quiet whispers.
I wanted to kill myself at this very moment. I wanted to throw myself out into sun in the middle of the crowd with all the Volturi watching. She was destroyed by my lies.
"I'm so sorry Bella," she couldn't fathom how sorry. "There is no real excuse for what I've done. If I had to think of one, the first one that would come to my mind would be that I acted out of fear," her eyes warily met mine. "After what happened with Jasper," she winced at the memory, "I didn't want to put you in that kind of danger ever again. But it seems as though I can put heaven and earth between us and you'll still be in danger," I said ruefully. I could see a smile twitching at her lips. "Bella, everything that I said to you that day was a lie." Her eyes seemed to glaze over. I couldn't read her mind, but it probably didn't take a mind reader to tell that she was having an instant replay of that horrid day back in September. The tears flowed freely down her cheeks.
"Bella," I allowed myself to wipe a tear from her cheek. "Bella, the only reason I said that was to protect you," she rolled her eyes angrily, but I pushed on. "I wanted to protect you from becoming what Alice saw," her breath caught, and I knew I hit the right button. "I wanted to give you so much more than what I had to offer. You deserved more than an eternity of night, more than," I stopped myself.
She seemed to look straight through me. Her eyes penetrated mine with an almost painful intensity. Her eyes looked…hopeful.
"More than you?" she whispered. The silence between us seemed to scream out the truth, but we didn't speak it.
Her hand shakily reached for mine. I took it without hesitation. A shock of life seemed to burst into me when we touched.
"Do you still love me?" I asked just above a whisper. She stared at me in disbelief.
"I'm serious," I said with all sincerity.
She lifted her hand and hit me on the arm…it felt more like a feather than a true impact.
"Do you? Do you still love me after all I have done?" This time, my voice was the one that cracked.
Her voice croaked, "No, Edward. There is noooo possible way for me to love you. The day you left was the happiest day of my life so I went out and partied myself into a coma," she gave me the best sarcastic glare she could manage.
"Do you?" I pressed on. I wanted to hear her say it.
"Damn it Edward! Don't you get it by now? No matter how many ways you try to get rid of me, I will still always love you. And guess what?" I wouldn't even know where to begin guessing. "There isn't a damn thing you can do about it." She said defiantly.
I cupped her face in my hands and I kissed her full on the lips.
It was like being alive again. The scorching desire for her brought me back to life. My instincts of pushing my violent nature took action and allowed me to have this intimate moment with my Bella.
My very fragile Bella.
I pushed her away and she was radiating happiness. She was smiling a broad smile with tears running down her cheeks. She leaned into me and I embraced her carefully.
"I love you Edward," she whispered through her tears.
"As I love you, my Bella." I pulled her closer. She would never belong anywhere else like she does in my arms. It's as if God himself built my arms for the very purpose to protect and hold her. It should be this way forever.
TADAH! It was Bella's vague sense of reality that Edward was able to bring her back. I've decided to take a break from the guys and let Bella do the talking for a chapter or two. Followed by a concluding chapter and prologue. This was my first fanfiction, and i'm glad it took off so well. but there is NO way i could have done it withought my fans. THANK YOU AGAIN! don't be scared of the review button!