Thy Name is…
A/N: Weird idea...I know. But it just came to my when I was looking up the meaning to my name and I was like (since I had just finished playing Harvest Moon) 'I wonder what so-and-so's name means. And...then it turned into this. I couldn't stop once I got started. Now, as for the content of the story, no I do not hate Mary. I love both GrayXClaire and MaryXGray (there is a gray area people!) so please no, 'You GrayXClaire lover! YOU SUCK!' Okay? This is merely and idea based off of what Mary's name means; you will find out by the end.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. But the idea.
I really never hated anyone in my life. Not a single person. Not the mailmen who constantly forgot to deliver newspapers to the library for people to check out. Not the thousands of people who bumped into me on the road because they 'Didn't see me there.' Not even the one stupid guy who was too blind to notice my subtle hints of affection.
Then, she moved in.
She was a city girl through and through. From the ends of her sleek blonde hair that danced in the wind gracefully to the tips of her perfectly manicured toenails that but my uneven stubs to shame.
Her life was like those fairytales I had so often read about. She was the Princess. The Heroine. She was the one had all the obstacles people worried over and felt sympathy for, knowing that the words 'And they lived happily ever after' would mark her journey's end and her life would go on perfectly. …Unless the author wanted to squeeze another sequel out of the story, but still the end would be faced a grin on her face.
She was everything. And I hate to admit that I was jealous. I was the simple peasant girl onlooker in this fairytale. The one that the author just put there because he/she wanted someone to work at this one place or be there for an event or serve as a therapist here.
She had the dominant traits and I had the recessive. She was this; I was that. North to South. East to West. Hot to Cold. Summer to Winter. Chocolate to freshly cut Vegetables. Black to White. Claire vs. Mary. Opposites in every way imaginable.
I didn't know what she was thinking when she took over that rundown farm. She was a city girl; she had never lifted a finger except to do her make-up. I thought that surely she would be gone in a week.
A week went by, she stayed, and I began to doubt. Maybe, I had thought foolishly, she was different. Maybe we could be friends.
And we could have…in another dimension. In another world. On the page of a different story. We could have been allies instead of enemies. We could have been best friends instead of sour rivals. We could have been…but we weren't.
It was really the simple things that got to me. Not returning a library book on time, walking into the library and talking at loud volumes, not even bothering to start up a conversation with me when I got to say one word… Stuff like that. The little pet peeves that everyone has that you have no control over and get under your skin. A few of the other villagers had the same traits but for some bizarre reason, I could tolerate them.
She was a different matter entirely.
I found myself biting dangerously deep into my bottom lip whenever she strolled in, trying ever so hard to keep my temper under check. Instead of seeping into my dream world, I found myself constantly analyzing every little thing she did and how much I hated them. I had dreams of stories where I was the cold-hearted princess and she was the worthless slave/antagonist that got killed off. I was always laughing cruelly in the end.
I was scared of myself at first. Scared of what I might do next time I saw her. Scared that I might be turning into the villain instead of the simple peasant girl. I was frightened, worried, and depressed that I couldn't come out of it.
Everyone has someone they hate, I constantly told myself when I awoke from another nightmare. Everyone. Even you.
But soon, I started finding normality in it. The nightmares became dreams. The thoughts became a daily routine like brushing one's teeth in the morning. The anger and frustration were always settled in the pit of my stomach, just waiting for a chance.
There were a few moments I remembered, when my old persona would return and I would truly see what I had become. They were mercifully brief though and they came when I was around mirrors.
The following morning of the first 'breakout'-as I liked to call them-I had all of the mirrors removed the library and the house. My parents thankfully didn't question why. I didn't want to see the unvarying resentment burning in my once gray depths ever again.
And I guess I got my wish. My eyes steadily turning black within the second season of her stay.
It was only my thoughts that were tainted. I was still polite, shy, reserved, and I was pretty sure that I acted the same way around everyone I came in contact with. The only real sign of my alteration was my eyes and, luckily, my glasses hid most of their color beneath the aged glass.
I still hated her though. But the funny thing was, I didn't have any rhyme or reason why. Other than her possessing many infuriating traits, she was utterly okay. She was popular, got along with every person in the whole village-excluding myself, but she didn't know that-, and had actually turned the farm around.
I would be lying if I said I wasn't mildly impressed. But somehow, someway, I still found myself loathing her existence. I examined every encounter we had and yet nothing led me to the extreme detestation I had conjured.
It was like…my heart knew something it wasn't willing to notify my mind about.
Random theories had popped into my head. Was she an escape convict? A murder running for the law? A gambler? Used to do drugs? Abusive relationship? Gold digger? Every little hypothesis sounded more ridiculous then the next.
Little did I know it was not in her past, but in her future where I would find the answer.
It was the Goddess Festival. One year had passed since she moved in. I wore a blue, handmade dress that evening, wanting oh-so badly to draw one particular fellow's attention. Dance steps were simple. I had thought it would go on like any other festival.
People gossiped, food was eaten, Ann's father shed a tear or two when Ann danced with Cliff, Karen and Rick were connected at the hip, Popuri was writing to Kai, and Elli was stargazing with the Doctor… Normal.
That was until my blackened eyes caught a wisp of blonde hair spinning through the crowd, entangling with a man in a tuxedo. Both looked stunningly attractive. I thought nothing of it originally, but…then I saw the hat. UM…A.
It took my mind a long time to process what I was seeing, what the letters meant, and what was happening right before my very eyes.
When I finally did understand, dear Goddess, the pain I felt was unimaginable. I almost felt like I had been thrust into some sappy love story where the main hero is dating the main villain-myself-and ended up with the main heroine. It felt surreal.
I remembered going through the rest of the festival in a half-conscious state. Half of me was dead and the other was fruitlessly demanding not to let my pain show.
It could be a misunderstanding. One dance didn't mean anything! She could have simply requested a dance and he, like the gentleman he was, obliged.
But…when I kept seeing them, six days later from the east window of my library, holding hands out of all things, my heart broke. It broke again and again, every single time I saw the smile that lit his face. The same smile I had tried so hard to paint there with my flimsy methods.
I was so stupid. So naïve. So foolish. So…So…So…So spiteful.
It wasn't like he was mine to begin with. We had never even gone on one date. What claim did I ever have on him? He was free from the chains of a relationship with me for it was merely platonic. One-sided in my case.
Was I such a horrible person that I didn't want him to be happy? Didn't I want to see his smile? To hear his laugh? Even if it wasn't by my doing causing it? Even if he wasn't my soul mate? Can soul mates pick the wrong person at first?
Did he even know that I always had a special place for him in my deadened heart? It's been so long since I've heard it beat. I wondered if I was even alive anymore. If I had died during my sleep and I was living in this strange, parallel world until I would finally be able to move on. The Goddess must have been angry with me. I had heard that jealousy was one of the seven deadly sins. This must be my punishment.
The last five years have gone by in a blur. I can recall flashes, such as when Elli paid her first and last call to the library and gave me a worried look. My parents taking me to see the Doctor when I wouldn't eat. More pain. The library becoming emptier and emptier as the days wore on. Snowflakes falling on my head but not feeling cold to me as I stood out in the woods, willing for the pain to go away.
Then…anger, the stage I'm still stuck in. I can recollect that everyone goes through five stages of grief when their heart is broken. There's denial-which was short for me,-anger-the one I'm just starting to experience,-depression-a four year long one for me,-bargaining-still waiting for it,-and finally acceptance.
I realized that Gray wasn't at fault here. Claire was. If she hadn't moved in, Gray wouldn't have fallen for her, I wouldn't be like this, and Gray and I would probably be a couple; maybe even married by now.
But no, she just decided on a whim to move in and sabotage everything that I had ever worked to establish. No one came to the library anymore, Gray was off blissfully gallivanting when he should be working on his future, and I'm…I'm …I'm broken beyond repair.
I needed a prince charming. I needed someone to love me for me. I wanted someone like Gray. I needed someone to walk down life's path with me and hold my hand. I can't do it alone and that's what she was forcing me to do!
I thought everyone was allowed happiness! What about me? Where's my happy ending? You think I'm being selfish? It's human nature to be selfish! I just-! I-I-I just want-! I just want a good life. I want what everyone else seems to have.
Is that so much to ask for?
Looking out the rarely cleaned window now, I can see snowflakes littering the sky, plummeting towards the ground with alarming speed. I wish I was a snowflake. My life would be short and meaningless then. I wouldn't have time to pine over some guy.
The only question is why? Why did I have to be the one to suffer? I was always Miss Invisible during my school years; it was supposed to get better. Now, I just feel dead. Alone.
People have told me that I'm more harsh now. True, I find myself snapping at people for not returning library books and I barely talk anymore, but what more do I have to lose before I start back up again.
I'm frozen now. Like the snowflakes. Forever frozen with this acrimonious hatred for this girl who took everything from me. I should have listened to my instincts.
She was everything I had wanted so badly to be; why wouldn't Gray love her? He would be an idiot not to. Why go for the chicken when you can have the steak? Why go for the common dandelions when you can have an African violet? It's really common logic now that I think about it.
I suppose…everyone's married now. I think I got a few invitations to some of them, but I didn't feel like going and seeing everyone else happy while I'm still stuck in the abyss. Selfish, I know. Right now though, I just need to wait this out. There's no one left for me in the village anyway.
Time better heal a broken heart, or I'm going to sue whoever came up with that line.
Maybe one day, years from now, I can look back on this and laugh. Maybe I'll be more pleasant Oh, who am I kidding? My name is Mary after all.
Just recently though, my mother got me a book. Meanings of names; interesting enough.
I had looked up two.
Claire-Clear, Bright, Famous
A/N: It really is strange how it worked out like that. OO Anyway, tell me what you think. I love to hear what you guys and gals have to say about a fic and I promsie that I will try to get back to each and every one of you that reviews. Reviews make people smile so why not spread the love! (I'm not above cheesy comments.)
Anywho, for the next chapter I have two options in mind. Either Karen or Celia. Which one would you guys and gals like?