Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer's characters.


"Heaaaaddddddwarrrrrrrrrd," she sputtered over my dick.

"Sssh… I'm almost there."

My hands squeezed her shoulders and pushed down. Jessica's new tongue ring helped her fellatio skills. The metal ball was flicking across the head. Shivers went down my spine.

Jessica shifted, trying to find a comfortable position. She was bent over the center console of my car, and a gas station Slurpee cup was digging into her stomach.

Oh fuck this feels like sunshine.

The science build was twenty feet from my windshield. Thank god for this misty mountain shit weather.

My dick bumped against the back of her throat. Then her hand started slapping against my knee one, two, too many times.

"Tut, tut, tut," I chastised, wrapping my fingers in her hair. My head dropped to the side.

Then something like on the ball of her tongue ring snagged on the dick skin.

"What the fuck," I yelled, leaping up and bashing my head against the roof of my car.

My dick caught in her mouth. Like a paper jam from hell.

She shook her chin -looking like a dog tossing their head while playing with a sock- then tugged me free and scooted back to her side of the car. A neat cut marred the centerfold of my dick.

"What's wrong?" she asked, wiping her chin of spit.

I recoiled into the far corner of the car seat. I must have looked like a bitch- but. Well, fuck it. "There's like a jagged edge on the ball of your tonge ring or something."

She leaned in close to me, bringing her coffee and dick breath and her freckles too close to me. She had weird, double dimples. Her hand curled around my elbow and she shook my arm.

"Mah tonnnggggue iz swollen," she said.

I was holding my dick in my hands, studying the red line torn down the middle. Jessica shook my elbow again.

I know I needed to pay attention to the human being next to me, but I really felt like I was being disloyal to my dick. I glanced at Jessica. Her tongue had swollen to a size that filled her entire mouth, but I was studying the tongue ring. In the middle of the metal ball was a pink plastic filling that read "Eat Me" in purple bubble script. The filling was surrounded by raised serrated edges. Fucking Ow.

"When did you get your tongue pierced?"


"You know, it could get infected." My dick could get infected. "Try to be a little careful."

"Oh, sorry-"

"Dude, don't apologize. It's just not a good idea you know?"

She started gathering her hair back into a ponytail. Then she messed around with the radio controls. I snorted... and her hands stilled. She looked at me with wide eyes.

"Wheech preset do you want?" she asked quickly.

My eyes narrowed a little at her. Her face blanched at my expression.

"There's only one," I said, drumming my knuckles against the glass.

Next to the car, a robin was making a nest in the cedar with someone's calculus test.

She fumbled with the controls, hitting two others. before she hit the "1" button and the classical station filled the car. None of them were programmed accept the "1" button.

Debussy. Thank god, only he can rescue me from a bad blowjob that will probably give my dick gangrene.

"You 'ike classicall? Woooow, thhat's so cool."


"Well, I'll seeee you inssiide," she said. She stepped out the car and trotted into the mist.

I rested my head against the headrest, closing my eyes. I grabbed the backpage of the newspaper off the backseat of my car and situated the paper on my knee. Hopefully a Sudoku puzzle would distract me.

I love that women lend me their mouths, so the resentment I feel should be disturbing.

But come on. Warm, wet, up, down. Repeat. Only Jessica could fuck it up.

I turned the engine off and headed inside the school building.

A couple of guys stopped me in hall and asked me for suggestions on the freshmen hazing. A chick bitched me out, rubbing my arm, and gave me her phone number. One of my team mates ran up behind me, jumping on my back, then ran ahead of me, kicking a locker as he went. His doctor probably doubled up his Ritalin.

Sometimes, walking through the halls, I fet strange, followed, pursued. Like when I passed by those paintings where the eyes move with you. Stares tracking no matter where I move.

But I was also a full blown narcissist. Thinking the world revolves around you can make you paranoid.

After a bad blowjob, attention was the last thing I wanted to feel.

I was almost to the cafeteria when I recognized my favorite set of legs approaching me from the left.

I straightened up my collar and stiffened my posture.

Those legs can twist behind her head. Double jointed. Then she had that growth spurt. Which had mostly been in her legs.

"Hey, can we talk? Please?" Bella asked, falling into step next to me.

I pinched the bridge of my nose and slid my fingers down over my nostrils. "I don't want to talk."

She puffed out angrily and bit her lip. She was wearing the lip gloss today. Thanks Bella. Seriously, I loved those lips. Those sticky, fat lips.

"Why did you have to mess with Angela? You really upset her."

"Who are you? Are you banging Angela now?"

Her tiny hand grabbed my forearm and yanked me down to her eyelevel.

A wide grin broke out across my face.

"Hey," she said, "It's hard enough being civil to you in front of our families. But I warned you; don't screw with me or my friends at school."

"You have like two friends, what were the chances?"

"At the rate you go, it was bound to happen."

"Tell Angela not to come into kitchen if she can't handle the heat."

"Look Cullen, I told you, if you didn't stop, something's gonna happen to you."

I pressed my palm against her forehead and lightly pushed her out of my way. Then proceeded into the cafeteria.

Flasback: 11 years old

Edward was whistling "Jingle Bell Rock" as he climbed up the cedar into the tree house. Inside the tree house, Bella looked up from her nest of blankets and pillows, where she was reading.

"What are you reading?" Edward asked, sticking in his head inside.

Bella shoved the book underneath her pillow, blushing. "Err, nothing."

"I'm only more interested now," he responded as he say next to her.

"It's just a book," Bella said.

He rolled his eyes and grabbed the book from underneath Bella's pillow. "The dictionary? Huh?"

"I… sometimes just read it," she said nervously, a blush spreading down her neck.

"I don't get it. Do you actually remember the words?" he asked, squinting his eyes to read the tiny font.

The girl looked surprised by the Edward's questioning. Her look of mortification melted into a wide smile. "Um… well... no, not really. Unless there's a really cool word. I just like words, I guess."

He laughed, handing the book back to her. "You're so funny. But that's awesome. It's like how I like numbers and music."

"Words are way cooler than numbers. You're sooo gonna be an accountant," she teased, sticking out her tongue.

"Hey! At least I'm not reading my math book for fun." Bella punched Edward in his arm. "So, did you learn any cool words? I want to look smart."

"Hmm. Well, there's chauvinist. It's what my mom used to call my dad before they got back together."


"Bella, I know you said something to him," Angela whispered, spearing a piece of pineapple from her fruit cocktail salad and plopping it into her mouth.

"Why do you say that?" I hedged, looking at a glossy poster above her head. It was one of those motivational posters with overreaching metaphors: "Your mind is like a parachute- It works best when open!"

Subversive message being: Your mind is to be used in emergency cases only.

Angela huffed in annoyance, leaning back in her chair and staring out across the cafeteria. "I don't want you playing guardian."

"Look, he's just… out of line," I said, searching her face, silently pleading with her to not be mad.

She laughed. "The only reason I went to his stupid party was because my little brothers were there. I don't care that they started screwing with me- because my brothers saw it and hopefully they learned something. You are taking this too seriously."

Rose smirked next to me and started to open her mouth.

"Eat something, bitch," I snapped, elbowing Rose's untouched tray into her chest.

That shut her up.

"I shouldn't have dragged your name into it, Angela," I continued.

She waved dismissively. "As if I care. But the question is- why do you care?"

"I used to be his best friend."

Angela pursed her lips. "But you two have been fighting for four years. Why now?"

"Can't I just leave it at 'I'm tired of being on the receiving end of his crap?'"

"NO," Rose and Angela chimed in simultaneously.

"If that were the case, you would have killed him freshmen year. You aren't vengeful," Angela said.

I shrugged. "It's just... I dunno. Someone's going to get into trouble at his parties, real trouble. And Charlie's going to have to arrest him and testify at his trial. I've tried to tell Edward nicely, but he'll only respond to guerilla tactics."

"Alright Che," Rosalie scoffed.

The lunch bell rang, and we stood up to empty our lunch trays. Angela rushed off to her next class, while Rose and I headed towards my locker.

"He'll think this is just some angry bitch ploy to get him to pay attention to you," Rose said.

I wrenched open my locker door.

"Maybe then he'll stop calling me a carpet muncher," I responded.

She snorted.

I was too excited to engage in a downer debate, and it pissed me off that she was questioning my integrity.

Rose blew a tiny spearmint bubble and wedged her tongue into it. Her head bobbed towards me as she tried to stick her gummy her tongue into my hair. I poked her in the eyes with two fingers.

"OWW- oh the principle's marching him over here now," she said, leaning in close to me.

The bell for class just rang, so students were congesting the hall. Everyone slowed to watch Edward trail Mr. Laurent. I couldn't see his expression, since Edward's head was down, but his tense shoulders and stiff arms radiating annoyance.

"Open your locker, Mr. Cullen," Mr. Laurent said, gesturing grandly towards the metal locker with a magician's flourish.

Mr. Cullen snapped his head up, whipping his bronze locks out of his face. He narrowed his lime green eyes at Mr. Laurent. "I didn't steal any damn cell phones. I told you-"

I stifled a giggle.

During my study hall, I often helped out Mrs. Cope in the front office. Last period, I left a fake blog about a fake theft up on the screen of the secretary's computer.

"Edward, just open the locker," Mr. Laurent sighed. "Then we can clear this whole mess up."

He started twirling the lock combination, throwing awkward smirks over his shoulder at random faces in the crowd. I eyed Emmett, Edward's fraternal twin and Fork's quarterback, leaning next to a locker. Emmett was rolling his eyes in Mr. Laurent's direction, pumping his cupped hand in the air in the universal "jack off" signal. To his right was our illustrious cornerback Jasper, and in front of Jasper was the ever present girlfriend Alice. He nibbled her earlobe and eyed the scene before him in a genius display of multi tasking. Jasper was probably screwing her through a hole cut out of Alice's book bag.

Edward's whole Cabinet was assembled.

Then Mr. Cullen, the star wide receiver, opened his locker, and out dropped two boxes of DerbacM.

"Specially formulated pubic lice treatment? Dude, Cullen's got crabs!" Eric Yorkie read, nudging the white box with his shoe.

Edward's lower lip dropped, so I could see the bottom row of his white teeth. His mouth snapped open and closed. But his eyes were oddly muted.

Rose grabbed my forearm and leaned her head against my shoulder, trying to hold herself up while she laughed. She was the first to laugh, since we knew what to expect. By nanoseconds- the whole hallway erupted in laughter.

With the exception of a couple of girls who slipped out towards the bathroom, no doubt to inspect their own pubes.

But those nanoseconds were enough. Edward heard it. He locked eyes with me, a dark smile shadowing the corners of his lips.

The ringing of adolescent laughter deafened my ears.

I had intended on laughing, but I couldn't.

I was the one who saw slapstick comedies and covered their eyes when the lead role was being humiliated.

Why the hell did I think I could stand watching this?

"Obviously there's been a misunderstanding…" Mr. Laurent stammered, picking up the boxes.

"Obviously," Edward said.

Mr. Laurent tried to hand Edward the boxes and Rose howled in laughter again. Edward pushed the boxes into Mr. Laurent's chest, never breaking eye contact with me.

"It was a present for you," Edward told Mr. Laurent, turning heel and striding towards me. His eyes wide, livid.

"EDWARD CULLEN!" Mr. Laurent barked behind him.

"Oh, oh, you caught his attention! Success!" Rose said, stepping aside while Edward walked up to me.

And into me. His washboard stomach ground against me, my breasts a pitiful, painful buffer against his onslaught. I stumbled back a few steps.

"You might want to borrow some Derbac from Mr. Laurent when you're done, Bella!" someone yelled.

I couldn't tear myself away from his glare. The lime green of his eyes were darkening to this hunter green. Like his irises were mood rings.

"You've been staking out my locker?" he said in an achingly low voice. Not a whisper, as it still retained its bass tones, but low enough that my ears tingled as I strained to hear it.

"Wh-What?" Way to stand up to Goliath there, David.

"How did you know my locker combination?" he continued.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"EDWARD CULLEN! Get back over here!" Mr. Laurent yelled.

The right side of Edward's lip twitched up in a sneer.

"Until next time," Edward said, turning around.

The air left my lungs, and I leaned against the cement walls, struggling to stay grounded.

And I stayed grounded. Coherent. Turned on.

Until that moment, I truly thought this ploy was stupid vigilante crap. Did I really do this to get him to notice me?

Rose watched me intently. "Anything you want to confess?"

"Yes. I'm moving to Alaska. I can't believe I did this. I thought I had more integrity than this, I can't believe I wanted-"

I cut myself off. Not going to admit it. By admitting something out loud, you empowered it.

She rolled her eyes. "Good lord. You're human. Welcome to Earth. It's okay to let your inner bitch come out and play every once in awhile."

With that, she grabbed my wrist, pulling me off to my next class.

"But what do I do with my inner bitch once she's out the box?" I joked nervously.

She grinned back at me, "I can't wait to find out."