Disclaimer: Not mine

Basic PLOT SUMMARY incase you have FORGOTTEN since I take a long time to update (sorry):

*Bella and Edward were friends at 13, but they had a bad sexual experience that ruined their friendship (Edward got the wrong hole).

*Bella AT FIRST is a snarky but low key, honor roll student. In the opening chapter, Bella pranks Edward with lice shampoo in the locker. Now all the hos of Forks won't touch him- he starts banging Leah from La Push.

*At Charlie's barbecue, E/B flirt, while Rose/Em hook up. R/Em mutually agree to keep their affair on the down low, because Rose is a black sheep of Forks High. She became pregnant sophomore year and gave the child up for adoption.

*The next Friday night, Bella goes to the Cullen's to drop off something for Carlisle. She gets high with Carlisle. Edward comes home and sees Bella and Carlisle cozy on the couch, and later starts jerking off in front her in his room. Then he takes her home and fingers her on the car ride.

*Then they don't speak for several days. Bella absentmindedly flirts with Jasper in the hall.

*Alice finds out about Bella's flirtations and invites/forces Bella to cut school to go to Alice's house on Spirit Day. Alice gets Bella drunk. Alice and Jasper make out/dry hump while Bella is obliged to stay in the room. Meanwhile, Edward is switching Bella's Spirit Day presentation with a prank one.

*Bella goes to school, gives the Spirit Day presentation, and becomes a student body hero. However, all the teachers are pissed at her.

*Meanwhile, Rose has become more distant and snaps at Bella, while Jessica (a popular girl and old friend) is trying to reconnect with Bella.

*At the end of the chapter before EPOV, Bella was at Tyler's party, drunk off her ass. She was watching Jessica & Alice doing the bump and grind (only tops off) with Jasper in the bed.

--Big thanks to the mastah betah, withthevampsofcourse--

I didn't want to watch Alice and Jessica grind against each other. But I felt stuck in the doorway, with nowhere else to look.

There were no bathrooms at this party. The house was an overstimulation warzone. The atmosphere shimmered with sweat and hormones and Axe and cologne. Girls' make-up was starting to melt; they looked like Barbie dolls left in a hot car too long and now the plastic was starting to warp. The bass from muffled rap was causing frames to jingle on their nails in the hallways... but honestly, I wasn't even sure if I was imagining that they were jingling because I was that drunk or if it was really happening.

And now, I was stuck, here -in the quietest hall of the house- listening to girl moans.

And I knew Jasper and Alice. I didn't really care about anyone at this party … except for well, that Cullen guy…. But I cared about Jasper and Alice. Why I cared, I didn't know.

And I wanted to know what the hell they thought they were doing, messing around with Jessica. So I was stuck, watching.

Watching two sets of breasts being pressed and rubbed between two scrawny torsos. Seeing a boob squeeze over another boob was like watching a rat flattening itself to crawl underneath a door.

Finally, I stepped away from the door and slapped myself on the cheek. I should feel appalled at my behavior–you creepy peeping girl- but I only registered the sensations of numb and woozy. And that was ok. Numbness was a symptom of shock, and once shock wore off- then I would be feeling disgusted with myself and weirded out. And that was something morally sound-

"Duuuude, check this out!"

These two senior dudes, Steve and John, had fucking suddenly Apparated to my left side.

The two guys were gesturing come-hitheringly at a red-faced boy with a buzz cut. He was twenty feet down the hall and staggering toward us. Every fourth step was a half trip, and his arm would fly into the air, grappling to find a hold on the wall. His pants sagged low on his thighs, revealing fire truck-red boxers.

"Come on, Alice and Jessica are doing IT! You gotta see these bitches!" John yelled. He cut his eyes toward me. "You're a little freak, aren't-cha, Bella?" He wiggled his eyebrows and elbowed my hipbone.

I ducked my hair over my eyes and sidestepped behind him.

Then the bedroom erupted with the sounds of indignant female squeaking and the shuffles of sheets.

"What the helllll getoutofhereyouguuuyyyyys!" That was Jessica.

I turned my back on the scene, trying to ignore my body. It was agitated, and my esophagus was tossing indigestion up into my mouth, and I could taste the spaghetti I had for dinner. But if I paid attention to the psychosomatic tantrum my body was having, I would start crying. So I stared at the hallway wall. There was a picture of Tyler's older brother at his wedding. He was a paraplegic in a wheelchair. There was a tawdry archway trimmed with white rose blossoms and fake doves above his head. His face was severe for a young man, tight around the mouth. By his side was a tiny, straight-backed Vietnamese woman, looking equally stern as she regarded me.

"Get outta here." That was Jasper.

I peeked over my shoulder.

Jasper was blocking the doorway. His corn-rows were unraveling at the tips and strands of blonde frizzed out from the top of his head. Despite that, he still managed to look a little menacing as he frowned at us, his hand clutching a pillowcase.

"Way to go, playa-"John started, raising a hand to high-five him.

Jasper snapped at the pillowcase at John's shoulder.

"What the fuck!" John yelled. John and Steve backed up. Over Jasper's shoulder, I saw Alice, wrapped in a lavender sheet, watching me with a tipped chin and speculative air. Jessica darted around the room, looking for her shirt. Her bra was barely secured over her chest, and her boob popped out of a cup.

Steve and John craned their necks to see over Jasper. Jasper raised his eyebrows and went up on his tippy toes, shaking his head in warning.

And the stumbling, red-faced boy with the low hanging pants finally arrived after his long jog down the hall. "Bring on... the bitches," he panted.

Jasper whipped the pillowcase again, aiming at Steve's ass.

"Fag!" Steve yelled.

"Ain't nothing you say going to insult my masculinity right now. Excuse me, punks." Jasper slammed the door in our face.

The red-faced boy with the low hanging pants sighed. "No bitches for Paulie tonight." He burped long and proud, smelling of rum and ranch dressing. Then he started shuffling back to the end of the hall from whence he came, his fists pumping by his side.

I followed him. I didn't want to linger by Steve and John.

"So, Paulie..."


There was a hall light that was ringed by serrated golden halos. And it was very pretty.

As I stared off at the trippy visuals, Paulie was shuffling away from me. Oh- this is conversation time, Bella. Not pretty hall light time.

"Have you, by any chance, seen a bathroom?" I began, trying to sound official and polite. "Because you see, I've been trying to find one forever. And ever."

"Bathroom was a no go," he puffed. "I've been searching constantly... so long, that sometimes I get sidetracked and forget…. So I pulled my pants a little low, to serve as a reminder, you know? I look down, see my boxers sticking out- and I'm like- Paulie." He slapped his forehead."YOU are looking for the bathroom! But, no go. One bathroom's broken, overflowing; other bathroom had been surrendered to cokehead bitches. They've been in there for the past two hours! What the fuck!" He stumbled into a wall and sagged down it, pressing a hand to his sweaty brow. "Another bathroom has Aunt Flow on the toilet seat. The rest are all connected to locked bedrooms. No bathroom for Paulie."

I laid my hand on top of his head in what I hoped was a reassuring gesture. "I'm sorry, Paulie."
He smacked my hand away; his head lolled to the side. "Go. Save yourself. Before you become stuck wandering ... the labyrinth... And if you see that motherfucker Jacob... tell him Paulie's a goner."



The only Jacob in Forks was forty-seven years old. It had to be Virginity-Thiever.

"Are you from La Push?"

"Uh huh." He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall. I guessed I was dismissed- and my bladder was about to burst, anyway.

Virginity-Thieving Jacob has invaded the party.

Suddenly, I felt the need to proceed via duck-n-rolls. It's hard to evade deflowerers on a full bladder. A lot of organs get jostled between flattening oneself against a wall and rolling across the floor. Leaving a trail of urine while sneaking around was probably a little counterintuitive.

After five minutes of wandering, I found myself outside by the fish pond that I had struck up an acquaintance with earlier in the evening. A row of guys lined the pool, their backs to me. All their feet were covered in untied, unscuffed sneakers and spread shoulder width apart. They had their beers in their left hands and smoked with their right, flicking their cigarette ash onto the lily pads. The blue tobacco smoke streamed into a fog above their heads. The cloud looked like a thought bubble in the funny papers- except they only had one thought bubble to share between them, and the lines of smoke was their connection to their collective brain.

I heard one of the guyboys unzip their jeans. His friends laughed. A jet of liquid squirted between his legs, landing in the fish pond.

And I would have peed myself right there, if I wasn't so pissed.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" I yelled, staggering a step as I approached.

They turned around and laughed at me. I didn't understand why they laughed… but there was ringing in my ears from how loud I yelled, so maybe I didn't sound as intimidating as I thought.

Let's hope I didn't squeak. Or slur.

"You just pissed in a goddamn habitat!" I yelled. "What if the alkaline properties in your urine fuck up the pH balance in the fucking ecosystem, you assholes! You just pissed a damn gallon of fuck-you-fish-juice in there-"

"That wasn't the fuck-you-juice, but if you want to see it…" the Pissing Douche responded, zipping himself up and wiggling his hips at me.

"Oh. Oh my god. That's a joke. HA. HAHAHA. REAL fucking original. Let's just relate everything to SEX and then, even DOUCHES can be funny!"

"Baby, you're attracting a crowd." That was a new voice. Coming from behind me.

I blew the bangs out of my face and swerved my body around, hoping the ground would hold steady while I greeted this strangey stranger.

Edward was toeing a dirt clod, head lowered, chewing his bottom smirking lip.

I groaned. "Why do you always find me when I am with the douches?" I flung my hand in the douches' direction. "Do you have like, Bella's-with-a-Douche radar? Do you have, uh…"

…. my rant just ran out of steam.

So I shut my mouth, and the line of assholes by the pond snickered.

Edward rolled his eyes. "Someone said 'that girl who made Spirit Day awesome' was throwing a bitch fit, and I came over to see."

"I am not throwing a fucking bitch fit! His alkaline piss is fucking with the pH-"

He scratched a patch of unshaved stubble on his jaw. "He's probably been drinking beer all night. Beer is acidic. I bet his piss is neutralized by now."

"My piss is fuckin' golden," the Douche responded. He and his crew turned around, hissing "bitch" and "science-cunt" under their breath.

Edward raised his hand toward the douches. "See? They are gold fish. They'll love it."

No one cares about the fish. Tears tickled the corners of my eyes.

"Are you too bad-ass to love fish?" I whined.

He rested his fingers over my mouth and leaned into my face. His breath, moist with the yeasty ferment of beer, fanned across my nose and cheeks. He must have been smoking; the whites of his eyes wore red fishnet stockings. "Baby, you're drunk."

Several moments passed before he removed his hand. He pulled it slowly down my mouth, letting his fingertips lightly drag off my bottom lip.

"I'm acting silly…" I mumbled, rubbing my hands over my eyes.

"No- you're fine. But I'm leaving. And I think you should come with me," Edward said.

I widened my fingers and peered at him through the slats. His head was turned from me; he was watching a green firefly dart through the ragweed where the yard faded into wilderness. At this angle, the bump in his nose protruded prominently. He had broken it several times during football. I paired the bump with the pear-shaped birthmark on his Adam's apple, and filed them away under Bella's Treasures.

Hopefully, everyone else mooned over his green eyes and interesting hair. I'd fight for my birthmark and the bump on his-

Stupid drunk girl.

"Are you coming or staying?" he asked.

"Oh, yeah. Probably should bow out now… before I get thrown out," I mumbled.

He nodded and pinched my shirt sleeve. "Car's this way." Then he started walking, keeping his tiny but firm hold on my clothing.

He led me through a long driveway where a knot of high schoolers gathered around three kegs. As we passed, a Korean freshman with a faux-hawk yelled, "Hey Swan! Did you do this?!"

I gaped into his eight-ball contacts lenses. "Huh?"

Edward jerked me by the cuff of my sleeve and continued steering me through the crowd.

"So... someone took one of Tyler's kegs and replaced it with one filled with Kool-Aid," Edward said. "That's what that was about. Everyone thought it was you."


"Yeah. Roarin' Raspberry. These juniors brought a case of disgusting ass champagne and they're mixing it with the Kool-Aid. So the Kool-Aid's actually going pretty fast. But Tyler's still pissed."

"I imagine so," I said.

The Volvo was parked about two blocks away. The street was filled with the vehicles of Forks High, and I wondered what the neighbors thought of Tyler's party and the sedans blocking their drive-ways. Midnight had just passed, so most residents were asleep, except for the odd window where the eerie blue light of television blinked through Venetian blinds.

"Are you sober enough to drive?" I asked as Edward opened my door.

He shrug-nodded and then rounded the car to his side. The wind twisted the wisps of his hair, and I watched as the jean fabric pulled and loosened across his ass with each stride.

Did he really just shrug-nod at me? What did that mean?

I lowered my ass onto the car seat, trying to convince myself it was only a nod. An honest to God, "I'm sober" nod.

His arm slipped across my thigh as he popped the glove bin open. The smell of pine and blueberries filled the car. A yellow light illuminated the compartment; a sandwich bag filled with green nuggets rested on top of his vehicle registration. He pulled out a notepad bound with a rubber band to a graphing calculator. At the top of the notepad's page was today's date, and underneath were lists of dollar amounts and masses.

"I have to make a delivery before we go home," he said, letting his arm rest across my leg.

I let my eyes close.I had the weight of his limb on my thigh. My nerves were sizzling underneath his forearm.

"No," I said.

"What?" The arm withdrew from my thigh.

"I'm Chief Swan's daughter. This car reeks of weed; you're probably over the alcohol limit… Just, gah. We get pulled over, not only do we go to jail, my dad looks like an ass. I should just… find another way." I started rubbing my eyes. My mascara must look awful. "I'm an idiot. I'm gonna be another face on those MADD billboards-"

Tears teased my eyes again. Who knew I would be such an emotional party girl?

"Hey, Jasper…" Edward was on his cell phone. "Yeah, I need to ask you a huge favor, man. You were leaving the party soon, right....? Could you bring Bella over to the-"

A rabble of angry bass notes exploded over the receiver. I heard Jasper saying "Bella's a lurking lecher", "interrupted some serious girl-love", and "gonna have blue balls for a fortnight"- interspersed with a lot of "fuck, dude".

Edward kept interrupting with "Thirty dollars, gas money."

"Fuck, dude."

"Thirty dollars, gas money."

Jasper hung up. "He'll do it," Edward said. "So, you spied on Alice and Jasper?"

"And Jessica."

"I see." He turned halfway toward me and leaned his head against the seat. His eyes flickered down my body, pausing right below my neck. My stomach bounded onto my ripe bladder with the gusto of a toddler leaping on his mother's waterbed.

"I- I didn't mean to… I walked in on them and I couldn't look away." I crossed my arms over my boobs. "It was like a train wreck."

"Yeah." He brought his thumb to his mouth. The nail traced the lower teeth for a moment; then he drew the digit away, regarded it, and brought it to his mouth for a bite. "I've walked in on them before."

"They need a tag they can put on the door. Muff Diving In Session. Go Away."

"Hey- I wouldn't go that far. If there's a warning system in place, then I can't accidentally drop in on it."

"Ew. What if Jasper's naked?"

He snorted and spat out a thumb nail. It landed on my knee, and I let it rest there. "I don't know. I've just seen the girls going at it- never really seen Jasper doing anything... I guess I forgot him."

"How can you forget? All he talks about is pussy and doing it and-"

"Plenty of people talk shit and don't actually back it up."

"What does that mean?"

His hand rested on the stick shift. His knuckles were chapped and red lines circles the knobby bones. I wanted to lick my fingertips and soothe the irritated skin with my touch. Stupid.

His fingers stretched toward the hand on my lap, stretching his hand over the gear shift. It hovered above the center consul for a moment. And I hate being messed up, because this moment seemed so lingering– Did his hand really drift toward mine? Or was it a simple movement, a normal, quick movement…

High-beams flashed across the dashboard, and a horn blared behind us. "There's Jasper, now," he muttered, taking his hand away.

"Great," I sighed. "This should be awkward. He probably hates me right now."

"He has seven other people in the car that he has to bring to Port Angeles. He won't bother you. He's the only completely sober person here, so he makes bank taxiing kids home. He's in the professional zone. Don't worry about it."

I opened the door. "Well, uh- thanks. For getting me this ride. You didn't have to do this."

He waved me off, mumbling, "Thanks for being cool", and I didn't understand what exactly that meant. Then I got into Jasper's car- and I realized I was going to the house of some strange kid who needed pot from Edward. Oh freaking well.

I squeezed with three other people into the back seat. All the windows were rolled down, as everyone besides Jasper and I was smoking. Occasionally a cherry would fly off the front passenger's cigarette and through my window, once hitting my cheek. At every right turn, the other people in the back slammed into me, pinning my bladder into the handle bar on the car door. Jasper played eighties hip hop rather loud, ending any conversation.

Then we pulled up into La Push, and the passengers started bitching over the stereo.

"We fucking drive all the way out to the reservation? Why couldn't you drop us off first?"

"Oh wow, look at this place..."

"You could have totally driven us to Port Angeles, first, Jazz-Man. I don't feel like touring this depressing-ass place."

Jasper turned down the radio and shot a glance over his shoulder at the back seat. "If you all don't shut the fuck up, I'm just going to start slapping and I don't care what I hit." Then he turned the tunes back up.

Finally, we parked on a dead-end road where the only street light flashed intermittently on swarms of termites.

When Edward pulled up five minutes later, I had realized I was a little more sobered up after the grating car ride–though still in afterschool-special territory with my decision-making skills.

Edward tapped on the driver window and waved three ten dollars bills. Jasper rolled the window down an inch, letting Edward slide the money through the crack. The cash fluttered into his lap, curling around the extra large cup of gas station mocha nestled in Jasper's crotch.

"Been a pleasure, bitch," Jasper said. I wasn't sure if he was saying that to me or Edward.

I exited the car and stepped onto the sidewalk. Crabgrass spotted the front yard of the tiny bungalow. Lawn furniture crammed the narrow porch.

I had been here before with my dad several times. I turned to the mailbox-guarding gravel walkway that led to front door. Clearwater was painted on the side in aquamarine lettering.

Edward tugged the waistband of my jeans as he passed. "Come on."

"Didn't I hear your brother once say that Mr. Clearwater died during sex?" I asked as I joined him at the front door.

"Uh. Yeah." He rubbed at his hair. "I say it, too. Truth's sadder, though. Dude had a lot of health problems."

"Yeah, I know that. My dad was friends with him. We know the family."

Edward shrugged. "His neighbors were the ones that spread the rumors. The Clearwaters were in a motel outside of town when he died. It had a bad rep."

"How do you know all this?" I noticed a female eye peek out the curtains. Indigestion poked a hole through my stomach lining. "Wait, wait- Leah told you all this. Is Leah here?"

The hairs on my arm pricked up, and a flush of cold travelled across my scalp and down my neck. My stomach pitched against my bladder again. Christ. I was too full of liquid to pick a cat fight. I would wind up urinating on myself. And no matter how bad the other guy looks, you just aren't the winner of a fight if you're sporting a piss stain.

"Yeah…. she's here."

"Oh." I sucked in a breath. So Edward has been with Leah. He's told you this. "Are you, like, with her?"

I needed to know how much humiliation I was in for once I walked into that house.

The hum from the electric street lamp filled my ears. I started at the pebbled path at my feet, focusing and unfocusing my eyes until I felt motion sick.

"Uh, I'm not with her, but yeah..." I raised my eyes to his face, but he had turned away from me and was scratching the top of his head. "Shit."

I studied the point where the dark strands of his neck hair met his upturned shirt tag.

"You shouldn't have brought me here," I whispered. "It's really disrespectful."

"I wasn'tsupposed to come here. I was supposed to meet Jacob at his house. But then he texted me after leaving the party and said he wasn't going to his house, he was coming here-"


The door swung open, and Jacob was standing in front of me with Leah wrapped around his back. His long hair was pulled into a loose bun, and he wore circular bifocals reminiscent of John Lennon. His shirt featured a profile of Miles Davis. Peace signs, yin-yangs, and mushrooms were drawn across his cargo pants.

"Why, Leah. I believe the Pot Man has arrived," he drawled. His words were paced like the beats of a metronome and lacked all emotional inflection.

"Why yes, Jacob, I believe you're right," Leah responded with a snicker as she slid down his back. The corner of Jake's mouth quirked into a smile at Leah's teasing, and then his face melted into its placid expression once again.

No-Account, Virginity-Thieving Jacob.

"Did you ever find Paul?" I asked.

Jake tilted his head. "Find Paul?"

"At the party. He was lost… and looking for you…."

"Ah, yes. He once was lost. But now he is found."

Leah grabbed his hand and headed for the couch. "Stop messing with her. I can see her mind blowing."

Jacob pulled her wrists to his lips and gave it a kiss. The couple situated themselves on the couch, pulling the footrests up and curling their calves around each other.

"I am well within my rights. She hasn't visited me in four years. Some squabble over petty theft." He raised his eyebrows. "I have taken offense at such allegations." He pulled Leah onto his lap. "I miss her. She was the first person I astral projected with. We visited tundra in Alaska and watched an Arctic fox feed her young ones goose eggs."

Edward was watching me through pinched eyelids. "Really."

I nodded, not wanting to disabuse Jacob of his illusions. "It was our first time… we couldn't astral project ourselves into other dimensions yet… so we only made it to Alaska."

Leah nestled her nose into Jacob's neck. "Can we astral project ourselves to Prague? We can visit the Jewish Quarter. The Nazis were going to build an 'exotic museum of an extinct race' there."

"Maybe someday," Jake said, stroking her hair.

"Is astral projection like, a Quileute thing?" Edward asked.

"No. It's like, a human being thing," Jacob responded.

An awkward moment followed. Edward handed Jacob the weed. Leah pressed several bills into the front pocket of Edward's jeans, and then leaned into Jacob's chest, wrapping his arms around her waist.

Waist. Pelvis. Ineedtopee.

"So Leah- canIpleaseuseyourbathroom?" I nearly shouted.

"Yeah. Sure." She waved her hand toward the hall.

And the next five minutes were the most refreshing ones of the night thus far.

"I was reading the Yogi Times, and it said weed's an amazing aphrodisiac," Jacob was saying as I walked back into the front room. Edward was seated on the love seat across from Leah. He scooted minutely. The movement didn't create space, but it did indicate where I was wanted. Thanks, ass. "When you're smoking-" Jake exhaled a puff of skunk for emphasis. "The blood gets increased levels of this natural chemical that's connected to the love and lust centers of your brain. And when you're engaging in the act of love-making, you're so in the moment, you wind up lasting longer-"

"Weed can also make you impotent," Leah interjected.

I nodded, settling myself awkwardly next to Edward. "The weed chemicals replace the neurotransmitter that keeps you hard during sex, causing a disorder. Oh! And it lowers testosterone for dudes. That decreases penis size and libido."

In my peripheral, I saw Edward snort and shake his head.

Yes, this is all subtext about how you suck. I hope you smoke your dick inverted.

"Now, I believe you're thinking too quantitatively," Jacob said, folding his hands in his lap. "You've been serving this god known as Science too long. Science can't teach us how to love. I bet you would ask for a semen sample before letting a guy get any." Jacob was smiling placidly and still speaking in his muted tones.

"So now you don't like pot? Was smoking weed with my dad that?" Edward asked.

"You smoked weed with Dr. Cullen?" Jacob asked. "Good for you. Old man needs some spice."

Edward scowled and sank into the sofa cushions, leaning his elbow against the armrest and pressing his fingers against his brow. He slapped his knees together, eager to leave.

"Uh… no… I mean, yes, I got high while I was with Carl- I mean, Mr. Cullen. I told my friend Angela about it, and she went off and compiled all this drug info for me to read. Mostly on the sexual side effects of drugs."

"Ha, she was working a good angle," Leah said.

"I mean, she also mentioned stuff like how pot causes altered motivation and cognition. Impairments in learning and perception. But that's boring."

For a second, I wondered what Edward would be like if he wasn't constantly operating in a fog of post-coital self-loathing and ganja. How would he act? Would he be content without all that shit? Why did he do it? Was the bad behavior symptomatic of deeper neuroses…

I stopped there. I was trying to apply psycho babble to him. Since I couldn't relate to him as a person, I tried to think of him as a science problem. I didn't know enough about him- I couldn't say if he operated in a "fog of post-coital self-loathing". Why did I automatically assume that he hated himself for fucking everyone under the moon? Maybe he was a satyromaniac. Maybe I was missing out by not screwing everyone. Maybe Edward knew something I didn't-

Maybe I was analyzing him too hard.

I remembered my terrarium of Science Fair mushrooms growing under the table linens in my hall closet. Angela and I needed to inoculate some more jars with shiitake spores. That would be something constructive to analyze- something that could get me into college.

"Well, I think we better get going," Edward said, leaning forward and smacking his knees.

"Are you sober enough to drive?" I asked again.

He nodded. "Yes. Promise. And there's nothing in the car." He faced our hosts. "Been a pleasure, Jacob. Leah."

"Same to you, Eddie." Jacob nodded.

Leah saluted. "See yah round. Cool seeing you again, Bella."

"Yeah." I swallowed, my throat becoming very dry.

I felt as though I should have thrown a fit or something while I was over here. I was unsuspectingly taken to the house of my crush's fling.

But Leah…. was all humming and twining her finger around the baby curls framing Jacob's face. She looked content, and I couldn't fume at her while she was content.

I suddenly felt very drained.

"Tell your mom and Seth I said hi…." I muttered.

"Will do," she said, kissing Jacob's nose.


The ride to Edward's house was quiet for several miles.

"So, I didn't piss you off… with all that drug soap boxing?" I asked.

My head slumped against my window. Sleet was bounding off the glass.

He shrugged. "They're going to buy it no matter what. If you actually turned one of my customers, I'd laugh."

"That's awful."

He shrugged again. A piccolo trilled in a solo on the Classic's station. Long rays of rain slanted against the windshield wipers. I remembered the last time I had taken a ride in Edward's car. His artful fingers had poked my insides and then left snail trails all over radio dials.

The yearn burn spread over my pelvis. I tucked my hand in between my thighs and squeezed my knees together.

"Why did you start jerking it when I was in your room that night... when you drove me home, and I was high and in the car you started-"

"I get it." He cracked his knuckled against the top of the stick shift. "You were flirting with my dad when I came home. I was mad."

"I was not! You came home and we were on the couch together! Christ! I don't have a thing-"

"Okay... look, you do something to my dad. He's not a bad dude, but I get him, in ways you don't. I've seen his porn. All chicks dressed like they're in high school. I came home one night a couple of years ago, and he was having this existential rage on the phone with the IKEA sales support guy. His special room in the basement is stockpiled with memorabilia from his teenage years. Like he's a fucking pack rat. I swear, any day now, he's going to jet to Tibet and find himself."

I pulled my head from the glass and turned to stare at him. The rain on the windshield cast dappled shadows on his face.

"What are you saying?" I asked.

"He's just, I dunno. Going through a midlife crisis? Whatever…." He sighed. "And lusting after you-" Edward waved a hand in my direction. "-Are sort of his rebellion."

I started to respond, but he raised his hand. "Just, please. Don't say anything." He massaged his eyebrow and inhaled deeply. The sleet made plink noises across the roof. The rubber from the windshield wipers slowly scraped over the glass.

Edward's father rant sank deep into my heart, where I could pull it out on cold nights and go, "Ah ha, he DID like me because he trusted me with this juicy little reveal". I wondered if he regretted opening up that much to me.

Then I pinched his forearm. Hard. "So you jerked off in front of me because you were mad that I am Carlisle's rebellion? What the hell sense-"

"I started to jerk off in front of you because I'm a prick... pricks fight with their pricks."

"That makes no... whatever."

"Don't be bitchy. It's not like you didn't like seeing my cock. You pulled it out in the attic," he muttered.

"Blah. That? It just happened. I just kneeled because there wasn't a place to sit and I was in this weird mental space and then I realized I was kneeling between a hot boy's legs and it was like Dick-Sucking Bella took over."

Did I just say that? Jesus. No one ever says all that to boys.

I curled my knees up onto the seat and tucked them under my chin.

I mean, I left out some details. Like how awkward and confused I was between his legs, and how I mistook the confusion for sexual tension... and I just ran with it....

"What's a Dick-Sucking Bella?" He blinked.


That rant must have made me sound like such a dumb bitch.

Oops, I fell mouth-first on your dick.

But to an extent, it was true. Ever since I was fourteen and had the disastrous one and only time with Jake, I just went down on guys. Whenever I was in tense sexual (or intimate) situation I just figured... sucking them off would make it less tense. Dick-Sucking Bella got me by when I visited my relatives in Phoenix and my cousin introduced me to his bassist/model/performance-artist friend Giuseppe. She assisted when I worked at the Port Angeles Haunted House last year and got hot and heavy with a ghoulish priest in the Exorcist Scene.

I was the tart who ran to third base but stalled before home plate.

Edward wouldn't want to hear that.

"I just started a new birth control. It made me really horny. So yeah, Dick-Sucking Bella. Who would have thought?"

He narrowed his eyes at me. "Okay." And he smiled and gave me a soft, baby soft punch on the chin. Just in jest. He knew I was lying, but there was plenty about the attic situation that was fucked up that shouldn't be addressed right now while we were drunk.

The car came to a stop. I looked up and saw the great white house where I would be spending the night.

"So. Here we are. My house. Yay…" He patty-caked his thighs.

"Oh," I whispered. "Yeah. Here we are."

Love you guys, thanks for sticking it out! I welcome all constructive criticism. I know that Alice/Jasper is really confusing. It's about to be explained. Edward provided a hint when he talked about it in the car.