This is my first Harry Potter fic in a while, so I'm a bit nervous about it! I wrote it for a friend on LiveJournal who asked for a Cedric/Hermione fic. This is kind of an AU movie/book mash-up. I took some elements of the book that I remembered, but this is mostly movieverse. I really hope Hermione isn't OOC, but like I said, it's been a while. I also had no beta for this, so please excuse any mistakes.
Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns it all and I own nothing.
July 24th, 1995
I don't know why I'm writing this letter. My mum told me it would make me feel better to get it all out instead of keeping my feelings inside. I'm afraid it will make me feel even worse, but I don't have anyone to talk to. My parents don't really understand, they probably never will. Harry has enough to worry about and I trust Ron with my life, but he's just not one to talk to about these sorts of things.
I didn't know what I felt for you at first. When we met the morning of the Quidditch Cup, I just thought you were cute. Maybe a bit full of yourself, but good looking. Later, when we ran into each other at the water spigot and you apologized for how your dad bragged about all your accomplishments, I realized how humble you actually were. I loved the sound of your laughter at the old man I the woman's nightgown. Clear and crisp, like autumn air.
I still remember how the sun glinted off your hair.
When we were running through the woods, I became frightened when no one had seen you. I wanted to run back and look for you, but we had to keep safe in the woods. You can't imagine how relieved I was when we finally found you on our way back to the Portkey.
I still remember how striking you looked in the moonlight.
I don't know why I wanted to find you on the train, but we had become acquaintances then and maybe I was afraid you wouldn't talk to me once we were in Hogwarts. You're older; you had your own friends. I looked everywhere as the train hurtled across the countryside. I made excuses to leave my compartment and I had never lied to Harry and Ron when it wasn't to keep them safe. I just didn't want them to know about our friendship, I didn't want to hear their objections. When I finally found you, hands linked with Cho, my heart felt so heavy I thought I would cry.
I still remember the surprise in your eyes when they caught sight of me just before I walked away.
But you never had reason to notice me, not really. Cho had captured your attention and if you hadn't needed help with your History of Magic essay, we may never had spent time together. Never truly met. It couldn't have been easy asking a younger student for help, especially since we all knew you would put your name in the Goblet.
I still remember the embarrassed blush on your cheeks as you sat t my table.
I never knew if you really needed my help all those nights you would sit by me. Really, Cedric, you didn't have to wait two weeks with false excuses before you could just talk to me. I liked having someone to discuss things with like elf rights and history who was at my own intelligence level. Harry and Ron, best friends they may be, but they never enjoy talking about schoolwork.
I still remember the glow on your face when you talked about Transfiguration.
I wanted to offer you encouragement too when I came to the tent before the First Task, but that horrible Skeeter had already come to the wrong conclusion about me and Harry (and Viktor too, apparently) that I didn't want to risk your reputation. I cheered for you as loudly as I did Harry, feared for your safety as much as his. Thankfully no one questioned me cheering for the Hogwarts Champion.
I still remember the graceful way your hair fell in front of your eyes as you walked away.
I had never seen you so angry as when I told you Viktor had asked me to the ball. For one foolish moment I thought that you had wanted to ask me, but then you went on about trying to upset Harry and how he was only using me as a way to psych him out and I did my best not to cry. I got into a row with Ron later. Only after that did I realize I was madder at you than him.
I still remember the fear in your voice when I walked away.
When I walked down the stairs I admit I was more worried about what you thought of me in that dress than what Viktor thought. I knew I was falling for you by then. Only an idiot would have not known. I never thought you would ask me to dance, and I'm sure anyone could have seen how happy I was in your arms.
I still remember the way your touch burnt my skin.
When you left with Cho at the end of the ball I felt so hurt, so confused. Poor Viktor didn't know what to do with me, so he kissed me on the cheek and walked back to the Durmstrang ship. I fought with Ron again. Poor Ron always received the anger I felt toward you.
When Professor Dumbledore told us that we were what the champions had to rescue from the bottom of the Black Lake, I had the fleeting hope I was meant for you. Then Cho walked in and I reminded myself I was a silly girl who you talked about homework and charms with but not things like feelings and romance. Yet I still felt disappointed when I woke up at the surface of the lake, clinging to Viktor and not you.
I still remember how your eyes sought mine as we waited for Harry to return.
I couldn't believe that you had actually sent me that message to meet you the night before the third task. Malfoy had been giving me a rough time ever since Skeeter's article so I thought maybe he was winding me up. I went to teach him a lesson, I really didn't' expect to see you. I thought I was dreaming when you told me you had feelings for me. I even for a moment thought you were playing a trick on me, that you were trying to expel your nerves or something by teasing me. I'm so glad you weren't.
I will always remember the taste of your lips, the feel of your hands, the sound of your voice.
I wish I had known that your look towards me before entering the maze would be the last time I would see you alive. I would have paid more attention to that final moment. Now when I think of that day I can only see your blank stare into the sky as Harry held you, sobbing.
It's been one month since that night and my heart is still broken. I miss you and it hurts so very much. But moreover, I'm angry. Angry at Voldemort and Wormtail for killing you. Angry at the Ministry for spreading lies about your death. Most of all I'm angry with us. Angry that we wasted all those months with other people.
I will never forget you, Cedric.