Could it be possible that I am in love with him? I mean I know that I like him, but could it be love? I've never been in love before, but I think maybe I could be in love with Inuyasha…
How is it possible to be in love with a boy who loves another? How is it possible to have these feelings for someone who has made it clear who he wants to be with?
Why do I love Inuyasha…? Inuyasha loves Kikyo and I know that, but I can't stop myself. I can't help that my heart beats faster when he looks at me; I can't help that every time he holds me my whole body trembles with happiness. I can't help these things, even though sometimes when he looks at me he sees only Kikyo, even though I know that the strong arms he has held me with have held another closer.
Inuyasha is with Kikyo and I am with no one. I am here in my world with nobody, all by myself. Inuyasha won't come for me ever again, because he is with Kikyo and he loves Kikyo and not me. I will never go back to him because it hurts too much to even think of him in the arms of another.
I wish I could hate Kikyo, but I can't. Is it because she, this woman who has part of my soul, is a part of me…? No. It is because she is the woman that makes him happy and I can't hate his happiness because I love him.
Will I never see his face again? I may see it in my dreams, blurred and faded, but will it ever be real? Will I ever again, feel his arms as he pulls me from danger? No, because there will be no more danger because I am never going back and he will never come for me.
I have to go back. I still have jewel shards. Inuyasha will need them. But I can't go back. Kikyo will be there, with him, with my Inuyasha… No, not my Inuyasha. He was never mine, he was always hers.
Did he ever love me? Can you love two people? Was there ever a time when he thought of me as his? Was there ever Kikyo and Kagome? Did I ever hold any part of his heart?
Why did he say he would protect me? True, he has protected my body, but not my heart. Why did he say things to me, why did he ever hug me? Why did he build me up and then knock me down? He failed to protect my heart. Failed to protect it from himself.
My question is answered.
Could it be possible that I am in love with him?
Yes, I am. I love him so much, I want to see him again, to say goodbye, to tell him that no matter what he will always hold my heart, that I will never forget, that his name is written all over my very soul, that even though most of me will be sad, a part of me will be happy because he is happy. I want to tell him these things without speaking words. I want him to know that I love him…
So... what did you think? Hate it? Love it? Which way do you sway dear readers?