FTOYWGAD: Okay, yes, I know. Late update. But you kinda saw that coming didn't you? Well, I'm going to high school now, (and a one that specializes in BioTechnology in that) and I'm busier than ever. I am sorry. But I have this out so be happy okay. My Russian moose will be nice to you if you forgive me.
Disclaimer: By now, you should know I fail at disclaimers. Sue me.
Okay, let me just start off by saying that if it weren't for me forcing Mello to go to the bathroom at JFK Airport, he and Near would have never met. So yeah. You're welcome.
That aside, I think you deserve to know what happened after they say each other's name so dramatically. Keep in mind, that I most definitely did NOT spy and eavesdrop on them. And Baily was most definitely NOT with me while I was NOT doing it. Okay, back to my mind-diary. All hell broke loose that day in the bathroom.
Mello completely flipped when he saw Near and as I predicted, he screamed his lover for him to the heavens and anyone who would listen to him in the bathroom stalls. N on the other hand was confused at first since Mello still didn't have the decency to remove his "clever" disguise. But in the end, he finally saw through his ratty mustache and uh. I don't know. He must have smiled or something since Mello lit up like Christmas lights. Usually (mainly in movies) people explain what the misunderstandings were before they make up. Obviously, Mello and N are not normal and thus it was of no surprise when they started passionately making out. I was most definitely NOT drooling all over Baily over what was taking place before my eyes. Since I wasn't even there in the first place.
Just when they were on the verge of making hot animalistic love all over the floor, the security busted in the bathroom, tripping over both me and Baily. It took Mello about five minutes to get his brain back into his head and notice that a public bathroom was not the ideal place for love making. Especially when there were two men the size of small buildings pointing guns at you, asking if you have any bombs.
After that, Baily and I were NOT discovered by Mello and N spying on them. (Which earned me a very lovely bruise the shape of a heart from Mello by the way.)
Then we lived happily ever after.
Let's relive the good times shall we?
"...And I really didn't mean any of the things I screamed in the bar Near." Mello carefully said in the most sincere voice. "I really do love you. And I'm scared I'll lose you again."
Both of our mouths (Baily and I were NOT eavesdropping on them again) fell open. Even he knew that Mello would never utter those words unless he really meant them. Apparently N also knew because the next thing we know, they really were making love on OMIGOD IS THAT MY PSP?
No Mel. STOP! Get your prick away from that button!
Then I realized that I've been thinking all this and haven't said that out loud. In an attempt to get them to stop DEFLOWERING my babies, I opened my mouth to launch into a lecture but squeaked instead.
"Way to go, idiot," Baily murmured from behind me and bolted before Mello spotted him.
I wasn't so fortunate. Mello and N looked up from their compromising position. N looked utter baffled and blushed furiously, trying to cover up as much of his skin as possible. Mello on the other hand, gave me a brief nod, removed my tainted PSP and threw it in a safe place. He then marched over the the door where I was peeping in and slammed it shut against my nose and locked it.
Okay, so even though my nose was bleeding a waterfall and Baily was suspiciously close to my face trying to clean it up, there was only one thought on my mind that made me smile like a loon.
At least my PSP was safe.
Before you go off about that love making between Mello and N being totally pointless and completely irrational, you need to know something.
Fine that totally uncalled for but you must understand that they haven't seen each other in a long time and they're only human beings. And we humans tend to be horny, thank you very much.
Anyway, after that (well the next morning anyway) we discussed what we were going to do about the living arrangements. Baily offered his place but N was less than enthusiastic about spending the rest of his life in a hospital.
Luckily for all of them I saw this coming.
For some reason, some people think I'm kind of naïve. I don't get that at all. But when I planned for Mello and N to meet at the bar that day, I didn't just stop at the meeting. I was so confident in my plan, I went on with the living arrangements as well. I figured since neither one of them would want to live in the other's place, why not right here in New York City? It was, after all, where all this shenanigans began. I even took the liberty finding the right apartment for the right price with the help of Bob and Bill.
Man, I am such as genius. Screw Whammy's, I'm pants at these kinds of things.
So that leaves me...
In case you were wondering (who are "you" anyway?), here happens to be my room in my apartment in London. Mel is here too. We just came to pack his things up and go back. Come to think of it, we made a lot of trips back and forth from here to New York. Same goes for N as he is also in Los Angeles to take his things. Needless to say, Mello and N agreed with my plan. Told you it was brilliant.
"Matt what the hell are you doing?" Mel asked and for the first time without sniffling. Thankfully, for the sake of him and everyone around him, he had gotten over his flu. He was leaning against the wall in his sexy leather garb.
"Uh, Mel, I'm packing your things. What does it look like?" I, on the other hand, am on the ground throwing his bordering-bondage clothing into a helpless suitcase.
"Yes, I can see that – and by the way, you forgot my chocolate L'oreal hair products." Mello waved around his bottle
"Hmpf," I hmpfed as I picked up another pair of leather pants. "Mello did you hump N with these pants on?"
The blond man broke into a huge smile and nodded fervently.
Damn, how did I miss that hump-session. But this wasn't the time for that. Time to go into full-on Mom Mode.
"DAMMIT MEL, DID I NOT TELL YOU THAT LEATHER TENDS TO HANG ON TO THE SCENT?!" Maybe I was being over dramatic but you don't have to do his laundry. Do you know how hard it is to wash leather? Very, very hard. No pun intended. Okay, maybe it was intended.
"Geez, Matt chill – "
"No mister, I will not 'chill.' Now tell me, did you or did you not use a condom."
"Well, uh – "
"You didn't!" I shrieked just because I liked freaking Mel out.
"Hey since when did this turn into a hearing about my sex life?" Mel bit out. "I came here to talk to you."
I was taken aback.
"Huh?" I huhed midway of throwing his gun into the suitcase.
"Why is your stuff still in your room?"
I looked at him like he had grown testicles out of his ears and he glared right back at me.
"Huh?" Damn you huhs!
"Why aren't you packing?" he asked again.
"Why should I pack?" Then it hit me. Was he really thinking –
"What do you mean 'why should I pack?' You're fucking coming with us!"
I wasn't quite prepared for this so I did the smartest thing I could think of.
"Dammit Matt, did you really think I was going to live in New York and leave you here?"
This should probably be the part where I should go all, "Aw, my Mels wants me to come with him!" And burst into tears at his loyalty. But the remote possibility of him still wanting me didn't even enter my mind so my mind didn't register what he just said. Before I could say "huh" again, he began his tirade.
"Oh my god, you did!" Mello sped his way over to me, grabbed my shoulders and shook me like a rag doll. "What the hell is wrong with you? Don't you have any faith in our friendship? Of course I'm gonna take you with me. Near and I are gonna live in the same apartment, you included. And if you resist, I swear to Jesus, I will beat you with these pants!"
Cue the tears! I really hadn't expected this. I don't know why but I figured that since Mel had Near now, I wouldn't be of use to him anymore. In an explosion of passion, I sprang from my spot on the floor and pulled Mello into my arms. He coughed and was probably choking convulsively because I had him in such a death grip. Before I could express my gratitude like a mother who just discovered that her son was going to take care of her, the doorbell rang. I dragged Mello with me to the entrance (I wasn't going to let him go yet) and slammed open the door, prepared to glare the one who was interrupting my moment with my baby into a pool of goo.
"Hey, are you lyke, Mail Jeevas?"
No way! It was same delivery guy from last time. He even had the pimply face and the peppermint breath. Ohmigod, is he going to give me another dick?
I quickly push Mel away, and he landed in a heaving heap on the floor. I was gonna hear from him later.
But for now I had to handle situation very carefully.
"Hey, you gave me a dick that didn't even belong to me!" I hated beating around the bush anyway.
"Yeah, about that," he said as he cracked his bubble gum. Ewwwww, I think it's the same from last time. "I got the address mixed up. That box was supposed to, lyke, go to Liam Jeeves. So sorry man but I'm gonna have to have that thing back."
Okay, now I was POed and relieved at the same time. Pissed off because I was gonna have to take down the shrine I built for the so-called-gift-from-Baily and relieved because I knew I didn't have a stalker. I knew it was illegal and all but I wasn't gonna give up that cat chew toy because this dildo screwed up.
"Finders keepers, loser." And then I slammed the door in his face. I think I heard a shout of "Totally not cool, dude!" but I ignored it.
Mello was giving me this montage of all his glares combined but I just said, "Don't you be eyeballing me, mister. Now help me pack."
It's good to be me.
Near was such a playboy. I mean, the last time I looked at him, he had a cold but now, he really did look like that playboy model. But I digress. He and Mello were sitting across from me, not saying a word. We just arrived and I think Mello is still mad that I didn't have enough faith in our friendship. Near seemed kinda spacey that all this really was happening.
I'm not going to lie. It was true, I was kinda jealous of the little guy. Ya know, him having Mello all for himself and all. It hurts to know that all the six years I've been in love with him and he didn't even notice and yet, he falls for Near in a matter of a few weeks.
Even so... I am happy. I think, that if I worked all that hard and it never worked out, I guess it really never was meant to be. And seeing Mello happy like that was more than enough to leave me content. Near too –
I turn around to find a waitress screaming at the top of her lungs, one shaky finger pointing at Mello. What the fuck?
"Dammit, how many times do I have to run into you?" Mello says exasperated. What the fuck times two! He knows her?
Near sighs and a plump black woman makes her way through and pulls the deranged waitress away.
"Brien!" Mello addresses the woman. "What are you doing here?" What the fuck times three! He knows her too?
"Well, Bianca got fired from the bar so she came back to work here. She asked me to come with her to keep her company, but she's probably going to get fired again." They all stared at the poor girl being dragged away. "So what 'chu want, baby?"
Baby?! What the hell? What's going on?
Mello must have noticed my panicked/surprised/freaked out face and gave me a 'it's a long story' look. I nodded and continued to scarf food down my throat.
I think it's best not to ask questions right now. Mostly since Mels began playing tonsil hockey with Near.
(Mello, Matt and Near's Apartment in NYC)
I don't think anyone gives Bob or Bill enough credit. I mean, they're not useful just for playing Bonnie (their Wii) and seeking gaming advice. They actually were a crucial part of getting Mels and Near together. And me being the kind man I am, called them over to celebrate finally moving into the apartment.
"Turn left, turn left, turnleftturnleftturnleft, TURN LEFT NOW!"
"I'm trying, dammit I think the control is broken."
That would be them. Baily also came over, but I'm highly suspicious that it's only because of the food. Honestly, that man needs to breathe between bites.
There was a screech and then a scream.
"Dammit Matt, get that monstrosity out of this house, right fucking now!"
Mello scrambled from the ground where he tripped over a very pissed looking feline and ran after the cat, armed with a broom. The cat scurried over it his corner behind the couch (where Mello couldn't reach) and played with his chew toy. Which happened to be the penis that I refused to give back.
Fine, I'll explain. Remember the cat from before that I had to wrestle to get the so-called-gift? Well, he really, really, liked the thing. So I took him in, cleaned him up, got his shots and named him Browser. Go figure.
So while I was trying to get Mels and Browser in control, Near came out the shower. And no matter how many times I told Mello to control himself around Near in public, he still ignored me and pounced on the poor guy.
"A-ah, Mello, I just took a shower!"
I shook my head and headed into the kitchen to see what Baily was doing. I found him kneeling before the oven, his nose only a hairline away from it. I came up behind him, getting ready to scare him and then get him to bump his nose with the oven –
"Don't even think about it."
I faltered and joined him in watching the cookies get done.
Baily licked his lips.
"Isn't watching such dangerous microwaves...I dunno. Dangerous?" I ask still watching.
"Yes, but you forget. I am a doctor."
"Doesn't mean you're any less vulnerable."
It's quiet in the living room, save for Bill and Bob's voices. Mels must have come of his Near-high.
"Ahh!" Jesus, that was the loudest 'ding' I've ever heard! It made me fall on my ass.
"Yes!" Baily quickly put on a mitten and pulled the cookies out of the oven. He put them on a proper platter and turned to look at me.
"Hey, get off your ass and get these things out there."
I grabbed the platter and for some reason I felt a sense of awkwardness while Baily went back to straining the pasta.
"When did we get so close?"
I felt deflated for some reason. But then Baily turned around, shoved me in the ribs and flashed me a radiant smile. Have I seen him smile before? Either way, this gave me a new sense of security and I decided to be bold.
"What's your first name?"
"I mean you don't have to – "
"Bartholomew," he said with his cheeks flushed slightly. "And if you tell anyone else, I will shove this ladle down your throat." He waved a tomato sauce covered ladle at me.
I just smiled at him and walked into the living room. Again I had this...just moment. Like I was in a goddamn movie! (see "Movie Moment Mode")
I see Browser scurry along between my legs. I see Bob and Bill playing with Bonnie teasing and laughing. I see Near curled up on Mello's lap playing with the airplane model I gave him for Valentines Day, looking like he's never been happier. I see Mels looking at his angel lover, his eyes filled with what can only be explained as love. I find myself looking around being filled with happiness, feeling like the luckiest guy in the world.
And I think to myself, What a wonderful world.
FTOYWGAD: Okie, so we've finally reached the end of the "Twist" saga. (It's actaully not a saga but it sounds cool, yeah?) Anyway, first of all, I'd like to take the time to thank my regular reviewers (I know you guys love that):
Forbiddensoul562: I love, love, love your super long but informative reviews. Thanks for sticking to the very end. (Or atleat close to the end.)
animelvr23: Short reviews but they are total love! 3 Thanks!
jhoker: Love yah, love yah, love yah! And goddamn it, your English is fine!!!
Sarahteehee3: Thanks for all the compliments! You're too nice. :D
Kit-Kat Punk-lover: You actually stuck to the very end. I LOVE you. No, really. LOVE you. Like, as in all caps, love. And that's hardcore.
I know I missed about more than a hundred more but you know who you are. Thank you SO, SO, SO much. :D And a GIGANTIC thankies to Hotari-chan for betaing all this. ('cept the last chap, because I was in a rush...^^")
If you have any questions or comments review or PM me. I mean it. Any questions at all. I'm bored people, BioTechnology can only interest you for so long. Wanna know the reason I called it "Twist"? Wanna know my shoe size? You know where to find me.
And please review. It's the last chapter. And I don't care if you're reading this in 2030, I will still read it and try to reply if it has substance. Byee, and see you again next time!