The regret that always followed surprised me yet again. It really shouldn't bother me at this point, I mean, I had been doing it for two years, and people had yet to realize it.
No one ever noticed that I was falling apart, no one ever cared enough to ever find out why I always wore long sleeves, even in the summer when it was almost impossible to breath in them, no one ever asked me why I didn't eat anymore. The truth is that the thought of eating anything leaves me ready to puke. Not even you noticed that everyday I got closer and closer to death.
I guess I never really expected you to notice. I mean why would you, the beautiful, smart, funny, popular, and completely unobtainable girl notice me. We've been friends for god knows how long, and I've loved you for what seems like forever (its actually been 2 years 3 months and 12 days), I doubt that you ever loved me back, at least not the way that I love you. Yes, Hermione Granger, I Ginny Weasely love you with every breath in my body. Not that I would ever be able to say that to your face.
For the longest time you would say "I love you," then expectantly look at me, waiting for me to return the friendly gesture. I always made it into a joke, but it really was the furthest thing from one, I was afraid that after I said "I love you" to you, I wouldn't be able to control the deepest darkest part of me that wants you more than I want air, that needs to feel you next to me more than I need to feel the razor blade slide soundlessly over my skin, leaving a trail of crimson in its wake. It always seemed ironic to me that the color of blood, the color of my weakness and cowardice was the color of my house, the color of bravery and gallantry.
I suppose it was stupid of me to never tell you how I felt about you, how I wanted nothing more than to feel your perfect lips on mine just once, just to know how Ron feels. Its somewhat sick on my part that I'm in love with my brother's girlfriend. It's funny how the end makes everything so clear, how knowing that you are mere minutes away from death has the power to make you see all of the flaws in yourself, and in everyone else. But even now, I can't find a flaw in you, everyone but you, because you will always be perfect to me 'Mione, no matter what you choose to do.
The blood drips down my hand now and I know that I probably went to deep, what does it matter now anyway, I've been wishing that I had the courage (or rather lack of) to do this before. No one would ever suspect this out of my mind, someone once told me that they wish that they could be like me, always so happy and carefree. Ha, that's a laugh, if anyone ever knew what I really was, I'd be the one talked about in hushed whispers "completely nuts, can't believe no one ever suspected."
No matter what they think right now, I know those will be the exact words that some will say, I guess some people will cry for a while, pretending to actually care about me, all the while wondering when everyone'll forget about it so that Hogwarts can go back to its old, fun self.
But I only want one thing, I want you to be happy, no matter who it is that makes you feel this way. So whatever happens, just promice me this, you won't be sad about this.
I'm sorry this is how you had to find out.
I will always love you,