A/N: While discussing Twilight with my amigos, my friend came up with a great question. Exactly what does Bella do about that pesky little visitor who knocks on her door each month? And what does Edward do? Well, to cure my insomnia (and tickle my friends), I decided to take on the challenge. All I've gotta say is--get ready for some good ol' fashioned smut! (I'm not a big fan of this idea, so don't worry about any nasty TMI details. I've left all the gross nonsense out.)

Oh yea, and I don't own the characters, don't own Twilight, don't own Robert Pattinson (tah! I wish!), etc. And, I don't own the line I stole from Wicked the Musical (It's my favorite line & I just had to use it to conclude this story).

I'm just taking out my deprivation in writing form--you single gals know what I'm talking about.

So, hold on to yer knickers! ;)


It was that time of the month again.

I looked at the alarm clock on the night stand, its neon numbers flashing like headlights against my sensitive eyes. Midnight.

God, what was taking him so long?

I couldn't sleep, and, as pathetic as it was, I knew why. Insomnia was something I battled with for many years, and I've tried everything to make myself drowsy. Reading my biology book, counting every fucking animal on Noah's ark…even other, more risqué alternatives. But it was all to no avail.

That is, until I met him.

Those dreadful, sleepless nights were now a distant reverie. My pillows were now replaced with something much harder and stronger, more fragrant and soothing. Nothing was as heavenly as resting my head on his sculpted chest, inhaling his deep scent, feeling his ice cold touch against my heated skin, his soft, melodic voice lulling me into a blissful sleep.

But tonight was unlike my other nights. Tonight, I writhed and turned in my sheets alone. Edward and the rest of the Cullens took the opportunity to go out for some much needed hunting, and it was all because of me.

I was on my period. The rag. My moon time. That 'dot on the calendar'. The crimson tide. Eve's curse. A visit from Aunt Flow.

It was indeed, that time of the month again, and I damned it straight to hell. And that's just me being merciful.

Periods are such a touchy topic, and when brought up in conversation, they usually bring to mind a not-so-pleasant image. Bloated, bitchy women, who yell at everything with a penis, cry when they hear a twig snap, eat an endless supply of Hershey bars, and spend lots of alone time with Patrick Swayze and a whole lot of dirty dancing.

Well, I felt like a woman scorned. Mother Nature was a cold hearted bitch for taking away the one man who brought light to my days. Not only was my boyfriend sensitive about discussing my periods, but he was sensitive towards the act itself.

Fucking bloody periods (no pun intended)! I just didn't understand them. Edward was my drug, my natural high. The more time I spent with him, the further down I spiraled. It was if I was falling and falling with no barrier to land on, and it felt so utterly exciting—a never-ending rush of love and excitement and fear and lust…

Lust. Oh, God, how I lusted for him so. The cruelest part of it was the unquenchable lust that I felt for him. I was thirsting for him. I didn't think it was humanely possible for me to feel any more intense, but at this moment, his touch alone would make my eyes roll back in passion.

I remembered a conversation I had with Alice a few weeks ago. Petite little Alice with her wide eyes and soft soprano voice…who would have thought that underneath that innocent façade was a lust-filled sexpert who knew all the ins-and-outs of getting dirty? Alice was unnaturally eager to hear about my sex life with Edward, always scheming ways to dig out the details and put in her own two cents. But even Alice had her own unanswered questions…

"Hey, Bella! What does your period feel like?" Alice casually asked while sprawled on the carpet with her nose buried in a Cosmopolitan magazine. My eyes came across the big bold headliner on the front cover: Naughty Sex—Ways to Make His Jaw Hit the Floor.

I nearly choked. Oh, no. A sense of foreboding hit me, but I knew if I ignored Alice's question, she'd only pester me further.

"Uh..well…" I stammered. I couldn't do this.

Alice giggled. "Oh, Bella, come on. I'm not asking you for anything graphic. I'm just curious. I mean, after all, I am a vam—"

"Okay, okay. Sheesh." I hated how she always brought up her vampirism to guilt me into these horribly embarrassing conversations. And I hated how they always worked like a charm. "You mean, how does…how does IT feel? Or how do I….er…"

"How do YOU feel during it? According to what I've read, they sound about as bad as getting shot in the stomach."

"I don't think they're all that bad." I shrugged. "Physically, I'm fine."

"Do you have PMS?"

I shook my head. "I guess I'm one of the lucky ones."

"What about the sex?"

I froze.

Her curious wide eyes met mine.

"What about it?"

She sighed, placing that god-awful magazine aside. "I read that when women are on their menses, they are ultra-sensitive to, well…" she paused, "sensations. It sounds wonderful! Is it true?"

My cheeks suddenly felt like they were being held under a torch flame. "Maybe. I wouldn't know."

A horror-filled shriek escaped her. "I can't believe it!" Her eyes were wide with sheer fright. "You mean you and Edward have never tried—"

I nearly gagged at the thought of it. "Alice, come off it! Periods are gross. There are things happening down there that really aren't meant to be seen by one's boyfriend. Heck, I don't even like what I see down there!"

"Oh, hush! A little war paint never hurt anyone."

I groaned. "ALICE! That's disgusting!"


I felt like I was running out of ammunition, but I would not let her win this one. "No! Plus—in case you've forgotten—there's the whole Edward-being-a-vampire card I have to take into account. He's already fighting a battle just sitting in a room with me!"

"But it's not the same!"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean!"

"Bella," Alice sighed, "not all blood is the same, believe it or not. Of course, vampires crave blood. But we crave fresh blood. Menstrual blood is…dead?" She stopped herself. "I mean… it's appealing, for sure, but not in an appetizing sense."

"That makes absolutely zero sense."

"Hmm…" she paused, as if she were trying to break it down into lame man's terms. "Well, flowers smell good to you, right? But you wouldn't eat the flower…"

I almost snorted. She just had to use a flower as a comparison. "Flowers aren't taboo."

Alice flashed a teasing grin. "You sleep with a vampire." Rising up from the carpet, she skipped to the other room. Her head peeked out from behind the door. "Nothing is too taboo for you, Bella."

I sat there stunned, letting Alice's words sink in.

Ugh, no! I couldn't do it.

No way.

But, when was she ever wrong?

I groaned. Damn it, Alice.

A soft thump snapped me out of my daydream.

Edward was here.

He wouldn't come into my room. Not tonight. We already established the rules about how he would alert me with that small noise, just to let me know that he was close by. Normally, that sound would be enough reassurance for me to try and go back to sleep.

But tonight was different. Tonight, my skin felt like it was on fire. It felt like it was a struggle just to breathe. I wanted his cool touch, his strong, yet tender arms wrapped around me tightly. I couldn't placate my passion with my imagination—I needed something real, something tangible. I needed him.

I felt the stinging sensation in the corners of my eyes—tears begging to fall. I really was hormonal. The reason why I sat through this torture was because Edward feared for my safety. But being away from him like this was killing me! I was sick of caring about the risks and precautions in our relationships. I had enough.

Fuck it. I was acting purely on primal instincts tonight.

Consequences be damned!

Swallowing my inhibitions, I pushed my blankets aside and stretched like a lazy cat across my bed. My hands slowly began to graze the sides of my body, and I sighed, pretending it was him who teased me so.

I imagined that he was there, above me, his deep amber eyes fixated on my own. I pictured his wonderful, perfect mouth open slightly, whispering my name again and again.

A loud moan escaped my lips. Normally, since Charlie's room was right outside my door, I would have bit my tongue and silenced myself. But I knew that Edward was outside, watching me, and the thought of him hearing me—seeing me—gave me the most sinful rush I could possibly have. He made me wait, and now he was going to pay.

"Oh, Edward," I cried out, my left hand drifting down towards the throbbing heat below me. My right hand began to wander underneath the confines of my T-shirt, and I began to touch myself, moaning as I teased my already hardened nipples. "Edward, please..."

I heard a growl outside, warning me to stop my antics. I smiled and began to pull down the elastic of my panties. I knew that he was watching, and I wanted him to be pleased. Well, here goes nothing. I slipped a finger inside myself and let out a loud gasp. The gross factor I had earlier flew right out the window, along with all other forms of rationality. I was fucking horny.

"Edward, I know you're out there." I whispered hoarsely. "Please, touch me."

"Isabella, no."

Hearing him say my full name was like dousing the fire with kerosene. His tone was half-angry, half-desperate, as if his resistance was quickly waning. I turned my head towards the window, but he still continued to hide from me.

"But I need you," I whimpered, moving against myself slowly. "I want you here…right here… inside of me."

A string of curse words. A loud noise. A growl. I expected some kind of response from him. But the only sound that greeted me was the faint gust of the evening breeze, and my heart sank in defeat. A tear escaped the corner of my eye, and I wiped it away quickly before any evidence could be revealed.

Suddenly, my hands flew back as a torrential force thrust against me. Edward. The tears cascaded in rivers now as I wrapped my body around his solid frame. I pressed my face into his bare chest, kissing and nipping every bit of his pale marble skin like a starving woman.

His lips met mine with great strength, brutally kissing me until I was left gasping for more. Pulling away, he whispered against my ears, his voice sinfully deep. "No, sweet Bella. You know I can't bear to see you cry." I felt his tongue graze against my ear, and I shivered in sheer delight. "Scream for me instead."

I gasped at the cold sensation as he ripped my shirt away from me. His icy hands soon replaced the tattered fabric, gripping my breasts and kneading me until I was heaving helplessly for that blissful release. His lips dragged torturously down my neck, and he licked the sensitive area with great relish.

"Do you know—" he paused, circling a nipple with his tongue "—of the games you play?"

I tried to formulate a response, but I couldn't seem to remember what my first language was. All I could do was moan in approval as he proceeded to assault my breasts with his delicious tongue. But I also had another area on my mind—another area that needed some much deserved attention.

"Edward, touch me," I breathily demanded, urging his hands to move downward. "I've been dreaming about your touch all night."

A flash of fear came across his face as his hand inched down towards my destination. But fear was soon replaced with lust as his fingers sank into me.

"Oh, God, Bella, you're so wet."

I was never one to use vulgarities during sex, but tonight seemed to be a night full of firsts. His thumb circled against my clit, and I jolted at the electric sensation. "Yes, Edward…fuck!"

He froze his actions and looked up, his golden eyes wide in disbelief. Oh, no…was I being too brash?

Then, a growl escaped his throat, and his finger slid in and out of me at bionic speed. That wonderful ache was growing, building, and I started trembling at the intensity of it. I was thrashing around like a mad woman, clinging to the twisted sheets to restrain myself from buckling over.

"Edward," I begged in his ear, "fuck me, please, just fuck me! "

That was all the incentive he needed. His hard rod thrust into me aggressively, catching me completely off guard. "I cannot deny you anything." And then that wonderful rhythm began.

This was Edward, fully exposed and vulnerable. His eyes, fiercely shut tight, eyebrows furrowed, jaw clenched. He was a man of few words, but his face showed me everything I needed to know. I grazed my tongue down his chiseled cheek and raised my legs onto his broad shoulders, granting him even deeper access to my wet core. My body was saturated in sweat, and that aching sensation transformed into sheer ecstasy. "Edward, make me come…"

Without warning, he grabbed my hips and thrust into me at an angle, rubbing against that one spot that sent me over the edge. My body began to spasm, and I clenched around him like a vise, milking him like the raging hormonal tease I was. My hands traveled down his back, grabbing his firm buttocks, urging him to come with me. Without ado, he froze and let out a throaty grunt before collapsing beside my trembling self. My mattress let out a painful squeak.

For a moment, we laid there, reveling in the aftermath of my conquest. I kissed him softly on the lips, burrowing myself into that cool familiar spot on his chest. "Mmm, I love my periods."

He chuckled. "I love you." His devious fingers trailed along my hips, and I quivered at the contact. "And I love this. Look what you've done to me, Bella. I'm insatiable."

I laughed. If he was insatiable, I was possessed. "Prove it."

Hovering just inches above my stomach, his nostrils flared as he inhaled deeply, his eyes dark as coal. It was a look reminiscent of the way he appeared during my first encounter with him in lab.

I raised an eyebrow. "Edward, you're not going to eat me, are you?"

He flashed me that beautiful, crooked smile—dazzling me with his perfection once again. "Not in that sense." His head then suddenly disappeared beneath the sheets.

Oh, my.

For the first time, I, Isabella Swan, felt… wicked.