DISLCAIMER: I dont own Twilight I own midnight, and to a lesser extent noon, but not Twilight. hehe

So they are at the meadow when...

Edward Cullen steps into the sun.

Bella: Glittering, that's what you do?

Edward: Yes, Bella dear.

Bella:And you've been warning me that you're some terrible beast?

'Ahh, run, the vampires are coming!'

'No!! Whatever you do, don't let it sparkle on you!!'

Edward: The glittering doesn't scare you then?

Bella: 'OMG, the vampires are coming; their eyes change colour, run, dear god, run! They glare at you goldenly!'

Edward: Bella…

Bella: 'Oh no Fear the almighty Cullen Coven, they eat animals! RUN FOR YOU'R LIFE!'

Edward: Bella, stop that.

Bella: What are you going to do about it, huh, Edward? Glitter on me? Huh? Oh no, glitter man is coming!

Edward: Bella, you may think that we aren't that scary in comparison to generic 'Dracula' type vampires, but think about these things: We don't have to be invited inside to enter your house.

Bella: Clearly not, stalker boy, you've been watching me sleep all week.

'Oh noes! Fear the vampires; they might walk in on you while you're having a shower! Dear god, just kill me now!'

Edward: …We don't run from the smell of garlic, or die from eating it.

Bella: Dang, there goes my plan for sneaking some garlic bread into your next dead fix!

Edward: We aren't scared of holy crosses…

Bella: Now where does that put my faith in God?

Edward: We do not turn into bats.

Bella: 'Le gasp! The human-looking vampires are approaching! If only they could morph into small furry mammals…'

Edward: We don't wear long capes either.

Bella: They'll attack us with their fashion sense!

Edward: We don't live in Transylvania.

Bella: No shit, Sherlock.

Edward: We don't sleep in coffins.

Bella: 'Ahh! No, they slept on mattresses last night!'

Edward: Actually, vampires never sleep.

Bella: Even scarier. 'Careful! They haven't had their beauty sleep in a few decades!'

Edward: But we are centuries old.

Bella: Shit! They escaped from the retirement village!

Edward: I can read minds, well… not yours…

Bella: Oh no? He's going to mind read the person opposite me? Someone please save me from the horror?

Edward: Shut up, you know, I really am scary.

Bella: Whatever you say, monsieur Sparkles.

Edward: I am incredibly fast.

Bella: Well that's quite a bad thing in a few areas of intimacy, if you know what I mean, wink wink.

Edward: Haha, you say that now but later on a certain Isle of Esme where I break your bones… I am very strong. I am also…very… umm…ahh…

Bella: Paedophilic?

Edward: Well… yeah, but let us not talk about that right now.

Bella: We'll talk about that later, with my dad, maybe?

Edward: Sure!

Bella: Yahoo!

Edward: Google!

Bella: What?

Edward: I thought that we were listing internet search providers… were we not?

Bella: Well… to be frank… no.

Edward: Haha, you're Frank!

Bella: And you're glittering, aren't you such a girl.

Edward: Listen Bella, in my rant about my features I forgot to mention. I could kill you in a second.

Bella: Yeah? Well, like, you wouldn't dare.

Edward: Oh yeah, biatch? Why not?

Bella: Because you like having someone who will actually talk to you. And no one else will.

Edward: If you're going to be a bitch I don't want to talk to you.

Bella: If you're going to leave me, I will tell Lauren where you live.

Edward: She already knows where I live, take that!

Bella: Wait, why?

Edward: Oh… another time, another time.

Bella: No, now.

Edward: Let's just say… the mothers of this town went through a phase where they were very enthusiastic about arranged marriages.

Bella: Umm…

Edward: I know, Bella, I know. That's why I live here, for the oddness.

Bella: You mean that's why you exist here. Haha.

Edward: Whatever. Hey, where are you going?

Bella: I'm going to get a boyfriend who doesn't glitter.

Edward: Oh… you have fun with that.

Bella: And you have fun with your problem.

Edward: What problem?

Bella: Let us just say that I just alerted the FBI to check high school enrolment registrations for Edward Cullen, over the last one hundred years.

Edward: You didn't…

Bella: Oh yeah, baby. Let's see whose watching who sleep tonight!

Edward: OMG I'M SORRY, I WON'T EVER AGAIN, PLEASE JUST DON'T DO THIS!

Bella: Too late (she walks away)

Edward: PLEASE I PROMIS…. Wait, where did you get the FBI's number? Bella? BELLA? (He leaves the meadow also leaving a snail-trail of glitter after him)

Narrator: The end.

Thanks for reading ( i am assuming that if you are reading this you read that (points at text)

PLease review.