I own nothing! Not Twilight or any of its characters, I even stole the poem line "and all I've loved, I've loved alone" from Edgar Allen Poe.
Despite this I hope you enjoy!
This is Carlisle's point of View of Edwards change.
Dawn broke - It had been three days. I struggled to remember with any amount of coherency how long the agony had lasted for me all those years ago amongst those rotting potatoes. Surely it hadn't been longer than three days?
I placed the dead fox in the corner by the wooden chair, the only piece of furniture in the small secluded room. Its death, though regrettable had been necessary. I discarded my work coat. It was the same one I had wrapped him in as I had carried him over the rooftops still feverish; he wouldn't need it after this.
A tentative ray of morning light had crept across the threshold not quite reaching the three deceased occupants. Well soon to be three. A tortured moan rung out, my glance snapped up it -was first sound he had uttered for a while. The agonizing screams had died down on the second day and petered out into shaky moans. I had tried to comfort him, but he couldn't see, rendered blind and deaf by the haze of agony. I had continued to soothe him, hoping that it would be over quickly, because although it was necessary, I never wanted to be the cause of pain. I glanced at the dead fox beside me, its blood was still fresh… it was almost time, I was sure of it.
He lay on a ragged mat in the centre of the barren room, barley twitching now. Yes, the fire would be subsiding, it was nearly over. I could tell that if the dawn's weak rays reached him now, his icy skin would glitter. He was silent … and utterly still. I matched him, as I sat on the lone chair in the dark corner- a passive position, I couldn't afford to present any antagonistic gestures. I waited for his eyes to open.
Yet again I dwelled on the fact that I had no idea what I was doing. I didn't know if I possessed the strength to rear a newborn to this life. This cursed life… would he hate me for it? He certainly would not have chosen it. Did I have that right to condemn him to this endless struggle? I still wasn't sure of the answer. He would have died though; there had been no hope for him. I liked to think I had given him hope. I focused on the fact that he now had a life of some kind, not an easy one but more of a life than he would have had, regardless.
I ran through my excuses and justifications as I had many times before. This was premeditated; I had made my choices and now had to make the best of them. If I was honest, I knew the most prominent reason; I was lonely.
For over two centuries I had walked this earth. I have seen more in my life than should be possible, I've heard more than mortal ears ever will in their years, I have experienced amazing and terrible things… but all I've loved, I've loved alone. Without someone to share my life with, who is to say I've lived at all?
I looked at his now calm face; I would care for him as I would have my own son. I acknowledged ,of course, that he may not stay with me. But I would treasure the time I was given. If just for awhile there would be someone I would not have to hide from, someone I would not have to lie to. I was sick of deceit; I lived and breathed it just so I could live and help humans, to give my life a meaning. It was a small reconciliation for my vast amount of sin.
But now, I would have someone who could know me and I could know them. I wouldn't have to constantly worry about the temptation, the risk, the suspicion and constant relocation. I wouldn't be considered a threat, scrutinised for my 'eccentric' attempts at morality. I could just be Carlisle. With any luck I could teach him my ways. I certainly wouldn't force him, only offer him a better path. I hoped he would consider it, try it at least, though I wouldn't think worse of him if he chose the alternative if, instinctive route. Still, it would be nice to have one creature on this earth who did not consider me unbalanced.
Edward. A good, respectable name, a name of kings. It had been his fathers name; he had succumbed first, despite the fact I had suspected his son, who had been in a graver condition, would be the first to depart. His mother, Elizabeth, had been next, but not before she had stubbornly nursed her son refusing to rest herself, even until the brink of her death. She had loved him; I saw it in her fierce, fever-stricken eyes as she grasped my hand and begged me to save her son.
She couldn't know the means I had I my disposal, but I wondered if she had guessed. It would not be the first time a human recognised a certain supernatural aura about us. Many of them, when not desperate with fever, would dismiss it as fantasy. And although I would never be able to confirm, I suspected that such was her desperation she just may have endorsed my unorthodox method to save her son.
She had loved him. And I would do the same, I owed it to her. I could never replace her, but I would protect the son she entrusted to me, in effect, the son who would rescue me from my loneliness. Selfish? Undoubtedly I suppose, but the other alternative was death and surely the gift of life counteracted the wrongs of the motive? Ahh will I ever be certain? I cannot deny though- I am glad.
The heartbeat was weak now, so weak that I was certain it was about to give out. Curiously it suddenly shakily quickened as if something had frightened him but it couldn't last. It's sickly beats rung out clear in my hearing. It stuttered and…. Silence. It was over, now the true struggle began.
His eyes snapped open, and he remained utterly still taking in his surroundings. I retained my position on the lone chair, making a show of presenting no aggression. I was not foolish, however, my entire being was focused and alert; ready for damage control. Faster than I expected he flashed to his feet, reeling from his alien environment, enhanced in a way he had never thought possible. It didn't take a second for his shining crimson eyes to lock on to me. He immediately flashed to the far side of the room, crouched defensively, teeth bared as he snarled gutturally.
Despite my peaceful display, any spooked newborn would recognise superior competition. I rose slowly hands out, passively. But then he smelt it, the fresh scent of the dead fox. Immediately his deranged bloody eyes locked upon mine and he coiled to spring. I was between him and his prey, I was a threat. With shocking sped and strength I hadn't anticipated he leapt for my throat. With single swipe I was knocked through the wall, the flimsy wood not standing up to a newborn's rage.
I sprung to my feet and into the room, dawn's rays now cutting through the jagged wood. He was kneeling in the dark corner, his former rage disintegrated, with the bloodless carcass limp in front of him. His eyes flicked to mine with a horrified expression and back to his blood stained hands.
"Oh God", he moaned and leapt to the far side of the room, unable to take his eyes of the dead beast.
"Edward" I said slowly and directly, finally breaking his tortured gaze. He dropped back into a defensive crouch.
"Peace, Peace" I said, holding up my hands and keeping my distance. "I am a friend. My name is Carlisle"
I had to be careful, the newborn flare of emotion was just beneath the surface, despite the fact that he should be slightly more manageable after feeding.
He shakily regarded his blood stained hands raising them to his lips.
"Oh, God what have I done?"
His glare flicked from my face to my discarded doctors coat and back to my face again. I could see him struggle with human memories.
'I…you were at the hospital"
"Yes" I had to take this slowly, let him go at his own pace.
"What have you done to me? Where am…" He stopped, struggling to remember. I could see clearly his uncontrolled emotions rising, suddenly the glare returned in full force.
"Where is my mother? What have you done with her?"
I was lost, I don't know how to deal with this. I had hoped to deal with the issues one at a time, starting with what I anticipated his first question to be; his change. But his human memories are strong and he had loved his family. Which first? The change or his mother?
"I don't care" he growled "just tell me!"
The change first, I decided, it was more pressing, I would answer his other questions next, as they came.
"Edward, I know you are upset and afraid, but I need you to calm. You have gone through a change…" I took a step forward speaking steadily.
"Change?" he spat, the Newborn glut of emotion always close to the surface. " What possible kind of change could make me…make me.." He clawed at his throat, distressed. "It's burning, cant you make it stop?"
"It's the thirst, I'm afraid it doesn't stop, but you learn to deal with it. Edward, it's part of what you are now; A vampire."
He became rigidly still, his eyes searching mine. He seemed to be taking it … well he wasn't trying to rip me to pieces. Was he in shock?
"That's why I… I drunk" he stumbled over the word uncertainly "… drunk from the animal?"
"The blood, stops the thirst doesn't it?" His eyes probed the room for more.
"It does not ever completely leave, but yes, it is what you will live on now" I paused and then continued, getting the worse over at once.
"That is not all that is changed. You skin is now hard and indestructible" as I spoke he examined his body. "You can move, hear and see at levels that far outstrips your previous human ones and…" Hoping it wasn't too much, too fast, I stepped into the sun that now streamed though the window and jagged hole in the wall.
He gasped, his crimson eyes widening…
"Your skin! Its…" he stopped. Then cautiously stepped towards me into the sunlight. His own skin gleamed as he held his hands up to the light. He marvelled at the sheer impossibility of it for a second. He then, abruptly stepped back into the shadows, leaving his hands coloured only by the dull stain of the dried blood. He glared back at me, teeth bared and furious.
"Is that what you do? Go around… changing people, making them different, making them kill and drink from beasts?" he stopped as a thought struck him
"Is that what you did to my mother? Did you make her a monster too?" His anger was clear in his tightly coiled crouch and blazing crimson eyes. I took a step backwards. His mother, he wasn't going to forget her. How am I going to let him know she was dead, without ensuring a newborns wrath?
"She's dead?" It didn't sound like a question, he knew somehow, perhaps instinctively. "You killed her?! He growled snapping his teeth and before I could perceive it he leapt at me. A sound like thunder clashed as he collided with me, sending me through the wall, with fierce hate blazing in his eyes. The sunlight shattered as it hit our skin. I resented the use of force, but it utterly necessary in this case and would be for at least another year. I flashed behind the rage-blinded Edward, coming at him from the side and bringing him to the ground with an almighty boom. I just managed to hold him there.
"Edward listen to me" I commanded "You have to stop, I will tell you everything but you have to calm down. I did not kill your mother. She died in the hospital from the influenza. You know this. Just think". 'Please, just calm down, I have no desire to hurt him and the news I bring is not easy' I thought desperately to myself.
His ruby eyes locked with mine as his growls began to subside. Slowly his body began to calm and he gasped raggedly. I grasped the opportunity quickly.
"Edward, I may be a vampire, but I am also a doctor. I could not save your mother, nobody could have. Edward, if I had not acted you would have died just as she did. I understand if you feel resentful but I hope… I hope that you can accept this new life." I owed it to Elizabeth, she had put all her faith in me. I pictured her emerald green eyes as she pled for her sons life.
Edward went still. I released him tentatively.
"She asked you to?" He said shocked, rising slowly to his feet. I frowned, I was sure he was referring to his mother, but he had guessed her obscure action so quickly. Had he known her so well that he could guess her unorthodox request?
"Yes, it was her dying wish".
He turned his back to me and took a few steps, I watched him carefully. I could not let him out of my sight, I hopped he wasn't about to flee.
"I'm not going anywhere," He said dejectedly, his back still to me, now examining his glittering arms in the sun. "Anyway where would ago? They are all dead now…"
He had done it again; pre-empted what I was going to say. I wondered… I had learnt from my time with Aro and the guard during my stay in Italy, that certain ones of us possessed unique gifts, each different according to the individual. Was it possible? Could Edward posses one of these? Could he know what people were going to say before they said it? Or was he merely very perceptive? I would have to test this further…
"Who are you talking to?" Edward whirled around defensively, looking around me and turning to scan the empty field.
" What do you mean, Edward? There's only us" I frowned cautiously; I couldn't afford to ignite the notorious newborn mood swings. Edward snapped back to glare at me.
"Yes you are, your doing it again, talking about me like I'm not here! You've been doing it the whole time! Who else is here?" He was spooked now, dropping into a defensive crouch and scanning the early morning as if expecting an attack from an unseen assailant.
This was very strange. With his back to me, I decided to test my new theory. 'Edward, can you hear me?' I thought loudly and clearly in my head.
He whirled around immediately and reeled as if I had shouted in his ear. And growled
"Of course I can hear you" he snapped, still crouched and eying me cautiously at my sudden change in tone. I however smiled. Amazing. Quite amazing! I trust that you are still able to hear me Edward? This truly is an amazing discovery!
Edward said nothing. He rose from his crouch and step up towards me as if to get a better look at my face and in particular my completely stationary mouth. Yes! Edward if my suspicions are correct then, I do believe you are listening to what I am thinking!
"Your thoughts?" he verbalized, still staring hard at my mouth as if trying to catch it moving.
Yes I believe so.
He was silent for a second.
"I…can hear your thoughts?" he said incredulously. He again fell silent , then he looked expectantly up at me. What is it? I asked, unable to keep a smile from my face at this fascinating form of communication.
"Oh, you cannot hear my thoughts then?" he asked looking at my shrewdly.
"No, I never have been able to. What you can do, I believe, is unique."
"Cannot all v….," he struggled with the word, I smiled encouragingly 'all the people like …us, listen to thoughts then?"
"No. You see it is not uncommon for a newly born Vampire to find they have use of a certain gift, above and beyond the usual. I believe yours is being able to hear the thoughts of those around you!" Fascinating! We shall have to test this further.
"What can you do then?" he grinned, for the first time looking at ease, almost as if he was interested in nothing but our conversation.
"I, unfortunately, do not posses such a gift. You have been very lucky Edward, I would wager that yours is quite a strong gift indeed. Similar, almost to Aro's, but with significant advantages, I wonder what he will think of it…
"Aro?" asked Edward. I faltered, too much information might not be the wisest choice.
I was relieved and enjoyed Edwards's interest at the discovery of his gift. However it might be too much, too fast and with the strain of his mother's death and frightening new desires, knowledge of the Volturi may distress him further. I wanted him to be happy in his new life, I wanted to do this right. This I information I would save for later.
"Another time perhaps" I said
Edward grinned "I know, I just heard, remember?" he tapped his head. I matched his grin It is seems it is involuntary, you could not…switch it off then?
Edward frowned. "I'm not sure". This is enough; He would need to learn to hunt in the nearby forest. He would not be able to last until tonight so I had better take him now, in the crisp early morning so as to avoid any passing humans.
"Come you must learn to… well I suppose you already know" I said, leading the way. It will take a while to get used to this
I remembered parting with the Volturi as Aro had mockingly wished me luck in finding others to share my 'vision'.
I glanced at Edward, relishing in the speed, laughing as he ran. I felt hope, that perhaps I had found someone to share my way of life. His face, it was the kind of true and honest face, I would have wanted my son to have. I joined Edward's laughter in earnest for now I knew;
I no longer had to be alone.
So? Please, please, leave a review with your thoughts. It's not hard and will make me very happy! This one is longer and hopefully better than my last fic. I hope to update with other points of view soon!