Romper Room

Authors Note: I'm sorry I've been away for so long! Life is... hectic. And my writing urge went to another planet. Mars, I think. But I know optimus prime007 and Plenoptic have been keeping everyone occupied with excellent updates on their fics. If you haven't seen their stuff, you're missing out big time. I also don't own the sparkling 'scruff bar' thing, I think that's owned by Lady Tecuma or Karategal. Definitely not me!

Chapter 4

"Hn..." Lying on his side upon his recharge berth (a feat he had taken some time to perfect, since a mech his size took some arranging) Optimus Prime lifted a hand and rubbed at his forehead slowly. All of his sensors told him it was morning; the end of his recharge cycle and time to start a new Earth day. His sensors also told him there was another presence upon his berth other than his bondmate. A small female presence. He cautiously switched on an optic. Oh yes.


Safire squeaked at him. She was the picture of perfect innocent femininity. Sitting upon her aft next to his head, hands in her lap, optics shining steadily at him. Waiting for the fun to begin again.

She needed entertainment, and the big bot was the best.

Prime smiled weakly, switched off his single peeping optic, and sighed tiredly. "Hello Saffy."

"She came up a few moments ago, climbed up here all by herself. I didn't have the spark to stop her..." Elita murmured to his right, leaning on him. "I think she wants to play with you again." The Femme Commander was up against his side, head peeking over his chest, one hand perched on his sideways waist. She was watching both her handsome mech and lovable femling.

Optimus wasn't so sure. He didn't need another round of humiliation from tiny things bent on causing him grief. Weren't hugs and pats on the head from him enough? Did he have to be given exercise around their apartment while wearing out his vocal modulator with commands that were totally ignored?

Elita let forth a soft giggle, "Aww, look at Sabby."

Looking towards the corner of their room (building arrangements to give Sabre and Safire their own rooms – while giving Optimus and Elita their privacy back – were still in the planning stage) the Commander stared at his son's berth. Sabre was on his back with one leg propped up against the wall above his head and his arms spread out like an Earth bird. Totally sunk in recharge.

...unlike his sister.

Safire patted his noseplates with a happy chirp. He smiled tiredly at her. "Yes, I love you too." He relaxed and tried to sink back into a light recharge while Safire explored the lines and ridges of his face curiously; poking and tapping; but his mate wasn't going to put up with that. And neither; it seemed; was Safire. Her prodding became more invasive. He winced.

"Up, get up," Elita shoved at his hips from behind, "she needs refuelling, and that's your job this morning."

At the mention of 'fuel' Safire perked up and held her hands out desperately with grabby fingers. Her tank was so empty it was going to digest itself! She needed that liquid stuff!

With two femmes determined to remove, shove, push, and smack his tired aft from the recharge berth, he had to surrender. Life had seemed so much easier before sparkling surprises came along... Primus must be having a giant laugh at him. He had endured endless war, Megatron, the loss of the Allspark, living on a strange new planet, and finally – "Here, have two surprise sparklings on top too!". Yes, thank you Primus.

A low grumbling groan of "...going..." came from the Commander, and with far too many muffled groans and lots of wincing, Optimus picked up his femling and cradled her to his shoulder as he got upright. Safire hung onto the upper protrusions of his armor and 'rode' him. She was always amazed at how such a huge thing like her big bot could move. It would be entertaining if she could follow him around all day. She'd just sit on the top of his back and watch - it would be excellent fun!

Optimus halted in front of the energon facilities. Large mech optics and small femme optics both surveyed the situation. "Fuel. Hmm." He was lucky. There was one portion of 'sparkling' energon mixed up and ready to go. Now if Elita didn't make him feed Sabre too...

"Opmus!" Small mech hands banged against his knee. Too late.

Optimus' shrewd optics looked down at where his son was standing defiantly upright against his leg. "Morning Sabby, I thought you were recharging?"

Sabre raspberried him.

"Young mech, I believe it is time you stopped behaving like that."


"...and whoever taught you the word 'no' should spend a few nights in the brig."

From his recharge berth came a muted female snort of mirth. "Funny, Optimus... and that threat is growing old."

"Still works on most deity-fearing bots..." Optimus grumbled.

The insanely tall mech let his gaze take in the lovely sight of his femme stretched out on his berth. Slender armor-clad legs long and gorgeous, attached to a body that had enough exotic curved lines to make any mech lose their vocal capability and merely utter "Ga.." in appreciation. Prime shook his head. No, no; better not to think like that TOO much. Those thoughts had brought them the double terrors named 'Sabre' and 'Safire'.


"Sabre!" One of Prime's large hands reached down and snagged two fingers under Sabre's scruff bar, lifting him up. "You are NOT allowed to hit other bots! Especially me!"

Sabre dangled in his Sire's grip with a grouchy expression. From her perch upon the big bots shoulder, Safire stared at her brother. Ha! He was being naughty again! If she could make it over to the toy pile she could throw something at his head like last time. That seemed to work.

With a deep growl, Optimus plopped Sabre upon his feet, and then presented Safire with her energon cup, ignoring Sabre's whine of jealousy. Sabby was being impolite. Femmes first. He could wait. The femme accepted it gracefully, even if the shove of the cup into her mouth wasn't very 'femme-like'.

From her optimal position upon her and Prime's recharge berth, Elita cradled her head in one hand, rested her cheek in her palm, and smiled at her little family. No wait – BIG family. Nothing about her Optimus was ever little, no matter how much Ironhide tried to spread around false innuendos.

There was the great and fearsome Optimus Prime, doing his best to be domestic. Sabre was bouncing up and down and attempting to grab his energon off the bench (which wasn't ready yet) while Safire sat upon one of her Sire's bent arms and sucked away at her pre-prepared morning fuel ration. The little femling had one optic swivelled down to keep a lookout for her brother's rude demands, in case one of his flailing arms hit her.

Shuttering her optics entirely with contentment, the Femme Commander attempted to lapse back into a light recharge.

"Sabre... here – and don't grab!" Optimus whispered to his jittery mechling. The cup was taken politely from his hand.

... followed by a slap to his lower leg armor and a high-pitched mechling giggle.

"SABBY!" Prime hissed in irritation.

Grudgingly, Sabre patted gently at Prime's armor to say 'sorry' while gulping his fuel.

The Autobot Commander shunted air through his in-takes with frustration. He just didn't get how to handle insubordinate sparklings. They were out of his league; and worse still; both of his precious sparklings knew it. He waited while Sabre and Safire both finished their rations. There was a very long list of tasks he had to perform today, and he was hoping to get an early start. Humans may be small but they had big problems that they thought giant robots had the perfect answers to.

Safire finished first. The sound of her in-take valve draining the cup was quite loud.

"Whoops, here, let me take that," Optimus said quietly, grasping the cup, mindful of Elita slipping into recharge. He wiped her mouthplates with a special cloth. "You still dribble. You can't be a proper femme until you don't dribble. Ironhide dribbles, and you don't want to be like him, do you?"

His optics widened when a cup was tossed into the air and crossed his field of vision. His stunned gaze watched its ascent slow and then begin to fall. With lightning reflexes, the huge mech safely snatched it. "Sabre! Don't do that! No!"

A reflux of excess air which went down with the fuel came back up at him.

Good Primus, please don't tell me we've got a tiny Ironhide clone on our hands... Optimus thought desperately at his son's irritating behaviour.

Finished with his fuel – and having taken care of his cup like his Femme Unit had taught him to - Sabre tottered back to his recharge berth, dragged himself up onto it, and slipped back into recharge.

"Oh no," Optimus Prime's optics were wide with horror. "That's just what Ironhide does. Drink, slap, burp, toss and recharge."

A small chirrup interrupted him. He looked down at his mini femme. She smiled back at him. How could he stay gloomy with such an angel in his arms?

"You," he lowered his head to nuzzle her with his oversize noseplates, "are the most adorable sparkling in the universe."

Safire shrieked and giggled. The big bot was so funny!

Elita's slurred voice carried over to them. "Keep laughing, Saffy. We should have bots laughing at him more often, it keeps his big lug feet firmly on the ground."

Optimus Prime clicked his optic covers at her. "Femme... dangerous ground and all that."

"Oh yes." Elita stretched her arms over her head languidly, "You without your feet on the ground endangers everyone shorter than you."

Vowing to continue this banter with his femme mate later, Optimus walked over and began to lower Safire onto the berth so he could go to work. Safire; however; wasn't having ANY of that. She had decided she liked being carried around by her big bot, and there wasn't going to be any 'getting down'. Her small fingers dug into the undersides of Prime's armor and hung on – hard.

The huge mech's optic ridges furrowed. "Safire, let go please. You need to stay here with Lita and Sabre."

Carefully, Optimus attempted to pull her off him. No joy. He was afraid to try harder in case he hurt her.

"Safire, you can't stay there. Let. GO."

A whistle of mixed amusement and determination came back at him, and then Safire did the one thing that Optimus couldn't counter. In a flash she wriggled and climbed her way around Optimus' wide torso, and anchored her little body right between his shoulder armor, far enough down where he couldn't reach. Safety zone!

"What?!" Optimus stood there with outstretched hands and a wild expression. "Safire! Get out of there!"

"You know, I think – and I'm merely going on my enormous powers of feminine observation here – that Safire would like to hang around with you for a while, sweetie."

The Autobot Leader drew in a harsh gulp of air through his in-takes; paused; and sagged down in defeat. What right did he have to say she couldn't? And he was acutely aware of how little quality sparkling time he had spent with Safire lately. If her tiny processor thought this was the only way to be with him, it would be wrong of him to say no, and in any case, he would mostly be carrying out base duties, which meant a lot of walking around the hallways... so she wouldn't be in any danger.

"Do you really think it is okay if she stays there?" Optimus asked Elita.

The Femme Commander snorted a chuckle. That was so funny! Peeking around the huge torso of her giant mech was a little femme head with twinkling optics. Her Safire.

Elita cocked her head with a warm smile, "You know what? As long as you don't forget she's there, and you take great care of her, I think she'll be alright. You have my blessing. And you better move along before Sabre wakes up and decides he wants to join in."

"Going! Hang on Safire, we're doing big bot duty today..." With a wave at his mate and walking carefully with one hand held hovering underneath Safire's aft to check she was steady, he left his quarters.

Elita settled happily back into recharge. Everything would be fine. Optimus and Safire would have a great day together. And as soon as Safire started screaming and ejecting energon, she'd step in and clean up the mess. No problem.

...or so she hoped.