Hello, everyone. My name is Leah, and it's been a good two and a half years since I started writing this fic. I stopped a little over a year and a half ago when I got over Twilight. I left fanfiction at that point, because Twilight stories were the only ones I'd ever read or written. I'm back now, because I've delved into other fandoms, and I want to wash my hands of this before I dive into anything else. It's not bad writing; no. As I said in my profile, I consider this story and the other fic I wrote for Twilight my transition from amateur to writer. But it's Twilight. And... it's not that it was bad, it's just like... those shows you watched when you were younger, and you go back and you think 'Wow... that wasn't what I remembered.' But you love it anyways, because it was a part of shaping your childhood and all that.
Recently and for various reasons, I found myself polishing up some of the grammar and other weird mistakes in this fic. I still want to rewrite the first few chapters to make Bella's personality constant throughout the story, but I don't have the time or interest. So instead, you get this. It's revised, and on top of that, it's got an extra chapter at the end that I wrote about a year ago as a last hoorah, but never published. There's more of my explantions there, if you want to read them, and information about what may or may not happen to this story now.
Everything but the sentence structure of the story was left in-tact. And that includes the author's notes (save a few glaring spelling errors). They don't really say anything important, so you can skip them... the ones in bold, at least. The ones in italics are newer. If, for some reason, you do decide to read my old ramblings, then I'm sorry they sound so... middle schooler-y. I was a middle schooler at the time, so y'know. To be expected.
So... enjoy. If you can. One way or another. I have a few more things to tweak, and then I can finally wash my hands of this thing. I'm off.
A/N: I know I said I wasn't going to do any Bella and Edward Fanfics, but I got this idea stuck in my head and I just couldn't resist. I hope you enjoy, and I'd love it if you guys actually reviewed for this one! OMG, there's a new idea!
Aaaaanyways, hope you guys like my screwed-up idea. My mind works weird.
PS- Sorry, Edward fangirls, but I'm probably going to make Edward kind of unappealing in this. Enjoy the torture of my sick and twisted mind. Don't worry, there'll be plenty. MUA-HA-HA-HA-HA!
I sighed. Yet another night in a never-ending day called eternity; the first and last day of forever. When there was no sleep and no visible end, keeping track of time seemed pointless.
True, I was better off then when I was human and weak; now I was strong, beautiful, graceful, eternally seventeen… and alone. Dreadfully, painfully alone.
Sure, I hadn't minded as a human, but then, life had seemed so long. Like I had all the time in the world and four billion boys to choose from; one of them had to be mine.
And I was dead wrong.
I hadn't had any time at all, and no boy had ever taken interest in me while I had had a chance to love any of them back. Now they all did and it didn't matter a lick; now that I really did have all the time in the world, I was going to be alone for all of it. Such was my curse.
As Emmett had once put it, "Hell isn't so bad as long as you have an angel with you." I had no angel, and it was unbearable, grueling torture. Yet I would not undo it if I could. I had many accomplishments in my existence, and, though I was miserable, the world was better off because of it. The world gained from my suffering… what a masochistic view.
I sighed yet again and turned from the window to face the mirror. I was used to what I saw-pale skin, an over-the-top dress with a neckline that was just a little too low (picked out by Alice, of course), my long, wavy brown hair that never changed or grew even a millimeter, my full red lips; slightly disproportionate but still beautiful, the soft planes of my face-all of it was so unimpressive now, kept unchanged for a century by the power of eternity.
I sighed for the third time as I stared into my onyx eyes. I needed to hunt.
I swiveled once again in my chair and yelled unnecessarily-she could hear me even if I were to whisper, and was no doubt on her way from the moment I took my breath, if not before.
"Alice!" Before I was even done saying her short name, my short, pixie-like sister was in front of me, grinning ear-to-ear.
"Sure, Bella! Sounds like fun! Where to?"
I sighed deeply once again; Alice was so energetic, and that, coupled with her visions, never ceased to annoy me. Sure, I loved her to death, but sometimes I wished that that phrase was a little more literal…
Again, I sighed-I was doing too much of that-and began to consider her question. I got tired of grizzly-hunting with Emmett. You kind of get sick of it after a while.
"I don't really care," I finally replied, "But I'm not really in the mood for grizzly." I almost gagged at the thought of it.
She smiled wickedly, and I gulped. What had I gotten myself into?
"How's a little trip to Africa sound?"
I was surprised; it actually sounded like fun, unlike Alice and Rose's usual plans for shopping sprees and over-the-top parties. Honestly, though. It was pretty much perfect; Panthers for me, a chance to make a big event out of it for Alice, and it was supposed to be sunny the next few days anyways (And "supposed to" means that there was no doubt; Alice's visions of weather, for one, were always perfect), so there was no real point in staying close or coming back soon, anyways.
"Actually, it sounds like fun." I replied, surprise evident in my voice.
"Great!" She exclaimed, not letting my pessimism bog her down. She went on and on about the details, which I listened to partially as I let my mind wander. I caught every word; there was no need to pay an excessive amount of attention.
After a while of her babbling on about the details and obsessing over every little thing and every friend she had in or around Africa, who we would no doubt be going to visit, she stopped suddenly. She looked hesitant, switching her weight from one foot to the other nervously and awkwardly.
I had a pretty good idea of what she was going to ask.
She hesitated a moment, then shoved the words out in a slurry. Her high-pitched, bell-like voice was strained. "Is it okay if Jasper comes along?"
I sighed; I had figured so much. Everyone knew that I didn't like being alone, but I didn't blame them. How could I blame them for something so out of their control? They were my family; it wasn't right to give them double-standards.
"Yeah, Alice; it's fine. Just as long as you two don't go all Emmett-and-Rose on me."
I rolled my eyes, she laughed. Now what Emmett and Rose did got me ticked. It wasn't that they were in love-I was fine with that. It was how they flaunted it; how they were so physical about it in front of everyone. Sometimes, I felt like they were rubbing it in my face, thought I knew that Rosalie, at least, was above that. Emmett, on the other hand, might be trying to get on my nerves, but it was hard to say.
"Don't worry; we're not like that and you know it." Her voice cut through my thoughts, and I sighed. Of course I knew; I lived with them.
Suddenly, another thought popped into my head, but before I could open my mouth, Alice cut me off. "Yes, Bella. Of course I'm packing bags. There's no way we're going all the way to Africa just to hunt! We're turning this into a trip!" She giggled and kissed me on the cheek, then was gone before I could protest.
I sighed for the millionth time and turned to grab my duffel bag off of it's hook on the wall. I'd better pack some decent clothes unless I wanted to be hunting in a cocktail dress. Hopefully, Alice hadn't thrown all my decent clothes away.
It was amazing how quickly a simple hunting trip could spiral so completely out of control. But such was life with Alice.
As I shoved most of the contents of my own personal closet-jeans, cargo pants, t-shirts, button-downs, and a couple turtlenecks and sweaters-into my duffle bag, one thought swirled around in my head, haunting me.
Why hadn't I just asked Esme?