The Ten Commandments of Zelda Fan Fiction
Commandment the First: Thou shalt not pair the Dark Lord Ganondorf and the Chosen Hero Link together romantically. This is a blasphemy, and Just Plain Icky besides, not to mention Not at All Realistic. Authors caught committing this Cardinal Sin shall be Banished to the Dark Realm, there to be Eternally Devoured by monsters and forced to read their own Abominations until they see the error of their ways.
Commandment the Second: Thou shalt not pair Link and Dark Link together romantically, for this is also a blasphemy, Just Plain Icky, and Not at All Realistic. There are far too many Abominations of this sort that plague fair Hyrule, and must be halted before we are all swept away in a tide of evil. The Hero and his evil double are enemies. Enemies!! This goes against the laws the Blessed Goddesses bestowed upon us!
Commandment the Third: Thou shalt not make thy Original Characters into gods. Thy Original Characters may not swoop in and effortlessly defeat all of Hyrule's foes single-handedly, nor may they sweep the heroes of the legends off their feet to fall in love. If Original Characters must play a main part in thy story, thou shalt keep their personalities and deeds within the Bounds of Reason, on pain of Banishment to the Dark Realm and Eternal Mockery.
Commandment the Fourth: Thou shalt obey the Rules of Grammar as passed down by the Great Goddesses. Thy word processor is equipped to catch spelling errors. Thou shalt make use of it. Thou shalt also consider allowing another pair of eyes besides thy own to gaze upon thy text before displaying it for all to see, so that the eyes of the masses are not seared by badly spelled words and inadequate sentence structure.
Commandment the Fifth: Thou shalt not make the heroes and villains of legend act in a way other than their personalities dictate, except for Purposes of Humor. The heroes and villains of legend are timeless characters, their words and deeds passed down through the ages for all to enjoy. To deviate from the way these characters act without sufficient plot development is a Cardinal Sin, and will be punished with Banishment to the Dark Realm, Eternal Mockery following. In the case of Purposes of Humor, thee may allow thy characters to act absurdly, as great amusement can be derived from seeing the heroes and villains of legend act in ways they would not act realistically.
Commandment the Sixth: Thou shalt not make thyself a god. If thee insist upon placing thine own self into the legends, thou shalt not make thyself perfect or superior to the Chosen Hero unless thou really are that way in thy actual life. Be assured, thou are not. To do this is to face Eternal Mockery and banishment to the Dark Realm.
Commandment the Seventh: Thou shalt be respectful of thy Fellow Man. Many are those who desire to tell their own legends of the land of Hyrule, and not all are master bards. If thou findest a tale that thou believe to be inferior to thy own, thou shalt not mock it. Thou shalt instead remember thy own first efforts at telling legends, and that they were assuredly not perfect. Few are those capable of making a masterpiece on their first try. Disrespect of thy Fellow Man shall result in Banishment to the Dark Realm, followed by Notification of the Moderators.
Commandment the Eighth: Thou shalt not make thy characters copulate in Graphic Detail without proper Warning of the Reader. Many are those who, unsuspecting of carnal details in legends, have had their senses sent into shock from unexpected intercourse between those whose adventures they wish to enjoy. If thee wisheth to partake of such things, have the manners to warn those who do not.
Commandment the Ninth: Thou shalt keep the content of thy legends within the Rating thou hast selected for them. If thy legend is intended for enjoyment by those who have not yet reached the Age of Maturity, thou shalt keep thy legends suitable for those who are not yet experienced in the Ways of the World. If thy legend has content suitable only for those who have achieved a Mature State, thou shalt affix the appropriate Rating, so that the innocent may not inadvertently experience such things until they have achieved said State.
Commandment the Tenth: Thou shalt obey the above Commandments, so that legends may be enjoyed by all, and a Free Exchange of Ideas may take place, in which those wishing to see further adventures of the legendary heroes and villains may find stories of quality without being subjected to Excessive Unpleasantness. Thou shalt also remember not to take the legends Too Seriously, as those who do are often causers of Excessive Unpleasantness, resulting in Less Enjoyment by all.
Commandment the Bonus: Thou shalt not use up all thy hot water if Someone Else is waiting to use thy shower. This is a blasphemy, not to mention Just Plain Rude.
Commandment the Author's: Thou shalt not take Excessive Offense at the Commandments, as no offense is meant toward any. Neither shalt thou make fun of Davin Sunrider's improper use of Old English, as he is sure he has used some of it Wrongly. ;)