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I can't escape this hell
So many times I've tried
But I'm still caged inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal

Animal I Have Become - Three Days Grace

I never would have thought that my life would become dumb cliché; new kid in town falls in 'love' with the most popular girl in school. I don't know how it happened really. I wish that I could say I had a justifiable reason for what happened, that is was destiny or fate, or some kind shit like that. But I have never believed in fate before, and I don't see why I should change the way I feel now, even though so much has changed.

They say that when you find your soul mate the whole world just stops, that everything around you freezes and all you can see is the other person as if they were surrounded by some amazing light. I never really believed in soul mates, or in love for that matter. In the words of Peter Pan "even the sound of it offends me."

I used to think that after everything that I have seen and experienced how can love possibly exist, when everything that loves stands for is a lie.

My mother always used to tell me she loved me, but after miscarrying her latest child she took her 'love' and jumped off a cliff, leaving me to fend for myself.

I don't blame her though. Anyone could have seen that that's what was going to happen; it was just the last straw that broke the camels back, and it did break her back as well as my heart.

Being a young child at the time, I could never see why she would do that to her family. I couldn't understand why the one person in the world that I loved, would leave me.

Since then I had become a hermit with my emotions. Therapists that I have had over the years have said that I use the 'jam jar' effect on my feelings, bottling them all up so I wouldn't have to deal with the pain that comes with feeling.

In some ways they are right. If I had actually experienced my real feelings over my mothers untimely death, I probably would have become self destructive myself. I have come to see over the years what emotions are like by watching and psychoanalysing other people.

To say that I was numb in all meanings of the word would have been pretty accurate of how I used to be. I lived a bubble-like existence, cutting myself off from the rest of the world, and only coming up for air when I really needed it.

I guess I could say that falling in 'love' changed me but it didn't happen all at once. You can't instantly fix something that was almost broken beyond repair.

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
(This animal I have become)

Authors Note: I have no idea if you guys will like this story or not, but in any case. I write for my bestie TeenCinderella and her love for this story is all that really matters, though I would also appreciate your love for it too. Reviews are not always needed, but greatly appreciated!