No my dear readers, this is not an update of your beloved story Dark Inside Me nor is it an update for Never Say never. This is a story of another kind. This is the story about a father and his battle against something that he could not win.

It was early January in a land far far away, a young man walked into his local medical practicians office enquiring to his doctor as to why he bruised easily and what was causing severe headaches that sometimes lasted for days. The doctor took some blood of the man and sent the correct forms away for analysis, not really giving a second thought to the young man's ailments.

The young man went home with a new box of aspirin and a brand new band-aid over the inside of his elbow. His mind drifted from the small flow of blood from his wound, his blood not clotting the way it should, and instead he focused his attention on his oldest child's new school assignment that needed to be handed in tomorrow. He knew that his wife would be home in a few hours and that he had plenty of time to help his daughter before dinner would be set on the table.

Over the next few weeks the headaches, nausea, bruises and blood clotting issues continued but the man pushed his own issues to the side focusing on getting a promotion at his work. His wife had been nagging him over their money issues and though his father had offered to help them out, the man had refused, thoroughly believing that he wanted to succeed on his own. Having already lost one of his siblings to a hit and run the boy didn't want to become a burden on his father, so he kept on with his medial job hoping that one day his effort would be good enough for a promotion.

Almost 3 weeks after his appointment with his local physician the man received a call from his doctor's nurse asking in a pleading tone for him to come into the doctor's office for more tests and the initial results from the blood exam.

The man thought nothing of it and made an appointment for later that day. Initially he was a little surprised that the doctor had cleared most of the afternoon for the man to come in, but once again that train of thought was pressed to the back of his mind when more important things were brought to his attention.

The man took barely any notice of the morose looks that were given to him by the doctors medical assistant when he entered the small office and instead focused on reading through a list of 'to do' items his boss had given him before he left for the day. His mind washed over the items on the list, already planning on how he would perform these tasks before work the next day.

The doctor's voice was heavy and laced with a few other emotions that struck the man as he was called into the doctor's office, but he just assumed that the doctor was having personal problems and sat down in the ugly leather seats inside the doctor's small room.

The man noticed that the doctor's face was grim as he asked about the man's day and how his kids were going at school. The man answered the doctor's questions, taking notes of the way the doctor still looked upset as he looked into the man's eyes. Finally the doctor shifted his position and pulled out the man's medical records as well as the results of the man's earlier blood test.

"I'm sorry sir, but our tests detected something unusual and we need to do further tests." The doctor told the man, his voice now empty of his earlier emotions.

"Should I be worried?" The man asked his doctor with a light chuckle, curious as to the doctor's change in attitude.

The doctor exhaled deeply and pressed his thumb and forefinger to the bridge of his nose, his expression one of deep sadness and agony.

"We have found a... complication in your blood work." The doctor told the man, his eyes searching the man's face as if trying to make him understand something he could not even understand himself.

"We need to run some more tests, but we might have to refer you to another clinic to do that." The doctor explained, understanding that the man would now worry as to when he would find the time to make a trip to the city, especially if he was trying to get a promotion at work.

The man went home that night with another band-aid full of blood on the inside of his elbow and an upset expression on his face. His wife and children were worried about him but he assured them that nothing was wrong and that he was going to be fine.

The next day he was flustered at work and wasn't able to complete the list of things to do that his boss had given him. The vein in his bosses forehead stuck out as he was about to yell at the man but something in the man's expression stopped him and he left the man alone with his thoughts.

That weekend he asked his mother to look after his wife and kids, he was going to travel to the city hospital under the guise of a business trip, not wanting to upset or frighten his family.

The trip into the city was one that the man had never experienced before; all the stores and shops that littered the streets were new to man as he had not visited the city since he was a child. His hotel room was small and the TV only picked up a few channels but the man's mind wouldn't stop long enough for him to even attempt to absorb his mind in frivolous TV shows and garbage.

The hospital was white and very clean. The walls were lined with small amounts of artwork that were meant to make the patient feel more comfortable but only seemed to make the man more detached and cold, the works of finger paint only reminding him of another weekend he was missing with his children.

The Indian doctor who treated him was cold and detached, much like the building he worked in. He explained to the man that he had a disease, one that he would try to treat but whose success would be unlikely.

On the train ride home the man saw his life flash before his eyes. The promotion at work that he wanted to get. His children's weddings that he wanted to attend. His 35th birthday that he would never make it to.

All his life he had just wanted what was best for everyone around him, he never really had time to live and now his choice was being taken from him.

Later that night his wife collapsed on their kitchen floor as he explained that he had an incurable form of leukaemia. That his doctors would try to help him but there was nothing much he could do.

The man spent the next 6 months going in and out of the city hospital. His family was strained and sad for him. His beautiful girls knew that their father was sick but were told that daddy was fighting to stay with them. That he wanted to stay with them forever, even if forever wasn't possible.

The man's full head of hair thinned, thinned to a point where he had to wear a beanie over his head so as not to repulse people that walked past his hospital room.

The man's wife was taking the news harder than anyone else. She could only spend an hour a day at her husband's side and even then the air between them was strained. In some ways she blamed the man for what was happening to him and their family, even though it wasn't his fault.

Mid way through the month of August the man was given devastating news, he only had 6 months to live. His wife refused to leave her room for over a week. Meals were pushed through her door, ensuring that she was at least keeping something in her body.

The treatments hadn't worked and the man was devastated. His father, who had been paying his medical bills over the last 6 months, offered to send the man on holiday with his family; one final holiday to say goodbye. After much deliberation the man and his wife pulled their 3 little girls out of their school and into a campervan that they would use to travel around the country or at least until the man started to get sick again. The planned out a 3 month holiday around the country, knowing that the man may not be well enough to be outside of a hospital after the third month.

After two wonderful months of travelling the man started to get sick, much sicker than he was before the holiday. After consulting with the nearest hospital it was arranged for the man and his family to be sent back to their home town as the man was too sick to do anymore travelling.

The man got sicker as time went on and in his last few weeks his father and some friends arranged for the man to be placed in the care of his wife so that he could at least spend his last few days with his family.

His medication was high and the man was in a lot of pain. He was getting worse and his family knew it.

His wife was very supportive and made sure that each week she would visit the local pharmacy so that she could pick up his pain pills for the next week. One day, closer to Christmas, the man's wife came home upset that the local chemist did not have his pills ready that day, and that they would be ready the following day.

The man understood and tried to calm his wife, eventually getting her to settle down as she fell asleep on the couch. The next morning his eldest daughter came running into his room, screaming that her mommy would not wake up. The man was in a panic and didn't have the strength to pull him out of bed, calling his mother to come over and see what was going on.

The mother was distraught when she arrived at the man's house, also unable to wake the man's wife. An ambulance was called when his mother could not find her pulse, taking the man's wife to the nearest medical centre so that she could be airlifted to the hospital in the city.

The man's wife was pronounced dead of an overdose upon arrival at the hospital.

2 weeks later the man joined his wife in the ground, leaving their 3 daughters under the care of his mother. The hardest thing he ever had to do was explain to his children that both mommy and daddy weren't coming home from the hospital.

This story has no happy ending. It isn't a fairytale. Life doesn't always end the way we want it to and sometimes people can be really stupid, but there's nothing else we can do.

***

My cousin David died 3 days before Christmas last year. His leukaemia was untreatable. His wife took her own life with his pain medication, leaving my aunt to look after their three girls under the age to 12 even though she is pushing 60.

His funeral was beautiful. He was buried with an urn of his sisters ashes under his arm, forever looking after his baby sister.

Cancer is horrible. It rips families apart and takes parents from their children, and children from their parents.

"No parent should ever have to bury their child."

Is one of the saddest quotes I have ever heard of and it is so true. My aunt and uncle have buried two of their 3 children and it is the most horrible thing in the world.

His D.O.D. is coming up soon and our whole family are once again saddened by our loss. So I am sorry that I haven't updated. Recently my mum has had tests run to see if she might have cancer and it has brought all this back up for me. I know this is no excuse but please believe me that I am sorry for doing this to you guys. I love you all so much.

I want to update soon and hopefully I will. Just be patient and I promise I will not give up on you guys if you won't give up on me.

Go and bid on an author for "Fandom Gives Back" it's a worthy cause and every little bit helps.

Sorry, and I hope you can forgive me.

Much Love,

AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf

xx