This is definitely not a serious story (when are my stories ever?). For one, it involves Gozaburo being not so jerky; for another, Noah is portrayed as a non-computer-bound being, and accepting of Kaiba as a brother. This is nowhere near likely to happen, and it's VERY loosely based on "Yu-Gi-Oh." One might even call it "Alternate Universe." It's also a parody that tends to poke fun at the Kaibas (although the other characters will get their fair share of teasing).

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, Sesame Street, Barney, or Prunella Flundergust (a character from Animaniacs). I only own the story idea and Ms. Toilet (and probably not even her, since she was partly based on a substitute teacher I had).


Once upon a time, there were three boys with the surname of Kaiba. Their first names were Noah, Seto, and Mokuba, which, when abbreviated and read backwards, spelled out MSN. Quite apropos, considering these three were the masters of technology. If read normally, the letters spelled NSM, which could mean National Socialist Movement. Not so fitting as, despite their white heritage, these three were not into the whole white sheet and confederate flag shtick. If read in reverse alphabetical order, they read SNM, which really isn't appropriate at all.

Noah, Seto, and Mokuba had been very bad boys lately. It started with a little prank of Noah's creation in which they put a sign on the local store's condom dispenser that read, "Don't buy this gum, it tastes like rubber." Joey Wheeler, not believing the sign ("I'll be da judge o' dat!"), wasted a quarter and chewed the "gum" until he realized just what it was. He forcefully ejected it from his mouth, muttering a few choice words and something about "Nasty, rotten Kaibas."

They didn't stop there. They overturned their substitute health teacher's car (which nobody minded, as they felt she had it coming). They hacked into the school's computers and edited all the Powerpoint presentations so that they included very scandalous photos of the principal, the aforementioned substitute teacher, and an overhead projector. Finally, they kidnapped Barney the Dinosaur and forced him to listen to his own songs.

When they were done with that, they burned down Sesame Street.

Their father, Gozaburo, soon heard about this and decided he'd better do something about it. Instead of laying those hooligans over his knee and giving them the spanking of their lives, he came to the conclusion that he should hire a baby-sitter. Never mind the fact that Noah and Seto were both seventeen, Mokuba was twelve, and the three of them could probably watch themselves. Never mind that fact that no child of Gozaburo's would ever behave so recklessly. Pay no attention to the fact that two of these Kaiba men were supposed to be trapped in a computer in who-knows-where being I-don't-care.

That aside, Gozaburo began interviewing candidates for the job. He hadn't been very successful; so far, he'd turned down a pyromaniac, an overly idealistic young woman named Prunella Flundergust, and a shady man in a beige trenchcoat who said that teenaged boys were his "favorite."

Over the repeated slams of his head on the oak desk, he managed to hear a voice from the doorway skid into his ears. "Are you still conducting interviews?"

Gozaburo's head snapped up in attention. In front of him stood a very (ahem) colorful young woman. She had pink hair (with her blond roots clearly visible) done in an upsweep that vaguely recalled a pile of dog excrement. Her face was painted up with fire engine red lipstick and eyebrow-reaching electric blue eyeshadow, which did nothing for her dull grey eyes. She wore a fuchsia shirt with approximately six layers of ruffles too many, a lime green miniskirt, and white high-heeled shoes.

When Gozaburo's vision returned, he responded, "Yes. Please sit down." This lady was a sartorial train wreck. He was desperate, but if he couldn't see due to repeated viewings of this lady, that might affect business negatively.

He paid the ransom for his attention, then turned it to the application in front of him. "You are Ms. 'Toy-let,' correct?" he asked.

"Actually, it's pronounced 'Twa-lay,'" the woman corrected.

"So, Ms. 'Toy-let,' let's not beat around the bush. I am looking for someone who will be able to keep my sons out of trouble. Frankly, I don't care about your past experience at this point and I don't care if you shoot them up with dog tranquilizers when they act up. That said, what would you have them do to occupy their time while you are in charge?"

"I would let them watch television and play card games, like all good little children do!" Ms. Toilet chirped shrilly, her eye twitching. Gozaburo almost sent her out; he couldn't afford to lose his eyesight and hearing. But when she told him about her past experience with "bad little boys who didn't realize that she will not hesitate to "go medieval on their heinies," because she "will cut them," he decided that she'd be perfect to whip his boys into shape. Oh, he could do that himself, but he was much too rich and busy to do so (actually, Seto was probably much too busy to be babysat). Plus, why discipline them when you could scar them into doing exactly what you wanted of them?

Just as long as they obeyed.


I repeat, this was meant merely in jest.