Disclaimer: One Piece isn't mine. Nothing witty left to say here.

Summary: Impulsive as ever, Luffy insists on being taught the art of… art. And poor Zoro is along for the ride, resulting in a sexy, lemony mess. Oneshot. ZoLu. Hints of SanUso. Lemon.

Warning: This story not only contains yaoi, but a sex scene between two males. By order of Common Sense, if you're not into this, then it is suggested you leave now.

Hullo all you screaming ZoLu fans out there! Here's your one and only navigator, Icebeder21 with a brand new oneshot! This was requested my dearest Inumaru12 who asked me to do a ZoLu using the prompt word "art". I reeeally sorry Inu-baby! It's been nearly a month since you requested this! I hope the lemon doesn't suck as bad as I think it does. I hope it doesn't feel rushed either…

Enjoy, my perverted fans, enjoy!

Calamity's Smutty Paint Job

Monkey D. Luffy wasn't a very patient person. The monotonous days spent on the Thousand Sunny became weeks and weeks of sheer boredom for everyone's favorite Straw Hat pirate. At this rate, it'd take forever to reach the next island!

Luffy did not deal with boredom well.

"Are you even listening?" the tan-skinned sharpshooter, Usopp, questioned as his captain balanced a brown colored pencil on the edge of his nose. Chuckling a little, the captain sneezed, almost stabbing the other man in the eye with the colored writing utensil.

Roronoa Zoro attempted to stifle a chuckle as the long-nosed man ducked for his life to the floor. Taking a brave peek from behind his hands, Usopp stood and exploded at the two for not being serious.

"We're sorry Usopp!" Luffy said apologetically, nudging the swordsman in the side. "Zoro, tell him how sorry you are."

He scoffed.

"I don't even know why I have to be here. If you're the one who wanted to do this so badly, then why didn't you just do it yourself?" Zoro questioned in an annoyed tone.

"'Cuz Nami told me that couples always do stuff together!" the raven-haired man answered simply. He turned to his boyfriend and gave him the fierce puppy dog pout. Luffy made his clear obsidian eyes grow twice their normal size before jutting out his lower lip at just the right angle and making it quiver.

Zoro blinked in defeat and made a mental note to have a word with the orange-haired navigator later.

"Ehem, if we can continue…?" Usopp cleared his throat. Luffy raised his arms shouting, 'Continue! Continue!' as the artist went back to doing his instruction. Usopp walked over to the corner of his workshop and brought back a canvas and seven cans of paint. The cans were red, green, orange, yellow, blue, pink, and purple.

Setting down the rainbow of cans, Usopp pointed to each one and took the time to explain the difference between primary colors and secondary colors. Red, blue, and yellow make up all the colors, red plus blue get purple, blue plus yellow gets green, yellow plus red gets orange, etc…

After that was done (fifteen minutes later) Usopp gave his two crewmates a picture of a duck to practice on. Creative as always, Luffy merely splattered the sketch with green while claiming that a yellow duck would look boring.

"See? It looks like Zoro now!" he exclaimed proudly, holding the image up to his lover's face. Said lover scowled at the thought of being compared to something that looked like the shitty cook onboard.

"Oh yeah? How about this?" said the swordsman, grabbing a pencil and scribbling something onto the paper before presenting it back to Luffy. "Now it looks like you!"

"Cool! That duck has a ham on its head!" shouted Luffy.

"It is not a ham! It's supposed to be your hat!" explained Zoro.

"But Hat isn't a ham," whined Luffy. "Wait, you're not a ham, are you Hat? You'd tell me if you were, right?" asked the young captain to the inanimate object. He removed the item on his head and nibbled on it slightly. "Nope, definitely not a kitty. It didn't purr."

Zoro sighed at his captain/boyfriend's childish gullibility. As if a hat could be a piece of meat. The thought was mere nonsense. On the other hand, watching the man nibble on the straw hat was… just a little…

The next thing Zoro saw was red. Lots and lots of red.

"WHAT THE HELL, LUFFY?!" he bellowed, disgustedly wiping away the crimson smear that now covered half his face.

"You were giving me that weird look again," the Mugiwara Captain said as if that explained everything. His left hand was dripping with paint now. "Actually, you've been staring at me like that for a few hours now. Do I have something on my face?" Luffy instantly raised his hand to his cheek, smearing paint on that as well. "Here? Here? What about here?"

Three more spots on his face were now messed with paint. Zoro scoffed at the irony as he gently took Hat from Luffy's other hand and placed it gently atop his boyfriend's head. Smirking, he dipped a fingertip into the green paint.

"You've got something here for sure, Captain," the bushido noted before softly flicking Luffy on the nose.

"Hey!" the other exclaimed/chuckled. He then stuck his entire right hand into the can of yellow paint and flung it across Zoro's shirt.

"You little…" the swordsman groaned, retaliating with a fistful of blue. Luffy gulped and ducked just in time, making sure to rescue Hat as well. A startled, high-pitched yelp caught them both off guard as they turned to look at Usopp. To be brutally honest, they'd forgotten his presence as they had gotten lost in the childish paint fight.

"These guys are gonna kill me someday," the sharpshooter muttered under his breath. He wiped away the splash of blue before walking to the door of his workshop. A sink hadn't been installed yet, so he needed to travel all the way to the galley. "Try not to break anything."

"Bring back some towels, too!" Zoro demanded gruffly.

"Yeah, towels! Towels!" Luffy chanted.

The door closed and Usopp had vanished.

With reflexes that could easily rival a leopard, the captain had his first-mate caught in a tight death grip. "Aw, smells like Zoro," he sighed as he rubbed his head against Zoro's back muscles.

Zoro rather liked the affectionate side of Luffy. While the two did share an open relationship (the rest of the crew either accepting, knowing before it even started, or not caring altogether), they hardly got time alone. Just imagine how awkward it must've been the time Sanji caught them making out in the kitchen. At least it wasn't Nami, Zoro had thought at the time. He shuddered at the thought of new "wanted posters" aboard the ship.

Luffy sighed and began moving to rub up and down Zoro's rock hard chest. The swordsman, however, squirmed at the feel of cold paint seeping through his clothing. It did manage to make his nipples perk up though…

"I-idiot, stop it!" Zoro said shakily. He wanted to add 'and go lower', but that wouldn't be considered appropriate. "I happen to like this shirt."

"Then take it off," Luffy responded seriously. "It'll get messy and Usopp didn't give us any smokes."

Smokes? What on…? "You mean smocks?" Zoro questioned.

"Yeah, those things!" replied the future pirate king. "Now come on; who knows how long we're gonna have until Usopp gets back. Might as well have some fun, right?" Luffy's huge grin did a good job of hiding the tainted undertones of his idea of fun.

"Y'know, you so casually so some perverted things," Zoro deadpanned.

"Eh, I blame Sanji," Luffy responded, inching towards the green-haired man's neck. He lightly bit his ear and sent shivers down the other man's spine. "Robin, too. But I learn some great stuff from her."

If it weren't for the way Luffy's warm breath was dancing on his neck, Zoro would've gotten insanely jealous. Instead, he just grumbled slightly.

"What kinda stuff?"


The swordsman gasped as a soft mouth tenderly sucked at his Adam's apple. "L-luffy!" The pressure suddenly increased when the smaller man's teeth began to sink in. "H-hey!" A pink tongue gracefully stroked the vibrating part of the man's throat, eliciting a moan from him.

Since the rubberman was wrapped around him from behind, Zoro had to pry him off before craning the other's neck to look him seriously in the eye.

"How long is this gonna take?"

As if on cue, the sound of thumping and low moans echoed from the kitchen. Since Nami, Chopper, Robin, and Franky had gone into town that day that left only one wise conclusion.

"I'd say we have plenty of time," the Straw Hat replied, grinning downwards and rubbing his nose to Zoro's. The swordsman wasn't really one for sweet fluffy goodness. In times like these, he'd rather get down to business. As such, it was no surprise to Luffy when Zoro grabbed his body, flipped him onto his front so he was now sitting in his lap, and ravaged his mouth and all its Luffy-tasting goodness.

He tastes like meat… thought Zoro. And, strangely, apples. Meat-apples?

The thought of a man tasting exactly like meat-coated apples became the farthest thing from the swordsman's mind when he felt a tugging on his haramaki. A rock formed in his pants.

"Ya happy?" Luffy grinned, slowly rocking his hips into Zoro's as his hand reached lower and lower…

"No teasing, Captain," the other huskily breathed against reddened lips. He brought up his fair-skinned hands and fiddled around with the buttons on Luffy's red vest, undoing them one by one until the garment was lying on the floor.

Luffy squeaked at the coldness of the air, giving his first-mate the opportunity to plunge his tongue into the surprised man's mouth. Luffy moaned softly, pulling himself closer to Zoro. Mere contact was not enough for the young Captain. He wanted to feel skin-on-skin contact with his treasured lover. Of course, Luffy never really did know when to stop and wound up bringing the two men so close together that the fell out of the chair, causing several cans of paint to tumble below with them.

Neither seemed to care nor noticed for that matter, despite now being covered in the cold fluid.

Paint covered clothes flew haphazardly around the room as the aroused crewmates struggled to get into their proud birthday suits. This wasn't their first time, so they were quite used to seeing each other naked.

A gasp escaped the smaller man's mouth as their erections pressed up against each other. Zoro grinned and decided to use this as payback from earlier. He wrapped his hands roughly around his Captain's length and pulled him down into a searing kiss. Luffy, his wild side now enticed, began to scratch and claw at the green-haired swordsman, turning him on all the more.

Ahh, the nails raking across his chest hurt! It hurt so good! Zoro had a secret fetish for pain, incase anyway couldn't tell. It was one of the many dirty little secrets that only Luffy had the pleasure of knowing.

The green-haired man snarled as his mouth continued to basically tongue rape his lover, not that he was complaining. Both damned the need for oxygen when their lungs began to burn almost as intensely as their need for each other. They gasped each other's name sharply.

Without warning, Luffy lifted himself above Zoro's throbbing manhood and plunged straight down, having no need for preparation due to the powers of his Gomu Gomu Fruit. Both men moaned in pleasure at the combination of becoming one and the cold, wet paint moving sloppily against their sweaty and naked bodies. Up, down, up, down… Luffy continued the steady motion, going up and down as he rode Zoro's cock.

For once, the swordsman didn't mind being on the bottom (even though he was still technically doing the penetrating). Luffy's own member was being rapidly stroked as well, lubricated with the mixture of red and green paint.

"Z-Zoro… Oh God, Zoro…! I'm gonna…!"

He never got to finish. The sensation of his lover pounding over and over onto that sweet spot as well as the slippery grip stroking him caused the smaller man to shoot out a stream of white-hot, sticky fluid. He clenched hard around Zoro's manhood, having the green-haired man fill him to the brim with his warm remake honey.

Tired, Luffy leaned forward onto Zoro's chest, causing the older of the two to exit the younger's entrance with a soft plop.

"Ah, Zoro… I'm hungry!" the Captain groaned weakly, snuggling up to Zoro's chest before quickly falling asleep.

"Oooh, Saaanjiii!!"

For some oddly strange reason, Zoro felt it quite dangerous to venture into the kitchen. However if Luffy didn't wake up soon, things would be very awkward whenever Usopp decided to return with the smocks.

"Yeah, Sanji! Give it to me!!"

Very awkward indeed.


Ending Omake

Icebender: I'm a good boy, I'm a good boy, I'm a good boy, I'm a good boy…

Luffy: Uh… what's up with him?

Zoro: He's trying to purify himself of the suckish lemon he just wrote.

Luffy: That's stupid. He'll just write another on again, won't he?

Icebender: Lu-chan, I feel awful. Inu-chan wanted this a month ago… And I still have to work on the SanUso lemon that takes place during this fic and I feel like all my Tender Seclusion fans want to tie me up and do horrible things to me… I'm a good boy!

Luffy: Don't sweat it! I won't anyone get near you!

Icebender: Do you mean it?

Zoro: Luffy, hurry up. We were supposed to go and get dinner in town since the love-cook and that long-nosed dork screwed up the kitchen.

Luffy: Dinner?! Coming Zoro (skips away, leaving Icebender alone)!

Icebender: L-Lu-chan? Zoro? (hears sounds of rabid fangurls and takes fetal position) I'm a good boy, I'm a good boy, I'm a good boy, I'm a good boy…