Slipping

"Mac? I'm slipping. I…I don't know if I can… Well. Can you come over?"

The words leave her mouth before she can stop them. She regrets them even as she clings tighter to the phone, desperate and scarily vulnerable. She can't stop shaking.

She doesn't do this sort of thing. This isn't her.

She wraps her free arm around her middle. She swallows the lump that has formed in her throat and forces herself not to cry. She has let her emotions take control of her too much already that crying is not an option.

She's never been weak. She's supposed to be the strong one who can deal with anything.

She turns the phone over to her other hand and presses it once more to her ear. She shifts awkwardly from foot to foot. She runs her tongue over her lips, listens to the soothing voice on the other end of the line and feels the first tear run down her face, despite her attempts to avoid crying.

The words jumble, but she gets the gist of what he's saying and nods in response although he can't see her.

She isn't supposed to lose control.

"Yes, okay," she tells Mac, barely getting the words out. "Thank you. I'll see you soon."

She isn't supposed to need anyone.

She clicks the phone shut and closes her eyes. An image of Mac enters her mind and she clings to it because when he's around, her problems don't seem so unmanageable. She sits down and waits for him to arrive.

Five minutes of waiting pass by and a voice in the back of her mind informs her she's being stupid. She can work things out alone. She should call Mac back and say she's fine. She wasn't thinking when she called him.

She doesn't believe the voice.

There's a knock at her door and she sighs in relief. She's always depended on herself when she's been down in the past. It's nice to think that she has someone now to rely on and confide in. More than that, she knows the truth is…

She needs him.