Disclaimer – I don't own X-Men Evolution, nor do I own MASH the TV show. This idea came from all the fanfics that put Freddy's family as being farmers. I remembered that the character Radar had been from a farm, and things clicked. Hope you enjoy.
Fred was sitting in the back of Lance's jeep with the rest of the Brotherhood. They arrived at the Brotherhood house hold and Pietro got out and got the mail from the mailbox. He began fumbling through them, tossing them on the ground. "Not for me… not for me… oh!"
"What does oh mean Pietro?" Lance grumbled, grabbing the letters from the ground. Pietro tended not to think about others; some of the letters were bills that Mystique needed to pay.
"There is a letter for Freddy," Pietro said, shaking it above his head, only to have it snatched by the big guy, causing Pietro to frown.
"I got a letter!" Fred said, excitement on his face. He then frowned. "Lance… I can't read… at least not very well. Uhh… could you read it to me?"
"Fine… let's go into the house," Lance muttered, not to happy about having to take in the letters covered with dirt to put on the table for Mystique. He sat down at the table, and opened the letter that Fred handed to him. Lance then began to read it aloud.
Dear Fred –
How are you? It is your uncle Walter O'Reilly writing to you to see exactly how you are doing. I heard the news that you were no longer with that traveling group you were with and that you are now in a group home and are back in school. I am glad to hear that, as I hope you go far. I am going to be driving through Bayville on…
"What Lance… continue!" Fred said, excited about his letter.
"He's supposed to be coming today and visiting you after school…" Lance said, turning a little pale.
"Cool! Uncle Walter is so cool. Actually, he isn't my uncle, but he is family. He's Great-Grandma Emily's nephew, so he's actually one of my cousins. Ironically… Great-Great Aunt Jean is rather … how to put it, always being mean to the two of us, says Uncle Walter should never have gone to war… she also gets onto my eating so much, says I'm a pig," Fred said.
"Wow! Fred has spoken more then he ever has!" Pietro commented.
"Yeah… anyone notice the psychological connections between his aunt and a certain X-men?" Todd commented.
"Just shut up," Lance said, putting the letter down. "Freddy… what is Mystique going to do when she finds out that a relative of yours is coming?"
"Hey, Freddy, is your Uncle as large as you and big as you," Pietro teased, only to be swiped at by the big mutant. A honk came from out front and Fred hurried out.
"Uncle Walter!" Fred called out, going and scooping a very small man from a jeep.
"Hello Fred! I am so glad to see your alright?" Chirped the small man.
Pietro walked over, shaking his head at Freddy. "How can you two be related? I mean, this man is tiny!"
"Oh, we're related… we're, one could say, on the opposite sides of the family spectrum, not normal," the man commented. He then shook the hands of the three boys. He then looked at the jeep in the driveway. "Nice jeep… I know Fred can't drive, so who's is it?"
"That's mine," Lance said, shaking his head at the man.
"Where'd you get your jeep from," Todd said, jumping into the back seat, only to have Lance to try to pull him out.
"Hey, it's alright!" the man said, quite happy about the whole situation. "I got my jeep by shipping back pieces of different jeeps from South Korea."
This caused the boys to raise their eyebrows. Pietro spoke up. "The Korean war was governmental propaganda that was meant to belittle the little people."
The man's face changed for a few seconds, then he smiled at the boy. "Don't talk about things that you don't know about. Your way to young to have known about the war, so don't spout things you don't know about."
Pietro suddenly squeaked in surprise and apologized, as Blob was standing on his toes. "I'm sorry, you're right!"
"Do you still have that teddy bear I gave you?" Walter asked Fred.
"Yeah… the one that reminded you of the one you had during the war and you thought I could use," Fred said, smiling.
"You had a teddy bear while you were in the war?" Lance asked, his eyebrows rising.
"It was the brunt of many jokes," the man said. "But they were all made in good humor."
"This is so cool!" Todd said, hopping back into the jeep. "Oops…"
"What does oops mean?" Lance asked, glancing into the jeep. He then saw that slime was all over the jeeps back seats. "Toad!"
"It really is alright, it shouldn't be that hard to clean out. They call you Toad, like a codename?" the man asked.
"Yeah…" Toad said. "Fred is called the Blob… because he is big and can smash things; Pietro is called Quicksilver because he's very fast, Lance is called Avalanche."
"Mine during the war was Radar," the man said.
"Was it because you had some sort of cool mutant power," Quicksilver piped up, only to have Lance and Todd both clamp hands over his mouth, shushing him too.
"It was because you worked the radio?" Blob commented, not sure about the answer to how the codename was gotten.
"That and I could hear choppers coming before anyone else could… I guess you could say it was my super power, not quite sure though… I already know about Fred's. There was… let's say there was an incident at the farm where he bounced when falling from the barn roof," the man said.
"Kind of like Harry Potter from the Harry Potter Books, when his Uncle dropped him from the upper story window," Pietro commented quickly.
"Pietro, that was Neville Longbottom," Todd said, shaking his head.
"I thought it was Draco Malfoy…" Fred commented. "I thought he was the hero from the book."
"You would Fred… I mean, he is a juvenile delinquent like us… most of us," Lance commented, suddenly changing the end so as to not offend Fred's uncle.
"You guys can't be anymore trouble then my MASH unit," Radar commented.
"What's a mash unit?" Todd asked.
"Mobil Army Surgical Hospital," the man said. "I ran communications. Believe me when I say my unit was weird, and loved to play pranks on people. We even had Klinger… he cross dressed trying to make people think he was insane so that he could get a discharge and go home. He quit though when he took over my position when I came home."
"Cross-dress?" Todd and Pietro said, their jaws dropping. Lance just raised his eyebrows.
"What's cross-dressing?" Fred asked.
"That's when guys dress in dresses," Pietro commented, a smile on his face at his knowledge on the subject. Walter frowned at him.
"Oh… I don't see how that works… some overweight people wear muumuus… Fred said, frowning. I'd also wear a belt so I could look like a medieval night."
"Uhh… Freddy… that isn't what he meant…" Lance said, shaking his head. Todd just fell over laughing.
"Hey, Freddy… I'll show you what I meant," Pietro said, suddenly speeding off.
"Ahh… fast speed," Walter commented. "What exactly is he doing?"
"If I'm right…" Lance said, suddenly being rushed by Pietro, wearing a dress. "…he's going to put on one of her dresses."
"This is cross-dressing Freddy!" Pietro commented waving his arms. Todd suddenly hopped away, grabbing something from Lance's jeep.
"Hello! Say cheese!" Todd said, snapping the camera.
"Hey!" Pietro said. "No fair!"
As Pietro made to chase after Todd, he tripped on the hem. Lance grabbed him. "Hey, speedy! Get that off before she catches you!"
"Who catches whom?" Darkholme said, driving up. All four boys suddenly stood to attention, smiles on their faces.
"Hello Principal Darkholme!" they chorused.
She raised an eyebrow at the five people. "What is going on here? And who is our guest?"
"Uhh… this is Uncle Radar… I mean Uncle Walter… he stopped by today… as his letter said…" Freddy said, looking sheepishly at her.
"I see… Todd, isn't it your job to get the mail when it comes in?" Mystique asked, only to have the boy look sheepishly at her. "I apologize for not having things ready."
"Nah… it's alright… I'll stop by longer another time." The man said. He then pulled out something. "This is for Fred. A case of my favorite drink."
"Ohh… Grape RC Cola" Fred cheered. "My favorite soda!"
"I'll bring some more for all you boys next time I'm by," Walter said, waving to the boys, then driving off.
"Wonderful… more sugar," Mystique commented. "Pietro Maximoff… why are you wearing one of my dresses?"
"Freddy didn't know what cross-dressing was," Pietro said, a smile on his face, knowing he was annoying her.
"Now I do!" Freddy said. "Cross-dressing is when you dress in women's clothing!"
"Yeah… I'm going to my room." Lance said, marching off.
"Maximoff… don't think I won't tell your father about this," Mystique said, a grin spreading across her face. The young mutant turned pale.
"I've got proof!" Todd said, waving his camera, which resulted in another chase and trip, this time ripping the dress.
"Maximoff!" Mystique said.
"Uh-oh…" the three who were left said.
Author's Note – I also don't own Harry Potter… I wasn't expecting the comment to come up… it was one of those things that just happen. While I have two other crossovers published, this is the first one I've completed... the others are longer.
07/18/10 - I should have changed Radar's name a long, long time ago, no excuses. I am still wondering how I got that his name was Warren instead of Walter. Someone commented that it would have taken only two seconds to look it up. Doesn't work when the information you get is incorrect, or your brain does something weird.