Pokemon Halloween Horrorfest 2 : The Ballad of Emo Toaaaast
I know it's still a couple of weeks before Halloween, but the idea came to me, so...yeah...I do not own Pokemon (or Kaida...), but the fanfic idea is mine, so...toast...
Axletia : Yello'. Remember me ? I'm Axletia Rosonetis, the manager of Poke-TMZ, and next to me is psychopath daughter of Tsunade, Kaida Ketsueki.
Kaida : -.- You took my cake.
Axletia : Meeeeeeeh. Anyway, this is the Halloween Horrorfest Convention of 2008 ! Wow. I can't believe it.
Kaida : Tsunade sucks. Eusine sucks. Sasuke sucks.
Axletia : I think we got it...
Kaida : F--K YOU, FRENCH TOAST !
Axletia : o.o Oops. I think she's drunk.
Kaida : Yeah. I am. Hehehehe...stupid Ash.
Axletia : Hehehe...a + b equals c.
Kaida : What the hell ?
Axletia : COOKIEEEEEEES !
Kaida : o.o
Axletia : This year's film is the adaption of the ballad. It also sucks less than last years. A lot less. It's called the Ballad of Emo Toast, and it's about...a piece of toast that's emo.
Kaida : Shelly's emo.
Axletia : Yeah.
Kaida : T.T You took my cake...
Axletia : O.o Let's start the film ballad...thingie.
The Ballad of Emo Toaaaast
Shelly made a piece of toast
Instead of her crappy roast.
One problem there was, a giant low,
That piece of toast was emo.
Shelly looked at the burnt piece of toast that was glaring at her with a kunai knife in his breaded hand, and she sweatdropped. She was supposed to make one of her crappy pork roasts, but instead she wanted to burn bread in the toaster.
The result, of course, was toast.
" In my twenty-one years of depressing existence I have never seen anything in my life that was more emo than me, " the Team Aqua commander muttered to herself. " Damn, that scares even me. "
She tried to throw the burnt bread out,
But it stuck on the table with no doubt.
And so she could only sit and pout,
While the piece of toast lurked about.
" The whole world sucks ! I like cutting myseeeeelf ! " the piece of toast moaned.
" Shiiiit, this thing is seriously getting me pissed off, " Shelly said, " but what the hell can I do ? I'm emo, just like the toast ! "
She thought to herself for quite a few minutes before snapping her fingers. " I know ! I'll invite my annoying friends over ! They'll chase that bastard out for sure ! "
So Shelly invited Winona and Wallace, gym leaders as they may be,
But the piece of toast growled and squealed, and chased Wallace up a tree.
Snapping it's vicious, two sharp teeth, the toast bit off Wallace's head,
And let him bloody up the floor, as the Coordinator was now dead.
Winona's eyes bulged and seemed to almost pop out of her head. " It could've taken that French pervert Juan, but it just had to take my boyfriend ! That toast is not normal ! " she cried.
The woman started to sob as she allowed her Skarmory to take a whiz on Wallace's corpse. Shelly sighed out of frustration. " Gotdamn it, I'm out of ideas. I really thought that Wallace and you would be so annoying that the piece of toast would do suicide. "
" AND THAT MAKES IT OKAY ?! "
" Actually, I don't know. I never really liked Wallace, anyway. He wore fruit-smelling cologne. He was as bad as flippin' Eusine was with wearing that fruity crap. "
Winona beat her fists on Wallace's head. " Gotdamn it, Shelly, your little emo friend killed my boyfriend ! "
" Seriously, so what ? "
" YOU'RE A STUPID BITCH ! "
Shelly slapped Winona across the face with blinding force. She crossed her arms together and huffed. " Nobody calls me stupid ! " she snapped at the bird pokemon trainer. " Let's hear some suggestions ! Can you think of one, dumb-ass ?! "
" Yeah, of course I can think of one, " Winona replied. " Uhhh, I could try to talk to it. "
" Fine, then. Do it. "
" All right..."
So Winona started to talk to the thing,
And then she fell to the floor with a ping,
As the emo toast killed her with a slice
Of expired, two month old, cake of rice.
o.o " Uh-oh, I'm going to get soooo sued if I don't think of something fast, " Shelly murmured.
The toast gave a demented laugh, throwing his bloodied kunai knives into the walls of Shelly's apartment. He squealed as a child would on Christmas morning, but with deeper insanity tones.
Suddenly, someone walked inside the messy apartment. Holding a white carton, the man was wearing a red hoodie. " Hey, Shelly, I brought some Chinese in case you managed to lose sight of the oven again. "
Shelly's ears perked up with relief. " Harlan ! "
She patted the dusty couch with her gloved hand. It let out a cloud of particles that made her sneeze. " Heyyyy, make yourself at home, but watch out for the toast - he's a total uberbastard. "
Harlan sweatdropped. " Shelly, did you just say that a piece of toast was an uberbastard ? "
" Yes, Harlan, that's exactly what I said. "
T.T " Gotdamn it, how much did you drink today ?! "
" A lot, but this time I'm not hallucinating ! "
" Riiiigh- "
" TOASTER STRUUUUUDEEEEEL ! HOW I CRAAAAVE IIIIIT ! " the piece of toast wailed.
o.o " Holy crap ! You are telling the truth, Shelly ! "
" Duuuuur. "
The toast looked and glared at Harlan,
And the man got killed off by a can.
Emo Toast laughed, he snickered and chuckled,
While Emo Shelly's knees jittered and buckled.
" Shiiit. I'm in deep doodoo now, " Shelly said to herself.
Shelly looked around and rubbed her temples. " Yo, Kaida ! I'm your favorite character of this stupid anime ! Could you get me outta this situation ?! "
Kaida popped out of nowhere and sighed. " No, Shelly, I cannot. "
" Why f--king not ?! "
" Uh, because I'm not the one who wrote this fanfic..."
" SO WHO DID, THEN ?! "
" Uhhhhh...Axletia. "
T.T " Gotdamn it. I'm screwed. Thanks anyway, Kaida. "
" ROSONETIS, GET ME OUTTA HERE ! I DIDN'T AGREE TO THIS ! " Shelly screamed, kicking a trash can out of her way.
" I know you didn't, but it doesn't really matter. "
" Why the hell not ?! "
" Because you called me a bitch, that's why ! " Axletia haughtily replied. " And you know how I take insults as personal grudges ! "
" ...Thanks a f--king lot. You really made my Halloween this year happy, happy, happy ! "
" Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now go battle with your stupid piece of toast. I'm going to see what Itachi-kun's doing. "
Shelly groaned. " Last time I ever trust a teenager..."
The two looked at each other, before the toast fed
On Shelly's head, and so she wound up dead.
And so this is the tale of the horror and woe
Of the dreaded toast that went by the name of emo.
" I WILL RULE THE WORLD WITH TOASTER STRUDEL ! " Emo Toast cried out loudly. " AND THEN I WILL LISTEN TO LINKIN PARK ! MWAHAHAHAHAHA ! "
Kaida : O.O You killed off Shelly ?!
Axletia : Well, I didn't say the story was any good. I just said it sucked less.
Kaida : So, bloodshed by a piece of toast does count as emo horror ?
Axletia : Yeah. In fact, it's the best kind.
Kaida : Wow...
Axletia : Yeah. Join us next year for another horhumorous film !
Kaida : ...But still, you killed Shelly, and you must pa-
Axletia : END CREDITS !
Kaida : T.T Damn it...revenge will have to come another day...when I kill off Itachi...
THE END !