The anxiety saturated the air, the alpha was taking control. Everyone was following him in synchronization . His feelings. His love. His hatred. All became ours. The Alpha was making a circuit, he was thinking, worry mixed in with in with everything else.
Something was coming to visit Renesmee.
The girl who had matured to look physically 18, the girl that was so beautiful was on the Alpha's mind. I couldn't take it anymore!
Imprinting was the reason as to why my life sucks. Being what am is the reason why I hate myself, the reason to why nothing was worth to live for. Everything was stolen from me-and by the closet people in my life.
My parents never really liked me as much as Seth. They always wanted a boy first. They wanted the famous blood line to flow through his veins. To be chief. To be an elder. To be the leader. Because I was born first, I was always a burden. I was just seen as an extra child, despite this I still seemed happy enough to smile. Only because I had one person to keep me happy.
I had lost my father to something I loved: Death. Yes I always wanted to die after I lost Sam, I didn't see the reason to live.
My mother, grieved him on and on. She cried with Seth and told him that it wasn't Seth's fault, after all my dad died of a heart attack because we both had morphed. Though she had never told me that, all I got was the accusing stare.
"What?" I would always ask
"If you hadn't made Seth so angry he probably wouldn't of phased"
I never answered. She was right. Seth and I were arguing, I told him it was weird that he was shaking and I changed right after he did. His presence was much hated upon because he was special. My dad's heart was still strong, it was when I morphed that he went out cold.
So that's number one. I'm a murder. I killed my own father.
Next before all this angst and regret I had someone to keep me happy after my mother and father's constant scoldings. He was the one I loved. I was so addicted to him that when I lost him it was more devastating than anything. Of course when he left me, I figured it was because of my weird infatuation to him that scared him away, but I soon learned that he left me for my cousin, Emily.
My heart would shatter into a million pieces as I saw them talking. I didn't know why they were talking, Emily had shared with me her hate she had for him since he hurt me. Was it because she was more beautiful? Because all I saw was the love in his eyes and the resentment in hers. Emily was a noble person, she knew how much I loved that boy and she didn't want to hurt me.
That is the only thing that was keeping me from hating her.
Because I had shared this with her, she had never wanted him even though you could tell she wanted him. And then one horrible day, Emily ran into a insane wolf (as she told me) and long story short she was in the hospital with wounds that were "seemingly" caused by a bear.
I didn't visit her in the hospital, because they were together. They were in love.
Thats number two. I had caused the permanent scowl that now made the most beautiful girl that I ever knew, hideous. I had caused pain. Hard feelings.
And more recently when Jacob had left my stupid brother followed. Stupid always. He loved those damn blood suckers. And takes me back to phase one.
My logic: The vampires were the whole reason to why I changed. Thus my fathers death, the stupid Alpha blood would mean shit if they're were no wolves. Then my parents would love me. Sam would of never imprinted because again he wouldn't have been a wolf. I wouldn't have to listen to Jacob's constant love sickness over that Bella girl.
Life would be much better if the blood suckers didn't move to this damn city.
And now that Jake imprinted I had to continue listening to his love sickness except this time over some half breed freak baby with an even freakier name. I hated anything that fed on blood. Anything that didn't have a heart, anything as to why I'm here. I wish I was dead