Chapter 3 Even More Reunion
A/N: Voice-overs in italics, stage direction in parenthesis, Alias and its characters are all the property of rich people who aren't me.
Scene 1: Getting Dressed
Vaughn is getting dressed in his monkey suit—that means a tuxedo, not an actual MONKEY suit. Lauren is helping him dress because, you know, she feels the need to dress him up rather than let him act like a grown man and dress himself. Sydney is in the other room, making herself look stunning, without help I might add.
Vaughn: (putting on pants) Lauren, really, I've got it. I've been putting my own pants on for decades, you know.
Lauren: (trying to zip him up) Shush, dear. Why did you insist on wearing these old, light blue boxers? They've been in the back of your middle drawer for as long as I can remember, and you've never worn them.
Vaughn: (looking in the direction of the door to the room Sydney's changing in) Oh, no reason. (swats Lauren's hands away) Please stop that. (fastens cummerbund)
Lauren: (messing with his shirt) Why didn't you want to wear the cufflinks I gave you, darling? I thought you said they would always bring you luck. (flicks invisible dust off his shirt)
Vaughn: (thinking fast) Um, well, I didn't want to risk anything happening to them. This IS going to be a dangerous assignment, after all, and I'm afraid to lose them. (changing the subject) By the way, tell me again why you aren't going with us to the party? I thought Dixon assigned you to be part of this mission as well.
Lauren: (helping him into his coat) Don't be foolish, dearest. Sydney Bristow is not the only person in that office with an influential father. (smiles) I just made a little phone call to Senator Daddy, and now I'm danger-free.
Vaughn: V.O.: You are PATHETIC. Sydney would never enlist her father to help her shirk her duty or get her out of a tight spot. That's great, honey. I'm glad you'll be safe. (looks away so he can roll his eyes and pick up his bow tie)
Lauren: Oh, let me tie that for you, pookie. (snatches it from him and starts trying to tie it)
Vaughn: (exasperated) Lauren! (snatches it back) I don't need you to tie it for me! I remember how to tie a damn bow! (looks in the mirror and fixes his tie) Now just stand there and look pretty.
Lauren: (frustrated) Yes, snookums.
Vaughn: (looking at her in the mirror) Why do you do that?
Lauren: (looks up at his reflection) Do what?
Vaughn: Why do you only act this way at certain times of the month? Once a month you get all fussy over my clothes and call me ridiculous pet names. The next day you fly out to Zurich, and as soon as you get home, you're all normal again. Is it some sort of PMS thing?
Lauren: (eyes go wide momentarily, and she swallows hard) V.O.: Please don't let him remember that Sloane's offices are in Zurich. (thinking fast) Oh, darling, I just get so nervous when we're going to be separated! (rushes into his arms so he can't see her face) I just adore you so much!
Vaughn: Oh, honey. I'm sorry. (hugs her) I should have been more sensitive. I understand.
Lauren: (face buried in his arm) sniff V.O.: Heh heh. Fell for it hook, line, and sinker.
Vaughn: (gently pushing her away) So, how do I look? V.O.: Studly, as usual.
Lauren: (sweeps him with a critical eye) Not bad. V.O.: You're no Arvin Sloane
Lauren: Just kidding, pooh. You look adorable. (thinks for a second) Do you remember that party in Prague?
Vaughn: The one where we got drunk off our asses and ended up naked in a ratty motel the next morning?
Lauren: No, dear. That was when we first met in Vegas and woke up married. I'm talking about our THIRD date.
Vaughn: The one where we got completely sloshed and woke up in the backseat of some stranger's car?
Lauren: (sighs) No, pookums, that was our second date, when you took me to France to introduce me to your mother. I'm talking about the PARTY? In PRAGUE? When you were wearing a TUXEDO? Just like the one you have on now?
(Vaughn gives her a blank look.)
Lauren: (sighs again) You really don't remember?
Vaughn: (shrugs) Hey, what can I say? I was plastered.
Lauren: (looking up at the ceiling disgustedly) Oh, nevermind. You really do know how to piss on my good mood, you know that?
(Enter Syd, looking all kinds of hot and classy.)
Lauren: (seeing Sydney out of the corner of her eye, thrusts herself forward into Vaughn's arms) Be careful, my darling. (cups his chin in her hand) And remember how much I love you. (plants a big wet kiss on his lips) V.O.: He's my man now, honey.
Vaughn: V.O.: The hell? (pulling out of the kiss) Yes, dear. I love you, too.
Sydney: (rolling her eyes) I'm ready to go. V.O.: If you're done pissing on trees and scratching up furniture, I'd like to get on with our JOB, Miss Kitty.
(Lauren and Vaughn turn to face Sydney. Vaughn's eyes widen when he sees her, and he swallows to keep his tongue from lolling about. Lauren swiftly and critically appraises Sydney's clothing.)
Lauren: Oh, Sydney! I didn't see you there. (smiles innocently) My, you certainly look...nice. V.O.: ...for a two-dollar whore.
Sydney: (quick smile) V.O.: And you look like you could use a good dental cleaning and a couple of weeks with an oral surgeon. Thank you. (to Vaughn) Ready?
Vaughn: (recovering his composure) Yes, yes I am.
Lauren: I'll just make a quick call to Dixon, then I'm flying out. I'll see you tomorrow.
Vaughn: (looks down at his wife, realizing that she is HOPELESSY plain when in the same room as Sydney) Goodbye, then, dear.
Lauren: (smiles) Goodbye, bitsy pookums. (exits into an adjoining room to make the call)
Vaughn: (smiling at Sydney) Shall we?
Sydney: (smiling back quickly) Lets.
(As they turn to leave, Vaughn, out of old habit, starts to raise his hand to squeeze Sydney's ass before they leave, then suddenly remembers that he's not drunk enough for that yet. They exit.)
(In the other room)
Lauren: (on the phone) No, of course he doesn't suspect anything. He's completely blind now that Sydney's back… She has no idea. Why should she? … Yes, I'm sure… That's right, my plane lands in Zurich at 10:00 tomorrow morning, and I have a five hour layover… I don't think that's what they meant when they coined the term "layover…" I'll see you at the usual place, then… Miss you too, Arvin. Good night.
Scene 2: The Party
Sydney and Vaughn are strutting around in all their good-looking glory, shaking hands and dropping hints about how rich they are. Unfortunately, they have a good hour to kill until the guards change shifts. Let the shenanigans begin.
Sydney: (whispering) Vaughn, did you see what the Russian Science Minister did?
Vaughn: (whispering back) See him? I had to restrain myself from putting my foot up his—
Sydney: Vaughn! (looks around) If anybody's going to kick a man's ass for trying to grab my butt during a dance, it's going to be ME.
Vaughn: I don't care. He's MINE. (begins to stride toward Russian Science Minister)
Sydney: (grabbing his arm to stop him) Vaughn, stop.
Vaughn: (turns to face her) What? (looks down at her hand on his arm, then looks in her eyes)
Sydney: (slowly removing her hand, speaks softly) Remember what we're here for. (looks into his eyes, suddenly forgets what they're here for)
Vaughn: (looking into her eyes and forgetting as well) Yeah…
Sydney: (seeing a waiter pass by) Drinks!
Vaughn: Exactly! (grabs a couple glasses of champagne) Here you go. (hands her a glass)
Sydney: Shall we toast?
Vaughn: To what?
Sydney: (thinks a moment) To our first mission together again.
(They clink glasses and drink. Both of them down their entire glass in one swallow.)
(They stand there stupidly for a second. String quintet begins to play some tango music.)
Vaughn: Care to dance?
Sydney: Let's boogie.
(Three more glasses each of champagne later…)
Vaughn: (dancing suggestively, arms wrapped tightly around Sydney's torso) Come on girl! Shake whatcha momma gave ya!
Sydney: (arms in the air) Let's rip the roof off this mutha!
Russian Science Minister: (in Russian) THE ROOF! THE ROOF! THE ROOF IS ON FIRE!
(DJ Vlad has set up his turntable next to the string quintet, who are giving him dirty looks. The strange sounds of Russian hip-hop fill the room. Vaughn's tie is untied and casually draped around his neck, and the top two buttons of his shirt have been ripped off. Sydney's spiral-curled locks are coming down, but she still looks hot.)
Russian Minister of Foreign Affairs: (in Russian) COTTON CANDY, SWEDISH GOLD! LET ME SEE THAT TOOTSIE ROLL!
(As the whole room is filled with crazy-dancing people in tuxedos and evening gowns, Sydney checks her watch. She whispers to Vaughn. They quietly exit the ballroom arm in arm.)
(Outside the ballroom)
Sydney: No, Vaughn, the executive elevators are THIS way. What's over there?
Vaughn: Oh! Sorry. That's the way to the dormitory.
Sydney: …Oh. Um. Well…
Vaughn: (long pause, uses suggestive tone) …Do you think we have time for—
Sydney: (cutting him off) Not so much. We'd better get moving.
(They exit toward the elevators, Vaughn's hand once again gravitating toward Sydney's ass.)