AN: Im totalllllllly re-editing this and my other stories. Hopefully that will get me back into the spirit of writing.(:
Hello…ugh...weird journal like thing.
My name is James Potter, AKA the master of all pranks, mischief, and ladies. Not to mention the unofficial (but none the less recognized) king of Hogwarts.
So why, you may ask, is the king of Hogwarts keeping a journal?
It seems an awfully girly and therefore undesirable thing to do.
And so let it be known that it is not my idea, but in fact my mother's! It can also be a beneficial business opportunity in the upcoming years when I actually become famous, an autobiography of sorts.
This is the reason I agreed to follow my mother's advice. She believes that I need to write down my ideas so that I can read them over and hopefully realize how stupid they are before actually doing them. (Which is incredibly disappointing on her part because she's supposed to support me no matter what! At least that what it says in the parenting book I got her last year , she didn't find it nearly as amusing as I did.)
Today's sudden doubt in my sensible scheming ability was brought on by the unfortunate events of this evening, which I have to say was not one of my better evenings. See usually when I go to Saint Mungos it's due to an injury that I obtained while doing something that I could actually brag about.
Yea not so much.
I, James potter, was sent to Saint Mungos by an overdramatic, hormonal, fifteen year old GIRL!(That just so happened to be my cousin Rose Weasley.)
"But James" you ask, "for someone with your skills and status, surly you'd be able to take on a girl?"
Rose is not just a girl. She's my cousin and one of my best friends , actually growing up I don't think she even had any friends of her own, till she met Leahah, she mostly just hung out with the family or else inherited my friends Probably why she's such a basket case now.
I guess hanging out with guys like us your whole life can make you a bit reckless, but whatever, this is beside the point, it doesn't change the fact that that bitch nearly killed me!
Okay so it was kind of my fault, maybe I did "cross a line" like Wood said, or maybe Rose should just be sent to the mental ward at Saint Mungos.
Yeah I like the second one.
I will admit that today was one of my worst plans ever. My motivations will be hard to explain, Rose is in love with my best friend Jordan Wood, but is pretending she's not because he's an idiot and is too afraid to tell her that he actually likes her just as much if not more!
But of course I, being the amazing cousin that I am, decided that I was going to test Wood's intentions. I stole Rosie's bra and tied it too Jordan's broom.
Mum was right things do seem stupider on paper. I honestly didn't anticipate Rose going all wacky on me, I mean the looks on her and Wood's faces were hilarious, until she preceded to punch me in my face. That was bad enough, then I decided to go after her when she stormed upstairs and the lunatic kicked her trunk down on me.
A trunk. A a box, not a basket, a trunk that was built to be very heavy.
Who does that?
I mean I could've died.
And all because I said that everyone knew Wood was going to see her bra eventually. I mean okay that was a little blunt, but I was only trying to lighten the mood.
I'm not entirely sure how I worked this whole plan out, I did something like this with Ted and V, and it worked pretty well, granted that was with a journal and this was with underwear…
Anyway this all started this morning when we got our letters from Hogwarts.
Our O.W.L.S came too. I got nine, and Wood only beat me by one. That wasn't the best part though, turns out Rose was made a prefect.
Ha! She'll certainly be intimidating enough to get things done.
Anywho we were planning on going to Diagon Alley for the normal, boring school stuff when Dad said we would be meeting Teddy for lunch at the Leaky Cauldron. So I thought to myself, hey why not invite Wood to meet us there? Well of course I didn't tell anyone, because Rose is doing this thing where she's trying to ignore Wood. She did it all last year and she won't tell anyone why, it's really starting to get on his nerves, and mine too.
She would have been the only one that got upset though, because everyone else loves Jordan. He practically lives with me every summer because his Dad's a pro quidditch player and is always off around the world, and his mum's a journalist (and a drunk). They have their fair share of problems. So Wood was virtually adopted by my family. This year was different though, because his dad was home, and they don't exactly have the best relationship so I think he was going to try to hang with him. I try not to ask about those kinds of things; all I know is that he said he was going to hang at home this summer.
Anyway I wrote to Wood and he said he'd meet us there, so that was cool.
Then we walked around Diagon Alley for a while, got everything we needed. We went to Uncle George's shop; I spent like three galleons on new joke stuff. Filch is in for it!
We are going to totally rule Hogwarts this year, we got Jordan as quidditch Capitan and Rose as a prefect, and it's going to be great! Plus we're the whole quidditch team that is if Hugo makes keeper, but I'm sure he'll be fine.
I think we got to the Leaky Cauldron around noon. We sat there for a little while, and everyone was getting on fine. Teddy came and told everyone that he was proposing to Victiore, but of course I already knew that because I'm the one who told him to suck it up and get on with it already. Actually everything was going really good except for when Wood got there and Rose started giving me one of her creepy-ass death stare things. It was pretty funny, he came over and everyone was smiling, shaking his hand and talking to him, all except Rose.
The rest of the meal was pretty uneventful. We talked about quidditch, and I argued with Rose, then I asked Wood what he thought and he didn't answer. So I asked him again, still no answer. So I looked over and guess what? The idiot was sitting there staring at her! All openmouthed and eyes glassed over it was disgusting. He tried to play it off like he was daydreaming, pshh yeah right, this journal is exhibit A in the Jordan loves Rose case.
And so taking into account this progress in their relationship (Okay it wasn't really progress but it was a start). I asked Wood if he wanted to stay over at the burrow, and of course dad said yes and Rose was pissed and everything was great. If only I would have known what fate awaited me.
In all fairness journal , had Rose not attempted murder I would never have made the groundbreaking discover that I did, so really I should be grateful.
"What is this discovery?" you ask, well I'll try to explain it to you. See after I was trampled we went to Saint Mungos. I don't really remember anything until about an hour later when the healer was telling Mum what potions I had to take, I got this nasty one, it's all greenish, tastes like ogre dung.
Anyway Mum was the only one in the room, but I could kind of hear Aunt Hermione yelling at Rose through the door, then Mum asked me what happened, and I you know lied…. a bit.
"James" Mum asked "do you want to tell me why exactly Rose decided to murder you?"
"Because she's a friggen lunatic."
"James please don't call your cousin a lunatic."
"And don't say friggen."
"Because all it is a substitute for a particularly foul word that will earn you a swift smack in the face if you ever dare to say it in my presence!"
"Are you ready to go?"
"Well get up!"
So as painful as it was I managed to pull myself up and walk out the door.
I have a minor concussion and two bruised ribs.
Anyway I got out in the hallway and Aunt Hermione said we had to wait for Dad and Uncle Ron to get back with the cars because I wasn't allowed to floo home. So we're sitting there , I was talking to Wood, Rose was moping in the corner and Lily , Fred and Al decided that they were going "reenact " my accident (which was a giant load because my voice is not nearly as squeaky as they were making it sound.)
Wood had just asked me whether I thought that I'd be able to practice by the end of the first week back and I was answering him when I looked up and noticed that he wasn't really paying attention to me at all instead he was glaring at two boys sitting across the room, guess what the two boys were staring at, hahahahahhaha ROSE!
How funny is that? I mean really, then I coughed right, and he tried to be a big man and pretend like he was listening to me, but I caught him this time, and I was so happy.
"So" I said "whatcha looking at?"
"Nothing." He said looking at me like I was crazy.
"Umm, I think not. Tell me Wood, why were you staring at those kids?"
"I wasn't James!"
"I have come up with two possible explanations_" I continued
"Why do always blow everything out of proportion?"
"One, your gay and for whatever reason were checking them out."
"Oh yeah James that's it." He said with a strong combination of sarcasm and annoyance.
"Or two, you were angry because they were checking out the girl you're in love with!"
Wood didn't say anything he just kind of stared at me and rolled his eyes.
"Am I getting warmer?" I asked.
"No, I was glaring because the short one with the weird nose is wearing a tornados jersey!"
"Well isn't that lucky."
"Do you really want a fresh concussion before we leave the hospital? And besides if the freaks were staring at Rose aren't you pissed? I mean they're checking out your cousin, that stuff usually pisses you off."
"Have you ever seen Rose get hit on in public?" I asked
He shook his head
"Well I don't think she really ever realizes the guy is hitting on her because it usually ends with her either yelling at him or walking away and leaving him talking to himself, it's rather amusing actually _oh dude watch here he goes"
We looked up and saw the short boy (with the weird nose) that Jordan mentioned walking over to Rose, he tapped her on the shoulder and asked her something that reading the lips looked like "do you know where the tea room is?", maybe because she was in such a bad mood or maybe because she was standing next to the floor directory, she blatantly rolled her eyes at him and walked away causing me, Jordan, and the boy's friend to blatantly laugh at him.
Yeah it was pretty funny, plus it was another thing to add to the Wood is in love with Rose archive, which is slowly growing in size (as is his denial), but whatever we all know the truth and I promise you right now that I will get them together by the end of the year, maybe even by Christmas, because I am that damn good.
But continuing with the story, because that was only part one of the groundbreaking discovery, Dad and Uncle Ron showed up about ten minutes later, they separated Rose and myself for obvious reasons, so I didn't see her until we got home to the burrow where she ran right up to her room.
"You know you really should apologize to her." Wood said as we sat in the kitchen.
"Oh I don't know James, maybe for stealing her underwear and displaying them to the whole house?" Fred said.
"I had good intentions!"
"Not really." Al added.
"How am I supposed to apologize to her when she refuses to come out of her room?" I asked "Cause there is NO way I'm going up there!"
"What time is it?" Wood asked.
"Five after eight." Fred answered looking at the watch he had gotten for his seventeenth birthday.
"You'll have your chance soon enough." Wood said.
"What are you talking about?"
Sure enough not five minutes after he said that Rose came downstairs glared at me and grabbed a bottle of water, only to return to her immense moping session in her room
"What are you psychic now?"
"Rose always comes down here between eight and eight fifteen to get something to drink."
"_but how do you know that?"
"James I practically live with you guys every summer."
"So, I live with her the whole year and I didn't know that!" Hugo said.
"What can I say, I'm very observant. Why do you think we haven't lost a game in three years?"
"This is your first year as Capitan Jordan." Fred said.
"Doesn't matter, they always asked my opinion!"
"That's just really weird mate." Albus said
"What? That I know everything or that seventeen year olds had to resort to asking a thirteen year old how to play quidditch?"
"Well both, but more specifically the Rose thing."
"What can I say, I'm awesome!"
"Wow" I said shaking my head at him "you got it BAD."
He turned to stare at me "Got what bad?"
I didn't say anything, just started laughing, mostly just to piss him off but also because it was incredibly funny.
"What the hell is so funny?" he asked.
I looked at him for a minute, debating whether I should risk another concussion, and then I decided what the hell.
"Here comes the bride, here comes the bride , dun dun dun da da dun da da dun dun dun" I sang as everyone else started laughing.
Jordan didn't laugh, but he didn't punch my lights out either so that's good, instead he just stood up.
"I have to go to the bathroom" he said rolling his eyes and storming up the stairs
"Sure you do!" I yelled after him.
He was kind of mad at me the rest of the night, he laughed rather hard when I had to swallow the essence of ogre dung crap, but whatever he was just upset because I'm too smart to be fooled by his " Rose is like a sister " bit.
It sucks though because ever since last summer when she stared this ignoring him thing, he's been under the impression that she hates him. This is the complete opposite of the truth.
Needless to say I've got my work cut out for me this year, but I have to do it. Because I discovered today that Wood is completely in love with her, and so it is my cousinly duty to help this progress. Plus I'm tired of hearing about her "hating" him. It's my mission, not my number one mission, but it's up there.
We have to win the cup, Harass Filch, and I need a girlfriend ….
Quite a lot to do…
I'm going to bed journal, Wood's already sleeping, and I have to get up early to harass Rose while she does her punishment chores.
The infamous James Potter