Slowly I emerge from the sweet world of dreams, where Minerva is mine to hold in my arms. The bed is cold and empty next to me as I sigh softly, and wonder why I do not have the courage, to tell her how my heart yearns for her. It is just as it is every morning, she is the first thing I think of, just as she is the last thing I think of each night.
As I make my way down to the great hall for breakfast, part of me is still lost in the twilight land of dreams with Minerva. Each day my desire grows stronger, like a fire that burns and torments me, and yet I would not be rid of it, for my heart is hers for all eternity though she does not know it.
I arrive at the great hall before her, as I wait for Minerva to come I tell myself that today I will gather my courage, and speak to her of my longing and my love. She enters the room and sits softly at my side, her perfume entices my senses and I am lost, my courage flees as it has fled so often when faced with her loveliness. The only words that come to my mind are the same words that I have said to her each morning, for a seemingly endless eternity of unrequited love. "Good Morning Minerva." I say softly, certain that she must notice the slight tremble in my voice. Drawn like a moth to a flame, I turn and smile into her eyes, as I wonder if she can see the love light that shines in mine. How can she not know that they twinkle for her ?
I scarcely hear Minerva's answer as I drink in her beauty, and worship before her. Her hand moves as though to reach out and grasp mine, my heart surges with hope for a brief heavenly moment, I have imagined the touch of her skin on mine so often. She reaches up to brush a stray hair from her face, and hope dies. As the meal continues I regain my senses a little, and hide my love in friendly conversation, as each word falls from her lips I treasure it, for she has spoken them. The meal ends and duty calls us both away.
The day passes slowly without Minerva by my side, and each spare moment is spent thinking of her. Why do I not have the bravery to confess my desire ? Why must my courage always depart me, and freeze my words of love as they spring to my lips ? The despairing answer is that though we are the closest of friends, I fear that she could never love me in the way I wish. My hand trembles as I take a worn photo from the drawer, Minerva dances in my arms, her emerald ball gown flowing with her as she moves. Tears obscure my vision - it was the only time I held her, the only time we moved as one, that night at her graduation ball. Now I am destined to lonely love and longing for all time.
I rise early and dress, paying close attention to detail, nothing is out of place, everything is as it should be. If only it were not for the longing that grips my heart, and tempts me with it's desires. Why must I love him when he could never love me ? I busy myself with books and scrolls as I do each day, I keep rigidly to my routine - anything to keep from thinking, dreaming of him. Each day it is harder to drive my passions from my mind. Each day I both fear and long for my control to break, to be able to speak of my feelings to him.
Albus is already seated at the breakfast table, he greets me softly as I take my seat next to him. His voice is like the gentle caress of a summer breeze, his eyes sparkle like stars at dawn. I try to quench the flames of passion that threaten to overwhelm me, and force my mind to focus on the cold reality of the day ahead. I resist the urge to grasp his hand in mine, and let him know that I burn for him, long for him in a way that is utterly inappropriate. I cannot believe that he could love me as I love him, and this keeps me silent, lets me retain my self controll and dignity. At last it is time to leave his side, to be free of the delicious torment of being so close to him.
As I teach I will not permit myself to loose my focus on my students, but as the evening draws in and the days classes are done, my heart and soul are immersed in thoughts of Albus. I cannot help but wonder what it would be like to feel his lips on mine, to touch his skin, to lie with him and give myself to him. My breath hastens, blood pounds in my veins, as I imagine Albus next to me, caressing me. I can bear it no longer, I will go to him and risk everything I value, I will go to him now and speak of my love. If I find not the courage for words, then I will give him a sign, there are other ways to let him know how I feel.
As I walk towards his chambers my courage wavers, as it has wavered an eternity of times before. Fear battles with my heart's desire, with my longing and my love - fear is finally bitterly victorious, as it always is where he is concerned. Maybe tomorrow courage and desire will win, and I will take the chance that both terrifies and entrances me. The call of the evening air lures me into the twilit grounds, where I may regain some of my composure, or at least can be alone with my sorrows and regrets.
The day is nearly over, soon it will be tomorrow and still my courage fails me. My chambers seem dark and lonely without Minerva to brighten them, even my dreams of holding her in my arms, are not enough to warm me. I never thought myself a coward untill I learned what it was to love so passionately, so intensely. I cannot stay in this cold room a moment longer, I leave to walk the empty passages of the castle, as I do so often.
As I pass a downstairs window my attention is captured by a vision of loveliness, Minerva stands in the darkening grounds, staring into the night. Her raven hair dances in the wind, and I envy the breeze for it's soft caress of her silken locks, just as I envy the food that touches the lips I long to possess. Desire ignites the flame of courage, and my heart blazes with strength, I shall go to her now and risk my most treasured friendship, in hopes of winning her heart.
"Good evening Minerva ..." The familliar soft voice rouses me from my sorrows, taken off guard I turn and gaze into his face. His eyes are as bright and blue as the sky on a summer's day, they shoot sunbeams of warmth into my soul, and I long to reach out and touch him, caress him. I hide my desires behind a mask of coldness and aloofness, lest they overwhelm me and tempt me to risk loosing his friendship. Maybe tomorrow I will risk everything I hold most precious, and let him know how I feel.
The clock on the tower strikes twelve, it's tomorrow now. As the last stroke sounds, I think I see a hint of sorrow in his normally twinkling eyes. Briefly he seems to lean towards me, and I think he will kiss me, despite my attempts to keep calm my breath quickens. Just as I am about to step towards him, his words dash my hopes, as he says softly, "It's late Minerva we should be going in."
"You go ..." I say, more abruptly than I intend. He hesitates for a moment, disconcerted by the coldness he senses in my voice, then murmurs a gentle "Good Night ..." and turns to leave.
I hear his footsteps fade into the night as I stand alone under the cold dark sky. A sigh escapes my lips and hangs on the still night air, another day gone, another day of 'maybe tomorrows'. I turn my gaze to the distant highland mountains, as tears threaten to fall, only my willpower holds them back, keeps them where they belong. I am so intent on my battle for self control, that I do not hear the light steps that approach from behind, a tender touch on my arm alerts me to his return. His gaze is on me, his eyes intensely blue sparkling softly in the pale moonlight, he takes a final light step towards me - a hint of uncertainity in his movement.
"They say tomorrow never comes my dear, and yet it is here ..." He says softly, as he reaches out and takes my hand gently in his. His voice quivers as he speaks and I sense the fear in him. "I love you Minerva, and every day I promise myself that I will gather my courage and confess my love. Then at the end of every day I am filled with sorrow, and say to myself 'maybe tomorrow.' We should not live our lives longing for tomorrows that may never come, it is today Minerva and I love you. Just as I will love you for all our tomorrows, and have loved you through all our yesterdays."
Shock and joy combine to render me speechless and immobile, as I feel how his hand trembles in mine. The merest of pauses, a moments hesitation, and then he asks so softly I can scarcely hear the words, "Is there any chance that I could win your heart my love ?"
My lips have no words to answer him with, and so I let them reply in the only possible way, as I draw him into a kiss that is full of years of yearning and passion. There is no more need to dream of tomorrows that may never come, it is today and he loves me, just as I love him. I am complete.
The caress of her lips on mine is everything I ever imagined, and yet so much more - her kiss combines tenderness and fierce passion, it seals our love as our souls meet and touch. My arms around her waist draw her closer and closer, she is so warm against me. My hearts desire has come true, she loves me just as I love her. I am complete.
An idea that has been floating in my mind for some time, and finally got written. Please review, reviews will be loved and apreciated vastly. ;)