Series: Private Practice
Part: 1/1 NEW
Date: October 2008
Summary: Violet counsels Pete, takes place just after Season 2, Episode 2 (AU).
Disclaimer: CBS, etc., owns all the Private Practice characters, etc., I am just using the characters for a little fun and relaxation.
Author's Note: My suppositions are mine alone. While I have my own ideas of how to explain things, I'm sure TPTB will come up with something different…but I can make up my own – after all I'm a fanfic writer!
Violet looked over at her patient. She'd seen him many times before, but this was the first time she'd seen him so vulnerable.
He was currently standing over by her blind-covered window-wall. He had flicked the blinds open with his fingers and was looking through into the hallway on the other side. With a heavy dispirited sigh he dropped his hand and swung back to look at her briefly before he dropped his eyes downward. The plum-colored bruises on his face still were still clearly visible even though the attack had occurred many days ago, and the dark circles under his eyes revealed his sleep deprivation. She also knew from the stiffness in his walk, he continued to feel the effects of where the baseball bat had smashed into his thigh.
Since that night she had had to remind him several times to take his pain pills, or his own herbal remedies, to seek relief. Violet could also tell from his lack of complaint or acknowledgement of obvious pain that he was purposefully punishing himself.
"Pete, I think you need to talk," Violet said, and reaching forward patted the cushions of the coach across from where she sat. "I think you came here to say something, not to pace my office and look out through the window."
Pete Wilder huffed and drew his focus away from the floor and into Violet's compassionate eyes. "Yeah, I guess you're right." Favoring his bruised leg, he limped over to her sofa and carefully lowered himself down. Taking a pillow which had fallen to the floor, he clutched it to his chest and closed his eyes.
Violet waited for him to get settled before she spoke. "Talk to me, Pete."
Eyes still shut, Pete took a breath being careful not to inhale too deeply as his ribs were still very sore from the beating. "I just don't know where to begin."
Scooting forward in her chair so she could hear his softly spoken words, Violet reached out a hand and placed it on his knee. "How about you tell me what led to this?"
He chuckled humorlessly. "You know, Violet. I fucked up – literally."
She did know. He had already told her about the irate relatives of his overnight fling and how they had confronted him in the clinic's parking lot after hours and had beaten him almost senseless. It was only by the grace of God and the police night patrol unit which forced his attackers to flee before they could inflict permanent damage. Somehow he had been able to get back inside, but had failed to find the energy to call for help. When she and Sam had found him the next morning, he was huddled on the floor of the clinic, bloody and bruised, but thankfully still alive and completely unwilling to press charges.
"But you don't know all of it," he admitted. "I didn't tell you everything."
"IdiditwithJodie," he said quickly averting his eyes so he couldn't see her face.
"Jodie," he repeated.
Try as she might, Violet couldn't help but sound incredulous. "That temporary receptionist?"
"I know. She was young enough to be my…"
"Daughter," Violet finished.
"I was going to say younger sister -- admittedly a much younger sister." Pete looked up at her quickly before dropping his eyes down to where his hands clutched desperately at the pillow.
"Pete, why? Why did you do that?" Violet lowered herself down to the carpet so she could look up into his face.
"We were both over twenty-one and we both wanted it, but to be completely honest I don't really know." His voice was barely above a whisper and full of self-hatred. "To add another notch to my acupuncture table?" he jested acrimoniously and shook his head.
"I think you do know," Violet said gently. "This isn't the first time is it? What I mean to say this isn't your first one-night stand or short-term relationship. I didn't mean to insinuate that you have always sought out…"
"Women barely out of high school?" he supplied.
"I was going to say -- well, yes, I was going to say something like that." Violet gave him a soft smile which expressed her compassion and understanding. "What is it you hope to gain from these, um…encounters?"
Pete flung the pillow aside. He rose abruptly to his feet using one arm to support his ribs, causing Violet to retreat quickly back to her chair.
"Gain? Oh, I don't know how about the flush of excitement when we do the deed? How about the glow of satisfaction I feel when we've climaxed or the anticipation of doing it again before the sun comes up? Or better yet, how about the absolute revulsion I feel just after we vow never to see each other again and to never speak of it?
He walked once more to the window and again separated the blinds to look out into the lobby. This time he could see Addison walking hand in hand with Kevin toward the elevator. The image of the two lovebirds drove him on past his own comfort range, and into previously uncharted territory.
He turned abruptly towards the psychiatrist. "How about love?" he challenged daring her to laugh at his admission. "How about the age old excuse of looking for love? You'd think after all these years I could find it, wouldn't you? You would think I would have found it with Anna? Hell, I can find a minor meridian point with an acupuncture needle, but I can't find that. I did think I had found it once, but it slipped away – or maybe I pushed it away."
Violet thought he might be thinking of Addison, he had seems so infatuated with her when she had arrived at the practice. Not to mention that his liaison with Jodie had coincided with Addison's interest in Kevin.
"I want it. I need it. I crave it! I want to feel that thrill of passion combined with a powerful, all encompassing love. I can't tell you how many people I've seen walk through, and out of, those doors." He gestured with a tilt of his head towards the lobby. "Couples who are so much in love – that kind of grow-old-with-you, die-for-you love. Damn it, Violet, I want what they have."
His voice trailed off to almost a sob. Violet was shocked at the look on her friend's face. This was the unabashedly real Pete. The Pete that she so seldom saw and most people never knew existed.
"I want it, Violet. I don't want to be alone. I'm so damn tired of being alone. It feels like I've been alone forever. Hell, even as a child, I think my parents were more in love with saving the whales, than they were to stay with me." He laughed at the bitter memory. "They'd run off to sea with their fellow scientists, and I'd be left with some friend or babysitter until the whales were rescued or they found some other cause to passionately follow." He shook his head and a sad smile spread across his face. "But I suppose at least they had each other and they were happy together."
"Maybe you are looking for it too hard," she offered. "Love is something that happens. Sometimes you trip over it, and sometimes it barrels into you, but you can't force it."
"I want to be loved and be loved back. I want a special lady in my life. I want children." His eyes glistened with unshed tears. "I've seen people from all walks of life, here in the U.S. and in China, who are able to find that special happiness, that fulfillment. I feel that my time is running out." He moved over to Violet's desk leaned against the edge. "Addison once told me she only had two eggs left and she felt dried up. You know, I think I can really relate to that."
Violet could tell by the tone of his voice that his throat as tight with emotion. "I'm here for you, Pete. You can always talk to me."
He nodded, the movement caused a tear to escape. It trailed down his cheek where he angrily brushed it away.
"Maybe you need to find your own cause?" she suggested. "Find your own passion in something other than between the sheets."
"And then wait for someone to trip over me?" His lips tilted up in a quirky smile that was so typically Pete.
"Perhaps. And if you're the one that trips, we'll be there to pick you up so you can try again. It can still happen. You still have time."
He looked at her holding her gaze for a long time and then he gave her a quick nod. "Thanks, Violet. You're a good friend."
"Any time, Pete. Any time."