Disclaimer: Not mine. No way, no how. No money gained or fame acquired.

Summary: Sasuke ponders other's conceptions of his relationship with Naruto and hopes that the blonde idiot enjoys his present. Happy Birthday, Naruto.

Author's Note: Yes, I lied and yes, I'm sure that a little piece of my soul died, but, such is life. I said no more oneshots… swore it almost and yet here I am, annoying you with a oneshot. In my defense… it's a birthday!

Warning: Not necessary. Well, beyond the fact that I write about boys who love each other and if that's not your cup of tea, or slice of pie, or crumb of cake, or sip of soda, or… dear god, make it stop. If you don't like the idea that Naruto and Sasuke could at any moment rip each other's clothes off and fornicate… move along. But, again, the warning isn't really necessary… this time.

Birthdays and Bank Holiday Mondays

A pale hand wiped at the fogged mirror irritably and the distorted image of a black haired man dressed only in an orange towel reflected back. Finally, the bathroom fan conquered the humid steam and Sasuke Uchiha glared back at himself in all his Uchiha glory.

As he did when he had the time, Sasuke looked at himself. Not because of his refined and some might say beautiful features. No, they reminded him of his mother and that was not always the most pleasant thought. And not because of the pale skin over his strong, taunt chest. It was marred by scars that represented memories the last Uchiha would just as soon forget. No, he stared at his eyes. Black bottomless pits and yet, recently, they held something he imagined he had once, a long time ago. Something he had lost when his life was swept up in clandestine mutinies, bloody massacres, malevolent curse marks and quests for vengeance.

Something that he had found when he came back to the village. The face in the mirror twisted into a deprecating smirk. Best not to lie… when he'd come back to Naruto. His eyes didn't look hunted anymore and although they still held an intensity and determination, his goals had shifted, making him more relaxed, content and dare he say… happy.

A swift series of knocks at the door ended Sasuke's impromptu staring contest with himself and he turned to see Naruto walk into the bathroom. Blue eyes looked him up and down, appreciation and want were clearly seen before annoyance reigned the day.

"Dammit, that's MY towel, bastard, and now it's going to be wet. I hate drying off with a wet towel. It just doesn't make sense…" the blonde whined and yanked his dirty black shirt over his head before shedding his black and orange training pants as well. He flipped the shower on seemingly unconcerned with Sasuke's lack of response and sighed when he crawled under the warm water. Muffled by the sounds of the shower, Naruto continued, "For a man who insists he hates orange you sure have a problem keeping your hands off my stuff." The shower curtain was yanked aside. "Hey, Sasuke, look at me."

Sasuke turned around and leaned back against the sink with his arms crossed. His face was emotionless but the corner of his mouth threatened to tip up into a smirk at Naruto's long line of complaints. Nothing was as satisfying as annoying the annoyer. When he met Naruto's eyes however, the smirk disappeared completely. Naruto's face was hard and his eyes focused on Sasuke with concern.

"You'd tell me if something was wrong, right?"

Sasuke blinked somewhat unsure where Naruto was going with this line of questioning. "Hn."

Naruto's fingers gripped the edges of the curtain and he looked away from Sasuke before meeting his eyes again with determination. "You can see that the towel is orange… right?"

Sasuke felt his jaw dropped to his chest before it snapped shut. "What the fuck, Naruto? Yes, I can see that the towel is orange. I'm not blind. As if I'd hide something like that…"

"Sasuke," Naruto interrupted calmly, "That's exactly something I'd expect you to lie about but if you aren't blind and can indeed see colors, then WHY are you wearing my towel?!"

Sasuke moved from the sink and headed toward the door. "Stop worrying about the damn towel and hurry up. You don't want to be late." He heard the mumbled 'bastard' before the curtain fell back into place and Naruto started humming "Rubber Ducky".

It would be a cold, snowy day in hell before he'd ever tell the idiot that he used the towel because it smelled like him.


When Sasuke returned to the village he was met with anger, cautiousness and undisguised skepticism of his intentions. Hell, to this day his 'friends' still watched him with a guarded look as though he might suddenly run into the night cackling and every now and then Sasuke would feel the ominous chakra of a hidden ANBU wash over him, like a 'gentle' reminder that they still remembered him.

But, two years ago, like today, the only opinion that mattered, that ever mattered, was that of the blonde haired ninja that welcomed him home with earnest eyes and a bright smile. It wasn't long before Sasuke made his intentions known to Naruto. About two blocks actually and if Naruto's response, pushing him harshly against the cold, back alley wall and kissing the soul out of him, was any indication, Naruto was okay with his intentions.

The first time… four blocks later in Naruto's apartment… that they had sex had been awkward, exciting and like everything that involved Naruto, unpredictable and explosive. Sasuke had topped that night and although they never talked about it, he knew Naruto had submitted because he didn't want Sasuke to leave… the apartment… the village… him.

If only Naruto had known that Sasuke would have just as easily submitted because he wanted to stay and not in the village or even the apartment, he just wanted to stay… with Naruto.

Regardless of the mechanics of that night, Sasuke would always remember it. In fact, at times, simply recalling the first feel of Naruto's fingers upon his skin or his first taste of Naruto's essence or the first time he pushed inside Naruto's tight, burning heat or heard Naruto begging him, loving him… Well, Sasuke was sure that the memory of that night alone would sustain him for the rest of his life but he was thankful that it hadn't come to that.

After they 'came out' to their friends, two blocks and four hours later, at Sakura's 'welcome home' party, it wasn't long before the sake had loosened mouths and bets were made about who was the 'girl' in the relationship. Sasuke had snorted. No one could mistake Naruto for a girl, the young man was pure virile energy and if anyone… ANYONE… insinuated that Sasuke looked anything less than masculine he would willing show them the error in their thought process.

It was Kiba that coined the phrase that would form the foundation of their relationship. The scruffy haired ninja laughed and patted Naruto on the shoulder when the blonde nearly choked to death after Lee congratulated him on his decision to 'take it like a man… with youthful vigor'.

"Naruto, man, I know you own the Uchiha…"

"Thanks, Kiba…" Naruto began smiling.

"On birthdays and bank holiday Mondays, otherwise, yeah, he owns your ass. Am I right?"

The smile had slipped and the party ended when Kiba was thrown to the floor with Naruto displaying his youthful vigor by relocating the dog nin's nose.


That night Sasuke intended to set the record straight… so to speak… but then Naruto stood before him, all golden skin and honey colored hair. Soft blue eyes, clouded with need and want, held him captive and then those dusty rose lips whispered 'please' and Sasuke was undone.

Three days later Naruto celebrated his twenty second birthday and Sasuke handed Naruto the lube and his ass. Happy birthday, dobe. He remembered the first time he took Naruto with a graphic clarity that could make him hard anytime and anyplace. He remembered the first time Naruto took him with a clarity that made his knees weak.

Naruto had touched him, tasted him, inside and out, all night long until a shift in the air current had Sasuke arching off the bed and whimpering Naruto's name, begging for him to stop, to never stop, to hurry up and to, dear god, please, slow down.

The following morning Gamakichi informed the Hokage that neither jounin would be available for missions. The orange toad returned three hours later, obviously drunk, bearing gifts of Tsunade's aptly named "Butt Balm" and a birthday card.

So sweet.


Following Naruto's birthday, Sasuke assumed that they were now on equal ground but Naruto seemed more than content to fall back into the precedent started that first night and Sasuke couldn't bring himself to say, "Dammit, Naruto, fuck me." So Sasuke took the lead and he wasn't complaining… as if he could talk when he was balls deep into his own personal nirvana… he just hoped in his heart that Naruto knew it wasn't a requirement. Sasuke wasn't ever going to leave Naruto again, regardless of the position he held in their relationship, as long as Naruto kept him by his side.

Two weeks later Sasuke woke up and stumbled into the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator, winced at the bright light burning his sleep clouded eyes and grabbed the orange juice. Closing the door, he turned and looked at their calendar only to see that the day was circled in thick red marker. Leaning forward Sasuke read the printed caption on the day, 'Founder's Day, reserved'.

His eyes trailed upwards and he smirked. Monday. It was a bank holiday Monday.

And so a new precedent was started. Sasuke spent ten minutes that morning circling every bank holiday that year before meeting Naruto at the training ground.

Sasuke began to anticipate the circled days with an eagerness he hadn't felt since he was a child. They never used the same place twice and Naruto went out of his way to make the experience special, memorable and mind shattering for them both. Nothing was sacred.

Sasuke didn't hold much hope that he would see Heaven unless, by some miracle, the gods choose to judge him through Naruto's eyes and honestly, after a particularly satisfying celebration of the First Hokage's birthday atop the Fourth Hokage's head, he didn't suspect he'd be seeing much of Naruto anyway.

Not with a pissed off Fourth Hokage waiting to rip off his… Maybe he didn't have anything to worry about. Perhaps the man would be proud that his son was seme. Oh, wait… Sasuke had a turn that night as well… So, yeah, not seeing much of his dobe in the afterlife. He'd have to take all he could get now.


One morning, while drinking his orange juice Sasuke looked at the calendar to see that the day, a hum-drum Wednesday, had been circled in hard-on red… yeah, it's a color…

"Dobe?" Sasuke asked turning to see Naruto shoveling in his standard breakfast of ramen, silly brown sleep hat of some deformed animal still 'keeping in the heat, teme'.

"Bastard…" The blonde said cheerily looking up.

Sasuke nodded toward the calendar and Naruto's smile stopped his heart before the organ began to beat double time.

"I believe the stipulation was birthdays and bank holidays. Turns out it's Lee's birthday today."

Sasuke stared at Naruto while the blue eyes watched him closely. Sasuke saw excitement, mischievousness and… uncertainty. As if Sasuke would ever, COULD ever, say no. Silly dobe. He considered trying to explain that the 'stipulation' was unnecessary but, Naruto enjoyed the 'game' as much as he did.

Instead, he walked toward the table and set the orange juice jug on the edge before stepping behind Naruto. He let his fingers slide over broad shoulders and down over Naruto's chest until he was breathing against the warm skin of Naruto's neck. "Hmmm," he whispered into Naruto's ear before biting on the tan lobe, "Well, Happy Birthday, Lee. I can't wait to celebrate."

And so it was that no one's birthday was sacred either. Sasuke often times wondered what the rookie nine, or Kakashi, or the Hokage would think about the fact that he and Naruto left parties early not because Naruto had had too much to drink or because Sasuke was an emo bastard but instead because Naruto had circled the number on their calendar and winked at him across a crowded room.

Sasuke suspected that Gaara knew though and considered it a personal gift that somewhere, on his birthday, Sasuke Uchiha was taking it up the ass.


Sasuke heard the shower turn off and soon the bathroom door opened. Steam billowed into their room followed by Naruto. The blonde head was covered in a midnight blue towel and his words came out muffled.

"Hmmm, this towel smells like you, Sasuke. Nice."

Sasuke smirked and wrapped his arm around Naruto's bare middle, feeling the moist, shower warmed skin. He nipped at Naruto's pulse point and pulled the towel off his dobe's head meeting Naruto's crystal blue eyes. "Happy Birthday, Naruto."

Naruto turned in Sasuke's arms and kissed him tenderly while Sasuke ran his hands up and down Naruto's back. "Do we have to go?" Naruto whispered against his lips and pushed his hardening erection into Sasuke's clothed one.

"Yes, it's your birthday. Mandatory attendance." Sasuke responded even as he circled his hips and placed kisses along Naruto's jaw.

The blonde pulled back and looked Sasuke up and down seeing the taller man was dressed in black slacks and a buttoned down, dark blue silk shirt.

"S'uke, do you know what I'm going to do to this shirt?" Naruto purred and a shiver ran through the tan body that had nothing to do with the chill in the room.

"Hn," Sasuke hummed and smirked at the grinning man before him. "Tell me."

The shirt was left unbuttoned three buttons down and Naruto ran a single finger over the first button. "I'm going to unbutton this button with my fingers while I fuck your mouth with my tongue." The finger slipped to the next smooth circle. "This button and this button I going to pull off with my teeth before pushing the fabric aside and licking at this, right here." Naruto's thumb circled over a perk covered nipple and Sasuke's eyes narrowed as a hiss filled the air. "By that time, the last two buttons will just be a hindrance and I'll rip the shirt off, pushing it off your smooth shoulders before devoting myself into getting into your pants."

Sasuke's eyes had finally slipped closed and he pulled Naruto into his chest, carding his fingers through the damp blonde spikes. "Fuck, Naruto, you have to stop."

Naruto opened his mouth to object but Sasuke stole his words, his breath and what ability he had to form coherent thought with his wicked, wicked tongue and then Sasuke pushed Naruto away forcefully.

"Nooo," the blonde whined.

Sasuke shook his head but his words were edged with need, "We have to go to this party, dobe, and then we'll go wherever you want and do whatever you want," He stepped forward and Naruto reached for him, only to stop when Sasuke glared. The tan hands fell to Naruto's side and Sasuke cupped one scared cheek. "Again and again." Naruto whimpered and Sasuke smiled when the tan hips jerked involuntarily. "Get dressed, the sooner we get there, the sooner we can leave."

Naruto nodded numbly and Sasuke turned his shoulders pushing him toward the closet, thoroughly enjoying the view of Naruto's tight ass.


"Happy Birthday, Naruto," Kiba said and handed him his gift. Naruto thanked him and tore into the package to find a new set of top of the line kunai.

"Thanks, Kiba. I can't wait to use these!" Naruto looked up and smiled at all of his friends. He and Sasuke sat in Kiba and Hinata's living room, food and drinks forgotten, while Naruto worked through his pile of gifts, laughing and joking as he went.

Finally the last gift was passed and Naruto looked down at the dark red, rectangular shaped gift. Obviously a book. He pulled the card out of the small envelop and read the words.

'About those stipulations… S.'

He looked up at Sasuke who sat directly across the room from him. The dark haired man leaned against the back of the arm chair, one ankle resting on the opposite knee and sent Naruto a challenging smirk, nodding toward the package. Naruto couldn't stop the smile, or the heat that brushed his cheeks, and tore open the wrapping. It took him three seconds to read the cover before he wrapped the book messily back in the wrapping and stared at Sasuke with an intensity every person in the room felt.

"N-Naruto?" Hinata asked concerned by how pale Naruto's face had become and how he seemed to have stopped breathing.

Naruto held those black eyes for a moment longer before standing slowly and looking at his friends. "Thank you all so much, but we have to go. Sasuke isn't feeling well."

Several noises of protest filled the room but then, almost in slow motion, like he was moving underwater, Sasuke Uchiha lifted a pale hand to his mouth… and coughed.

"See! And I think he has a fever, too. Thanks for everything. I think it's best I get him home. Come on, bastard." Naruto said all of this while jumping across the room and pulling Sasuke to his feet. Hinata handed him a bag of his gifts and turned to ask Sasuke if he would be okay but Naruto was already dragging him out of the room.

The door clicked shut and Kiba looked around at the rest of the silent faces, "Well… cake anyone?"


The bag of gifts made it as far as the entryway. Their shoes were left scattered down the hall and Sasuke's shirt swung innocently from the living room fan along with Naruto's pants. Four shiny blue buttons littered the floor. Naruto's shirt rested on the third step up the stairs, Sasuke's pants on the fifth and Naruto's lucky orange boxers lay forgotten in the doorway to their room. They never found Sasuke's boxers but both considered the loss acceptable collateral damage.

Sasuke's birthday gift made it as far as the bedside table, dropped with a quiet thud when Naruto fumbled for Sasuke's favorite lube.

The title read:

Celebrate 365 Days a Year: Obscure Holidays from Around the World

Taped to the front, under the title, was a new marker… in hard-on red.


The End

And it's eleven o' clock my time! I win!