A/N1: (MissJayne) My first attempt at co-authoring a fic! And a Lily one as well! I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. I really should not be writing something like this in a public library... Thanks to my wonderful beta Kristen for betaing! And special thanks to Jess for coming up with this evil plot bunny. I couldn't resist!
A/N2: (crazy-prune) Hey guys, also my first attempt at co-authoring, I hope you do enjoy it, cos this is a plot bunny that I just couldn't let go of and I was so happy when MissJayne agreed to it; I know we had wonderful fun writing it. (Seriously she's telling the truth about a public library!!) Thank you to MissJayne for letting me get involved with this and I'd love to hear what you think.
Erm... we promise this is established JIBBS. Trust us (although with all the plot twists and turns I like to throw at people, you might not want to trust me).
A Comedy of Errors
Chapter One: Jailhouse Rock
Abby Scuito stared through the bars into the cell. The nice cop outside had given her a chair to sit on. She could hardly believe why she was here.
In front of her, Gibbs and Lily were busy sniping at each other. Her silver-haired fox was wearing an orange jumpsuit supplied by the cops, which looked very strange on him. Abby had never been able to imagine Gibbs being arrested for anything.
She would have placed money on it being impossible for Lily to be arrested. The CIA agent might have been Jenny's twin sister, but she was capable of talking herself out of just about any situation. Her outfit was even more odd: an incredibly short black mini skirt teamed with a very tight-fitting white shirt and a tie. The shirt was tied up in a knot, leaving her stomach on show. Her feet were encased in their usual impossibly high heels. She reminded the Goth of an errant schoolgirl. Her red hair had also been pulled back into a simple ponytail.
The final occupant of the cell was lounging on the bed at the back, staring happily at Lily's butt. He was dressed very casually, and Abby had not asked his name. She was too shocked.
"How is this my fault?" Lily yelled at Gibbs. "I called you for a favor! If I wanted to be arrested, I would have shot that really annoying cop who always tries to bust me for speeding."
"You could shoot him any day of the week," Gibbs snarled. "This is completely and utterly your fault."
"How?! And don't say 'because'."
"Because… You dragged me out of my nice warm bed! You woke me up at two in the morning!"
"I woke you up; big deal. I haven't had any sleep for the last two nights because I've been working."
"Oh, let me wipe away my tears at the thought of you not getting any sleep."
The other man in the cell decided to intervene. "Don't talk to her like that," he objected.
Gibbs rolled his eyes; Lily smiled at the other man. "Thank you," she smiled sweetly.
"Now is not the time for flirting," Gibbs warned.
"Got a name?" she practically purred.
"Rob" he told her.
"Nice." She stared at him for a moment longer. "Now back off."
Abby decided it was time to attempt to regain control of the situation. "Why exactly did you call me out here?" she asked. "I mean, it's all very embarrassing with you two being arrested, but I'm no good at breaking people out of a cell and I don't want to go to prison for the rest of my life, do they actually do that? Anyway, I'm too pretty to be in jail and I'd miss McGee and Tony and Ziva and Ducky and Bert and maybe even Palmer, and I almost forgot Jenny as well, I didn't really forget her Lily, but you were standing right in front of me and I got confused again and –"
"Breathe, Abs," Gibbs growled.
Stunned by his tone, although accepting it was probably because Lily was pushing him to breaking point, she took a few deep breaths. Meanwhile Lily and Gibbs glared at each other, each glare promising imminent death.
"Why don't you two kiss and make up?" Rob suggested.
Slowly, Lily and Gibbs turned around and glared at him. Abby suppressed a shudder; she never wanted to be glared at by two experts at the same time.
Rob cowered against the back wall. "Okay then," he muttered.
The two warring parties turned back to each other. "You have yet to give me a good reason why this is my fault," Lily argued.
"It's always your fault!" Gibbs retorted. "You're a hurricane of chaos, bringing trouble and pain in your wake."
"This is coming from a guy who builds boats in his basement, and if he ever messes up his relationship with my sister again is going to be is some serious pain." She lowered her voice and moved closer to him; their noses were almost touching. "I would love to castrate you," she spat.
Gibbs flinched. Lily leant back, a smug smile on her face.
"You're dating her sister?" Rob repeated, a wide grin stretching his features. "Wow. You should all go on Jerry Springer or something."
This time, everyone turned and glared at Rob. Abby pulled her fiercest face. This guy seriously needed to keep out of the conversation. Rob merely put his hands up to defend himself, the grin never leaving.
"Why did you call me?" Abby tried again. "I mean, you could have called Ducky or Ziva or Jenny –"
"Take a wild stab at why we didn't ask for Jen," Gibbs groaned. "I'm not sure which one of us she'd kill first."
"That would be me," Lily helpfully added. "Followed shortly by you. You'd suffer a lot more though."
"Well, what about –" Abby started.
"Tony would never be able to wipe the smirk from his face," Lily interrupted. "Ziva would call Jenny before coming here, I am never having this conversation with McGee, and Ducky would ask far too many questions."
"What about someone at the CIA?" Abby fidgeted uncomfortably.
"I will never live it down," Lily complained. "If someone there ever finds out…"
The Goth gulped. "My lips are sealed."
"Look, Abs," Gibbs soothed. "We just need you to post bail. That's all."
"I'm not doing that!" Abby protested, standing up. "You two should deal with this yourselves!"
"Abs, this is all just a misunderstanding," Gibbs offered. "A really big misunderstanding."
"Yeah right," Rob scoffed at the back.
Everyone ignored him. "We can explain everything," Lily promised.
"Why didn't you call Jenny then?" Abby shouted. "Mommy and Daddy shouldn't have any secrets, and Daddy shouldn't –"
"Mommy and Daddy?" Rob commented. "Even better."
They continued to ignore him. "Jenny would kill us before we could explain," Lily pointed out. "How about we tell you what happened and you can make up your own mind?"
Abby almost screamed her reply. "How did you two get arrested for indecent exposure?"