(Author's Note: A little something to make your head explode. And of course, I do not have the copyright for Bleach.)


Nemu Draws

In the dark depths of the Twelfth Division, Captain Mayuri Kurotsuchi strode through the halls to the room where he had last left his daughter several hours ago to do some sorting and cataloging of research specimens. Peering inside, he saw that all was arranged according to his strict guidelines. And yet, oddly enough, Nemu Kurotsuchi was sitting at a desk with a pen, scribbling on paper. "What are you doing?" the Captain inquired of his daughter. He suspected that she was wasting his time instead of reporting back to him immediately, as she knew she ought to have done.

Nemu turned from her work to face him, staring at her knees deferentially. "Drawing manga," she said.

"'Manga'?" Mayuri repeated, completely astounded by this reply.

"I apologize for wasting time on something so unscientific."

Mayuri tapped his chin. "What kind of manga is it?"

"Hentai."

"I see," he said. "Well then… you may carry on."

A surprised pause. Nemu dared to gaze up at her father's neck. "You're not going to punish me?"

"Why would I punish you?"

"... No reason."

"You want me to punish you, don't you?" Mayuri scoffed. "You're such a whore."

Nemu cringed.

"Show it to your friends at the Shinigami Women's Association," Mayuri said. "They'll probably be interested, don't you think?"

"Thank you, Mayuri-sama," she sighed as she turned in her chair to continue her work.

Something hard collided with the back of her head. "Did I say you could work on it now?" he shouted. "Back in the lab!"


BLEACH


A few days later, at the next meeting of the Shinigami Women's Association...

"Any further business?" Yachiru asked.

"Um… it's not too important, but… I drew a manga."

Everyone in the room turned and stared at Nemu.

"Really?" Rangiku replied, her eyes wide. "That's unexpected. What kind of manga is it?"

"It's… yaoi."

Everyone exchanged glances for a moment, and then suddenly Nemu found her corner of the table crowded with female faces eager to evaluate the quality of her drawing. Even Nanao was nonchalantly peeking over their heads. (Soi Fon and Isane were absent that day.) Nemu felt faint and was blushing intensely. She pulled out the manga and set it on the table.

Nemu opened it to the first page.

Staring.

After the second page, Unohana and Nanao saw where the story was going and had lost interest. After the third page, Hinamori suddenly made a gagging noise and excused herself, and Rukia followed to "help her." After the fourth page, only Yachiru was still willing to read on.

"So he's not gonna kill him?" Yachiru asked.

"No," Nemu said.

Yachiru flipped the page. "Oh, I get it! This is porn!"

"Do you like it?"

"This is awesome!" Yachiru cheered, picking up the manga and flipping at her leisure. "Ooh, that's really nasty."

"Yachiru, I think you should put that down," Rangiku said, attempting to seize the book away from the Vice-Captain.

Yachiru glared, the pressure of her reiatsu filling the room with killing intent. "Make me," she growled.

Rangiku made one step back in surprise, but her face maintained a resolved scowl. "That material isn't appropriate for one so young."

"She's over ninety," Nemu said. "That's even older than I am."

"That isn't suitable reading for people over a hundred," Rangiku said, her hands on her hips, her great chest thrust out. "Frankly, I'm amazed your mind harbored such… strange, violent ideas."

"It's the fault of her upbringing," Nanao grumbled.

"I apologize for causing trouble," Nemu said. "I hadn't expected this kind of reception."

"What did you expect?" Nanao asked, adjusting her glasses.

Nemu's reply was honest. "I don't know."

Unohana leaned against the wall and sighed. "'There are even bugs that eat knotweed.'"

"That doesn't make it any less disgusting," Rangiku retorted.

"Leave them be," Unohana said. "It isn't important."

Nanao pushed her glasses further up her nose and said, "I think this meeting is pretty well concluded." She left the room, followed by all the other women in the room except Nemu and Yachiru.

Yachiru giggled. "This manga makes me feel all funny and warm inside."

"I'm glad you like it," Nemu said, smiling faintly.