NOTE: New Moon was written by Stephenie Meyer, not me. This is basically what the end of Chapter 3, when he is leaving Bella, would be like if it were from Edward's POV. Also, this was really hard for me to write, because everytime I read this part of the book I cry :(
"Come for a walk with me," I suggested to Bella, not letting the dread I felt reach my voice. She looked hesitant. Instead of waiting for an answer I took her hand and led her outside.
We walked through the yard silently. We'd only gone a fews steps into the trees when I halted. The house was still visible from where we stood. Good, I thought to myself. Bella was a trouble magnet after all. It probably wouldn't have been smart to lead her too far away from home.
I thought about what I could say. This was going to be unimaginably harder then I thought. "Bella, we're leaving," I paused. The pain of my words was like a knife to the chest.
"Why now? Another year..." she started, but I interrupted her.
"Bella it's time, How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless," I explained, knowing this was only somewhat the truth. Yes, Carlisle looked a little young for his age, but this was not why we needed to leave.
She looked confused. The confusion changed to something else. She suddenly looked ill.
"When you say we..." she said quietly, finally realizing what I had been telling her.
"I mean my family and myself," I explained harshly. In truth, Bella was my family, and I didn't know how it would be possible to leave the most prominent part of my family behind.
Bella started to shake her head back and forth, as if she didn't understand. As if she were trying to figure out a solution to this made-up problem. I waited patiently to see what she would say.
"Okay," she finally concluded. "I'll come with you."
"You can't Bella. Where we're going... It's not the right place for you," I explained falsely. I wish she could. I wish I could allow her to be in the presence of dangerous vampires. I wish we could be eternally together.
"Where you are is the right place for me," she tried to explain desperately.
"I'm no good for you, Bella," I said. This may have been the only piece of truth I had given her.
"Don't be ridiculous," she said, trying to sound angry. "You're the very best part of my life."
"My world is not for you," I explained grimly. Another piece of truth that I deeply regretted.
"What happened with Jasper... that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!"
"You're right," I agreed. "It was exactly what was to be expected."
"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay..."
"As long as that was best for you," I interrupted, correcting her.
"No! This is about me soul, isn't it?" She shouted furiously. "Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you... it's yours already!"
I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. I would never take her soul away. She would live a good, long, human life if I had anything to say about it. I needed to convince her. Convince her to let me leave. Convince her to start a new life without me.
"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." I spoke slowly, picking the words I used carefully. I looked at her as she absorbed what I had said. There was a pause in the conversation as she sorted through the meaning of my words.
"You... don't... want me?" she said with a confused look on her face.
"No," I said sternly. Lie. I would always want her. For all eternity.
"Well that changes things," she said strangely calm. She had looked on the verge of hysterics before, and now she seemed utterly reasonable.
I looked away. Unable to look at her in case her calm demeanor were to suddenly go away. I spoke, still not looking at her, "Of course, I'll always love you... in a way." In all ways, I thought to myself before continuing. "But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm... tired of pretending to be something that I'm not, Bella. I am not human." I looked back at her, not letting the pain I felt show on my face. "I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that."
"Don't," she whispered. "Don't do this."
Too late, I thought to myself. She could see this on my face.
"You're not good for me, Bella," I said, switching my earlier words around. It was true in a sense, she wasn't good for me. I didn't deserve anyone even close to as a wonderful as Bella was.
She opened her mouth as if to say something and then closed it. I stayed emotionless, waiting for her to speak. "If... that's what you want," was all she said. It's not what I wanted, it would never be, but I nodded anyways.
"I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much," I said, knowing she would comply with whatever I were to say.
"Anything," she said, staring at me with love I didn't deserve. Love that I wanted, selfishly, but simply did not deserve.
"Don't do anything reckless or stupid," I ordered. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"
She nodded helplessly to my request, and I knew this was all I could do.
"I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself... for him," I told her.
She nodded for a second time. "I will," she whispered.
"And I'll make you a promise in return," I began. "I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. It will be as if I'd never existed." I hoped this would be true for her, because it would never be true for me. She was, and always would be the bane of existence.
I tried to smile. "Don't worry. You're human," I reassured her. "Your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."
"And your memories?" she questioned. It sounded as if she were choking. I knew this must be painful for her as well.
"Well," I hesitated. "I won't forget. But my kind... we're very easily distracted." But I would never be. I would always think of Bella, and always want her back. I faked a smile anyways.
I took a small step away from her. "That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again."
Her eyes widened. "Alice isn't coming back," she realized. I shook my head slowly, still staring at her pained face.
"Alice is gone?" she breathed disbelieving.
"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you."
Bella looked dizzy. I knew I needed to leave now before I were to reconsider.
"Goodbye, Bella," I said quietly, trying desperately not to let the wrenching feeling in my stomach get the better of me.
"Wait!" Bella choked and reached longingly for me. I reached for her wrists, pinning them to her sides. I allowed myself one moment of weakness, leaning down to kiss her forehead.
"Take care of yourself," I finished. And then I was gone. I ran as fast as I could. Hoping to make the clean break that I had talked about.
I ran as far as I could before a strange weakness came over me. I halted in between two large trees, grasping both for support. It felt as if someone had cut a whole into my stomach. I felt like I would never be whole again, as if Bella were the only thing that had kept me in one piece.
My non-beating heart was broken. Without Bella life was pointless. She had talked about her soul, and how it belonged to me. I had denied it earlier, but how could I now, knowing that mine belonged to her?
Still grasping both trees, I considered going back. That would be wrong, I told myself. I knew she would be better off without me. Even with this fact, the most painful realization came over me.
Love, life, meaning... it was eternally over.
What did you think? Reviews would be nice :)
Oh, and a few people have story alerted this, which is very nice, but I'd rather you author alert because I most likely won't be adding another chapter to this. I'll just make a new story.