The Only Mario Fanfic Anyone's Ever Made

By Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus

Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus: (chuckles evilly, then taps fingers together)

Disclaimer: (coughs) Just what are you up to?

Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus: (pushes Disclaimer to side) You'll see. (bursts into evil cackle, with blue lightning zapping and thunder booming in the background; clears throat) Hoo boy, wait until you folks read the end of this one. Read and enjoy, ladies and gentlemen, because I sure as heck did while writing this piece of fanfiction. Ohohohoho. (cough, cough; runs off giggling like a maniac)

Disclaimer: (sigh) Why do I still hang around with him, I will never know. Anyway, Mario, Birdo, and a certain someone in green (oops, I gave away the spoilers, but I don't care) belong to Nintendo. DEAL WITH IT.


It was the end of the first level of the first world. A tall, barren mountain atop the pinkish clouds that rose within the clear blue skies above the grassy meadows. He was on top of the imaginary world of Subcon. The famed, red-capped Italian plumber all the way from New York City, despite being born in the Mushroom Kingdom. Mario, also referred as Super Mario, or Mr,. Nintendo, has made a perilous journey to the top of Subcon, to end up seeing his true lover... Birdo. Hoping onto the bluish platform, he spotted Birdo from several feet and ran towards her, red hearts appearing in place of his normal eyes.

"Oh Birdo, how long have I been waiting to see you here again," mario calmly complimented as he grabbed Birdo's right hand and started kissing it, showing his affection for the feminine pink dinosaur.

Birdo blushed, and she giggled, feeling giddy. "Oh, Mario, it is so nice to be around with you again. After you took care of Wart, you haven't really come back to my old place..." She stated as Mario looked up.

"Oh ho, that may be so, but don't forget, Birdo, you're my true love. Princess Peach is an idiot, Daisy is a pallet swap, Rosalina is too old and fat for me, and not to mention the hundreds of girls I rescued that are too weak to fend for himself..." The mustachioed figure angrily muttered under his breath, shaking his head and grabbing both of Birdo's hands, grinning. "How about it, Birdo? You, me, and a bottle of Champaign..."

Birdo's eyes lit up as she gasped, hugging Mario as she squealed with delight. "Oh, Mario... I love to... teehee!"

As the two lovebirds proceeded to make the miracle known by all kind as love, the clear blue skies gave away for the beautiful orange sunset, the sun drifting off in the horizon. Mario, his clothes and overalls off on the edge of the blue-colored platform, glanced at Birdo and smirked, while Birdo only giggled back, kissing Mario on the cheek. The two lovers were perfectly fine with each other, enjoying their company more than anything else. Nothing could go wrong.

Absolutely nothing... until...

"MAMMA MIA!! MARIO!?"

Mario jumped up in surprise after the shout, and he frantically looked around, only to freeze in horror as he spotted... his own brother, Luigi, staring at him dead cold, the sun finally parting from the sky and giving away to the dark, cold night. Silence ensued for several minutes as the shock and horror soaked into the minds of Mario, Birdo, and Luigi, an unexpected surprise to be discovered. Luigi was too horrified to even question why Mario's clothes were off, his left eye twitching violently.

"M-Mario... please don't tell me..." Luigi tried to get the thought of such things out of his head, but he couldn't muster the thought of Mario and Birdo... making love to each other. It was impossible. It was physically impossible. It was even mentally impossible. How could a human, a member of the primate group of mammals, make love with a pink, sometimes gender-confused dinosaur with an oddly shaped mouth?

Mario got back on his clothes, running up to Luigi and shaking him several times, shouting directly to his face, "Luigi, it's not-a what you thinK! Me and Birdo were just about to f-"

The red-capped plumber from there on was cut off, as he received a punch to the face, the impact knocking him out cold. Luigi, who delivered the punch, looked down with shame, his cap covering most of his face, turning away and slowly heading back as he could not get the thought out. Birdo ran over to mario to ensure he was safe, but then started crying, discovering that Mario was not breathing. Rage slowly building up within tears, Birdo looked up and watched as Luigi proceeded to head back to the Mushroom Kingdom. Then, taking in some air, Birdo fired a clear white egg towards Luigi's direction, and...

...

...

...

...

...

...The rest is history.

THE END