Hey guys! So this got thoroughly stuck in my head and I wrote it out in about an hour, so my apologies for any errors. Enjoy!
Teyla smiled, perfectly content with life. She had just finished an invigorating training session with a friend, her team wasn't scheduled to go off world till the end of the week, and she had some rare down time.
Her steps sped slightly up when she remembered that the the Deadalus had just arrived which meant...chocolate. She sighed blissfully. It had been so long since she had tasted a real brownie, but Elizabeth had somehow managed to pass it off as a necessity for the members morale and the mess hall was serving them tonight.
She noticed Elizabeth walking towards her and smiled in greeting. To her surprise, Elizabeth did not smile back.
"Is some thing wrong?" Teyla's mind automatically began to run through the possibilities. She hadn't heard an explosion, didn't think anyone was off-world...
Elizabeth simply shook her head. "Come with me."
They walked briskly until they reached a small storage room, into which Elizabeth disappeared. Confused, Teyla followed.
"Can I be of...assistance to you?" She asked, taking in the scene slowly. Laura Cadman, Kate Heightmeyer, Miko, Elizabeth, and several other women were grouped around a large table- boxes shoved haphazardly to the side to make room. They were busily passing around what appeared to be the schematics for Atlantis'...mess hall?
It was Laura Cadman who answered. "Your team has the brownies and they won't share with the rest of the base." She hissed.
Teyla's gaze darkened. "How long have they been alone with the chocolate?" She demanded, instantly serious.
Elizabeth pressed her shoulder reassuringly. "They are still too hot to eat, but they won't be for long."
Teyla nodded shortly swiftly shifting into battle mode. "Okay. Lets assess the situation. Is it just my team, or do they have back up?"
"They just recruited Major Lorne and his team as well," answered Kate.
Teyla paused, deep in thought, before a slow smile spread across her features. "Okay. We can do this, but we are going to need a plan. Who is the biggest threat?"
Elizabeth blinked. "Rodney?"
Cadman shrugged. "I've been inside his head, I know what he is willing to do for chocolate. He might not be a physical threat, but he has control over crucial things like hot water and transporters."
Elizabeth nodded thoughtfully. "I hadn't thought of that. I still say Ronon is our biggest threat though."
Teyla smirked. "Just leave Ronon to me. Now, I agree with Laura. I think that Rodney and Lorne are our biggest threats just now."
Kate's eyebrow shot up. "What about Sheppard??"
Teyla's smirk widened. "I have a plan. Now, pay attention."
The women huddled together, slowly perfecting their plot.
John whistled slightly as he ran his gaze idly down the corridor. In just a few short moments, he would be enjoying the smooth, chocolaty deliciousness of brownies. Real Earth brownies, not the fake Pegasus galaxy kind. He licked his lips in anticipation.
Ronon nudged him, hard. "Pay attention! They could come back at any moment."
John sighed. "They probably just gave up, Ronon. I'm sure that they believed me when I said that..."
They both tensed as soft footsteps echoed down the hall, and a slim figure walked calmly towards them.
John relaxed, laughing slightly when Ronon did not. "It's just 'Lizabeth. She probably wants more coffee or something."
Ronon shifted uneasily, but reluctantly decided that he was simply being paranoid. After all, it wasn't as if Elizabeth could actually take both him and John on at once.
"You looking for a refill?" Asked John, gesturing towards the empty coffee mug that she held in one hand.
Elizabeth met his gaze squarely. "No. I am looking for some chocolate."
John shifted uncomfortably. "Uh...well...I heard we were out."
Elizabeth's gaze intensified. "Really?" She breathed in once, deeply. "Then why can I smell it?"
John's eyes shot involuntarily towards Ronon.
"Must be your imagination," Ronon suggested gruffly. He sniffed once, experimentally. He didn't smell anything, and his nose was honed from years of tracking Wraith. She must be bluffing.
Elizabeth ignored him, still staring silently at John. John shifted uncomfortably again, then brightened.
"Look, 'Lizabeth...How about I go check for you, and if I find any I'll bring it by your office?"
She shook her head. "I know you have the chocolate, John, and believe me, I can make you sorry for not sharing."
She flinched inwardly, but kept her appearance calm and menacing. She felt like an idiot. Teyla had told her exactly what to do, but...she had serious doubts that John would believe her.
Much to her surprise, he swallowed audibly. Okay then, now for the final threat.
She leaned towards him, much closer that she normally would, invading his personal space. Once more she inhaled deeply, then in one explosive motion she turned on her heel and left.
John stared at Ronon is shock. "What was that?"
Ronon shrugged, looking vaguely uneasy. "You can't smell anything, can you?"
John shook her head. "No." He hesitated. "I don't...think so... Can you?" They stared at each other, then nodded simultaneously.
"I'll get Lorne to stand guard."
Back in HQ (as the girls had hastily dubbed their closet), Teyla grinned. "Perfect."
Elizabeth watched their hijacked video feed in disbelief as Lorne and a marine traded positions with John and Ronon. "I cannot believed that worked." She laughed as the four men all sniffed the air.
Laura grinned ferally. "Just watch." She pointed to the video screen, where a ceiling panel was silently opening just behind the two men. A moment later, Teyla lowered herself down and deftly shot both men in the neck with tranq darts.
Elizabeth's jaw dropped. "How did she get there that fast?"
Kate pointed at a hatch in their own ceiling. "I found that on the schematics."
Elizabeth grinned. "Good work! Now, lets move."
The girls, minus Miko, all hastily gathered their attack supplies and filed out of their closet, determination screaming from every line of their bodies.
The battle was over quickly. John had taken one look at Elizabeth and defected, claiming loudly that he was trying to trick the men into trusting him so that he could bring her the brownies.
He hadn't gotten more than two steps towards them before Ronon physically restrained him. Teyla walked gracefully up to Ronon and whispered something into his ear.
Ronon's jaw dropped open and his eyes glazed over. He released John and they both took up protective stances amidst the women.
At the defection of BOTH of their leaders, most of Lorne's remaining team mates hung back, unwilling to face the angry women.
Only Rodney stood between the girls and the brownies, a Wraith stunner in each hand. "Don't make me use these." He threatened, waving them in the general direction of the ceiling.
Laura sighed impatiently, then simply pushed the guns away and kissed him fiercely.
Elizabeth grabbed the batch of brownies and flounced cheerfully out of the mess hall to the cheers of the women. They followed behind, chattering happily. The marines in the corner let out a collective breath.
They had escaped the women's wrath. They shot concerned looks at where John was mumbling to himself, Ronon was staring dreamily into space, and a stunned Rodney was repeating the phrase "sorry, kiss?" over and over again. A relieved murmur broke out among the remaining men, but it turned into a sharp yelp as the sprinkler system over head turned on full, raining icy cold water onto their heads.
Miko smiled in satisfaction as she patched back up the security camera network, munching happily on a brownie.
Thanks for reading!