Title: Where I Stood
Category: TV Shows » Instant Star
Author: And The Moment's Gone
Language: English, Rating: Rated: T
Genre: Angst/Drama
Originally Published: 10-12-08, Completed
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,310

Warnings/Spoilers: You'll have to have seen the whole show to understand this one. Spoilers up to 4x13 (London Calling). This story follows Landing in London.

Summary: 'Cos she will love you more than I could. She who dares to stand where I stood.

Official Disclaimer: All Instant Star characters and plots belong to Linda Schuyler and theN. I do not hold stock either the person or the company. Jude Harrison, Thomas Quincy, and any other character featured are NOT mine. The title, summary, and lyrics come from the Missy Higgins's song Where I Stood and I don't own that either.


I don't know what I've done,
or if I like what I've begun
But something told me to run
And honey you know me it's all or none

Landing in London went multiplatinum the first week it was out.

She only had herself to blame for the fact that the public wanted more from them.

Her next single would have to top her performance from Darius's party if she wanted to make sure her album beat his to number one. She didn't want to tell her label that she didn't have another soul breaking single in her to give. There wasn't anything deeper then the last one.

Or so she thought.

Then she remembered the girlfriend.

The bubbly brunette that her sister had hired as a personal assistant that seemed more then a little attached to her former lover.

Suddenly there was fuel to add to the fire.

A little voice told her that this was one of those songs that should be recorded and shelved. That there was no way she could handle singing this one in public for at least six weeks before and after it's release. She told herself that she didn't hate Alexz, she was just the wrong girl at the wrong time, and as long as she didn't mention her by name she would be fine.

This wasn't a song about hate or pain.

It was about closure.

And that was something that was long overdue.

There were sounds in my head
a little voice whispering
that I should go and this should end
Oh and I found myself listening

She had been a part of Tommy and Jude for so long that it was easy to fall back into the same painful pattern. And he had been a part of them for so long that there was no other way for him to respond to her. It was as painful for them as it was to watch.

He hadn't written to ask her why she hopped a jet immediately after the performance.

She had thrown herself back into the studio when she'd arrived back home, not even bothering to let anyone in North America know that she had arrived safely. That's what tabloids were for anyway, wasn't it?

"Where I Stood" was supposed to hit the charts less than a month after 'Landing' and she wasn't going to give the studio time to question why. She had become the model producer and the model artist and never once did she step out of line.

Her band mates didn't have to ask what was wrong.

They had called her sister to find out how to make it right. And when even Sadie couldn't come up with a solution, she had hopped a plane. Unfortunately she had forgotten to leave her assistant at home.

The first time she saw the girl that her former lover had given his heart to standing in her studio something clicked. Everything that she had been trying to put into the song fell into place.

And Jude fell apart.

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood

She'd run away then, away from her new life and back to her old.

Tommy had called Sadie the second he'd seen her, and he wasted no time in driving her out to the old church where they'd recorded together to give her some time to think.

He didn't ask any questions, didn't need any answers, and when she found herself in front of the old grand piano, he hadn't seated himself next to her like he used to. She fingered the keys on instinct, not even bothering to look at what she was doing.

Her choice of instrument had surprised him slightly. She'd always preferred her guitar while he had to coax her into other instruments. She had grown up so much since he had last seen her work and he tried not to let it scare him. She didn't even work from her journal anymore. With eyes staring at some unknown spot on the wall in front of her, she played from memory to a one-person audience. She sang to the one person who needed to hear this song just as much as she needed to play it.

See I thought love was black and white.
That it was wrong or it was right.
But you ain't leaving without a fight,
And I think I am just as torn inside.

Neither of them was sure how exactly he had talked her into letting him produce the single.

She had done a fine job putting the demo together on her own, but there was a sound that he knew she wouldn't be able to accomplish on her own. It had to come from the way he heard, not just how she'd sung it.

They were falling back into the familiar pattern, and neither one had the power to stop it.

It was a shame that this new pattern came with a third wheel that he was unable to shake. It surprised him to find that he didn't want to either. He was just as in love with Alexz as he was Jude and it made them both sick to know that she was the first one in eight years that had the power to tear them apart.

They had all tried to protect her. Even Sadie had tried to talk her into going back to London until the song was finished. She could debut it in Toronto if she wanted – Sadie would make all of the arrangements - but Jude needed to get out. Now.

She had told them under no circumstances was she leaving until the track was perfect, her own mental health be damned. She'd done it before, hadn't she? She could do it again.

Most artists were a little certifiable anyway weren't they?

And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call.
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all.
But you taught me how to trust myself, and so I say to you.
This is what I have to do.

When the track was finished it debuted at number two.

The history of the track had been leaked by an unknown source cited as being in her 'camp', and Jude basked in the glow of the lights on Under the Mic with a baby grand in a long black Vera Wang. Against everyone's better judgment, she was playing this one herself. There was no one else that could be trusted that night. It wasn't like there was anyone that didn't have someone to hold during a song like this.

When her fingers moved, she remembered the look on his face when he handed her the finished track.

There was a ticket booked for three hours after her performance.

She was running again and this time there would be no one following.

She would learn to deal on her on.

Scanning the crowd, her eyes locked with his as she started, her voice wavering and echoing throughout the hall as haunting as the first time.

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
Oh, she who dares to stand where I stood

This time there were no tears.

At least not where anyone else could see her.