Title: No Need For Toasters
Word Count: 506
Summary: Donatello lays down the law about the treatment of toasters.
Author's Notes: Has anyone noticed how every time Don needs to fix something in fanon, it usually turns out to be a toaster? Yeah. I totally did, too.
"Why," Donatello raged, "Is it always a toaster?"
He was addressing the room at large, the occupants being his brothers. They stared back at him. Michelangelo's cereal dropped from his spoon.
"It's not like we don't have hundreds of other more interesting things for you to break!" Donatello continued, swinging the hand holding the aforementioned toaster in a series of outraged gestures. He indicated the vast assortment of tech gear, chemicals, video games, and even the Battleshell. "It's not as though we don't have a life conducive to the breaking of these things! But no! No, whenever I haul myself on over to do the repair work, what do I see? Tell me! I dare you to tell me what I invariably see, sitting there on my desk. TAUNTING ME."
His brothers looked at each other, each of them not feeling like it would be a good idea to poke at the madness that was Donatello right now.
"I'll tell you what!" he said, taking the matter off of their hands, "It's a toaster! Always a damn toaster! Why do we even have a toaster? How often do we have toast? How many inventive, amazing ways can you wreck a stupid toaster? I don't know how you manage it, but you do! This contraption spends ninety percent of its existence being inoperable! And who fixes it? Me! Always me! Can't any of you fix a toaster?"
"Um," Leonardo said.
"And you'd think once in a while, I'd get a break! Maybe I could fix an MP3 player or a shell cell or even a nice television set. But no, always with the toaster! I swear, I fix the damn thing one second and the next it's sitting there, once again tainting my worktable with its presence! With its shiny, stupid toaster face! My god, can't any of you operate the thing properly? Are you just that incompetent? Can you not grasp the very simple concept of making TOAST? Do you need to return to frying bread in pans? I think you do! I really think you do!"
Raphael opened his mouth, then decided against it.
Donatello gave them all a withering glare. "I have rigged this toaster to explode if one more person breaks it. If one of you bastards lay a finger on this the wrong way, if you damage its delicate toaster sensibilities, it will explode in your face. You will live your entire lives faceless because of your immense and shameful failure, yes, failure to operate basic household appliances. Am I understood? And if it explodes, I am not picking the charred pieces up and reassembling. That's it. Finito. Kablam."
That said, he whirled around and dramatically stomped out of the room. The rest of them released a collective breath of relief.
"Oh, one more thing," Donatello stuck his head through the doorframe and narrowed his eyes. "You don't even want to see what I'm going to do to the toaster oven."
It was decided upon that they really didn't need breakfast, anyway.