Author: Hawk.Prince87 a.k.a CalciumFluoride

Collab with: AoiNeko-chan

Pairings: go figure... :P

Warnings: Extremely Hilarious

Disclaimer: NARUTO belongs to me only in my dreams and why the heck did i submit this in his birthday... how cruel -sobs-


30 x 2+ Ways to Make Naruto Cry

1. Switch all his orange jumpsuits with Rock Lee/Gai trademark Green Spandex

2. Tell him Hinata doesn't love him

3. Barge into his apartment and steal all of his clothes, leaving only the boxers

4. Before leaving, tie him onto the bed and pour whip cream and strawberries on top of him.

5. After stealing and putting the strawberries, put in a horny Sasuke into his room.

6. Video tape #5 and show it to Kakashi

7. Tell Kakashi to show it to Iruka

8. Video-tape Sasuke being 'counseled' by Iruka about his new BF afterwards

9. Tell Sakura that Sasuke and Naruto are dating each other

10. Video-tape Naruto being beaten into a pulp by Sakura

11. After Naruto and Sasuke agrees to be together, pair him up with Kiba

12. Video-tape Kiba being beaten by Sasuke

13. When Naruto's taking a bath tub, put Sasuke in and lock the door from outside.

14. Do this repeatedly until Naruto has a sore butt that he cannot get out of the house

15. Pair him up with Rock Lee

16. Video-tape Rock Lee being beaten into pulp by both Sasuke and Naruto

17. Tell Gai what both of Kakashi's student has done to Lee

18. Video tape Gai lecturing on Naruto

19. Show the video to Iruka

20. Watch as Iruka scolds Gai for picking on Naruto and Naruto for picking on Lee

21. Show him a smutty KakaxNaru fanfic saying "This is how Kakashi-sensei actually feel about you. I saw him writing this up himself"

22. Tape Naruto breaks into tears because of fear

23. Show the tape to Kakashi saying "see? he hates you..."

24. Show him a lemony JiraxNaru fanfiction and say: "Jiraiya actually wanted to do it with you, Naruto-kun…"

25. Tell the Sasuke to fuck him until he shed blood and dies

26. Tell Kyuubi to fuck him from inside

27. Shove Naruto into Itachi and tell the weasel to grab Naruto's hand while holding up the sign says: OWNED

28. Take a picture and then show it to Sasuke

29. Tape Itachi beaten into a pulp (yet again) by Sasuke

30. Fake-Summon Gamabunta

31. Go into his house and then switch all his orange jumpsuits with Sasuke's dark blue high-collared shirt

32. Tape him transforms into 4-tailed miniature Kyuubi and being stopped by Tsunade

33. Sell the video to all Naruto fans, earning your own profit

34. When Naruto is going to kick your ass, throw flash bombs at him in order to escape his rage

35. Call Uchiha Madara over to take out Kyuubi into the real world

36. Tell Kyuubi to fuck Naruto HARD onto the floor

37. Video tape the both of them having coughbonding momentcough

38. Show the video to Kakashi

39. Then to Sakura

40. Then to the VERY jealous Uchiha Sasuke

41. Tape Naruto breaks down into tears trying to stop the fight between Sasuke and Kyuubi

42. Show it later to Sasuke saying "he cant stop thinking about you, you know..."

43. Give Sasuke Naruto's address and tell him to fuck him at midnight when no one else is looking

44. Record them bonking each other

45. Show it to all Konoha, starting from Kakashi

46. Then to Iruka

47. Then to Gai

48. Then to all the Jounins

49. Then to all the Chuunins

50. Then to all the Genins

51. Then to all the ANBUs

52. Watch as Naruto being mobbed by fangirls trying to fight over Sasuke

53. Record yourself saying "SAUCEKAY ISH GAY"

54. Let Sasuke listen to it and see his reaction

55. Show Naruto this fanfic

56. Show Tsunade this fanfic

57. Show Sasuke this fanfic (Sasuke: doesnt really care)

58. Show Jiraiya this fanfic

59. Show Shikamaru this fanfic

60. Read this fanfic