AN: My mood affects my writing, and if you've read my other new story, Free Falling, then you know how I feel right now. I'm losing a best friend, and there are a few other issues. But I've been losing my friend, and she doesn't seem to grasp that. So, I'll shut up because none of you want to hear about it. Thanks Holly for helping me through this. I know your trying.


Disclaimer: I own nothing but the writing itself…

Italics- Dream

Bold Italics- Lyrics to Face Down

Bold- Letters

Face Down

I was running through the forest. Every once in a while I could see a flash of white skin and topaz hair up ahead.

"Wait!" I yelled, trying to push my human legs faster. I needed to catch up to Edward. There was a flash of russet fur to the right. This only caused me to run faster.

I had this dream every single night, but this one was different somehow. It took me a minute to realize that Jake wasn't running NEXT to me, he was CHASING me!

I screamed as he leapt at me…

A sharp slap sent me rolling off the bed into the small space between the bed and the window that was at one end of the small room. The fall upset the bruises that he gave me last night.

'Hey girl you know you drive me crazy

One look puts the rhythm in my hand.

Still I'll never understand why you hang around

I see what's going down.'

I didn't make as noise though my face stung and each breath made my ribs ache. Jacob had accidentally broken one last week. I guess I had deserved it though, for when I had woken up I called him Edward.

Since then, every time that I have that horrid nightmare he punishes me. If he even thinks that my mind is on Edward, he won't hesitate to punish me. I haven't told anybody though, and Jake has guarded his thoughts when he's in his wolf form. In short, nobody knows.

I was really regretting the decision to marry Jake. Edward hadn't returned, and I was too blind to see Jake's well concealed anger,

Since that night, his anger has been slowly unleashed. I was too afraid to try to find help. Charlie would never believe me anyways; to him Jacob was a good, honest boy who would never hurt a fly.

It was his friendship with Billy that kept me from telling him the truth. My tripping excuse was getting really old quickly. He asked every day when I missed a bruise, and every day I said that I tripped.

He was beginning to guess that it was something else, trying to figure out what it was. Thankfully, he hasn't yet. Anything set off Jake these days, and he often lost control and morphed into a werewolf.

"Shut the hell up Bella. I have to get up at 6."

I didn't make an attempt to rise from the floor and get back on the bed. I slept fitfully on the floor, aggravating the three long but shallow scratches on my back.

'Cover up with makeup in the mirror

Tell yourself it's never gonna happen again.

You cry alone and then he swears that he loves you'

As soon as Jake rose from the bed I scrambled to my feet and hurried downstairs to make him breakfast. Any delay resulted in punishment. But maybe it would stop today, I thought hopefully. Maybe he'll finally see what he was doing to me.

Either way, I scrambled to make his pancakes. I had just set his huge mound in his spot when he walked in, his hair dripping wet from his shower. His short hair reminded me once again that he wasn't MY Jacob anymore.

He was Jake, the werewolf. I quickly choked down my food before Kale could tell me that I wasn't allowed to eat. I hadn't been allowed to eat breakfast yesterday.

I took a quick shower before getting dressed. Then I stood in front of the mirror and pulled out the makeup that I bought to cover my bruises. My cheek was a bright red, already turning purple.

With trembling hands I spread foundation over it. Just as I was finishing, Jake appeared in the mirror behind me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his head on top of mine.

"I love you Bells," He whispered on my ear, just as he did every day before he left for work. He always returned for dinner before going out to patrol with the rest of the pack.

"I love you too Jake." I promised falsely, hoping that he didn't hear the lie. Thankfully, he didn't pick up on it.

"I'll be back tonight," he promised as he kissed my unbruised cheek. With that he released the grip that he had on my waist and walked out the door. As I heard his car pull away, I let out a breath that I hadn't realized I was holding.

I had about 9 hours to myself. I quickly checked that I hadn't missed any bruises before I left the bathroom. Grabbing the keys to my ancient truck, I wandered out the door. This was my usual routine. I went to Charlie's to cook him breakfast and saw him off to work.

Once he was out of the house I returned to the little house in La Push that I shared with Jake. For the remainder of my time I ate lunch, went grocery shopping, read, and made Jake's dinner.

'Do you feel like a man

When you push her around?

Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?

Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end,

As your lies crumble down, a new life she has found.'

Jake's car pulled up as I hurriedly placed his dinner in his spot at the table. When I heard his heavy footsteps on the porch, I knew that I was in for it tonight. Jake usually walked nearly soundlessly. He never made a ton of noise.

The front door was flung open, and Jake walked in, his eyes blazing. I shrank against the countertop as he scanned the room. His burning charcoal eyes landed on me.

"Why did you tell Charlie?"

I blanched. I had never said a word to Charlie! "I didn't Jacob!"

"Don't lie to me you bitch! He showed up at my work today and started to question me. Care to explain?" he asked while walking towards me, his charcoal eyes filled with hate.

"I kept telling him I tripped… I tried my best to cover the bruises, honestly!"

This seems to make him angrier. "You couldn't come up with anything better than that old excuse?" His right hand whipped out as he lashed angrily at my face, sending me sprawling on the floor. I could taste blood in my mouth.

I pulled myself unsteadily to my feet as I heard his feet retreat. For the first time in a long time, I was truly afraid.

"Don't let him do this to you Bella," I heard Edward's velvet voice in my head. I let out a small yelp. Oh no, I thought as I heard his footsteps coming back.

He looked at me suspiciously. "Keep your mouth shut Bella. If you make so much as one sound I won't hesitate to teach you never to disobey me again."

I locked my lips together as Jacob sat down to eat his food. I had no appetite. For this I was glad because Jake's anger made him hungrier, so he ate what little had been on my plate.

'A pebble in the water makes a ripple effect

Every action in this world will bear a consequence

If you wade around forever you will surely drown

I see what's going down.'

As soon as he pushed the empty plates away, I took them and washed them without a word. I dried them also to waste time, even putting them away though we would be using them tomorrow. I was waiting for him to leave and join the pack. Something was different today though, he didn't leave.

Instead I felt his hot breath on the back of my neck, his arms a trap around my waist. I held back a yelp when his body pressed against the three long gashes on my back.

Without warning he pulled my shirt violently over my head. I was barely able to hold back the scream that rose to my lips. I felt his hot hands on the sore gashes. His hands made them burn and it took all of my will power not to pull away. My hands started o shake in fear as he leaned, his head close by my ear.

"I don't have to join the pack tonight Bella. Those bloodsuckers of yours are gone for good," he hissed. A threat, a warning. "Which means that I can do what I want tonight Bells."

As if to prove his point his hands traveled down my back to the hem of my jeans, leaving a burning, painful trail behind. My eyes widened. No, I couldn't! I jumped away from him and turned around.

He stared at the bare, pale skin on my stomach and my shoulders, making me uncomfortable. "Jake I'm not ready." His greedy, possessive eyes hardened into anger. I could see pain was coming so I cringed as far away from him as I could. It didn't help. His hand pulled back then came forward, sending me reeling backwards.

As I fell, my head cracked against the counter. My vision was black before I hit the floor. I however felt him grab my ankle and drag me before my other senses shut down too.

'I see the way you go and say your right again,

Say your right again

Heed my lecture'

When I once again regained consciousness, I hurt everywhere. There was one pain, worse than the rest that made me sob. I slowly pushed myself up, relieved to see that Jake was gone at least.

I dragged myself from the bloodstained bed trying not to see the pile of clothes that was in one corner, trying not to notice the dried blood on my legs. As I headed towards the small bathroom, I saw a note

'Don't ever disobey me again.'

The note sent me into a new round of hysterics. I was being punished terribly for something that I didn't do. Why me?

If each footstep wasn't so painful, I would have sprinted into the bathroom, to try to cleanse myself. To try to clean myself though I would never be whole again. I turned the water on to the highest temperature that I could bear before I started to scrub myself.

I scrubbed until my skin felt raw and the water ran cold. The blood had long ago disappeared from the water that went down the drain. Still I felt dirty, used.

As I began to shiver and the bar of soap disappeared, my skin raw, I was forced to turn off the freezing water. Wrapping myself in a towel I went back to the bathroom slowly, painfully.

I threw on a loose pair of sweatpants and a loose t-shirt, not one of Jacob's. With tears still on my cheeks I walked to the kitchen before I collapsed in a chair and sobbed.

By the time I was able to control my sobs, it was 8:30, way past time for me to have fed Charlie. But I couldn't go anyways, not like this. But what if he came to check on me? I thought in a panic.

I sprang to my feet, ignoring the pain that nearly made me fall. I walked as fast as I could to the bedroom, stripping the bloodstained sheets from the bed. They would have to be burned. I shoved them in an unused closet; I couldn't take care of that now.

After pulling new sheets from the linen closet I made the bed as quickly as the pain would allow. Done with that task, I returned to the bathroom and quickly covered the bruises that Jake had left on my face and neck.

I heard Charlie's cruiser pull up; I would recognize the sound anywhere. I scurried back to the bedroom and kicked the torn clothes under the bed before I crawled in and pulled the covers up as high as I could so I could cover the bruises on my arms.

My pounding heart slowed slightly as I focused on calming my breathing. The doorbell rang, but I ignored it. If Charlie wanted to check on my badly then he would come in. If he found me 'sleeping' he would just assume that I had slept in.

Do you feel like a man

When you push her around?

Do you feel better now, as she falls to the ground?

Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end

As your lies crumble down, a new life she has.'

Sure enough the front door opened. "Bella?" he called out. He obviously received no answer. His heavy footsteps made their way through the house, slowly making their way to the bedroom.

I could hear him enter the room and stop at the edge of the bed. When I heard him suck in a breath, I realized that I probably had a bruise on the back of my exposed neck.

"Damn it, I was hoping I was wrong." I could hear the pain in his voice. "I'm so sorry Bells. I promise I'll stop him." I could feel his hand on my neck then. It slowly moved to my cheek.

His hand rubbed some of the makeup. He pulled his hand back. "Bells," he said in a pained voice. He didn't know that I was awake, he couldn't. If I 'woke up' he would take me away, he would put himself in danger.

He moved off of the bed and returned a moment later. The creaking bed announced his entrance again. Then I felt a damp wash cloth against my bruised cheek. No Charlie, I wanted to scream. Stay unaware!

But I couldn't let him know that I was awake. He rubbed my cheek gently. As he pulled the wash cloth away, I heard him gasp. He had uncovered the dark, nearly black bruise that was in the shape of a hand.

He jumped from the bed. "I'll be back Bells," he promised my 'sleeping' form. As soon as he started the cruiser up, I was out of bed and headed for the table where I kept the paper, pens, and envelopes. I grabbed a pen, a few sheets of paper, and 3 envelopes.

'Face down in the dirt, she says, this doesn't hurt she says I finally had enough…'

I snuck out the back door and went to the beach. Nobody was around. I settled on my favorite seat; a bleached piece of driftwood. The same place where Jacob had told me of the mythical world.

Tears slid down my cheeks and landed on the paper as I wrote my final letters. The first one I addressed to Charlie.


I'm sorry that I've kept this from you, but it was always to protect you. Jake has changed so much, too much since we got married. That was the biggest mistake of my life. Don't press charges; don't EVER bring the abuse up. He will hurt you to protect himself…

He's not the boy he used to be. By the time you get this, I will no longer belong to this world. You were the best father that I could ask for. Tell Renee I'm sorry. I love you Charlie, with all my heart.



Numerous tears had landed on the page and blurred the ink. I quickly folded the letter and put it in an envelope that I labeled Charlie.

This next letter would be the easiest of the three that I had to write before Charlie returned to the house to find me.

'Face down in the dirt she says, this doesn't hurt she says I've finally had enough…'

-Jacob Black,

You aren't the man you used to be. You've changed so much Jacob. What did I do to deserve so much pain? So much torture? We all make mistakes, and mine was agreeing to marry you. I don't know where the man I fell in love with went, because you certainly aren't him anymore Jacob.

You can beat me, you can break me, but you will never have me again. You've gone too far, taken everything that I have, crushed my fragile life. You will never see me again.

I hate you Jacob Black, with my whole being.

-Isabella Swan-

I folded that quickly and placed it in an envelope. I scrawled Jacob on the front of it before I placed it on top of Charlie's.

'One day she will tell you she has had enough

It's coming round again.'

This last letter would be the hardest. More tears rose to my eyes as I pulled out the final sheets of paper.

Cullen Family,

I'm sorry that this is all you get as a farewell after all that you have done for me. I'm sorry that I ever disrupted your perfect family, but I'm not sorry that I got the chance to meet you, and get to know you.

Carlisle- Thank you for being like a second dad to me. Thanks also for taking care of me every time that I got myself into trouble.

Esme- You were always like a mother to me while my own mother was all the way in Jacksonville. I'm sorry that I never got the chance to tell you how much your kindness really meant to me. I'm sorry for every disrupting your happy family.

Jasper- I know you probably feel horribly guilty, but just know that I will never blame you, and it was never your fault. I was careless, a true clumsy, stupid human. Don't beat yourself up over something that was entirely my fault. You will always be counted as a brother to me.

Alice- You were like the sister that I always wanted. Hyper, happy, funny pixie that you are. Thanks for taking care of me for as long as you did. I'm sorry that you are probably watching as I write this, knowing that you can do nothing. Thanks for being the best sister I could ask for. Don't beat yourself up over what I'm about to do.

Emmett- You were like the big, gentle brother that I never had. No matter what the situation, you were always looking on the bright side of things. Thanks for being my big brother. Take care of Edward for me, please.

Rosalie- I'm sorry we couldn't be better friends, I'm sorry for disrupting you happy, perfect life. Enjoy your family for me, because I was never good enough for your family, or anybody else's… I'm sorry that I didn't see it sooner.

Edward- There is not enough time nor space to writer all that I want to. I still love you; will all of my being, though I know you don't feel the same way. I'm sorry that I couldn't grant your last request, but I can't go on like this… not anymore. I'm sorry for loving you when you didn't love me back, and I'm sorry that my existence made you life harder. But I will never regret my chance to love you. Don't blame this on yourself; this is my own fault, and my own decision.

Sorry. Love,

Bella Swan

Many tears fell upon the long note before I folded it and carefully sealed it in the final envelope. I scrawled 'the Cullens' on the front. Hopefully they would get it.

'Do you feel like a man, when you push her around?

Do you feel better now, as she falls to the ground?

Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end

As your lies crumble down, a new life she has.'

Barely able to see through my tears I returned to the house as quickly as I could. I place the 3 letters –my final goodbyes- on the kitchen table before I slipped back out of the house, leaving the door wide open behind me. I could not stay any longer.

Charlie was on his way back to get me, but I could not be here when he returned. It began to pour, washing the makeup off of my face. I walked down the road, past the houses where various, oblivious werewolves lived.

When I passed Sam's small house, the curtain moved aside. Emily's scarred face peered out at me, clearly wondering what I was doing out when it was pouring. My loose t-shirt was turning translucent in the back where the rain had soaked it through. The 3 shallow, angry red marks on my back were clearly visible.

A hand covered her mouth, both sides turned down in a frown. She turned and ran from the window. This only made me speed up. She was going to tell Sam, he was going to stop me. I was nearly running now, ignoring the pain, tears, and raindrops that blinded me.

I ran to the place that would kill me painlessly, where nobody would ever find my bruised and battered body; the cliffs. I went to the highest one. Last time I had almost drowned, but Jake had saved me. (AN: Jake was too close for Alice to have any vision involving Bella jumping off of a cliff before)

But Jacob wasn't here anymore; he didn't care about me anymore. I walked right up to the edge of the high cliff.

'Do you feel like a man, when you push her around?

Do you feel better now, as she falls to the ground?

Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end

As your lies crumble down, a new life she has.'

As long as I hurried, Sam wouldn't be able to stop me. The waves below were rough, crashing against the cliff. The water underneath the surface swirled dangerously, heading out to sea.

I took a step closer to, choking back a sob. If only Edward had really loved me. I could have been happy; I could have lived for an eternity with the man that I loved.

If only Jasper hadn't lunged at me, if only I hadn't cut my finger so stupidly. If only Edward hadn't overreacted.

If only I had been able to get over Edward. If only he and Jake hadn't been enemies. If only I hadn't married Jake, if only Jake hadn't turned abusive.

If only, if only. That was all that I was left with. Another tear plunged down my face, joining the churning sea below.

"I'm sorry," I whispered as I flung myself from the high cliff, towards the water below. The cool water surrounded me and dragged me down.

My air was running out quickly in the cold water. I sucked in a lungful of water accidentally. The dark water was spinning me, pulling me away from the hell my life had been.

It was pitch black in every direction. I had no clue which way was up, and which way was down, it didn't really matter anyways. I saw faces in front of my now closed eyes.

Charlie, Renee, Angela, the boy Jake used to be, Carlisle, Esme, Jasper, Alice, Emmett, Rosalie, Quil, Embry, Sam, Paul, Emily, and finally Edward.

People I had loved, people I had known, people I had lost. My burning lungs sucked in another mouthful of water. Everything was fading now. My life had technically been over the minute Edward had left me in the forest.

That was my first death, and this was my final death. Everything slowly drifted away and I lost the last of myself. I was finally freed from the pain and suffering.

'Face down in the dirt she says, this doesn't hurt she says I finally had enough…'

AN: So what did you think? I'm sorry that it's sad, and I'm sorry if you are a Jacob lover. Jake isn't so bad, but with my bad mood he became evil. So… please review. Reviews make me extremely happy, and at this point in time they make my day. Thanks.