Title: Late Night Conversations

Summary: They both preferred to have their conversations in the dark, where all their insecurities and fears are hidden.

Disclaimer: I'm only writing this because the lack of CB goodness in Season 2 is depressing me. If I owned it then it would be the CB show. Thus, I do not.

Author Note: I meant to do this ages ago. I've been ill so I finally got off my ass and did it. Plus it's the longest single chapter I've ever written. So enjoy. x

"What took you so long?"

"It's one in the morning, Waldorf- I was asleep."

"Bass, I can hear the girl."

"Then you know that I'm obviously busy. Is there a point to this conversation?"

"Fine, I'll call Serena instead."

"No, don't. I'm listening, Waldorf."


"Spill it, Blair."

"Today is the first day of a new school."


"And everything's going to be different."

"You called me in the early hours of the morning to tell me that?"

"Bass, don't you see? Everything's going to change."

"Please, it's school; there'll be teachers, work and uniforms. The only thing that'll be different is that everyone will be a little bit older."

"You forgot; there'll be more girls for you to use."

"I only go for women, Waldorf, not girls."

"You go for anything. Anyway, I thought we were talking about me."

"As always. What's troubling you that you have to neglect your beauty sleep?"

"Well… Nate's going to have lacrosse and Serena's Serena…"



"… Your point?"

"I'll be by myself."

"No, you won't… you'll have me."



"Thanks, Chuck."

"Bye, Blair."


"What do you want this time?"


"I've been told I am, yes."

"Is Nate there?"

"No, your precious boyfriend is not with me."


"I thought you two had plans for tonight."

"We do… did."

"Don't tell me you lost him. Why don't you just pull on the lead you've got him on and I'm sure he'll come running."

"I don't have him on a lead. Nate and I have an understanding, loving, equal relationship."

"If you were my girlfriend, I wouldn't mind being on a lead."

"You're disgusting."

"That's why you love me."


"It's amazing how I can hear you roll your eyes over the phone."

"It's amazing you can get so any girls to sleep with you. There must be more brainless bimbo's in New York than I thought."

"That hurts, Waldorf."


"If hurting other people is how you get your kicks, no wonder you can't find your boyfriend."

"I'm sure he was just busy and forgot to call."

"I'm sure."

"He probably had to do something with the Captain."

"Probably… I can ask him for you if you want."

"No! I don't want him to think I'm-"

"Clingy, needy, desperate?"

"You sure do know how to make a girl feel special, Bass."

"I try. And you know I didn't mean it Waldorf. You make up for being so desperate by being manipulative and bitchy."

"And the compliments keep on coming."

"Enjoy them. You're the only one who gets them."

"I'm honoured."

"You should be. Listen, Blair, I'm sure Nate didn't forget about you, he was just tied up."

"So tied up he couldn't even call."

"He wouldn't forget a date with you. Nobody with even half a brain cell could forget about you."

"Well all of Serena's must have been killed by all the alcohol she consumes because she forgot about me when she ran off to boarding school."

"Serena's selfish- she never thinks of anyone other than herself. It's a fact of life that we are all going to have to learn to live with."

"Just like the fact Nate will forget about our dates."

"Just like the fact that Nate is an idiot."

"That's your best friend that you are calling an idiot."

"Thus I'm in the position to be the best judge of his character."

"Oh, I've got to go. I've got another call- it might be Nate."


"Wouldn't bet on it, Blair."




"If you could change one thing, anything, what would it be?"


"You're lying. I can hear it in your voice."

"Maybe there are things I'd like to change but life is how it is. There's no point wanting to change it because we can't."

"I guess."

"Why, what would you change?"

"Everything, everyone. Nate, Serena, my Mom, my life… does that make me a selfish person? I'm so lucky, but it's not enough. I want more than this."

"Of course not, Blair. You're the most selfless person I know."

"Yeah, right."

"You are. You're always looking after Serena, making sure she gets home alright, making sure she doesn't get into trouble. Anybody else we know would pull out their phone and send a picture to Gossip Girl. Even if Serena were their best friend."

"I hate her sometimes."

"I hate Nate too sometimes. It's normal to hate your best friend."

"Why do you hate him sometimes?"

"For the way he treats you."



"Thanks for the ride home."

"You were amazing up there."





"Who is this?"



"Waldorf, are you drunk?"

"Ugh, Bass, you can talk. You're the most disgusting person I know. I don't even know why I'm talking to you."

"Why are you talking to me?"

"I just told you- I don't know."

"If it's for phone-sex I have no objections."

"You're obnoxious and repulsive."

"Only you would use long words whilst drunk."

"I'm not drunk!"

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm not."

"If you're not then why are you slurring your s's?"

"I'm not."

"You are."

"I'm not."

"If you're not drunk then why in the world are you calling me at half two in the morning?"

"I'm calling Dorota."

"Well there's a slight flaw in you plan seeing as this isn't her."

"… Oh."

"Dorota lives with you, why the hell are you calling her?"

"I feel like a snack and I don't want to get out of bed."

"That's ridiculous, Blair."

"This conversation is ridiculous."

"You started it by ringing me."

"No, I rang Dorota."

"Obviously not."

"I definitely pressed speed dial one- and I changed Dorota to number one."

"You can't have seeing as you're talking to me."


"I'm your number one on speed dial?"



"Bass, I'm hanging up now."


"I missed this."

"Of course you did."

"Wait, where are you going?"

"I can't find my clothes."

"You're leaving?"

"Chuck, we can't do this."

"What? The sex or everything."

"All of it, Chuck. We're just not meant to be. We'll just end up hurting each other- we always do."

"It'll be different this time."

"Will it? It's like we can't help it."

"I promise it'll be different this time."



"Okay, we'll give it a go."


"I'm sorry."

"I hate you."

"No you don't"

"Yes I do. Don't tell me how I'm supposed to be feeling, Chuck."

"I didn't do anything."

"You were thinking about it."

"No I wasn't."

"Yes you were."

"It's not what you think."

"It's exactly what I think."

"Fine, Blair. Think what you like. I'm done."


"Yeah, done."

"Oh please."

"I'm sick of you getting jealous every time I even look at someone."

"I'm the jealous one? That's rich. I'm not the one who almost hit somebody."

"I bet you liked it too, didn't you? Seeing me rise to your little plan. You were flirting with him on purpose."

"Can't say it didn't work."

"You are so petty sometimes."

"You are a complete ass sometimes."

"Then I guess we're a good pair."

"I thought you send you were done."

"I didn't mean it."

"Sounded like you did."

"I don't want us to be girlfriend, boyfriend anymore. I want us to be something more."


"That woman I was talking to, she was supposed to be helping me organise things."

"Organise what?"

"Marry me."

"But… we were just fighting. You can't be asking me to marry you."

"Well I am."



"So what?"

"Yes or no, Blair."

"Yes, yes I'll marry you."


"My mom is going to be so pissed."

"Can we please not talk about your mother right now? I don't want her ruining our wedding night."

"I'm just saying- what are we going to tell everyone?"

"We'll tell everyone we got swept up in the moment and couldn't help but get married right there and then."

"But everything was planned! I was supposed to get married in a church with horse-drawn carriages and snow!"

"You don't get snow in New York, you get slush, which would have just ruined your dress and then the horses would have gotten wet and started to smell. And you know I can't go into churches- it's against my nature. This way, you don't stress over all the planning you need to do and I get to make my own romantic gesture in my own way."

"I suppose. Who needs fairytale weddings anyway?"


"And this is the most romantic thing anyone's ever done for me."

"I should hope so."

"I suppose Eleanor will just have to deal with it."

"She will."

"Do you suppose we'll still receive the wedding gifts though, from the guests?"

"We don't need gifts. I'll buy you whatever you need."

"Even that clock I wanted for over the mantelpiece?"

"Apart from that. It's the ugliest thing I've ever seen."

"I liked it."

"There's no accounting for your tastes."


"We've only been married a few hours and we're already fighting. It's hardly a good sign, is it?"

"Maybe getting married was a bad idea then."

"Of course it was a bad idea. You were the one who went on for ages wanting to get married."

"You're the one that dragged us to this godforsaken island."

"So it's my entire fault."

"Erm… yeah."

"Maybe you're right. Maybe we shouldn't have gotten married."

"You want a divorce, is that what you're saying?"

"You're impossible, do you know that?"

"You're disgusting, do you know that?"

"Yeah, I do. I heard you the first hundred times. You really should get a new line."

"How's this for a line for you? It's over."

"I believe you've said that before."

"This time I mean it."

"Good. That's the best wedding present I could've hoped for."





"I didn't mean it."

"I know."

"It really is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me."

"I know."

"Do you really wish we weren't married?"



"Shut up and kiss me already."


"Oh, hi, Sweetie."

"Blair, hi, sorry the meeting's running late."

"Sorry, I thought it'd go to voicemail. Oh, well I'll call back later then."

"No, no, it's fine. What is it?"

"Nothing important really. I… I just thought you might like to know that I'm… pregnant."




"This is on speaker isn't it?"


"We can talk about this when you get home then. Bye, honey."



"My son is not being called Jack"

"Our son, Blair. What's wrong with Jack?"


"Well then."

"I just object to him having the middle name Daniel!"

"What's wrong with Daniel?"

"Charles Bartholomew Bass, we are not naming our son Jack Daniel, okay? I refuse to have him named after an alcoholic drink. It needs to be something more… classy."



"What do you have in mind then?"

"I was thinking about the name Louis."




"What's wrong with Louis? There have been three kings of France named Louis."

"The French may know how to do many things, but naming is not there forte. Anyway, if it's aristocracy you're after why don't we just name him Marcus?"

"Fine, you can pick the first name if I can pick a middle name. Deal?"

"…Deal. Eric suggested we name him after us."

"After us? What, Chair?"

"No, Damien."

"Let me get this right. You want to name our son after the spawn of Satan."

"Perfect, don't you think?"

"Okay, so how about Damien My-Father-didn't-get-any-for-six-months-because-he-gave-me-such-a-ridiculous-name Waldorf-Bass."

"…Louis it is then."

"I thought you'd see sense."


"You're not still mad, are you?"


"Ah, the silent treatment. Have I ever told you how hot you are when you're mad?"


"You've got to admit it was funny."

"It is not funny. Do you know what everyone is going to say about how we're bringing up our child? Everyone is going to think we're bad parents."

"You're overreacting."

"He told his teaching assistant that she had, and I quote, 'a nice rack'. He's five, Chuck!"

"No one can say we haven't taught him to be honest."

"So you've been looking."

"How can you not notice? They're pretty-"

"I'd think really hard about how you're going to finish that sentence."

"Pretty out-of-proportion. It's a wonder she can remain upright."

"I suppose you'd prefer her on her back."

"Why would I want her on her back when I have you?"

"So that's all I am to you? A toy for sex?"

"No, the bit before the sex is pretty good too."


"The silent treatment again?"


"Fine, I'll talk to Louis. Happy?"


"And I'll go to that dinner with your Mom tomorrow."

"Thanks, honey. Love you."

"Love you too."